Frustrations
"Oh, you say there's nothing wrong with being proud
So tell me what you love and say it loud
Now here's the dose that you've been dishing out
If you're listening this is how much it hurts
If you're listening this is how much it hurts"
How Much It Hurts- John Mayer
Mood Music: How Much It Hurts by John Mayer, Find Your Way Back by Michelle Branch, Never Think by Robert Pattinson
The gentle hum of the machine did nothing to mask the gentle lub dub of the baby's heart. As the tech moved the transducer over Bella's belly, Edward took the moment in.
"Heart beat sounds good, it's nice and strong." The tech stated softly as she took a snapshot. "Would you like copies of the pictures as well?" She looked over at Edward for the first time, and Edward could feel the silly grin on his face.
"I would love some." He whispered. Thinking softly to himself, 'I will have to show these to Carlisle and Esme they are going to be so excited.' He continued to watch the screen and he found that he couldn't keep his hands off of her. They ran through her hair, across her arm, and he found himself squeezing her hand. He was inexplicably more drawn to her and he found his thoughts wandering.
"Would you two like to know the sex of the baby?" Edward was pulled from his daze and looked at the woman for a moment before responding.
"Yes." Edward stated ecstatically.
"No." Bella replied softly.
They turned to look at each other and Edward couldn't help the frustration that he felt. He could hear the tech chuckling, but he was not amused. This was important to him, he needed to know; he needed it to be real.
"I will give you two a few minutes to decide and then I will be back in with the doctor so that she can look at the pictures as well."
"Thank you," Edward took his eyes from Bella and looked up at the tech, waiting for the door to close before he spoke to her. "Why is this such a big deal for you?" Edward murmured. "I just want to know whether I need to get the room ready for a girl or a boy."
"The room?" Bella questioned. Edward looked at her, eyebrow raised in question. Hadn't they just been arguing about the house a few days ago?
"In the new house." Edward replied his face focused on the screen. He didn't want to look at her for fear of what expression might be on her face. He would have a room for the baby whether or not Bella lived with him. It was his baby too.
"Oh."
Edward focused more clearly on the screen and was surprised to see the sex of it clearly. The baby was lying with its legs spread wide open towards the camera. It was the ideal position to determine the sex. He turned to look at her innocently, he could know but she didn't have to.
"It's fine if you don't want to know." He smiled softly.
"Really?" Bella's voice was so quiet it was almost a whisper.
"Yep." Edward hoped the gloating tone wasn't shining through.
"This just seems too easy. You know already don't you?" Bella questioned looking at the screen now as well. Her eyes squinted, and he chuckled softly to himself. If she looked close enough, it would even be obvious to her.
"Yep." Edward grinned, before leaning down and pecking her on the forehead.
"Stupid doctors." Bella muttered under her breath causing him to chuckle. "And you are happy about it?"
"Ecstatic!" Edward's smile grew.
"It's a boy then isn't it? That's what all daddies want is a little boy, right?" Edward really couldn't care less if it was a boy or a girl. He already had Emmett and hopefully Alice. Having a child with Bella was more than he could have ever asked for. This was just icing on his already delicious cake.
"I'm not saying anything. You said you didn't want to know, so I guess it will just have to be a surprise for you." He didn't want to sound condescending but he knew it probably came across that way. He was just trying to respect her wishes.
"I don't think I like you all of the sudden." She muttered under her breath. While normally the words would have stung, he brushed them off blaming them on hormones.
"Your loss." Edward joked leaning in and kissing her softly.
There was a soft nock at the door and the doctor entered. "Let's have a look shall we?"
Dr. Jacobsen entered the room and shook Edward's hand softly before patting Bella on the belly. Picking up the transducer she ran it across her belly taking a few more snapshots, before turning once again to look at the parents.
"Everything looks good! The development is right on track to where it should be and the heartbeat sounds good and strong! She is a very healthy baby."
"She?" Bella questioned, looking up at the picture in shock.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I assumed that your tech told you the sex. Hopefully I didn't ruin it for you."
"Not at all," Edward stated frowning softly. He would have thought that the doctor would have been more professional about telling them. While it was not the doctor's fault that she had slipped up, he had wanted to be the one to tell her and it kind of put a damper on the visit.
"Has everything been going okay for you?" Dr. Jacobsen questioned.
"I've actually been having some concerns," Edward spoke up softly, avoiding looking at Bella as he brought it up. "Bella has been having some severe swelling, she has been having trouble sleeping, and added with the panic attacks, and I am just worried that there is something else going on."
"The swelling and lack of sleep are normal and Bella has been having panic attacks for quite awhile now, it really should be nothing to worry about. The baby looks fine!"
"The swelling is normal, but only later in the pregnancy. As for the lack of sleep she is in her second trimester so she should be sleeping better, not worse!"
"I'm sorry," the doctor stated looking at him offended "If you have a problem with my diagnosis you have the right to a second opinion."
Edward immediately noticed the irritated look on Bella's face and found himself getting angry not only at the doctor but at her.
"It's fine," Bella stated smiling at her doctor "Edward here is just over analyzing things. No second opinion is needed."
The room suddenly felt too small for him and the other doctor and Edward excused himself from the room. Simply telling Bella he would talk to her later.
--
Edward sat on Jasper's couch with his hands running through his hair. He had driven around for an hour and yet the dejected feeling in his chest wouldn't go away. He wanted to punch something, to break something, to scream, but instead he sat and pulled on the ends of his hair.
