What was he thinking?

Chapter 13: Hand maiden

Disclaimer: the characters and all recognisable situations belong to Stephenie Meyer- this is a work of fanfiction.

AN: thanks to furyangoddess for betaing

"We could practice Suspended Congress. Shower walls are good for that.," I say in the Vin voice, attempting to distract her from remembering my sordid past.

She slaps me. Ooh, spank me – yeah! She promises to keep her hands off me. Yeah right, baby. You just try. I mack on her the whole way to the bathroom; yeah I can't keep my hands off her either.

She notices me getting another stiffy, but when I brag about werewolf regen powers she has no idea what I am talking about. Santa, I know I asked for a virgin, but honestly; she knows nothing! It's adorable. Fuck me I have got to stop saying that! So I tell her I could make love to her all night. FUCK- I said 'make love'; girls pick up on that shit.

Then she tells me I am so big; adorable – fuck said it again.

She has another one of her panic attacks when I tell this is half hard. She's staring at me and that just makes me hot. I can feel my cock move and she licks her lips.

"Can I…you know…can I touch it?" she asks. Damn nearly cream myself at the thought. Bella wants to be a hand maiden? I manage to nod; lucky 'cause I think I have lost the power of speech.

She reaches out so slowly; man that looks so good; her little hand is so white against my skin. I damn near lose it the second she grabs me, I have to lean on the wall. She tells me she doesn't know what to do. Yeah, Fuckward's stone cock has never made it into your hot little hand has it baby? I cover her hand with mine and show her. Just knowing she is doing this to me makes me rock hard. She is pretty tentative; like she thinks she can hurt me.

She's not very skilled, but like I care; I get her to use some of her fucking strawberry whatever as lube. Oh yeah; that's better. Then I tell her not to forget the balls – too many women do you know? There is nothing like the feeling when someone sucks on your balls. I've got my eyes closed, but I can just tell she has no idea what I am talking about. I leave it to her imagination and the next second I feel her roll my balls in her hand; oh, yeah – that's what I'm talking about. I moan when she mixes it up and rubs her thumb right across my slit. I lose it when she gets faster and I come all over her boobs. That is the best sight in the world.

I suddenly realise she is probably going to panic again, but then she gets this really weird look on her face and she almost rubs it into her skin. Fuck me – I could come again at the thought of that. She may not know she is my imprint, but something within her does.

"I don't want to wash it off," she says. Great wolf in the sky I almost blurt out everything when she says that. I cover by sucking her face off and dragging her under the water.

Then she laughs at me and tells me she had me by the balls. Fuck, she is going to lead me around by them for the rest of my life, but I can't tell her that.

"Yeah…yeah you did," is as much as I can manage. Then the hot water runs out and we leap out and towel off. She laughs again.

"Oh, I was just wondering; if the point of the shower was to not smell like me. How the hell are you going to explain your...you know..." she gestures at my cock, "... smelling like my body wash?" she says.

Fucking adorable; she can jack me off, but she can't even say the word 'penis'. I bet she can't even think it. Fuck I said adorable again.

I tell her she is getting pretty good at being sneaky and then she says something really unexpected. She tells me I could have stolen her matching lotion to jerk off with. I just crack up because I would so have done that. Just the thought of doing it anyway makes me go all Vin voice on her again.

"Not that anyone really smells my dick, but I can use it to jerk off with and dream of you," I tell her and she shivers. Fuck yeah.

Then before I lose it and fuck her again, I remind her we are supposed to be studying English.

We sit at the table to do some work and I tell her not to text me; any body can read those things and reply pretending to be you. She's so naïve, she has never thought about that. We get onto tribal politics somehow. She tells me she wants to know about the council view of her and fuck this shit, I find myself telling her. Must be this stupid imprint. I know it is going to hurt her but I have to tell her, you know.

She feels sorry for Black; her best friend. Jeez girl, I wish I could show you the inside of his head; it ain't pretty and it ain't best friend behaviour. BFF, I don't think so.

"I didn't go to him to get laid," she tells me. Hell no you didn't; just as well because he so wants to be there.

I smile at her, "Yeah, but he doesn't know that." Thank the fuck because my face would just be hamburger mince. I try to convince her to dump his sorry ass hard, so that he gets the message and she says she will try, but I can see she really does care for him. Wonder why Taha Aki thought she wasn't good enough for Jacob?

Maybe I have better breeding prospects; yeah something like that. She and I will make little super pups; oh they'll be so cute. I am not going to say it…

Then she notices I am fucking daydreaming about our sons and offers to feed me. Yep it's official, I love this woman. I can't help myself; I pull her onto my lap and kiss her.

But then the phone rings and speak of the devil…cock blocked by Black… via phone. What are the odds?

"Oh, hey, Jake," she says and rolls her eyes at me. She mouths "again," and I snort.

I can hear him ask if there is someone there.

"Yeah…its Paul… he needed some help on his Jane Eyre essay. You remember I'm tutoring him? I was just saying to him that I wanted to see you tomorrow. Are you busy?"

I make a thumbs-up sign at her for encouragement. 'Dump him, dump him' I am internally chanting.

She hangs up after some chat and keeps talking about Jake. I can tell by the look on her face that she really likes him. Plus, she has known him since he was what, four years old? Playing in the sandpit together; one of Jake's memories of her. He has done a huge amount for her. She might well have killed herself after Fuckward left, if not for him, so I guess I owe him that. He will always be part of her life. I just have to deal with it.

"Jake and Bells?" fucking adora … no… I didn't say that word.

I fill her in on the pack gossip while she cooks. She is trying hard to find out stuff about me but I fend her off. There is no way she needs to know that shit; it's just too depressing. She might think even less of me if she knows I'm pity-boy on the rez. Abandoned by his own family; takes charity from others; on a reservation?. Can't get much lower than that and what prospects do I have, now I am a freaking werewolf and can never escape the rez? Fuck my life.