AN: First of all, I apologise profusely for the ridiculous length of time it has taken me to update. Real life gets in the way so much. This isn't my favourite chapter. I'm not a fan of it. But I hope you'll read it and review it anyway.
Special mention for Alice, because she's dealt with me going "AAAAAHHH!! I can't write it *cries*" for the whole time it has taken me to write this. Alice, you're awesome!! :)
It's been two days since Elliot and Alyssa returned from Connecticut after hearing the shocking news that Aly's father has terminal cancer. Unsurprisingly, Alyssa is taking it badly. Yesterday she barely left her room and even if she did she didn't speak a word. It didn't make for a merry Christmas Day. To be honest, I think we all forgot that it was even Christmas.
Alyssa's dad has called Elliot four times since they got back. I have never seen Elliot as angry as she is whenever he has phoned. Which is why she goes out to the hall whenever he phones, because she figures it's hard enough for Alyssa right now without having to hear her aunt yelling at her father for what he's done to her. It's just as well she's in the hall; I can still hear her yelling. God only knows what the neighbours must think. But that doesn't matter.
Just before her cell phone rang again, Elliot instructed me to make pancakes. Those are Alyssa's favourites and Elliot thinks that they might cheer her up if only slightly. I'm still looking down at the frying pan when I hear the door opening and closing before I hear Elliot's footsteps entering the kitchen.
"She won't even talk to us, and he expects me to try to get her to talk to him," Elliot incredulously but quietly vents. She shuts her eyes and puts her head in her hands.
Not sure what else to say, I reply, "Pancakes are done."
Elliot looks up at me, and it's obvious she hasn't slept in two days (which, let me tell you, is remarkable). "I'll go tell Alyssa." Elliot leaves the kitchen, sighing as she goes. A few seconds, I hear her knock on Alyssa's bedroom and quietly say something through it. I don't know if there's any reply though.
When I walk through from the kitchen, carrying three plates of pancakes, Elliot's already sitting at the table.
"If you have any ideas on the best way to help Alyssa through this, please tell me them because I got nothing."
Before I respond, Alyssa's bedroom door opens, and the elusive teenager walks into the living room, dressed and with her hair done, with her purse in her hand as if she's going out. I suppose she may have done that to make herself feel better. But something else about her is… off.
"Morning," she says brightly. And there it is. "Oh, pancakes," she grins. "Awesome."
Elliot furrows her eyebrows. "Are you okay?" She asked concernedly. She doesn't have to say it, but it's obvious what Elliot is referring to.
"I'm fine," Alyssa replies, shrugging as is there's nothing going on. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"Well, with everything that's going on –"
"Oh, look at the time," Alyssa interrupts Elliot, glancing at her watch. "I'd love to sit and chat, I would. But I'm meeting some of the girls down at the mall. Apparently there's a sale on." She shoves part of her pancake in her mouth. "These are good, by the way," she comments, her mouth still half full. "Can I keep these for later?"
"Uh… sure," I sceptically respond.
I throw a confused glance Elliot's way, while she begins to speak. "Alyssa, you don't have to act like-"
"Okay, I really have to run," Alyssa once again interjects, standing up and heading towards the door. "I should be back about dinner time."
"Lys," Elliot calmly says.
"Bye!" Alyssa happily says, as she closes the door behind her.
For a moment or two, Elliot and I just stare at the door, blinking.
"Well… she seems to taking things well," I tentatively say.
Elliot shakes her head. "This was just what I was afraid would happen."
"What? She seems like she's coping."
"She's not. She's in complete denial, acting like there's nothing going on. By pretending like there's nothing going on, she'll hope that it will all go away. And she'll stick to that routine until it really hits her, and when it hits her, it's gonna hit her hard. Trust me, it's a tried and tested technique in the Reid family. And the worst part of it is there's nothing that can be done for her. We've just got to let it run its course and wait until Alyssa accepts what it happening in her own time."
"Wow."
Elliot frowns. "This is going to be rough."
Alyssa's been out for most of the day now, and Elliot hasn't stopped fretting.
"Do you think she's really out with friends?" Elliot asks, more rhetorically than anything else. "She hasn't been in touch all day. She normally at least texts or calls to say that she's got off the train."
"Maybe she just forgot. Maybe she was just having a good time with her friends."
"Maybe," Elliot frowns. "I just hope she has met up with friends and isn't wandering somewhere alone."
"I'm sure she's with her friends. And even if she isn't, she's a smart girl; she wouldn't do anything stupid. Maybe she just needs some time on her own."
"Ten hours though?"
"She'll be back soon."
As coincidence would have it, the apartment buzzer goes. Elliot rushes over to it. "Hello?" she says over the intercom phone. Then she sighs. "Come on up," she dejectedly responds to the other half of the conversation. "Turk and Carla," Elliot explains as she walks back towards the living room. "And Izzy."
"Oh right enough, Carla said they might come around for a little while."
"Thanks for telling me, by the way," Elliot quips.
