What was he thinking?

Chapter 19: A lifetime of bad patrols

Disclaimer: the characters and all recognisable situations belong to Stephenie Meyer- this is a work of fanfiction.

AN: thanks to furyangoddess for betaing

She heads off home on Sunday afternoon. She did promise Charlie she'd be home to cook his dinner. I am surprised she can walk at all. Man did we hit it hard; had sex everywhere! My wish that she smelled like me is well and truly fulfilled; she reeks of me. Yum. I almost marked her; bit her on the neck, but didn't break the skin. I could hear her heartbeat change when I did it. Yet another freaky wolf thing. She recognized it even if she didn't know what it was. I might have to break that little tradition to her gently. And definitely have to be doing it doggy style; seems appropriate somehow.

I suspect Charlie might shoot me if his daughter showed up with a big ass bite on her neck. Maybe that one will have to wait for a while.

Damn lucky I live alone and no-one chose to visit. I suppose she did threaten to shoot them. Charlie might have taken her to the shooting range, but I doubt it; she'd be highly likely to hurt herself. But they don't know that!

I think I had better go and check up on Jake. Maybe I should shower first? Might be a bit rude to see him reeking of sex with the love of his life. More showers, fuck I thought I had finished with this phase.

I jog over to the Black house, knock, call out and let myself in. Billy wheels out of the kitchen as I come in the door.

"Paul," he says and tells me to sit at the table. I sit; nobody argues with Billy. He hands me a can of soda; cool, it must be a serious talk, not a ripping me a new asshole talk. Phew. I just wait; he'll get to it when he is good and ready. Nobody hurries Billy either.

We sit together for a few minutes. I sip my drink. He looks at me with his freaky X-ray vision; you know the one that sees right through you.

"Taha Aki identifies your mate for you and you disagree?"

I sigh. "Yeah...it was stupid." I look up at him. "Sam told me it would be a clust...disaster." I sigh again, "And it was."

"I'm really sorry Jake got hurt. I didn't want him to find out that way, but..." I shrug.

Billy says nothing.

I feel a need to justify myself. Billy always manages to get me to talk, to try and cover up. One of these days I will learn to keep my mouth shut, but it's not today. I suppose he is the closest thing I have to a father.

"Jake was part of the reason why I tried to deny it. Sam and I both knew he would be really hurt by the imprint. Plus the Leah, Sam, Emily thing is still affecting people; especially now Leah is a wolf. I just don't like imprinting. I mean, it gave me Bella, but I still don't understand why her...with me? I mean I love her; she's the centre of my world, but..." okay stop talking; shut the fuck up Waggener.

Billy just keeps looking at me.

I can't help myself... "I don't think the alpha should imprint. How can he look after the best interests of the tribe if he is holding his girl's hand?"

Billy makes a humph noise. "I agree." Yay score one for me. "But that means you have taken the woman he loves from him and he doesn't have a possible imprint as a consolation." Billy lifts his eyebrows.

Dang, didn't think of that! "Jake could have any woman he wanted Billy; you know that. I mean just look at him. Any girl on the rez would have him." I suppose that doesn't make him feel any better right now; he's not me, after all.

"Actually, he and Leah would be spectacular together," I add. Fuck, don't know where that came from. Besides she is the only girl on the rez he can be sure that I didn't fuck. I almost laugh at the thought.

"I knew he loved Bella, but I don't think I realised quite how much, until he was whaling on my face," I add quietly.

I drop my head into my hands. "I don't know how to fix this. She told him he was her best friend; she told him she didn't love him like that. She tried to tell him so many times. Even Emily spoke to Jake about it. It's not Bella's fault, Billy."

"No one is blaming her," he says. My head pulls up sharply. So what? They are blaming me? "He knows all of that in his head, but it doesn't affect how he feels in his heart," Billy continues.

"And it isn't your fault either," he adds. Well thank the fuck for that. Not that it will stop Jake hitting me...again...several times.

"Billy, he's my future Alpha and maybe the leader of the whole tribe one day...and I stole his girl." Yeah; sucks to be me. I can foresee a lifetime of really bad patrols coming right up.

"I respect you for coming here today to speak to him," says Billy.

I stand up. "Better keep the first aid kit handy, Billy. He might hit me again." I throw my empty soda in the trash. "Is he in his room?" Billy nods, so I head off down the hall. I have no idea if he is awake and heard any of that, or not.

I suck it up; take a big breath and knock. Yeah, chicken shit, I know.

I hear a response so I open the door and stick my head in. He's lying on his stomach, half on his little bed. Fuck this room is so small for the biggest member of the pack. I can't help myself so I ask "Why the fuck don't you move into the girl's room? It must be bigger. Seriously Jake, you barely fit in here."

