What was he thinking?
Chapter 14: Alpha order
Disclaimer: the characters and all recognisable situations belong to Stephenie Meyer- this is a work of fanfiction.
AN: thanks to furyangoddess for betaing
Sunday
I spend the morning on lone patrol. I dunno what Sam is up to but he has me pulling double shifts and patrolling solo. I suppose he is helping me because there is less chance of my mind blabbing away about Bella if I patrol alone, but it seems weird. Gives me less time to spend with her. He gives me the signal to finish up and I head home.
I phase as I step out of the forest and run up to my back door naked; a naked me is a heck of a lot less scary than a wolf me. Or maybe not. The pack is all getting more experienced with phasing. We all have less shredded clothing incidents. I have had less in the last week too. Guess I can thank Bella for that as well. Wow; there's a thought, fucking Bella is good anger therapy for me. I laugh to myself. Maybe I could convince her that she can't drop me as a toy boy because I need the 'therapy'? Daily sessions at the very least. Fuck I'd even pay her to do it.
It is probably just because I am near her; but I could argue it is the sex. Yeah I could talk her into that. Hey maybe she could pay me? Yeah, that would work and then I would have an income too.
I am still thinking of her as I get in the shower and then the combination of her and shower gets me all hot and bothered. Take care of it myself this time. Doesn't take long; all I have to do is remember the look on her face when she nearly rubbed my jizz into her skin. My inner wolf loves that image.
Afterwards I head down to the beach and throw a football around with Jared and Seth for a while. Lucky no-one is watching us, we can all pull some pretty freaky physical moves. Hey maybe we should all be pro football players? There's a money making career. But yeah, I know, the tribe freaking secrecy pact and the fact that we can't protect it if we are not here, blows all that out again. Fuck my life.
Sometimes I feel more sorry for Seth; he is too young for all this shit. And he really could be a good ball player. He takes me home for lunch; gotta love that kid. He is still like a big puppy, all gangly and trying to grow into his feet. Fuck I hope we don't get any more wolves younger than Seth, that would really suck for them. Between the two of us, we empty out the Clearwater's fridge. Leah will probably beat him up later for that. Jeez I would hate to pay Sue's grocery bill.
I don't go looking for Jake because I know Bella is visiting him today. Me and everyone else on the rez heard that truck chug up the road ages ago. I am praying she uses some of those wicked language skills she has to dump him hard, so he stops pining after her. Needs to be done, for both their sakes. Yeah and if she wants to be with me, that would just be a bonus. Still reckon Jake would beat me up though. Any excuse will do.
Sunday night
I get home to find a note from Sam stuck to my door. He wants to see me face to face tonight in the clearing behind his house at 11pm. What the fuck? It's probably something to do with this cluster fuck I have got myself into, but there is only one way to find out. I spend the rest of the time finishing my essay on Jane Eyre and her tortured fucking life.
I eat some left over pizza and anything else I can find. I try to clean up after myself. It's been almost a year so I suppose mommie dearest isn't coming back. Maybe Sam's meeting is something to do with that. Remind myself to buy groceries sometime.
I can't resist, I have to hear her voice. So I call Bella. She makes some joke about calling me literate instead of sexy; heck only to you baby. I tell her I might have trouble seeing her, with double shifts and Sam meetings.
I resist the urge to slide my hand down my jeans. She tells me she saw Jake. I want to ask but don't. I guess I don't want to look like I'm pressuring her. She thinks aloud about vampires and asks if Sam is picking on me. Hell yeah – constantly.
I tell her about the essay and try to push to see her again but she goes all weird on me. Jeez 'fine' was better than silence. And then she says she has to go. Go? Go and do what?
What the hell happened with Jake today? Don't tell me he finally worked up the guts to tell her he is madly in love with her? She doesn't want to go out with him I know that. But I worry. This is probably all to do with my reputation as she called it. It's freaking her out that she is attracted to me. Maybe she thinks she got what she wanted and she has to dump me now? Oh fuck no; I could not deal with that! She did just want me to pop her cherry and I have certainly done that. Please tell me she is not going to dump me.
I park in front of the TV until close to 11 and then jog off to Sam's. I shove my essay into the box at school on the way, I find Sam in the clearing and he is looking pretty serious. Deepwater looks black today. He doesn't muck around with small talk or anything.
He goes all alpha dog on me. Pulls his shoulders back and assumes the voice: Paul Waggener by order of the tribal council and the pack, you will not approach, see or talk to Bella Swan. You will not phone her, text her or write to her. If she comes to you, you must be chaperoned.
Fuck no – he has sewn up every loophole.
"Fuck Sam; no no no…" I fall to the ground. The order feels like a real weight slamming down on my shoulders. I am on my knees in the dirt. I manage to look up at Sam's face. He doesn't look happy about this. I guess the council can order him to do shit too.
"Sam she loves me; I know she loves me," I plead; I fucking beg.
"I'm sorry Paul," he says "no-one believes you imprinted. You can't have…the way you behave…." He looks like he shouldn't tell me but he goes on, "one of the Cullens has been sighted; the council believes Bella is a weak link. They believe she will go back to them."
"Go back? Edward Cullen left her alone in the forest Sam, you SAW it! She nearly died, you of all people know that, please Sam," I wail.
He just says nothing.
"She can't go back to them Sam; she can't…it would kill me…," I just fall over on my side and try to curl up into a ball. Fuck it hurts so much. "…she loves me…I know she does…" and then I just cry. I can't help myself. I sob like a fucking baby.
Sam looks sympathetic but he doesn't know what to do with me, so he just turns and walks away. Fuck it looks like he is carrying half the weight of this order too. Sucks to be the alpha. At least he gave me some privacy.
I lie in the dirt and sob my fucking heart out.
Clusterfuck and it has taken a week.