By this time, Turk and Carla have made it upstairs to the apartment. At least, I assume they have because someone is knocking on the door.
"It's open, guys," Elliot says, loudly enough that Turk and Carla can hear her.
Less than a second later, Turk walks in with Carla, who is carrying Izzy. Elliot stands up to greet them (read: hug them). I do the same.
"Hey," Carla cheerily says. "Elliot, are you okay? You seemed weird on the intercom."
"Sorry. I thought you might have been Alyssa," Elliot answers, as Carla hands Izzy to her. "Hello, Izzy." Elliot proceeds to talking gibberish to Izzy in a baby voice.
"Oh yeah, how is Alyssa?" Turk asks.
"She's… well, she's…" Not quite sure how to describe it.
"She's in denial." Thank you Elliot. "And by that I do not mean she is using the phrase 'I can't believe this is happening'. I mean she is flat out acting as if absolutely nothing is happening. Or at least she was this morning. She left ten hours ago and hasn't called to say that she got off the train or that she's going to a friend's house or anything. She normally never leaves it so long without calling," Elliot concludes, sitting down on a stool before bouncing Izzy on her knee.
"Did she say where she was going?" Carla asks.
Elliot shakes her head. "Just that she was meeting up with some friends at the mall."
"She's probably just having a good time with her friends and forgot to call," Carla reassuringly says, as she takes a seat on the couch next to where Turk is sitting "And how are you coping with all this?" She asks Elliot.
"I haven't slept in two days and I'm so angry at my brother that I could kill him with my bare hands, but aside from that okay. And I have spent all day venting about it and could really do without talking about it." Elliot lifts Izzy up and spins her round so that the toddler is facing her. "Isn't that right, Izzy?" she asks the one-year-old in a baby voice.
"So how are you guys?" I ask Turk and Carla, as I sit down near where they are.
The pair exchanges a glance before Turk begins speaking. "Actually, there's something we want to talk to you about."
"Sure. Shoot," I say.
"Actually, there's something we wanted to talk to both of you about," Carla adds.
This catches Elliot's attention, which can be difficult when she's playing with Izzy. "Okay," she hesitantly says, before walking over to where the rest of us are, carrying Izzy with her. "What's up, guys?"
"Well, we've been talking and –" Unfortunately Carla s interrupted by the sound of the front door opening.
Much to Elliot's relief, Alyssa walks in, carrying a few bags. "You would not believe the hassle I had trying to get home," she sighs, dropping her shopping bags. "Oh, hey Turk, Carla. Hey, Izzy."
"What happened when you were trying to get home?" Elliot asks.
"Okay, so I went into the train station and my train was already there so I got on. Obviously. Five minutes later all the power in this train cuts out and we're all chucked off the train because that one is cancelled. We're told to go to another platform where the next one will depart from. That train isn't for another forty minutes. Forty minutes passes. The monitor with the train details on it starts to become really pedantic by telling everyone that the train is delayed by one minute. Then two. Then three, until the train is delayed fifty freaking minutes! I was delayed an hour and a half for a fifteen minute journey. How annoying is that?" Alyssa rhetorically asks.
"Why didn't you call?" Elliot asks her. "We could've come to get you from the train station."
"Oh right. My cell phone died the death on the train in. I haven't charged my cell in like… a week. I've lost my charger; can't think where I left it."
Actually, Alyssa does know where she lost her charger. She left it in Connecticut.
"But oh well," she continues. "I bought a new one. And some new clothes."
"Coolio," Elliot responds. "Maybe show me what you got later?"
"Uh, yeah," Alyssa answers. "I'm going to go and put all this stuff away."
"Wait, before you go," Carla says. "How are you?" The way Carla speaks, it's as if she's just trying to make conversation. Trying too hard to make normal conversation. It's obvious what the real intent is behind the question.
Alyssa just shrugs and laughs slightly. "I'm fine," she replies, before walking away into her room.
"Wow," Carla mutters quietly once Alyssa is out of earshot. "That is screwed up."
Even Turk shakes his head. "Yeah. I would not want to be either of you two when the proverbial hits the fan with this one. That level of denial would win first place on America's Got Talent."
Elliot looks a bit worried. "I'm going to go see if she's okay," she says, handing Izzy over to me.
"Won't that seem a bit obvious?" Turk asks.
Elliot sighs. "I'll just ask her if she wants anything to eat or something. I'll make it work." Elliot then knocks on Alyssa's door, and goes into her room.
"So, what did you want to talk about?" I ask Turk and Carla.
Once again, Turk and Carla exchange a glance.
"Actually, this probably isn't the best time," Carla says.
"Yeah… we, um… have to go," Turk adds. He stands up and takes back Izzy. "How about we speak to you tomorrow?"
"Sure," I hesitantly say.
"Tell Elliot we said bye," Carla says, as they walk out of the apartment.
That was… weird.
It's the next morning and Alyssa is still in her extremely well performed denial.
