The Letter

"I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever."
It's Not Over- Secondhand Serenade.

I know I usually post every other day… but I just couldn't do that to you guys with this one! It's a bit shorter but it's because I am posting it early (and I am on call all week which seriously cuts down on my free time).

Mood Music: Goodbye by Air Supply, Starts with Goodbye by Carrie Underwood, and It's Not Over by Secondhand Serenade

When she didn't respond, Rose continued to speak.

"As your lawyer I would tell you not to read the letter, that you should break all contact for the sake of the trial. As your friend," Rose took a deep breath "I say you read it. I can see how much he loves you. He didn't even look at or touch Tanya the entire time. He just sat and stared at your empty chair looking like someone had kicked him in the gut. He may be having a baby with her, but he clearly wants you."

A gasp escaped Bella's lips and a few tears escaped her eyes. Rose put her hand on Bella's for a moment before sliding the note over in front of her.

"If you need me I will be right over there," Rose pointed to an empty stool at the bar.

Bella picked up the note and turned it around in her hands feeling the weight of the paper on her fingertips. Her hands shook as she unfolded it.

--

My dearest Bella,

I hope that you're doing okay. I know that I'm not. Standing in front of you and not being able to touch you, to hold you, to tell you how much I love you was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I miss you.

I want to be with you and hold you in my arms again, to gently touch your face and cup your cheek in my palm, to kiss your lips, and look into your beautiful brown eyes. You are my reason for waking in the morning, though it is difficult to part myself from my dreams.

When I dream, it's of you, and when I am awake my arms long to hold you. I dream, often, of the time we spent together. The way you seemed to make the world disappear, bring me peace. I keep thinking about that night, as we lay together in bed. The way your body curled into mine, it fit so perfectly.

You are my missing piece. You have shown me the love and joy in my heart that I have been longing to feel for such a long time now. I don't wish for much, but the thing I wish for daily is that I wish you were here, beside me.

I want to be able to hold your hand in a restaurant and not be scared of who is seeing it. I want to lie next to you in bed and not have to worry about needing to be somewhere else. I want to romance you the way that I want to, the way that you deserve.

I want to be able to give you my heart and I want your heart; all of it.

I need you to understand, to see. The best thing about me is you.

You make me feel safe, secure and loved. You've enchanted me with your very presence. I simply cannot imagine my life without your strength, compassion, and love.

I never thought that I could find someone who would love so passionately and freely, the way that you do. I had given up on love, settling to make others in my life happy. I was determined that the ideal love everyone talks about just didn't exist.

I was wrong.

I can finally understand the words "for eternity" because that is what I want with you, an eternity. I know now how utterly lost I would be without you, without your love. The question that truly remains, though, is where do we go from here?

Someone once told me that if you love someone you would be willing to give up everything for them, but if they loved you back they'd never ask you to. You've given me so much already, that I hate to ask for anything more.

I can't stand the thought of you hurting and I can't continue to expect you to wait for me. I've asked Rosalie to keep an eye on you, to make sure that you are okay. It's the least I can do for all that you have done for me, for all you have brought in to my life.

Please don't question yourself and wonder what it was that you did wrong, for the answer is clear as day.

Nothing.

I have a commitment and a promise to uphold, and even though I must do it with a heavy heart, it is still mine to uphold.

Know that I do this with the heaviest of heart, my dear Bella. Just the mere possibility or thought of never seeing you again makes me feel temporarily incapacitated.

I will never forget you or forget the fact that it was you who taught me to love. If I were to die tomorrow then at least I would know the truth.

In this life, I was loved by you.

I'm so sorry.

I will always be yours,

Edward

--

Bella could feel the shock coursing through her system and it wasn't until Rose had her arms around her that she realized she was sobbing.

"What's wrong honey?" Rosalie whispered softly in her ear as she tenderly stroked her hair.

Bella threw the letter down on the table and buried her face in her hands.

"It was a goddamn goodbye letter!" Bella sobbed.

"WHAT?" Rosalie questioned her anger clearly present in her tone.

"He loves me but he can't be with me." Bella growled. "He wants me to be happy and he thinks that the best way for me to do that is to stop waiting around for him."

