Breakdown

"Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?
Forgive my broken promise that you`ll never see me cry
And everything, it will surely change even if I tell you I won`t go away today
Will you think that you`re all alone
When no one`s there to hold your hand?
And all you know seems so far away and everything is temporary, rest your head
I`m permanent"
Permanent- David Cook

Mood Music: Permanent by David Cook, Hallelujia by Jeff Buckley, and Bella's Lullaby

The rage Edward felt was nothing compared to the fear he now held in his heart for Bella. Not only was her life in danger, but also the life of their unborn girl. His pacing became more insistent and his eyes fixated on the phone in his hand.

Rosalie had a lot of nerve hanging up on him and, after he made sure Bella was alright, he would deal with her as well. While he realized that most likely she was worried sick, the way she had handled things had him seriously questioning his trust in her.

If Edward was truly honest with himself, he blamed himself for the predicament Bella was now in. If he had refused to leave her side, refused to go to the conference, then he would be by her side at that very moment and it was unlikely she would be in the hospital.

As Edward boarded the plane his thoughts were consumed with Bella and the baby. While it was difficult to picture, his mind taunted him with images of what would happen if she did not make it. The thought made him sick and his stomach rolled. Quickly suppressing the urge, Edward leaned his head against the headrest, his eyes staring out the window, but not really seeing.

He couldn't get home soon enough.

--

Edward exited the plane his eyes scanning the crowd reaching Jasper fairly quickly. Rose was not with him and Edward was angered and relieved at the same time.

"She is at the hospital with Bella," Jasper stated noticing Edward's questioning look. "She doesn't like to leave her alone."

"What the fuck happened?" Edward growled shifting his duffle bag from one shoulder to another, the frustration clearly evident in his voice.

"I'm not exactly sure," Jasper muttered, "But the gist of it is that Bella got up while Rose was sleeping to cook. She collapsed in the kitchen, a black out or something. Alice and Emmett found her or must have heard her and they woke Rose up."

Edward nodded curtly, quickly making his way to Jasper's car and throwing his things in the back seat.

"I think I need to warn you about something before we get to the hospital."

Edward looked at him, feeling more tired than he had in such a long time.

"Bella is still pretty unresponsive and the doctors are having a hard time figuring out what is wrong with her. They know it is something with her heart they are just unsure of what it is. The thing is," Jasper looked over at him for a moment as he pulled out of his parking spot, "Bella is in the critical care unit."

Edward could feel his heart plummet into his stomach and, cursing under his breath, he reached into his bag, pulling the pamphlet out. The words still rang in his head and he cursed himself for not noticing the symptoms sooner. He should have seen the signs.

"I know what is wrong with her Jasper; I'm just not sure how to treat it. I need to look at the book in my office again, but I'm pretty sure it's treatable if we aren't too late in diagnosing."

--

The harsh overhead lights made Bella look paler than she actually was. Her hair lay behind her limply making a halo around her head. She wore an oxygen mask, and had a steady drip of fluids that were entering her system through an IV.

Pushing down his feelings of growing resentment towards Rose, Edward entered the room and stood by her side, looking down at her broken body. Two monitors beeped consecutively, one recording Bella's heartbeat the other the baby's. Both seemed to be fairly strong.

Leaning down he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, clenching his eyes tight to push back the tears.

"I'm here love," he whispered softly in her ear. Edward looked up noticing her eyes weren't opening. He could feel the tears falling and he nuzzled his head against the side of her face and neck, letting out a gentle sob. "I'm here and I'm going to take care of you."

Reaching around her, Edward scooped her up in his arms, pulling her close to him. "This is where I belong," he sobbed sinking to his knees next to the bed. Closing his eyes, his body rushed with emotions that overwhelmed him and his heart cried out in despair.

Pulling himself up onto the bed, Edward lay next to her burying his head into her hair, inhaling her scent and calming his heart if only for a moment. Resting her head against his chest his eyes finally focused on his next task.

Rose stood on the other side of the room, her arms crossed over her chest. She looked like she hadn't slept in weeks and Edward could clearly see the streaks where tears had been running down her face.

"What happened?" He lifted his eyes away from Bella and looked up at Rose, trying to control his anger. "What could have possibly possessed you to hang up on me?" His words came out gravely from his sobbing and it sounded like he was growling at her.

"I figured it would be better to tell you the specifics once you got here. I didn't want there to be an incident at the airport and for you to get detained by security. And don't even think of telling me that you wouldn't have thrown an absolute fit, I know you better than that."

"You had no right to make that decision for me, NO RIGHT to hand me that kind of news and then hang up on me." Edward's voice began to rise and he could see a few nurses standing outside the door of the room. Moving himself out from underneath Bella he stood up and began to pace the room.

"Do you have ANY idea what you put me through? Any idea of the torment that you caused me? You had no FUCKING right to do that to me! I don't care how certain you were that I would cause a scene. YOU were responsible for her; you were taking care of her." His eyes looked up at her, anger seeping through him as the next words left his lips. "It's your fault she is in here!"

Edward could feel Jasper placing a hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him. His breath was coming in pants and he looked at the entryway noticing the crowd that stood, watching the doctor fall apart.

"Get out Rose."

"WHAT?" Jasper and Rose spoke simultaneously.

"I said get out. If I have to call security I will."

Rose looked at him, mouth agape. She looked like she might burst into tears again at any moment. Edward couldn't find it in him to care. She looked up at him, eyes bristling with tears. "Edward I…"

"I don't need excuses that you feed to me just to make yourself feel better. If you want to help then leave."