"Hey, is there toast on the go?" She cheerily asks, as she sits down at the breakfast table. "Yum," she mutters, as she takes a slice from the toast holder on the table.
"How did you sleep?" Elliot asks.
"Well, I guess," Alyssa smiles. "Except I had a really weird dream. At first I was travelling on a plane, and then the plane turned into a giant marshmallow."
"That is weird," I state. At this point I notice that Elliot has her sceptical face on.
"Yeah," Alyssa agrees. "But the marshmallow was delicious. I should buy marshmallows when I'm out today."
"Where are you going today?" Elliot asks.
"Physics revision class," Alyssa replies. "God, help me."
"You have a revision class so soon after Christmas?" I say.
"Yeah, we have a couple of exams after the holidays so the teacher offered to run a revision class," Alyssa explains. "And she promised to bring everybody cake and chocolate, so I'm there."
"Lys, are… are you sure you're okay to go into school?" Elliot concernedly asks.
"Of course I am," she responds quickly.
"Because…" Elliot continues. "If you didn't feel up to it… I'm sure your teacher would understand."
"Understand me missing the revision class?" Alyssa questions. "Clearly you have never met my physics teacher. If I miss the class, she'll kill me on the first day back. As much as I would love to skip the class, it's so not worth it." Alyssa glances at her watch. "God, is that the time already? I better go," She says, standing up from the table.
"I'll give you a lift if you want to wait a little while and finish your breakfast," I offer.
"No, it's okay," Alyssa answers. "I told Kate I would meet her on the walk there. The class finishes at one but I think a few of us are going to get something to eat after it."
"Okay," Elliot responds. "If you have trouble getting home again, call me okay?"
"Yeah, I will," Alyssa answers, as she picks her bag up from the living room. "Okay, I really have to go now. Bye." She walks out of the apartment.
"My god, her denial is hardcore," Elliot frowns. "Now she's even lying to us."
I look at Elliot with my eyebrows furrowed. "She is?"
"I'm sure she is. I swear I heard her walking around the apartment at two in the morning."
"Maybe she just got up for a drink or something."
Elliot shakes her head. "She was pacing about for a while though. An hour at least. God, I hope she's not going insomniac. That's the last thing she needs right now."
"It wouldn't be surprising if she did though," I say. "She's going through a lot, and she isn't exactly dealing with it well."
"Yeah," Elliot sighs sadly. "I just hope she gets past this insane denial quickly. The sooner she does the less painful it'll be for her."
God, I hate physics. Actually, physics is fine; I can study it at home just fine. It's just the class is quite boring. And a Christmas holiday revision class is even worse, especially when I think of all the more interesting things I could be doing. Like… nothing. Aren't holidays for relaxing anyway?
There's another reason this revision class is ridiculously boring. I'm here on my own. Normally in class I sit next to Alyssa and, to be honest, we spend more time gossiping and chatting about random crap (as girls do) than actually doing work, which explains why I'm at a Christmas revision class. But obviously she won't be here. I feel so bad for her. I can't even begin to imagine what she's going through.
Right now the teacher is going through the register to see who is here before the class starts. The teacher glances at the register and then up at the classroom. "No Alyssa today?" She asks. "Is she still in, where was it, Colorado?"
"Connecticut," I respond. "And no, she's back. But I don't think she'll be coming in today."
"How come?" one of the other girls in the class asks.
"Well…" Before I have a chance to think of a good explanation that doesn't involve the class the whole story, I'm interrupted by a certain Miss Reid walking through the door.
"Sorry I'm late," Alyssa says, as she sits down next to me.
"We thought you weren't joining us," the teacher says to her.
Alyssa looks confused. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"We thought you were still on vacation," the teacher responds, before she begins teaching the revision class.
"So, um, how are you?" I ask quietly.
"I'm fine," Alyssa smiles. "How are you?"
"I'm okay, I guess." Okay, that was weird. The other day she called me up in floods of tears to tell me what had happened. And today she's acting like there's nothing going on.
"So what are we doing?" Alyssa asks, as she opens her workbook. "Wave functions? Damn… This sucks."
"Yeah," I sigh. "Did you get a lift here, by the by?"
"No, I walked." When Alyssa looks up, I notice that her eyes are quite red and bloodshot. "I needed the exercise, anyway," she adds.
"Didn't you go skiing when you were in Connecticut?"
"Nah, I ended up just meeting up with some of my old friends. It was fun. And I went to Mass. That wasn't so much fun, although my aunt did almost beat up my uncle during it. That was pretty funny."
"Why?"
"Oh, so he wouldn't tell anyone that she's pregnant when he figured it out before anyone else."
"How did he do that?" I ask.
"He's an obstetrician; apparently he can tell these things."
"Girls." The teacher turns around from the board, glaring at us. That is an instruction for us to shut the hell up.
"Sorry," Alyssa and I say at the same time.
For about five minutes, the room is silent as we all concentrate on copying what is written on the board. People gradually start chatting again.
"So, um… have you… heard anything from your dad since you got back?"