He laughs. It's not a huge belly laugh, but I'll take it.

"You've never picked a fight with Rachel and Rebecca have you?" he asks.

"No. No sisters, remember? Only child here."

"Doesn't matter if they are married and living in Hawaii, it's still their room," he says. "It would not be worth my life to pick that fight." Yep, I suppose I hadn't thought of that.

"Hey can we talk?" I ask him.

"Thought we already were," he says being a smart-ass.

"Yeah right," I give him the eye roll don't-be-a-smart-ass look.

He sighs. "Yeah, come in."

"Did you hear any of the discussion with Billy?" Hey, saves me repeating myself.

"Some," he says. Wow thanks for the help Jake.

I throw myself down on the floor and sit with my knees up and my back against the wall. "I don't know what to tell you Jake. I tried so hard to fight it. I hated what imprinting did to Sam and Leah. I don't think it is fair, you know." He looks at me for a second.

"You refused her because of me?" he asks quietly.

"Partly for you. Partly well…to be really honest; I didn't like her. She ran with vamps and I didn't even try to get to know her." I look up at him. "I mean, I knew how you felt about her, but she just wasn't my type."

"So she didn't know about the imprint when she…when she came to you?"

I can just tell, it is killing him to ask that; but he has to know.

"She had no idea. She was so stressed and confused; you should have seen her." Oops that was a dumb thing to say. "No, sorry I guess you wouldn't want to see that," I try to apologize.

He laughs again. "No," he says, "I can just imagine." He thinks for a second. "She would have been blushing and wringing her hands."

Yep, he knows my girl pretty well. I laugh quietly, "Yeah, lots of blushing," I snort when I remember it. "She even panicked and thought about running out the door at one stage. Left everything in the truck in case I said 'no'. Me; like I would say 'no'?"

"Well I suppose you did refuse her before that," he notes.

I snort again "Yeah…funny…count the women I have refused; One." That shit is ironic.

We just sit there for a little while.

"She loves you Jake; not like that, but she loves you." I run my hands through my hair; I'm kind of nervous. I am no good at this emotional crap. "I'm not going to be ridiculous and insist she never sees you or anything stupid like that. You are her best friend and she wants you in her life and therefore, that is important to me. Besides you are pretty solidly in my life, so it is not as if we can avoid each other."

Jake lets out a snort and then he says, "You know she gave me reciprocal best friend rights?"

I have to ask, "Like what?"

He sounds kind of smug, "She said I had her full permission to beat you up if you cheated on her or broke her heart."

I laugh. That just sounds exactly like something she would say. "Do I get credit for the earlier beating? I mean I didn't do any of that stuff so I think I am one up here."

Jake sighs and rolls over, sitting up on the bed. "I'm sorry I hurt you, Paul."

"Thanks, but it was all my own stupid fault. I probably deserved that beating."

Jake frowns at me. "No-one deserves a beating," he tells me. There's the future tribe leader; right there.

"It was that stupid order I made Sam bind me with; I couldn't tell you what was happening before you…you know…took matters into your own hands." I snorted. "Fuck, I tried; I was screaming at you 'ask her, just ask her'," I laugh.

Then we both get the giggles. It is not really funny, but we both roar with laughter at the thought of me fucking up my own life quite so spectacularly.

"And then you broke my arm," I manage between gales of laughter.

"Yeah, sorry man," he says still laughing.

And just like that it is kind of fixed. It's guy thing, we get over shit easily.

"You smell like her," says Jake.

"Guess I always will now," I shrug. "Yeah sorry man, I scrubbed myself raw."

We sit there for a bit longer.

"So, Leah huh?" he asks.

"Ah so you heard that," I laugh. "Well think about it; the alpha male and alpha female wolves. She is a spectacular woman and the sex…fuck…you could go for days…," I sound awed at the thought.

Jake snorts, but then gives me a serious look. What, am I drooling? "Oh c'mon man; the sex is one of the best things about being a werewolf. You have seriously got to get laid," I tell my future alpha and tribe leader. Good thinking Waggener; always thinking with your little head. Hey 'smaller' not little.

Then I realize Billy might have overheard that part of the conversation. "Fuck, does Billy have wolf hearing?" I ask in a mild panic.

Jake just laughs at me again.

We tumble out of his bedroom after a while to raid the fridge and I catch Billy quietly putting the first aid kit away.

AN: in the mind of Paul, being able to have sex for days is a completely valid reason for going out with someone, besides he never did have sex with Leah.