A/N: Okay, confession time people. I came up with this list idea about two hours before I wrote it, so I apologize if it's not up to my usual standard. Whatever that might be. But hey, it's another top ten list, and you guys enjoy those, right? RIGHT?

Review thanks go to: AmericanGecko, Kwebs, Katsumara, screaming phoenix, Captain IT, JGuar1212, CajunBear73, and whitem. A big hearty thank you goes to everyone who done read it.

Disclaimer: I beg Disney and CBS not to sue me because I used their characters and personalities in this manner. I don't have any money!

Late Show host David Letterman turned in his chair ever so slightly to look over at the leader of the show's band, the CBS Orchestra, Paul Shaffer.

"Boy Paul, big news in the lit world today, wouldn't you say?" Dave asked his friend.

"Actually Dave, I don't really know what you're talking about..." admitted Paul.

"Well folks," Dave said and turned his head to face the crowd, "It's been announced that the world famous Dr. Drakken, aka Drew Lipsky has written a book about his life."

"Dr. Drakken? Well, he has been kinda quiet since he helped save the world from the Lorwardian invasion," Paul pointed out.

"Indeed he has Paul, and it looks like we now know why. I mean, you and I both know how long it can take to write a book," Dave told him.

"True, plus the last book that we at the Late Show wrote was five years in the making," Paul pointed out.

"Yeah, well, with our writers, who can blame us?" Dave asked.

"Oh now Dave, we've got a fine group of writers here! Some of them even do their jobs!" Paul said to Dave in a admonishing tone.

"I'm sure they do, Paul. And speaking of our writers, one of our kids, being who he is, was actually able to get an advanced copy of Dr. Drakken's book."

"Really? Well, I'm sure it was a fascinating read. I hope he can give me a few highlights some time."

"Here's hoping. Anyways, the kid went through and read the book, and while he was reading, he was also sitting at his computer, which the kids have these days, and was reading and making notes. At the same time!"

"The same time?"

"The same time! I tell ya folks, the youth of today, they need to lay off the coffee. It's that damn Starbucks I tells ya!"

"So, why was this guy reading and typing at the same time, Dave?"

"Well, apparently, he was doing it for this," Dave said and then pulled a blue card off his desk and held it high into the air. "Ladies and Gentlemen, here in my right hand is tonight's top ten list. Lets try it."

On a screen set up for the audience, and on the screens of the viewers at home, a computer animation of the numbers ten through one being shown in a library played out.

"From the home office in Owasso, Oklahoma, top ten surprises of Dr. Drakken's new book," Dave said.

"Well, I'm sure that a book written by someone like him is sure to contain a shocker or two," Paul admitted.

"You'd think that. And for those of you who might be looking forward to this book, and don't want any, what is it the kids say these days? Spoilers? Well then you might want to see what's going on at Leno's show."

Dave flipped the card over in his hand to bring himself to the first entry on the list. "Again, top ten surprises in the new Dr. Drakken book. Here we go. Number ten: Once introduced M. C. Honey to his 'Lil' Diablo'."

"Number nine: Once came up with a machine that would turn sliced bread into delicious saltines."

"Well, it's a shame he didn't come through with that one," Dave said. "Those saltines are tasty."

"Number eight: After the invasion, was in talks with PBS for a cooking special called 'Cocoa Moo and You'."

"Number seven: Spent time slutting around Go City."

"Number six: The cover is him in a passionate embrace with DNAmy."

"Number five: He can't believe it's not butter!"

"Well who can?" Dave asked before going forward.

"Number four: Claims that he can see Russia from his Alaska lair."

"Number three: Once thought about introducing his lab boot to Jack Hench's ass."

"Number two: Forget stealing Christmas, the real challenge is in stealing National Dental Health week!"

"And the number one surprise in Dr. Drakken's new book: Fired a henchmen for calling him Steve."

"There ya go, folks. Your top ten list. We'll be right back with John DiMaggio!" Dave said as the show cut away to a commercial.