"Hey, you know what we should do," Alyssa says, completely avoiding the question. "We should all meet up on like the last day of the holidays and go for dinner or something."
"Lys-"
"It'd be fun. It could be you, me, Michael, the guys from the hospital, the girls from the lunch table."
"Alyssa."
"We could go to that new place. What's it called? TGI or something?"
"Lys!"
"Hey!" Once again the teacher is glaring at us.
"Sorry," we both say.
Alyssa immediately re-concentrates on the work on the board.
Lesson I've learned from this physics class: there's denial and then there's that.
The first day back at the hospital after a holiday is nightmare. More specifically, getting ready for the first day back at the hospital is a nightmare. Because you've been away for a week or so, your routine is all over the place.
As I finish pouring glasses of water in the kitchen, I can hear the toilet being flushed. A few seconds later, Elliot walks into the kitchen and takes a glass of water.
"This kid has no sense of timing," she complains, before taking a swig of her water.
Of course, if you're Elliot and you're going through another bout of morning sickness, getting back into the usual routine is a bit more tricky.
"You alright for going in to work?" I ask.
Elliot nods. "I'm okay. I should be completely fine in an hour or so. " After taking another drink from her glass, Elliot says, "I'm just going to brush my teeth."
A few moments after Elliot leaves the kitchen, Alyssa walks in. "Is there any coffee in here?"
"Coffee?" I ask. "A little young to be hitting the hard stuff, aren't you?"
"Yeah, well, there was a Grey's Anatomy marathon on last night and I stayed up until four AM watching it. Which was of course, stupid, but what the hell?"
And that, of course, was a lie. She wasn't watching the TV. Elliot and I both heard her walking about the apartment at different times during the night. But I'm not going to question her on it.
"There's a jar of coffee in the top cupboard," I answer. "Where are you going today?"
"Hospital," Alyssa says. "All the volunteers go back today." Then she yawns.
"Are you sure it's a good idea going in if you've had three hours sleep at the most?" I say.
Alyssa rolls her eyes. "I'm fine."
"You sure?"
"Seriously. I'm fine. Or I would be if people stopped asking me that." Alyssa then walks out of the kitchen.
"Is she alright?" Elliot asks as she steps back into the kitchen.
"Apparently she was up until four AM watching Grey's Anatomy."
Elliot shakes her head. "That's four days she's been up now. How she isn't collapsing just through tiredness now, I will never know."
Another fine, yet busy day at Sacred Heart Hospital.
Earlier on in the morning, Turk paged me asking if I wanted to meet with him and Carla in the cafeteria at out break time. When I enter the cafeteria, I notice that Elliot is already sitting with them.
"So my options are either leave a voicemail, send an e-mail, or wait ten or twelve years and that kid tell them himself," Elliot half-jokingly says.
Carla nods. "Oh, I'd definitely go with the third option," she sarcastically replies.
"That was my favourite too." I add as I sit down. "So why did you want us all to have lunch together?"
Carla sighs nervously. "You know that there was something we wanted to tell you the other day when we came over?"
"Yeah," Elliot and I simultaneously say.
"Well we were hoping –" And just like the other day at home, Carla is interrupted, this time by Elliot's cell phone.
"You still have Jesus, Take The Wheel as your cell phone ring?" Turk asks. "Seriously?"
Elliot glares at him. Then she frowns. "It's Alyssa's dad." I can see her getting angry already. "This'll be fun. What?" She snaps as she answers her phone. "Do you really think that being nearby is really going to make her want to talk to you? You really think that's going to make it any better? I am not going to make her speak to you if she doesn't want to. Don't you dare start hassling her! Don't you think you've put her through enough? Fine. I will tell her you're in California but that is as much as I am doing. And if you start harassing her, I swear to God I will kill you with my bare hands." The call ends there. Elliot almost slams her cell phone on to the table before putting her head in her hands.
"I only clearly heard one half of that conversation," Turk quietly says, "but what a jackass."
"What was the idiot saying this time?" Carla asks.
"He has now officially moved out here from Connecticut," Elliot replies. She looks up and her face has quite literally gone red with anger. She's shaking too. "And he expects me to tell Alyssa she has to speak to him."
Carla shakes her head. "What a jerk."
"Are you alright?" I ask Elliot a few seconds later as she stares directly ahead of her at nothing in particular.
"You know what, I'm going to stand outside for a few minutes to calm down. If I stay in here I'm just going to stew."
"Do you want me to come downstairs with you?"
"No, thanks."
"You sure?"
"Yeah," Elliot says. "I just need a few minutes to myself. I'll be back as soon as I calm down a bit." With that, Elliot walks out of the cafeteria.
"Well, now obviously isn't the time to be talking about this," I hear Carla say to Turk.
"What?" I ask.
"We'll tell you later, dude," Turk answers.
Fair enough.
Chart organising duty is never fun. There has never been a more boring task allocated to volunteers than that of organising charts into alphabetical order. The silver lining of this though is that it gives me a chance to speak to Alyssa. Well, when I say speak…
"Are you okay?" I ask. "You've barely spoken two words since we started this."
