A/N Thanks for those of you who are reviewing. I know it hasn't got a huge response yet, but I promise things will get better. Your words of encouragement help me to write out the chapters faster. Although I reread them about 10 times to make it more readable! ;) Thanks for all those who've put me on your favorites and have the story alerted! :D You guys rock! COOKIES FOR ALL!!!

Chapter 3: Memories of Us

JPOV

I was standing in the center of the bedroom my mother had fixed up for me. I tried to tell her the house was too much, but she cut me off by telling me it was for both of her sons. Don't get me wrong I love my younger brother, but I was in love with his girlfriend. It could only end badly for us all. It would kill him if he knew what really happened the summer after his Freshman year.

I'd always been protective of Bella. From the moment I first met her. Things shifted when I was 12. My hormones were changing me and somewhere along the line I fell in love with Bella…

Today was my 13th birthday. I didn't have very many friends and we had just had a quiet party at home. My best friend Emmett came and of course Bella was there. She was staying the night tonight. It wasn't unusual for Edward and Bella to have sleepovers. Our house was big enough and Bella had her own room when she stayed over.

I sat on the bed looking at the new clothes and cds that I'd received with disappointment. I'd recently begun to read several books on the Civil War. I was a sponge and I couldn't get enough. Something drew me to it. Perhaps is was my Texan roots, but I felt compelled to read as much as I could. Unfortunately Forks, didn't have the best selection and I'd already read the meager books they did have.

I'd told Esme what I wanted, but she didn't take me seriously.

"What 13 year old boy wants books for his birthday?" She'd laughed at me.

I know she hadn't meant to hurt my feelings, but I was different. Edward loved collecting cds and action figures. He relished new clothes because they made him feel important. But me, I remember what things were like when my father would beat me and my mom. I remembered feeling lucky to have what I did. I had more than enough now. The only luxury I wanted was to read as much as I could…

I was lost in thought when there was a soft knock on the door. I glanced at the clock, it read ten after one in the morning. Who was up this late?

"Come in." I called out softly.

Then slipping quietly through my door was none other than Bella.

"Hi." She whispered her cheeks crimson.

"What's up?" I asked concerned.

Her arms were behind her back and her angelic face was hidden by a curtain of dark hair. She looked up at me through her lashes and smiled softly.

"I wanted to bring you your present. I didn't get a chance to give it to you yet." She whispered.

I motioned her forward and patted the spot beside me on the bed. She scurried over and stood in front of me, "Close your eyes."

"Bella…"

"Please."

Like I could deny her even the most ridiculous request. I closed my eyes in defeat and felt the weight of the bed shift as she climbed up beside me.

"Ok." She spoke excitedly.

I opened my eyes and she handed me a beautifully gift wrapped box.

I looked at her inquisitively, "What is it?" I asked in wonder. The weight of the box made little sense.

"You'll see." She grinned proudly.

I opened the box and gasped. Tucked inside were both Volumes of U. S. Grant's Personal Memoirs of the Civil War. I took them out carefully looking at the Leather Binding. I was shocked when I opened them to find they were first editions from 1885.

"How?" I asked speechlessly.

"Estate Sale when I was in Port Angela's with my mom. Got em' for 20 bucks each. But I know they're worth more being first editions. Besides I thought of you when I seen them." She responded.

I looked up into her deep chocolate eyes with amazement. "This is… Wow. I love this Bella…"

"Well I know you've been reading up on the Civil War. The library here is kinda small. So from one bookworm to another." She smiled almost sadly.

I took her hands in mine and our eyes met. It felt like electric currents were running though my body to hers. By the look on her face she felt it too.

"You gave Edward a Tonka Truck for his birthday." I noted my eyes on hers.

"He's easy to make happy Jasper. You're special and I know how it feels to not feel accepted by the people around you. I'll see you around." She said quickly.

She leaned over and pressed her lips to my cheek and made a hasty retreat from my room.

I smiled to myself, my cheek burning even though it was only a memory. My memories of Bella were more powerful than anything in this world. I would have to see her later today, and I wasn't sure I could face her. Not after our breakup, even though it'd been almost 8 years since that day. Where I spoke the worst kind of blasphemy.

She was such an amazing creature and I had shattered her. I watched her go through the motions her sophomore year. Retreating more inside herself, until her and Edward started dating. I was used to seeing them together. But the kissing. Watching her kiss someone else woke up the beast inside me… I was her first kiss and should be her last…

It was my Freshman year. It felt weird being in the high school and being unable to keep my eye on my brother and Bella. We still met up all the time. Bella was 13 and she was beginning to blossom. I watched as boys became interested in her. They were all too cowardly to approach her and she was blissfully unaware. Even Edward. He'd begun to look at her with wandering eyes and longing.

It was May and Edward was home sick with the flu. I had a free last period and always left school early. This particular day I decided to make my way next door to the middle school to escort Bella home. I stood outside the school waiting when I noticed her walking with her head down, tears falling from her cheeks.

My heart clenched painfully to her look so heartbroken. That's when I heard them.