"You're going to make yourself go prematurely bald." Jasper stated plopping down next to him with a bottle of water, handing it to him.
"Tell me what happened."
"I need the key," Edward replied hand outstretched.
"Are you sure that is the best idea?" Jasper questioned. "Obviously she thinks you are overreacting."
"Obviously," Edward replied bitterly "she still doesn't trust me and seriously, Jasper, I have had it with your questioning. Just give me the damn key."
"What happened?" Jasper asked, not moving.
"I questioned the doctor on the diagnosis and Bella sided with him."
"Are you sure Bella wasn't just being polite while the doctor was in the room? I'm sure you could talk her into going and seeing your friend if you really tried."
"She was pissed that I even insinuated that her doctor didn't know what he was doing."
"She is hormonal."
"No, Jasper, she is WRONG." Edward stood up arms flailing and nostrils flaring. "I know you don't understand, but you have to trust me. I KNOW something is wrong, I can feel it in my bones and I can tell that she knows too. She is just too afraid to ADMIT it. I won't let something happen to her if I can help it. I won't lose her because I was too afraid to stand up and ask for a second opinion. The doctor could have run a urine test; she could have taken some blood. The fact of the matter is she CHOSE do nothing and she CHOSE to blow off my concerns. I will NOT have that doctor delivering my baby."
Jasper sighed before standing up and walking to the drawer of his desk. Pulling the key out, he handed it to Edward. Tapping him slightly on the back he smiled. "Then go prove yourself right."
--
Edward pulled up to the hospital, parking in his spot before running inside. His phone vibrated steadily in his pocket, but he refused to answer it. He would show Bella how much he loved her, how much she meant to him, and he wouldn't move from his desk until he figured out what was wrong with her.
Pushing the key into the lock, Edward could feel the pulse of adrenaline still coursing through his body. It was not acceptable for her doctor to treat them the way that she had and Edward would be talking to the hospital administrator about it.
He pulled the thick book out of his desk and plopped it down, resting his head against it for a moment as he tried to catch his breath. Edward would do anything for Bella and the fact that she still didn't realize it, that she still didn't understand broke his heart more than he was willing to admit to Jasper.
He was devastated.
Taking the thick book between his hands he opened the first page trying to decide where to start. After a moment's hesitation he turned the page. The best place to start was at the beginning. Knowing he could rule out anything pertaining to the baby being unhealthy he began to scan the text.
--
-Three hours later-
Edward's eyes burned and he could feel the exhaustion weighing on him. A gentle knock on the door pulled him from his revere and he looked up surprised to see Bella standing there.
"You look like crap." Bella stated softly, entering the room and closing the door behind her.
"Well having the person you love basically dismiss your concerns will do that to you." Edward slammed the book on his desk shut and leaned his head back against his chair.
"I just really like my OBGYN and I didn't want to offend her and switch to another doctor."
"Well then you must like her more than me. Don't my concerns mean anything to you Bella? I fucking love you and I tell you I am worried and you dismiss me. How do you think that makes me feel?"
"Probably terrible," he could tell from the sound of her voice that she was frowning and he found himself reaching up and pinching his nose. "What are you reading?"
Edward held up the manual for her to look at and let his eyes slit open so that he could look at her.
"Oh. I've been trying to call you."
"I have been here for a few hours, flipping through this."
She came around to stand behind him and he could feel the heat of her hands as she placed them on his shoulders. She began to massage them as she spoke to him.
"I'm sorry. I haven't exactly been the easiest to live with lately."
"I just wish you would trust me, trust my love for you. I will never hurt you again, Bella. I can promise you that."
Bella twisted his chair around setting in his lap and leaning her head against his shoulder.
"I will go see another doctor, it obviously means a lot to you."
"It would mean a lot to me."
"Then it's done." Bella replied leaning in and placing a kiss on his chin before she continued to speak. "We're having a little girl."
"I know." Edward could feel the excitement and joy and he knew it was showing on his face.
"So you've always wanted a girl."
"I couldn't have cared less if it was a girl or a boy," Edward whispered "but I do love the fact that I am going to be having a mini you. You're not disappointed are you? I mean you already have Alice, you probably wanted a boy."
"I actually wanted a mini you." Bella whispered her face flushed. Edward laughed softly before leaning in and placing a kiss on her forehead.
"We are too alike sometimes."
"Hmm." Bella hummed softly against his neck as he rubbed his hands along her back and then her belly.
"Rose is watching Alice for the night and since Emmett isn't here I'm assuming Jasper is doing the same."
"Correct." Edward sighed. "I feel kind of bad that I haven't been around for him as much as I want to be. I think once the baby comes I am going to take some time off work."
"I would like that." Bella answered. "But the reason I was asking is because this is the first time we have had a whole night free in forever."
Edward raised his eyebrow in question, but Bella just smiled.
"Would you show me our new home?"
Special thanks to pixielovestoshop for looking over this so quickly for me! You are amazing! Thanks for all your help!
People were split 50/50 on wanting to know the sex, but I figured this was the best way to do it! Sorry to those of you who didn't want to know, but it had to come out at some time!
Check out the thread for this story on Twilighted! Also check out my ff forum. Both links are located in my profile! Thanks to all of you who reviewed or added this story to your alerts or favorites! Your reviews are seriously making my days so much better and my writing so much easier! You guys rock!