"I'm fine, Michael," Alyssa pleasantly replies. "I'm just concentrating on trying to do this."
"Okay then." There are a few moments of silence. "Because if you… were upset about what happened in Connecticut, that would be okay."
"I'm fine," she repeats. "Jeez, why are some of these German names so difficult to spell?"
Wait a second. "You're German," I state.
Alyssa lowers her eyebrows. "Yeah, but… my name's easy to spell. Unlike you, McConaghy."
"Well played."
And the silence returns for a while, until Alyssa's cell phone starts ringing. She glances at it before she ignores it completely. Weird… but fair enough. Maybe it's just me, but she seems to be really frowning when the ring tone cuts off.
"Are you sure you're okay?" I ask again.
Alyssa exhales angrily. "For goodness sake, I'm fine. Would you please stop asking me that?"
"I'm sorry. It's just… that day you came back from Connecticut, you called absolutely distraught about what had happened. And the last few days, you've been acting like there's nothing at all going on. I just… I just want to know if you're coping okay, which I don't think you are."
Alyssa glares at me. It's scary. "I appreciate your concern, but I'm coping fine. Thank you."
Which of course means she's not. "If you say so," I respond. "But… if you ever need to talk…"
"I won't need to talk because there is nothing to talk about," Alyssa snaps. Then she shakes her head. "Sorry. I didn't meant to snap at you. It's just… I'm sick to death of everybody asking me if I'm okay. I get it here, I get it at home at least six times a day. It getting on my nerves. I know people are concerned, but I wish they'd just leave me alone."
"Yeah I get that."
Alyssa's phone starts ringing again. And once again she ignores it.
"Are you going to get that?" I ask.
Alyssa shakes her head. "Nah. It's the network. They keep trying to offer me an upgrade or something. If I ignore it for a couple of days; it'll go away eventually."
"Does that ever work?"
Alyssa shrugs. "It's worth a shot." She stands up, keeping her cell phone in her hand. "I'm going to go down stairs to get something to drink. You want anything?" She asks.
"No thanks."
"Okay then. Be back in a few minutes." Alyssa walks off down the corridor.
So after a few days of trying to tell Elliot and I something and being interrupted every time, Turk and Carla are understandably getting quite frustrated. And for that matter, so are Elliot and I! We want to know what they want to tell us. But other things have just had to take priority for a while. Carla, however, thinks she has found a solution to the interruption problem, as she explains while we stand at the nurses' station.
"We really need to talk to you about… something," she says. "So how about the four of go out for dinner one night and Turk and I actually tell you what's going on."
I lower my eyebrows and curiously look at her. "You're not pregnant again, are you?"
Carla looks at me like I'm an idiot. "No," she responds.
I glance to the side and notice that Elliot is also looking at me weirdly.
"Anyway," Elliot continues. "Dinner sounds good. When?"
"Is tomorrow night good for you two?" Carla asks.
Elliot and I nod.
Carla smiles. "Great."
A second later, Nurse Roberts walks over to the nurses' station. "Somebody found this cell phone in a paper bucket downstairs. Anyone recognise it?"
Elliot looks at the cell phone "Yeah, it's Alyssa's phone," she answers, seeming slightly puzzled. Nurse Roberts hands it over to her. "Five missed calls," she mutters.
"She's probably had her friends calling the phone to try and find it," Carla says. "You could call one of them and tell them you've got her phone."
It's almost as if Elliot isn't even listening. Her eyebrows are lowered and she's concentrating on the phone. She then goes to the pocket of her lab coat, takes out her own cell phone and looks between the two. "I fricking knew it."
"What?" I ask.
"He's been trying to call her," Elliot frowns. "Repeatedly."
Carla rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "Jerk."
"Do you think she knows he's been calling her?" I ask.
"Why do you think it was in the trash?"
Lunch time. Yee haa.
As per usual, I'm meeting with Elliot for lunch. The cafeteria is quite busy most of the tables are full. To the right of me there is a table that about eight of the volunteers, including Alyssa, Michael and Kate, have squashed themselves around. And directly opposite me is the table I'm looking for where Elliot and Cara are sitting.
"Hey," I say as I sit down. "Did you give Alyssa her phone back?"
Elliot frowns. "Not yet. I'll give her it at home. That way I can talk to her about it without upsetting her here."
"Did he try calling again?" I ask.
Elliot rolls her eyes. "Yep. Three times in the space of twenty minutes before I switched the thing off."
Carla had a quizzical look on her face. "Why didn't Alyssa just do that?"
"I don't know," Elliot says, shaking her head. "I'll talk to her when I get home."
"Do you think he'll stop calling her?" Carla asks.
"Well, if I know what my brother's capable of, which I think I do, the answer to that is no," Elliot sighs. "But I can't have him harassing her like that. And threatening to kill him clearly didn't work."
"We could always speak to Alyssa about getting her cell phone number changed," I suggest.
