A whole week passed after that incident, and Matthew sat with them at lunch now. He told Alfred he didn't care if the others thought it was wrong of him to ditch their table, he said they only hung around him mostly because he was his brother, and he didn't mind sitting with him instead. The first few times Alfred had looked close to a panic attack of some sort, always looking around, but Gilbert would simply turn his head gently so he would look at him instead, giving him a smile. One time he even startled him by kissing his cheek, and Alfred squeaked and abruptly turned bright scarlet, and Matthew just laughed and shook his head as Alfred batted at his shoulder a bit. He was getting more comfortable with Gilbert, though, letting him touch him, occasionally hold onto his hand or simply caress his cheek, sometimes even give him a hug after a therapy meeting or when they were leaving from school. Alfred didn't have another relapse after that, Gilbert made sure of it, he'd discretely check his wrists sometimes at school, pressing his lips to the little pink lines sometimes. He wasn't sure what to call their relationship, he knew that he cared for Alfred more than anything, and he had more than once had the urge to sweep the younger up in his arms and kiss him silly. He resisted, of course, he didn't want to push Alfred, he was too fragile, his state of mind wasn't sure and he didn't want to risk shattering the fragile love they had made together so far. One day, though, he had actually gotten Alfred to agree to come over to his house, he asked his father and everything and Gilbert waited, watching out the window, smiling when he saw the familiar truck drive up, practically bounding down the stairs, flinging open the door with a smile.
"Al! I'm glad you could come, I've got some really good games picked out that you'll like, I remembering you saying you liked ones similar anyway. Come on in, I got us some snacks and shit too."
"Ah, that sounds good!" Alfred nodded, smiling and turning around to wave at his father, who watched until they closed the door, Gilbert tugging Alfred into the living room, sitting him down on the couch before he ran to the living room, pouring a can of cola into one of the glasses he'd sat out while waiting for him. He brought it out, a long with a bag of Alfred's favorite chips (he knew because he sometimes had a little bag of them in his school bag to munch on, he thought it was absolutely adorable). Alfred looked up at him, his face lighting up as he handed them to him.
"Thanks, Gil!" He said with a smile, and Gilbert could practically feel his heart melting at the sight, and he kicked himself for even thinking such a sappy thought, it was ridiculous of him. He blamed Alfred for it, with those precious smiles that could break down even stone walls he was sure of it, and the little things he would do, like push up the bridge of his glasses or wrinkle his nose. Every little thing only endeared Gilbert to him more, and as he sat down and started to play the first video game he'd set up he realized that there was no one else in the world he would want to be with than Alfred and he stopped completely. Alfred laughed, that wonderful laugh that came straight from the heart, and he turned to look at him.
"Gil, you've gone and gotten yourself killed! What on earth are you-?"
"Please don't be mad at me, I just…damn it, I just…I love you, Al, okay? I love you a lot, and I've been thinking it but I didn't want to say anything because I'm sure as hell not romantic or anything, but I can't keep it in anymore because…because you're too precious to me." He flushed lightly, looking down, taking the control from Alfred's hand and setting it aside, ignoring the noises from the television. He could see Alfred watching him, his blue eyes confused and yet filled with something Gilbert couldn't quite explain, all he knew was it matched the feeling swelling in his heart as the words continued to pour out. "I wanted to know everything about you, and I still do, I wanted to wrap my arms around you and protect from this fucked up world the moment I saw you. But I didn't want you to be like the others, 'cause you're not, I would never want to leave you or be with you for just a couple weeks, I-"
"Gil, I know that."
"Huh?" Gilbert stared at him blankly, and Alfred just smiled, squeezing his hand and looking into his eyes, reaching up with his other hand to cup his cheek.
"I've known, since that day-well, maybe before. It's in your eyes, when you look at me, it's…gosh, I haven't found words for it, it's just like you only see me, a whole crazy world out there but you're always lookin' at little old me." Alfred chuckled when Gilbert sputtered a bit, looking rather embarrassed at being so easy to read, but Alfred just leaned up, nuzzling his nose a bit. "I like that about you, that I can read everything in your eyes."
Gilbert flushed, chuckling softly and rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand.
"I guess that wasn't exactly the smoothest way to ask a guy out, but….I think you got the jist of it, yeah?" He said, and Alfred shook his head, the smile still on his lips, and Gilbert felt that was an accomplishment in itself-until Alfred threw his arms around his neck and hugged it tightly, his warm breath tickling his neck, but Gilbert didn't mind one bit.