"Looks like you're all alone. Belllha!" One pug faced blonde was taunting.

"Yeah. Prince Ed…ward isn't here to save you." Sang a plain brunette with blonde streaks.

"Just leave me alone. What did I ever do to you?" She pleaded, stopping to face them.

"Well why don't you start Lauren?" The mousy brunette asked sweetly.

"Why Thank you Jessica." The Lauren girl curtsied, "First of Belllah, you and Edward… What's the deal with that? Like anyone could ever want you." She sneered.

"We're just friends. He doesn't like me that way." my angel spoke softly.

"Of course Bella. Because who would want you? You're ugly. You're stupid and look hideously fat. You're so plain and… sometimes kind of manish." Lauren irked.

"I mean seriously. Name one guy here who finds you pretty." Jessica added.

I watched Bella's tears coming faster. It caused me to drop my backpack and gain the attention of both bullies.

"Look it's a high school boy!" Jessica squealed.

"Lookie Bellahh we're gonna settle this once and for all. High School boys are serious they know who's hot and who's not. Heeey sugar could you do me a favor… Which of us three girls is prettiest?" Lauren asked as I approached.

"Well you look like a pug faced bitch. Your friend there looks like a mousy stick, but this… This gorgeous creature you're torturing is the most beautiful angel I've ever seen." I answered with a sneer.

Lauren and her friend looked green as I approached and Bella slowly lifted her tear drenched eyes to look at me.

I looked over and noticed Emmett was now leaving, "Hey Em! I need your opinion of these three girls which one do you think is the most doable?" I called out.

My friend approached scrutinizing the girls. "That one." He said pointing to Bella. "That girl is hot. The other two are dogs."

Then he retreated with a smirk. Bella's eyes were filled with relief, and she looked so beautiful.

My hand reached out to caress her face and dry the moisture under her eyes, "No, need to cry Darlin'." I whispered.

Her eyes met mine and I couldn't stop what happened next. I leaned in and my lips touched hers in the most sweet and gentle caress. My tongue lightly swiped along her bottom lip and she opened her mouth to me. She was submissive letting me roam free deepening the kiss.

When I pulled back she was breathless and her cheeks were stained red.

"Walk me home?" She requested.

I shook my head of that painful memory. It was the last thing I wanted to remember, but it came anyways.

We got to her house and the Chief was gone.

"Want to come in?" She asked softly.

"Sure."

I followed her in and we went to the living room. She sat in her dads recliner folding her legs underneath herself.

I walked over to the couch and sat down, there was a moment of awkward silence before she would meet my eyes. She looked ashamed?

"Thank you… For um…helping me with Lauren and Jessica… But you… I mean… You didn't have to… kiss me…" She whispered looking down.

"I kissed you because I wanted to kiss you." I told her honestly.

Her eyes flashed to mine with intensity and fire. "Why? I'm so… plain."

"You're anything but plain Isabella." I scolded.

Her lips twitched into a half smile, "Jasper…"

"You don't see yourself clearly. The only reason they pick on you is because you're so much prettier than them. They see you as competition. If you are unconfident they'll play on your weaknesses Darlin', but don't believe them. I meant every word I said."

Her blush was beautiful, her eyes met mine shyly, "it was my first kiss." she blurted.

I was astonished. I'd given Bella her first kiss?

I got up from my seat and moved to crouch in front of her. My hands going to either side of her head. "Oh Darlin', your first kiss?"

She nodded as her breathing hitched, her eyes locked on my mouth.

I moved a bit closer to her, "I'm gonna prove that first kiss meant something" I vowed.

I let my lips crash down on hers kissing her with all the passion I'd built up over the years, she kissed me back with earnest.

"I've wanted to do that for so long." I admitted.

"Me too.." She blushed. "Why did you wait?"

"It's complicated." I hedged. It wasn't a subject that was easy for me to talk about. I moved back to the couch where I wouldn't have to see her disgust.

"It's hard for me to get close to people Bells. My real dad… He used to beat me a lot. How could he do that to his child? I was barely three when the beatings started. I almost died once… Then my mom left. She left in the middle of the night and never came back. How can a mother do that to her son? If she really loved me she would have taken me with her. She was basically signing my death warrant… Carlisle and Esme are great parents… But it hurts to know that I wasn't wanted by my own flesh and blood…" I trailed off a sob ripping through my chest.

Bella was at my side in an instant. She held me close to her. Soothing me.

"I want you. I've always wanted you." She whispered over and over as a mantra…

It was Bella who helped me overcome my biggest obstacles. She'd found my mom too. She was remarried and I had a twin half brother and sister. Alec and Jane. But I couldn't ever visit. To see my mom look at them with so much love. Love that she'd never had for me… Killed me inside.

It took a long time. Bella tried to wait for me but I kept putting it off. I didn't want to be tied down. I didn't know how to be with just one person. I was selfish and I was afraid. I didn't want to get too attached because of my inner feelings.

But then the summer before my senior year Bella and I began to see each other. I would slip into her bedroom on some nights, she would slip into mine. I was in love with her and it scared me. What if she didn't feel the same? The day I ruined everything was the day I heard Edward talking to Esme.

