Chapter 5
When Aya came home Ken and Omi were already in their rooms and Yoji was not yet at home. At least he can go straight to his room without needing to talk to anybody. All he wanted to do was sulk in his dark bedroom. He feels tired and just wants to sleep. As if everything that happened will be erased. He laid down on his bed sideways and looked at nothing.
He felt exhausted from the things he had to do while with Ryo. He doesn't know why only now but after what happened to the club, he can't help but feel like he suddenly wanted or rather needed care from somebody..comfort . . to know that somebody loves him and shows real care for him. . someone to give him gentle touches and assuring words to make him feel . . .safe and loved.
But he thought anyway that if nobody will care for him for real then it won't really matter what he feels since no one would dare give him the type of care he desperately needs but until now has never admitted to himself. But still he hated himself for having to do this. . for having to react as if he wanted those things from that man.
Lost in his thinking, he was surprised to hear a knock on his door. He tried to ignore it so that whoever it is would just think that he's deep asleep already. But instead the knocking still continued. He reluctantly rose from his bed to know who it is. He was surprised to see who it was.
"Yoji" Aya looked tired which was unexpected since he just came from a club and danced with someone. Did something wrong happen?
"Aya" Yoji said gently. He doesn't know how to start. All he knows is that he has to say his feelings for Aya as soon as possible. He wanted Aya to know what his feelings for him are that even he, hadn't realized what he's been feeling for him for so long.
" What is it?" Aya asked uninterestedly.
Yoji just entered his room and looked at him eagerly.
"I saw you at the club. . I never saw you there. Who were you with?" Aya tried to avoid Yoji's eyes. He feels embarrassed with the things he allowed that man to do to him. It's his mission so he can't do anything about it.
"It's not your business so. ." , but he was cut by Yoji.
"It is my business. I won't let you be hurt. I care about you. Whether you care about me or not, I do care for you. " Those words? He didn't know how he blurted them out but what he knows is that it is what he really feels deep inside. With this statement, Yoji was able to make Aya look up at him. Aya looked at him with confused eyes.
"... . . . " Aya wasn't able to speak. He just looked at Yoji. Slowly, Yoji walked closer to him. Aya just dropped his gaze to the floor. He was surprised to feel a smooth hand touch his cheek gently. He looked at Yoji and did not find the strength to move away from his touch. This is the kind of touch he was longing to feel for so long.
"Yoji"
"I'm always here for you Aya. I'm just here waiting for you.. . to notice me.. to know how much important you are to me." Yoji moved closer to him and put his arms around Aya and pulled him as close to him as possible. Yoji touched his cheek to Aya's temple then put a soft, lingering kiss to it. It was a good sign that Aya didn't pull away from him or pushed him. At least Aya accepted his gentle actions he has so long wanted to do to Aya.
" I love you." Yoji whispered to him very softly and tenderly. He could feel Aya's soft intake of breath as Yoji's words sunk in him. Slowly, Yoji pulled away from him walked towards the door leaving Aya there standing and still taking in the words Yoji said to him.
"Good night Aya." Yoji said as he closed the door. He doesn't know what Aya feels right now with his confession but he definitely knows what he is feeling right now. It's as if his feelings for Aya now that he had said those words were now stronger. It's as if he could breath much better now that he has admitted his feelings to himself and to Aya. He just wished that he said those words a lot earlier. .