"Yeah, I think I got it." He murmured, and Gilbert felt his heart leap in his chest, wrapping his arms around the boy in turn. This was a much different hug than that time in the bathroom, it filled him with warmth from head to toe, and he pulled away slightly, looking down into Alfred's eyes in a way that could only be described as lovingly.
"Can I…? I mean, if you're okay with it, I don't want to-"
"Just kiss me, Gil, okay?" Alfred cut him off, laughing, and Gilbert didn't need to be told twice, he closed his eyes and leaned in, pressing his lips to Alfred's softly. It was wonderful, as far as first kisses go, it didn't need any special frou-frou's or fumbling awkwardly, it was sweet and simple, and Gilbert never thought he'd love such a thing more. He pulled away only briefly, a soft chuckle spilling from his lips, before he pressed them against Alfred's again. They didn't stop for several minutes, little sweet pecks or lingering, until Alfred finally pulled away, a warm smile on his face as he looked at Gilbert, lips and cheeks reddened.
"That was nice." He whispered, and Gilbert laughed, brushing his hair back from his forehead.
"Sure was, kid. Now come on, we've got zombies to kill, right?"
—-
"Hello, Alfred, how are you today?"
Liz smiled over at him, her hands folded over the folder in her lap. Gilbert knew what she wrote in there for Alfred, the same thing she wrote for him every day, probably; "No change". Gilbert brushed off her queries every time, usually with sarcastic or snarky remarks, but Alfred normally just shrugged or didn't answer entirely, choosing to play with the cuffs of his shirt instead or look down at his feet. But today was different, today Alfred's head was up and his eyes were trained on Gilbert, and then he just smiled, shaking his head.
"Y'know what, Miss? I think I'm doing pretty alright."
Some of the others in their little group looked up, if only at the surprise of hearing Alfred speak for the first time other than a word here and there. Liz looked pleasantly surprised as well, glancing over at Gilbert briefly before she turned back to Alfred, smiling fondly.
"That's good, Alfred, very good. Did something special happen?"
"I…yes, it did. I got a boyfriend, and he's-well, Miss, he's very special. See, he used to hurt too, and I kinda think he still does, but he knows how I feel, and he knows what to do to make it all go away."
Again Liz's gaze flashed over to Gilbert, who was watching Alfred intently as if surprised by his speech as well and didn't even notice, and suddenly she understood, and she smiled to herself before turning back to Alfred.
"And he's been able to help you, Alfred?"
"Yes, he…he has, very much." Alfred said, his voice quiet but gaining strength as he continued, as if some switch had been flipped and everything came pouring out. "A couple weeks ago, I wanted nothing more than to try and make everything go away, and just…but he stopped me, and he held me tight and I realized that it made everything better, more than causing myself pain ever would. And he….helped me realize that I was only hurting myself more, removing myself from everyone, scared of upsetting my father."
He paused for a moment, taking a deep breath, and Gilbert could see from across the circle that his hands were trembling a bit, and he wished he could go over and take them in his, but he had to let Alfred do this, it was a big moment for him. He knew it, too, he still hadn't opened up but he had to Alfred a bit, and he knew that maybe his own day would come too, but this was Alfred moment and all he did was send him an encouraging, soft smile. No one else said a thing, simply listening or not listening at all, wrapped in their own minds, but none dared to interrupt him because they all understood.
"They divorced because…my Mom had an affair. A long time ago, sixteen years actually, and Dad found out when Mattie got hurt and they had to do a blood test. He was a different blood type, Mom and Dad are both the same, and so am I…Dad was furious, and there were nights that Mattie would sleep in my room, because we were both so scared. Mom asked for the divorce because he forced her to, and he wanted her to…t-to take Mattie with her, saying he was no child of his and he didn't want to ever see him again. Mom wanted to take me too, and I wanted to go with her, but Dad said I was his, and he would raise me right, to be a good child that he could be proud of. He wouldn't let me see them, he said…he said that Mattie wasn't my brother and that at if I saw him again he'd get very mad. I was crushed, Mattie and I have been close our whole lives, he's not much younger than me and we had a lot of similar friends, but he…he made me stay away from them, made me drop all my sports and focus on academics because he'd be damned if I wasn't the best, he wanted me to be like him. I never wanted that, though…that's when I started, w-with the cutting, I'd always looked down on it before but I thought the pain would help. Then they caught me and, well…then I was here. But I just couldn't take all the pressure, not being able to be myself and losing Mattie and Mom, having Dad come down on me all the time, and I just….I hate it, so much, I want my Mom and brother back."
