14. Small talk
He was sitting on the porch looking up at the night sky, where flickers of light from distant stars were dispelling the darkness. There were so many of them, forming patterns in countless variety, the patterns that humans called constellations. They were so far from here, and some of them were so close to his home, The Grace.
The chilly night air sent shivers down his body; apparently t-shirt and sweatpants weren't the best clothes for sitting outdoors like this on the night of December 28th, but he was obviously still having a few difficulties with the simple stuff (like picking the right outfit), just because of his lack of experience. Never before had he felt like this: the coldness, the heat, the hunger, the tiredness… and so many things along the same lines, human things. He wouldn't have minded not feeling it still, but that wasn't an option for an ex-archangel. If he'd had the choice, his own human body was something he would have preferred not to have been stuck with. Apparently his Father really hadn't been a good mood with him three days ago... or else it might have been His sense of humor, which Gabriel had never been able to share.
Father… he already missed Him so much.
Three days, only three fucking days and already it felt like forever. Three days being disconnected from Grace, three days away from everything he loved, and still not even a word from Michael. Did that mean…? No, he wasn't going to think about that, not now, when he still felt wounded and guilty at the same time, so fucking much.
And he should stop thinking about himself as 'he' and get used to being 'she',if he didn't want to be exposed one day. For now, bye-bye Gabriel, hello El.
"Fuck." That last bit she said out loud, a neat summary of her inner thought process.
The door behind her back opened, and she heard the baby's whimpers and Charlie's soft, low voice murmuring nothings to him.
"Aren't you two supposed to be asleep now?" El said to the young women as she took a seat beside her on the porch. "Or he is hungry, again?"
"No, he isn't, not yet." Charlie laughed at El's expression. "He just doesn't seem to want to sleep, so I decided it would be better to avoid waking Jeep and go out to get some fresh air. But he is a newborn baby, you know. He's supposed to feed every two hours, or so I've heard. Why does that surprise you so much?"
"Well, how would I know that?" El shrugged. "It's not like I've ever dealt with children before."
"I remember Michael being aware enough about the subject."
"I'm not him," El replied dryly. "I've never been fond of your kind as he is."
"And yet you're here."
"Uh-huh."
"And he's not. It doesn't seem very reasonable to me."
"Well, get over it."
"Why did he leave us? Why didn't he stay?"
"Why should he stay? He'd already done the impossible; your child lives."
"You know… I hadn't even wanted this baby; I was going to give him up for adoption. I told Michael that if the child was so very important he should take him and raise him himself. I'm not some fucking Sarah Connor."
"I don't know what that means."
"Hello, the mother of John Connor, the savior of mankind in the war against the machines? In the Terminator series?"
"I assume that must be some kind of fiction?"
"I assume you don't know what a movie is." Charlie sighed.
"Familiar with the definition, don't care about the details. As I said, your kind was never on my list of top interests."
"You should be interested in this particular case, 'cos sometimes you seem exactly like a character from that story. And it's about the Apocalypse too."
"How exciting," El said skeptically. "So, you were going to give up your baby. What did his father think about that?"
"That's kinda complicated… I mean, you know the father wasn't Jeep, right?"
"No, I didn't know that." El gave her a stern look. "Though I really couldn't imagine him as the father of the messiah. On the other hand, you're not much like Mary yourself, and I don't suppose there was an immaculate conception either. So, who's the daddy?"
"Whoa, wait a minute, you knew her, the mother of Christ?"
"We've met once. Don't ask for details because I won't give you any; it's classified information." And her lips twitched as if she was trying to hide a smile.
Charlie thought that in rare moments like this one she looked so different - so young and so unlike that emotionless creature that she appeared to be most of the time – as if there was someone else hidden under that extreme coldness.
"Well, I know how it must sound, but… I don't really know who the father is."
El raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, that does sound… interesting. I'm eager to hear the whole story."
"I'm afraid it'll disappoint you. There's no supernatural shit in it: no signs, no crack of doom, nothing like that." Charlie sighed and looked at the baby in her arms; although he wasn't sleeping, he had been very calm and quiet, just making a low bubbling from time to time.
El followed her gaze; Charlie's son looked… well, like any baby looked. Even though parents usually started looking for family likenesses from the very beginning and so often managed to find them somehow, the truth was that all babies looked much alike at that age. They all even had those identical sky-blue eyes, regardless of the color they'd become later. Charlie's son was no exception; his eyes were bright blue, and El supposed that it was down to the starlight that at some moments they seemed to glow.
"Try me," she shrugged. "Besides, no matter how ordinary the story is, your son is anything but ordinary."
"Unlike his mom," Charlie smiled. "Okay, but remember – you asked for it. So, eight months ago or so… holy crap, can you believe it?" She interrupted herself. "Only eight months ago I had nothing to do with this craziness. Why couldn't it have been some other girl?"
"You wouldn't be the first person to ask that exact same question," El pointed out. "Don't get distracted. The story, remember?"
"Fine. So, I'd been working and it was already pretty late when this guy showed up in Paradise Falls. I took his order and he said something nice to me. Then one word, another word, well, you know how it can go, right?" Charlie gave El a glance. "Or maybe you don't."
"I'm familiar with human behavior." El lips twitched in a hint of a smile. "Continue, please."