"That's maybe an idea. Whatever the way, we have to get him to stop hassling her." Elliot frowns. "Anyway, changing the subject," Elliot continues, "Carla, what were you saying about dinner tomorrow night?"
"Oh, yeah. Turk has booked a table at the new Italian place on Fourth for seven and he's just checking with the sitter what time she can look after Izzy until."
"Awesome," I say.
A second later, there's a disturbance from the table where the volunteers are sitting. Alyssa is standing up.
"For the love of god, how many times do I need to tell you people that I'm okay," She angrily says. "I'm fine so you don't need to keep asking me. I'm fine. And I'm not about it because there's nothing I want to talk about. Okay? I don't want to talk about the fact that my dad abandoned me on my aunt's doorstep six months ago. I don't want to talk about how I've been lied to for most of my life. I don't want to talk about how my parents have got divorced and how I'll probably never see my real mom again because we've never got on, we've always hated each other's guts so why would we try to make contact." I think Alyssa's voiced cracked there. "And most of all I do not want to talk about the fact that my dad has… cancer and is… dying. I don't want to talk… I don't want any of it. Stop asking me if I'm okay because I'm obviously not okay." Alyssa begins to walk towards the cafeteria doors.
"Lys," Elliot shouts on her.
When Alyssa turns around, it's obvious that she's about to cry. "Aunt Elliot could I just be left alone for five minutes or something?" Alyssa walks out of the cafeteria before getting an answer.
Once Alyssa is out of the cafeteria, Elliot puts her head in her hands. "God," she sighs, "You know what, I'm going after her." Elliot goes to stand up but she's interrupted by Carla.
"That's maybe not such a good idea," she says seriously.
"What?"
"Yeah," I say, agreeing with Carla. "She just said she wanted five minutes alone. Going after her will probably only upset her more. And she won't go far."
Sighing reluctantly, Elliot sits down. "I guess you're right."
"That's been two hours now and there's no sign of her," Elliot says as she leans on the nurses' station. "I'm really getting worried now."
"Elliot, she's probably gone home," Carla suggests.
"I've tried calling home and there's no answer. I can't call her cell because I have it. God, what if she's gone and done something stupid?"
I go to hug Elliot. "She won't have, Elliot. She's probably just sitting in her room, not wanting to answer the phone."
"What if she hasn't though? God, I never should have listened to you when you said give her ten minutes before going to find her," Elliot growls. "You know what, I'm just going to go home see if she's there and if she's not then… I'll have to go looking for her."
Elliot begins to step away from the nurses' station as one of the new orderlies rounds the corner.
"I don't mean to alarm anybody," he says, "but there is a blonde girl crying hysterically in the supply closet."
You can almost see Elliot's heart sinking. "We've found her," she frowns as she walks in the direction of the supply closet.
For the record, a supply closet floor is not the most comfortable of places to have been sitting crying for the last two hours. But you make do with what you've got. And to be honest, the comfort level of the supply closet hasn't been at the forefront of my mind for the last two hours.
I didn't mean to shout at my friends. I know they were only trying to help. But it all just hit me. Everything that's happening. And since I don't like crying in the middle of a hospital cafeteria in front of people I don't know, I couldn't stay in there.
I'm still sitting on the floor, bawling my eyes out when the supply closet door opens. Again. Damn. I glance up, but only for a second, and see that it's my aunt Elliot.
"Oh, sweetie," she sympathetically says as she sits next to me. "I'm so sorry."
"But… I… but…" God, I'm crying so much that I can't actually verbalise a coherent answer. Instead, I just start crying even more.
"I know," Aunt Elliot says. "I know you're upset and I know things are confusing… and scary. But whatever happens with your dad, with anything, I'm here, okay? If you ever want to talk about it, or rant or cry or anything, just come and talk to me."
I nod. Still crying, though. "I can't… stop crying…" I think I tear-hiccupped all the way through that.
"I know. And it's okay to cry. Cry as long as you need to. Aunt Elliot hugs me.
I keep crying.
About thirty minutes later, there is still no sign of Elliot or Alyssa. I hope everything is okay. That's probably a really ridiculous to hope for. Of course, it's not going to be okay. There's a seventeen-year-old crying in a supply closet because it's just hit her that her dad has terminal cancer. There is no way that it'll be okay.
"Still waiting?" Turk asks as he walks up to the nurses' station.
"Yeah."
"Poor kid," Turk mutters.
A few seconds later, Alyssa walks around the corridor, closely followed by Elliot. This is meant in the least offensive way possible: Alyssa looks terrible, which is to be expected of someone who has been crying for the last two hours. Her eyes are really red and puffy; there are tear marks all the way down her cheeks. She looks as if she's just had a house dropped on her. The poor girl's still crying, but not hysterically.
"Are you okay?" I ask Alyssa when she stands at the nurses' station.
Alyssa just shakes her head and her eyes fill up even more.
"I'm going to take Alyssa home," Elliot says. "She shouldn't be here."