No one looked down on him as the blond burst into tears, but Gilbert finally got up, going over to crouch in front of him, taking his hand and squeezing it comfortingly, and no one said a word. After he'd calmed down Liz just turned, putting her hand on his shoulder and squeezing it.
"No one can really tell you who to be, Alfred, or who your family is. Matthew is still your brother, and I know no matter what he tells you you've known that in your heart. You'll be an adult soon, and he might be scared of that which is why he's pushing you so hard, but just know that you have to do what you believe in. He might be your father, but you have a right to determine what you do with your life, Alfred."
"And I'll be there to help you do that." Gilbert said, not loud enough for everyone to hear, but Alfred did because he looked up and smiled at him, and Gilbert squeezed his hand again.
"My Dad….he hated me, he thought I was a freak who didn't deserve to live in his house. When I started acting out, he didn't care, he wanted me to get in trouble because then he wouldn't have to deal with me." He started, and he thought Liz's eyes were going to bug out of her head, she looked so stunned, and he just closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, not even sure why the words were coming but they were, and he just looked into Alfred's eyes as he continued. "My Mom didn't care to stop him, she was too scared, so if he yelled at me or hit me, well, it was just what I deserved, neither of them wanted a kid born this way. But I didn't ask for it, for this stupid white hair and weird eyes, I didn't ask to be burnt the second I'm in the sun more than half an hour or any of this." He gritted his teeth, curling his other hand into a fist, taking a deep breath. "I've been called handsome once or twice, maybe hot, but the first time anyone's ever called my features beautiful was not too long ago. And that…well, that meant the world to me."
Alfred looked at him, his cheeks flushing a bit when he realized what he was referring to, and he smiled slightly, squeezing his hand, and Gilbert just brushed his thumb over his palm lightly. Liz just smiled, looking down at the folders on her lap and making a quick note.
"And have you realized, Gilbert, that they were wrong?"
Huh?" Gilbert looked over at her, and she just smiled and shook her head.
"There's no crime in simply being different, Gilbert, and just because you were born this way doesn't make you any less of a person. Alfred could see it-" Both of them flushed a bit, although it was pretty obvious they were together at this point they hadn't said it. "-and I think you're starting to see it too. It's not quite there yet, and I know you might both have a long way to go in healing, some things never really do honestly, but I think that you're on your way to it."
"Yeah, enough of the fancy talk, Lizzy." Gilbert said, although Alfred smiled softly when he saw that he was a bit flustered, probably just realizing how much of himself he'd put out there for the group to see, laid himself bare, and why? Just because Alfred had done the same, maybe he'd broken some dam inside him that had been holding all of that back, and maybe Liz knew that. It was her job after all, although she seemed pretty happy about it. The rest of the meeting went normally, only this time Gilbert sat at Alfred's feet, and if the blond's fingers occasionally went down to toy with the soft pale locks no one said anything. This time when they ended the meeting Liz passed by and patted his shoulder and squeezing it again, and he just shrugged it off but she noticed him smiling as he walked out, running down to catch up with Alfred. They threw their arms around each other, smiling and gazing into each other's eyes, and then Gilbert leaned in to kiss him again just like he had the other night, slow and sweet, a twinkle in his red-violet eyes as he pulled away.
"See you tomorrow, Al?"
"Of course, and every day after, Gil." Alfred said softly, laughing, his laughter light and airy and Gilbert couldn't resist scooping him back into his arms and placing another kiss on his lips. It wasn't perfect, their relationship, and sometimes there were days Alfred's father wouldn't let him out to see Gilbert and they would just have to live with that, knowing Alfred would be eighteen and out of there soon. Gilbert still checked his wrists, only not so frequently, and if he caught him with any marks he would simply kiss them away and talk to him, try to find out what had happened that time. And there were days that Alfred would find Gilbert glaring into the mirror, and simply quiet and sullen, and he would hold him and tell him it was alright, that he loved him and kiss his temple, brushing his fingers through his soft hair and kissing both eyes, and he would remind him that to him there was no one more beautiful. Eventually, they were told they "Graduated" from their group therapy, and they didn't have to go anymore, but Liz told them they could come back to see her anytime, and gave them both a big hug, saying she was proud of them and wished them happiness. And they found it, somehow, despite everything that happened, they made it, and while neither was perfectly alright, they wouldn't want it any other way.
A/N: Aaaand that's the ending! A bit lame, I apologize, but yeah, here it is, thanks for sticking around and reading it!