The nurses stood in the doorway; he could see the whispers bristling through the crowd. It didn't matter; his reputation, their thoughts, the gossip. None of it mattered if Bella was unhealthy.

"I will pick up the kids from the daycare downstairs, it closes in an hour and I have a feeling you will want to stay here tonight." Rose whispered softly, her eyes not meeting his. "I will take care of them and make sure that they stay safe." Her eyes rose, meeting his for a moment and he saw a determination in them. "I will be visiting Bella tomorrow whether you like it or not. If you have a problem with it I suggest you are not in the room when I arrive."

--

Edward sat at his desk, head in his hands. He had let his anger get the best of him. While Rose was wrong in her actions, he was as well in kicking her out of the room. He had never gotten more glares and whispers from the nurses.

Picking up his Current Medical and Diagnostic Treatment Manual (CMDT), Edward flipped to the section staring down at the words in front of him.

Peripartum Cardiomyopathy

Cardiac failure that develops during pregnancy or during the first 6 months postpartum in women without a history of heart disease and with no cause for heart failure other than pregnancy.

The words rang around in his head and he shook it in amazement that it had taken him so long to figure out. Each and every one of her symptoms fit the book almost perfectly. It was, as his father would say, a perfect textbook example.

Symptoms include difficulty breathing, dyspnea (passing out), edema (swelling), cough, frequent urination, excessive weight gain, palpitations, and chest pain.

The irony of the fact that Edward had spent so much time studying pregnancy ailments did not elude him. Leave it to Bella to develop something completely unrelated to her pregnancy and yet caused by it.

While a diagnosis was now present, it did little to help alleviate his concerns over her coma-like state. If she had indeed passed out normally, she should have been awake by now. This told him that her heart was most likely in worse shape than they knew.

The thought scared him. He read through the treatment options, scanning the drug list as he went.

Treatment includes immunosuppressive therapy, diuretics, and Beta blockers; often anticoagulation medicine is given due to the high risk of stroke. Subsequent pregnancy needs to be avoided.

Edward knew almost immediately that anticoagulation medicine could not be used. Not only would it put Bella's life in danger during birth, but also the life of their unborn child. The thought of her having a stroke seemed to make his heart stutter and cry out. There had to be a way they could treat her without harming her even further, or harming the child.

Bella was only six and a half months along. It was too soon to induce labor.

The minute the thought entered his head, he ushered it out. Bella would have had a fit if she knew that he had even remotely considered it. Running his hands through his hair, he read through the manual once again. His eyes froze over the last sentence, the implications bouncing through his head.

Subsequent pregnancy needs to be avoided.

Bella would never be able to have children again. The thought tore his heart open more than he would like to admit. He knew that there were other ways; that if they decided they wanted more children that it could happen. This thought did little to soothe the steady ache that had formed in the pit of his stomach.

How would she take this news?

Hell, he wasn't even sure how he was taking the news. Resting his head against the desk, Edward let the tears fall. His quiet sobs did little to drown out the buzzing silence of the room. If he was going to be her doctor, he would have to pull himself together; act professional. He wasn't sure he could do it.

There were very few cardiologists that Edward truly trusted at the hospital, and even fewer doctors he would trust Bella's life with. He would be the most likely candidate for giving her the best possible care but he also knew that being impartial would be impossible.

A knock on his door broke him from his thoughts and Edward looked up at the door and Jasper who stood leaning against the doorjamb.

"Come on in."

"And join the pity party?" Jasper questioned his eyebrows knit in worry. "Aren't you supposed to be taking care of her right now?"

"I don't know that I have it in me to be her doctor, Jasper."

Jasper plopped down in the chair in front of his desk, his hands nervously twitching in his lap. He looked Edward up and down, his frown increasing. "How bad is it?" he asked concern etching his featured.

"Her heart is failing."

"But it is fixable?" Jasper questioned confusion evident on his face.

"Usually."

"Define usually," Jasper whispered.

Edward sighed throwing his head back against the chair. His eyes burned from the tears he had shed and he knew he looked like a mess. He looked at Jasper sitting in front of him and felt the tears welling once again.

Jasper seemed to sense his inner turmoil and he lifted himself out of the seat coming to stand next to Edward. The moment Jaspers hand touched Edward's shoulder he broke down, the sobs escaping his lips.

"Let it out man." Jasper stated soothingly.

"I can't do this," Edward sobbed. "I can't be strong for both of us. I thought I could but I can't. I need her, Jasper. I need her like I need air. I can't live without her. Seeing her lying in that bed, so helpless, so weak, it breaks something inside of me. It's like I'm not fully here. I don't trust myself to make decisions on her medical care because there is no way they will be impartial."

His breathing came in pants as he continued to speak.

"I can't have her life in my hands. If I lost her, if something happened I would never forgive myself. I would have that on my hands, on my conscience for the rest of my life. I don't know if you can even begin to understand the depth of my love for her, for them. I would give my own life for her and our daughter."

"So what are you going to do?" Jasper questioned softly.

"Call the one doctor I can trust Bella's life with; trust with my heart. My father."

I did a lot of research for these next few chapters… In this chapter all definitions and descriptions of PPCM are taken from CMDT 2008.

Special thanks to my beta Pixielovestoshop for looking this over so quickly and for the song recommendations! You rock ;)

I'm so amazed by the reception for the last chapter! I can't believe that I received over 50 reviews! You guys truly are amazing! Thanks to all of you who reviewed or added this story to your alerts or favorites!

Check out the thread for this story on Twilighted! Also check out my ff forum. Both links are located in my profile!