"Yeah, that's best. What do you want me to say to Kelso?"
"Tell him that if he has a problem with me leaving he can kiss my ass. I'm not staying here and leaving Alyssa alone when she's in this state. No way in hell."
"Okay," I reply. "See you at home."
"See you at home," Elliot repeats. "If you see her friends..."
"I'll tell them. Just go home and take care of her. She needs it."
"Bye," Elliot sadly says, before turning around and heading out of the hospital with Alyssa.
As you might have guessed, Alyssa hasn't really ventured far out of her room today. The difference with today, however, is that Alyssa has been talking if you go in to take her a drink of something. And she did eat breakfast with us this morning. It was quite heartbreaking to look at her, though. Her eyes were red and swollen, and the poor girl just looked lost and dazed. She's gone back into her room now, and has been in there for the last couple of hours. While she's been chatting if you take something to her, she stares up at her ceiling.
I must say though, I'm impressed by Alyssa's friends. Both Michael and Kate called last night and this morning to see how Alyssa was. They called us because they knew her cell would still be switched off and they really wanted to know how she was. It's sweet.
It's four in the afternoon now, and Elliot and I are supposed to be meeting Turk and Carla for dinner at seven.
"Do you think we should go?" Elliot tentatively asks. "I don't know that it's a good idea to leave her alone."
"I'm not sure either. But Turk and Carla seemed like they had something really important to talk to us about."
Elliot sighs. "We can't cancel on them. They got a sitter for Izzy; they've booked a table at a restaurant. Something serious is going on." Elliot pauses for a minute. She opens her mouth – just about to speak – but she's interrupted.
"You don't need to stay with me," Alyssa says, standing at her bedroom door. "I'm okay, really. I'm not going to… like… slit my wrists or jump out the window or pop fifty thousand pills and wash them down with three gallons of tequila. I'll be okay, really."
"We know, hon, but we just don't want to leave you," Elliot sympathetically says.
"We're just here for you, Alyssa," I add.
"I know, and I appreciate it, I really do. But… I don't want to you to feel as though you have to treat me as if I'm going to smash to pieces at any given moment. Because I'm not." Alyssa sighs. "How about I call Michael and Kate and ask them if they want to come over to hang out and so you don't have to stay here? Would that be okay?"
I glance to Elliot, who nods. "I think that would be okay," I reply.
"But if Michael and Kate can't come over, I'm going to stay, and JD, you go to meet Turk and Carla at the restaurant. And Alyssa, I'm not trying to wrap you in cotton wool. I'm just making sure you're okay."
Alyssa smiles. "I know," she says. "Okay, I'm going to call Kate and Michael."
"Okay."
Elliot and I are just about getting ready to leave. I'm sitting at the table, while Elliot is finalising her outfit. It has taken a while. Elliot has been falling out with her wardrobe lately, out-pregnancy-growing some of her favourite outfits.
Alyssa's friend Kate arrived about half an hour ago. The two girls are sitting in the living room, gossiping about something or other.
"Oh, and you know there was that party on Christmas Eve?" Kate quickly says.
"Yeah," Alyssa enthusiastically responds.
"Well you would not believe what Rebecca Mackenzie –"
"That bitch!" The girls say simultaneously, and pretend to spit on the floor.
O….kay….
"- was wearing," Kate continues.
"What?"
"This hideous green top with this disgusting red mini-skirt."
Alyssa frowns disgustedly. "Ew."
"I know. She looked like a very bad and very ugly Christmas tree."
What's been great is that there has been no mention of Alyssa's dad and what's been going on. Alyssa seems to have really cheered up.
And there's Elliot. She walks through the living room. "Finally found a top that fits and doesn't make me look like a whale." Then she turns to Alyssa and Kate. "Hey girls. Where's Michael?"
"He's running late," Alyssa answers. "I swear, the guy's worse than me for running late."
"Trust me, honey, they all are," Elliot quips.
"Hey, I've been ready for twenty minutes!"
"Are you sure you're okay for me to go?" Elliot asks, ignoring my comment.
"Yes, Aunt Elliot, I'm fine," Alyssa says.
"Okay then," Elliot smiles. "I've left twenty bucks on the kitchen counter for you if you want to order a pizza or something. There's a whole bunch of DVDs you can watch if you want. Just have fun. Chill out. And if you need something, just call, okay?"
Alyssa rolls her eyes but laughs. "Okay. But seriously, I'll be fine."
"Yeah, and even if she isn't," Kate pipes up, "there's booze in here, right?"
Elliot shakes her head disapproving. "Kate," she scolds. Then she fake coughs. "Bottom right hand cupboard."
"What a fantastic role model," I sarcastically say.
"Shut up," Elliot retorts, before turning to face me. "So, we ready to go?"
"I think we are," I say, as I put my jacket on. "See you girls later."
As we head out of the door, Elliot turns and waves bye. Further along the hall at the elevator and out of earshot, Elliot sighs, and says, "Do you think she'll be okay?