"So, I liked the guy; not only because he was handsome and pretty cool - and believe me, he was - but he was also completely different from what I was used to; he talked different, he looked at me different, not like he was gonna reach in to my pants and all. Oh… I didn't mean to say that last bit. This is really awkward, talking to you about these things."
"Why?" There was sincere incomprehension in El's voice.
"Because… you're an angel, and I'm talking to you about sex. Are you guys even supposed to know what it is?"
"This is fucking hilarious!" El bit her lower lip, trying hard to keep a straight face. "Firstly, I'm an ex-archangel, if that somehow matters, and secondly, do you really think that after all the eons of our existence there's anything left we don't know about your kind? So, I get it, he didn't act like he was going to sleep with you but in the end that was exactly what happened, right?"
"No! Well, yes, but… you've somehow managed to make it sound completely wrong. Anyway, we spend that night together in my trailer and when I woke up in the morning he was already gone. One month later I discovered that I was pregnant. End of story."
"So, what was his name?"
"Um… I don't actually remember." Charlie blinked. "It's kinda strange, because I'm sure he told me it. I would never make out with someone without even knowing his name, and don't look at me like that!"
"Okay, I guess it was something ordinary and it just slipped your mind." El shrugged. "What did he look like, apart from handsome and cool?"
"Why?" The young woman frowned.
"Just curiosity. I mean, hello, the father of the new messiah?" El cocked her head at Charlie.
"Look, a lot of things have happened since then, a lot of time's gone by. Besides, it was the end of my shift, I was fucking tired, I had other customers to serve, so it's not like I had much chance to stare at him. And it was pretty dark in the trailer, if it comes down to that. What's the big deal? It was just some nice guy; we had great sex, which no-one expected to end up in a pregnancy."
"So, you don't remember that either." El's voice was completely neutral. "No name, no face, just some good memories."
"Exactly, and I prefer to keep it that way rather than regret what I can't have any more. Jeep is now the baby's father, period," Charlie said confidently.
"I'd assume that's wise." El looked into the sky. "Have you ever noticed how beautiful they are, the stars? I didn't."
"What?" Charlie gave her a confused look.
"Never mind. So have you decided yet what name you wanna give your son?"
"Is there any specific name that I should give him?"
"Not that I'm aware of. Why?"
"Well, I've been thinking… he was born on December 24th and he appeared to be the savior of mankind…"
"Please don't tell me you think you have to name him Jesus!"
"Actually I've been thinking about 'John', but that doesn't go with his last name."
El laughed, the very first time Charlie had heard her really laugh, so sincere and infectious that she couldn't help but join in. And of course the baby decided immediately that it couldn't be any fun without him and started to cry.
"Here he goes again." Charlie sighed and then glanced at El. "Could you hold him for a couple of minutes? I literally can't feel my arms already."
"What?" El's face was almost terrified. – "Give me the child." – "No!"
"Oh, come on… What, is the big tough ex-archangel scared of the baby? He won't bite you, you know." Charlie smiled at El's shocked expression. "There." And she put the noisy bundle into the girl's arms. "Just be careful and gentle, that's all."
El gave her a very, very strange look but said nothing, taking the baby in her arms awkwardly but carefully.
To Charlie's great astonishment her son stopped crying immediately, and started to move his arms like he was trying to touch El. She was looking at him so attentively, as if she saw something that Charlie couldn't, and once again her face had that blank, unreadable look. Then she touched the baby's arm with the tip of her finger and the child immediately tried to grab it.
"Huh, he seems to like you," Charlie said with a smile. "Men, they're all the same. He's only three days old and already making a move on a pretty girl."
"So… hi," El said to the child in a very soft voice, but not the one people usually used with babies; she talked as if he was… equal. "Whatever your name is."
"Cain," Charlie said. El raised an eyebrow at her and she added, "That's his name."
"May I ask why?" There was something in her tone that reminded Charlie once again of Michael, like so many times before; it was amazing how alike and at the same time unalike those two were.
"No specific reason. I just like it," she replied with a shrug.
Actually, there was a specific reason. As she and El had been chatting she had remembered: that night when her baby was conceived, after she and the man had had sex and she had been almost asleep, he had said something about Cain's sacrifice, very low, and then he had kissed her forehead, and after that she remembered nothing. It had just come back to her now, and she was not going to relate it to El; there were some things people should just keep to themselves.
Cain… she liked how that sounded. But then she caught the stern, almost unnerving look that the girl was giving her, and added just to distract her, "Oh, and just so you know, Michael said that the baby was never meant to be born, whatever that means."
"He said that?" El's fingertips were playing with Cain's tiny palms.
"Word for word," Charlie confirmed. Then she stood up and took the baby from El, and he immediately started to whimper. "I'm gonna feed him now and then I really hope we'll sleep. I'm so tired. Are you coming?"
"Soon, but not right now. Goodnight, Charlie. Sleep well, Cain."
"Night, El," the woman said and went into the house.
El's hand reached into her pants pocket and pulled out the lighter and cigarette pack she had taken away from Charlie on the very first day. – You won't smoke while you're feeding the baby, am I clear? – The lighter looked very worn, with a single word written on its side: 'Hope'.
She lit up and inhaled, looking at the night sky. Then she said, "How very fucking interesting."