Chap 5

When I woke up, I could only vaguely remember what happened. I knew there was a fire, and my foot was burned and Ryan.. RYAN!

I sprang into a sitting position in the bed, jerking around unsteadily and scanning the bright room. My gaze fell upon the dark shape that sat next to the bed. It was Paul. He was sitting in one of those old, wooden hospital chairs with his head in his hands. He didn't look up and I wondered if he was sleeping.

I felt a tear escape my eyes. Oh no. Not Ryan. Not this. Not now. Why?

"No! No, no, no!" I screamed angrily at Paul, who finally seemed to realize I was awake. He starred at me a little shocked and immediately tried to comfort me. His hand slowly found its way to my back, trying to rub away my violent sobs.

"Don't touch me! This is all your fault! You monster!" I screamed again. Why was this happening? How could he do this to me? Why would he save me and not Ryan? Surely if Ryan were alive he'd be in the room waiting for me and not Paul! How could he do this? Did he really value my life more then the small innocent little boys?

I could feel my frame shaking with the tears that stung my eyes. My eyelids felt heavy, my eyes felt dry and I could feel a chunk of cold ice sliding down my throat, followed by a side ways potato chip.

I hated him. I hated Paul more then I ever had. How could he? How could he? How could he!

What was going through his sick little mind that made him think I would want him to save me instead of Ryan? I didn't want to live without Ryan!

In that moment I didn't try to be strong anymore. I let out all my tears. Ones for my father, ones for my brother, even ones for the hamster that I knew couldn't have made it. I wanted to die. I refused to live like this. Everyone I loved was gone. I had no one. I was alone and scared. I needed someone to love. I needed to die.

"Cat…Cat please…what's wrong? Does your foot hurt that bad?" Paul asked, sounding as if he might just cry himself. I looked at him, sure enough his eyes were filled with tears and he looked like he was in as much pain as I'm in. As much as I hated Paul, no one should feel this pain.

"I-I- Why would you do that!" I managed to get out, my voice breaking and probably undecipherable through the chocking tears that clogged my throat.

"Cat, please, what did I do?" Paul begged, trying to sound stronger then he looked.

"YOU SHOULD HAVE SAVED HIM! NOT ME! I CANT LIVE WITHOUT HIM!…I can't live with out him…" I cried hysterically, smashing my fist down against the bed and coughing violently as I began to chock on my tears.

"Save who?" Paul asked, his whole body shaking uncontrollably, from anger or sadness I couldn't tell.

"R-Ry-" I cut myself off, it was too painful to say the name. Is this what it felt like to express your feelings? To be depressed? To never want to move again? To want to eat tubs of ice cream by the gallons for days and days while you watched old soap opera reruns, only to commit suicide weeks later? It was definitely one of those moments where I considered doing so.

How could I go on? How could I live without him? Then it hit me, I couldn't.

"CAT!" A voice called from the doorway. A voice that was all too familiar. A voice that made my heart break into a million pieces and fall into my stomach. I felt my eyes dry out quickly, as if the tears were never there. I looked over to the doorway, my throat burning uncontrollably from the smoke of the fire and the combination of my recently strangled breaths.

"Ryan?" I asked, my heart stopped. For how long I didn't know. I looked to Ryan, where his face broke out into a wide grin.

"You're awake! Look! Dr. Cullen took me to get a lollipop!" He exclaimed as I threw my arms around him and hugged him so tight I thought his eyes would pop out. I cried even harder then, not daring to let go of him, even when he wiggled around uncomfortably underneath my grip. "Cat! Stop, you're hurting me!" Ryan complained, I regretfully let him go, he quickly stepped back, pushing me back into a laying position and covering me up before smiling again.

"I'll give you a minute miss Nargles." The doctor said distractedly as he looked at his clipboard in fascination.

"Cat it was so cool! Paul and Seth were like this-" He said, moving his hand across his face super fast to show how quick they were "And then Paul jumped into the window and Seth came over and asked if I was alright, then Paul came running out super duper fast again and he was carrying you, and you looked dead! But then Seth said it was alright and told me to stop crying so I did! And then we all went to the hospital and then you slept for really long and it was boring." Ryan told his story so fast and animatedly I think I missed most of it.

"Cool." I managed, wiping tears off my face with the wad of tissues Paul handed me. Just because he saved me doesn't mean I was going to be nice to him now. I mean, I could tell Ryan still wasn't totally comfortable around him now, and I remembered my vow to punch him in the face because he scared Ryan. A vow I planned on carrying out when I could actually walk, more like run, away from him when I decided to do it. God knows I don't want to be there when Paul explodes.

"So, we still on for that date?" Paul asked, a cheeky grin on his face. I was a little shocked by his question, after all, lat night when I agreed to go out with him, I mean, when I agreed to have lunch, with him, it was late and I wasn't exactly thinking straight.

"Yeah right." I said finally, giving him a dirty glare before turning back to Ryan who very kindly offered me a lick of his lollipop.

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