I put an arm around Elliot's shoulders and kiss the top of her head. "I think she'll be fine," I reassuringly say as the elevator doors slide open.
I have to say, it's good just to get out of the house and away from all the drama for a little while. It's good to focus on something else. And I'm glad that Elliot has relaxed a bit. She knows that Alyssa is with her friends and if anything is wrong, Alyssa will call her. Just now we're both focusing on why Turk and Carla invited us out for dinner tonight.
"So what do you think it is they want to tell us?" Elliot excitedly asks me, as we talk hand in hand towards the restaurant, which is just a few feet away. "I have no idea."
"I still think there's a minute chance that they're going to tell us they're pregnant again."
Elliot shakes her head. "Nah. Carla would never have been able to keep that a secret for as long as this, even with everything else that was happening," she says. "Maybe they've eventually bought a house."
"What if they've bought a house away from here?" I seriously ask. "What if they're going to move far away?"
"They wouldn't," Elliot says, her eyebrows furrowed. "They wouldn't… would they?"
"I hope not."
By this point, we're at the restaurant door.
"Well, here goes," I say.
As we walk in to the restaurant, we're immediately whacked by the smell of food.
"Even if they devastate us tonight," Elliot says, "at least we'll have eaten well."
It doesn't take long for us to find Carla and Turk at the table. After the greetings are exchanged and orders placed (the service here is very good), Carla begins speaking.
"How is Alyssa doing today?"
"She's a bit better today. She's been quite upset, but she's coping better than she has been since we got back. And she's talking about what's going on, which is better," Elliot answers.
"That's good then," Carla says.
Then silence befalls us. Turk and Carla glance at each other. And again. And –
"Oh my god, will you just tell us what's going on!" Elliot quickly says. "Please, because it's been driving us insane."
Carla starts laughing. "Okay then. Well… we have something we want to tell you."
"Please god tell us that you're not moving hundreds of miles away to a dream house with a pool and a unicorn!"
"What?" The other three at the table say at the same time.
"Never mind," I sheepishly respond.
"No," Turk says. "Izzy's Christening is in a couple of months and we want you two to be Izzy's godparents."
"Say what now?" I ask.
"We want you and Elliot to be Izzy's godparents," Carla repeats. "So… would you like to be Izzy's godparents? It would mean the world to us and Izzy if you were."
"Oh my god," Elliot says. "Of course we will!" Elliot stands up and goes to hug Carla and Turk.
"We're honoured that you would ask us," I add. Wow. "Of course we'll be Mocha Cub's godparents."
"Thank god," Turk says. "Because we had nobody else we wanted to ask."
"We'd be so honoured to be Izzy's godparents," Elliot says as she sits back down.
At this point, the waiter brings our drinks over.
"Oh, I forgot I ordered orange juice," Elliot mutters.
"How about a toast?" I say, raising my glass, as Elliot, Turk and Carla follow. "To Izzy's Christening," I happily say.
"And," Carla adds, "To her godparents."
"Cheers." All the glasses clink together.
"I can't believe they want us to be Izzy's godparents," Elliot says again as we step out of the elevator on her floor. "It's unbelievable."
"Just that they would trust us enough to make us Izzy's godparents is incredible… and somehow makes me question their sanity."
Elliot giggles. "JD?"
"Yeah?"
"Out of everybody in the world, who would you trust with our baby?" Elliot tentatively asks.
It doesn't take me long to think. "Turk and Carla. No question. You?"
"Turk and Carla," Elliot smiles, as she opens the front door to her apartment.
When I walk in I notice that the TV is on. I can see Kate's head and Michael's head, but there's no sign of Alyssa.
"Hey kids," Elliot says as she walks further into the living room. "Where's Alyssa?" she asks.
"Physically she's here," Kate replies, "but god only knows where her head's at."
"What?" Elliot asks, walking around to the other side of the couch. I do the same.
Alyssa is lying across the sofa, feet pulled up, and with her head resting on Michael's shoulder.
"Yeah, she conked out about five minutes into the first episode of the Friends marathon," Michael explains. "And that was about… three hours ago."
"Makes sense," I say. "The girl's been awake for a week."
Elliot seems to be thinking about something. "JD, could you please get me the purple throw from on Alyssa's bed."
"Are you just going to leave her sleeping on the sofa?" I ask.
"She's hasn't slept for a week; I don't want to wake her up now."
By the time I return to the living room with the blanket in my hand, they've somehow managed to get Alyssa off of Michael's shoulder and fully lying on the sofa without waking her up. Impressive. Elliot takes the blanket from me and puts it over Alyssa.
At this point, Alyssa's friends start to walk towards the door. "Tell Alyssa we'll see her later," Kate says.
"Will do. Listen kids, thanks for coming over tonight. I think Alyssa really needed it."
"It's no problem," Michael responds.
Once the teenagers leave, I walk into the kitchen, where Elliot has gone to pour herself a glass of water.
"You know, I think Alyssa might just be okay," she says quietly.