"But that doesn't make sense," Rosalie whispered "it was so obvious how in love he was with you, how much he longed to be with you. It just doesn't make any sense."

"You can read the letter," Bella muttered "It doesn't matter anymore." The tears were falling down her face and staining her blouse.

"It does matter, Bella." Rosalie whispered softly as she pulled Bella into a hug "it matters to me and it clearly matters to you whether you want it to or not. Something is fishy, and I don't mean the food."

Bella chuckled softly at her comment as she wiped the tear streaks from her face.

"That boy is completely in love with you, no matter what his actions tell you." Rosalie read through the letter for a moment her brows furrowing. "Bella did you read this, all of this."

"Yes," Bella growled.

"Bella, this is the most beautiful love letter I've ever read. He is so passionate about you, so enamored, so in love. Tanya's pregnancy is clearly the only thing keeping him from you. I don't know if I should tell you this or not but," Rosalie sighed as she spoke. "He was so worried about me making sure you were okay, that you were taken care of. I think if there was any possible way, he would be with you. Trust me on this, Bella. If there is anything I know well, its men."


"If I write her a letter will you give it to her?"

"Edward," Rose spoke trying to deny him. He felt like his knees might buckle and his body shook as he looked at Rose.

"Please," Edward begged softly "you're my last hope, my only hope. Please."

A sigh escaped Rose's lips as she held out a pen to him. "You have ten minutes."

Edward sat for a moment staring at the blank pages in front of him. Was he really going to do this? Could he? He could feel the tears filling his eyes and he brushed them away. The pen silently moved along the paper and he could feel Rosalie impatiently tapping her foot on the floor.

It unnerved him.

He read through the words, his heart aching at their truth, before gently folding the letter. His hands shook and he contemplated not giving it to her, just throwing it away.

It would change everything.

Edward handed Rosalie the letter, running his hand through his hair nervously.

"Please take care of her."

Rosalie seemed to look at him for a moment, her eyebrow raised in question.

"I will."

It was as if they had made a silent agreement then, to make sure that Bella was safe, cared for. Edward watched as Rosalie slid the letter into her purse and made her way out of the courtroom.

It was too late to back out now.

Instead of making his way through the double doors, he sat for a moment staring at the door that Bella had exited through. His heart felt like it was shattering inside of him, and it took him a moment to realize he was sobbing.

He did it for her, and she would never know, never understand, and never see.

The scene in front of the courthouse flashed behind his eyes when he closed them. The look of pure and utter victory on Tanya's face as she manipulated him made his stomach flip.

How could he have been so blind?

There was no baby. Tanya wasn't pregnant.

Why else would she have gone to such drastic measures to manipulate him? He knew the moment he saw her leaning against the pillar of the courthouse that he was doomed, that there was no way out. He couldn't let Bella suffer and lose her child because of a mistake that he had made.

Edward never should have trusted Tanya. He should have demanded from the start for proof of the pregnancy, but now it was too late. He had gotten them into this, and now he was getting them out of it.

Brushing the tears off of his face and composing himself, he pushed the ache deep down inside of him suppressing it. He stood up and made his way out of the room. Tanya stood outside the door, leaning against the wall a smug smile on her face.

"Are you ready to go home?"

Edward ran his hands through his hair, pushing back the guilt and hatred before nodding silently. He hid the disgust of what he had just done, instead focusing on the present.

He would remain numb, dead. It was the only way he could survive without her. The only way he could live on.

He had made a deal with Tanya and no matter how much he wanted to back out, to leave her he couldn't. Tanya had completed her part of the bargain and Bella would get to keep Alice. Bella's happiness was all that mattered now.

You had to have some idea that was coming… right? Ducks and covers…
This chapter is still 2 months in the past…. And you know Bella isn't with Edward in the present… keep that in mind!

A lot of you guessed correctly Tanya ISN'T pregnant! Kudos to you!

There is a forum on Twilighted… but now there is also a forum on this very site! If you go to my profile and click on My Forums I have posted a forum for people to chat over the story… come in and say hi! You might even get some surprising insights into the characters!

Thanks to all of you who reviewed, added to your alerts, or made this story a favorite! You guys are amazing and I love how you are getting into the story as much as I am! Sneak Peek should be out Wednesdayish (hopefully sooner)!