"Mom… I think I'm in love with Bella." He said sadly.

"Well hun, you should tell her." Esme said sweetly ruffling his already messy mop of hair.

"She's still upset about James. Her and I hardly see each other anymore. She's always busy. She's my best friend mom. And I've loved her since Kindergarten. But I was so young… It's taken this… Me not getting to see her all the time… It's killing me." He choked out his voice thick with emotion.

"Edward. Give her time. Be her best friend. She'll come around."

Did Bella… my Bella love Edward?

That seed that had been planted grew and grew until I did the one thing that killed me inside. The one thing I promised to never do…Leave her.

We were standing outside on the trail behind my house. She was over for the weekend and I couldn't have her sneaking into my room. It would kill my brother. It would kill my mother… Esme. It would rip the family who loved me apart. I couldn't go through that again… I couldn't lose them now…

"Bells… We need to talk." I began shakily.

She turned to me with an angelic smile, "What's up?"

"I… I… don't think I can do this anymore…"

She frowned, "What?"

"This." I replied motioning between the two of us.

Her face fell, "Keeping us a secret?" The hopefulness of her voice nearly broke me.

"We can't keep seeing each other." I said my mouth dry.

I watched her face carefully went through shock, denial, acceptance… WTF?

"Why?"

"I'm going to be a senior this year Bella." I said lamely.

"So did prom mean nothing to you?" Her question killed me. Prom… The whole summer. It was everything to me.

"Bella. We had some fun Darlin. You're a great kisser. But… Well you know Edward likes yah… It's just not…" I was trying to find the words but she cut me off.

"You're ashamed of me." she said, it wasn't a question.

"Bella." I pleaded. What the hell was she talking about? How could I be ashamed of her? Of us?

"Answer me Jasper. Are you ashamed of me? Of us? Is that why you won't tell anyone we're dating?"

Her voice was angry as tears welled up behind her eyes. She was fighting. She wanted to break me. For me to give in. But I couldn't do it. My jaw was set and I spoke three words I instantly regretted.

"We aren't dating."

"That changes things." she said sadly, her eyes on the ground. Her face a cool mask of indifference and acceptance.

Things were silent for a long moment.

"There's something I need to tell you Bella…" I began. I needed to tell her. I wanted to say. I love you Bella. You're everything to me. But if we continue this I'll lose everything. I can't lose another set of parents. I can't disappoint them… I can't lose my brother… Please don't make me… But she cut me off again.

"You've said enough." She growled her eyes on the floor, "Goodbye Jasper."

She turned and ran back to the house and life as I knew it. Shattered.

I looked at the clock and noticed I should head over to Esme's. I walked into the garage and battled with myself. The Impala or Ducati? Impala.

The drive home was weird. I walked into the house and Esme flew at me.

"I'm so glad you're home honey. I've missed you." She gushed kissing my cheek enthusiastically.

"I'm glad to be home." I smiled.

"Come on we have a lot to catch up on." she smirked pulling me towards the sitting room.

"How are things? Any new girls?"

"Things are good. But no, no, mom. I'm not dating right now."

She smiled with sad eyes, "You know Bella is back in town…"

"Yes."

"Did you know she's going to be taking over for Mr. Cross as the new Kindergarten teacher?"

"No, I didn't" I smiled. Kindergarten. That suited Bella.

As I was lost in though Esme's head swung towards the entrance.

"Bella! Oh, Bella! Welcome home." She screeched getting up and disappearing.

I walked over to lean against the fireplace mantle. I needed the support.

"I was just telling Jasper how you're the new Kindergarten teacher." She gushed entering the room pulling Bella gently..

I looked her over closely. She was more tan than I remembered and she looked happy. Until her eyes swung over to me. I watched her face as she took me in. Shock, Awe, Desire, Anger. Several emotions flicked across her face as she looked up meeting my gaze.

"Hi… Jasper…" she whispered and averted her gaze to Esme's, "Esme. The house… Edward showed me… I… It's beautiful." She stuttered attempting to change the subject.

"Are you alright?" Edward asked perceptively.

She smiled patting his hand, "I'm fine."

"Are you sure love?" He asked raising his eyebrows.

"Yes." she replied exasperated and pressed her lips to his. Obviously to silence him and it was a knife twisting my heart.

"How are you Bella?" I asked softly.

"I'm fine and yourself?" She replied with fire behind her eyes. She was holding back.

"I've been better." I responded truthfully. I looked at Edward's arms around her and felt a wave of jealousy, but remembered it was my own fault and looked back up to her face.

Her lips were pursed, she looked ready to speak her mind but shrugged thinking better of it.

"So you're going to be teaching history?" she asked conversationally.

"Yes in the…" I began my eyes lighting up with pride and love, which I quickly squelched.

"Civil War Era?" she guessed.

"Yeah." I smiled amused, If only you were in my thoughts today…

"I'm like an elephant… I never forget." she smiled but there was something behind the smile.

She was remembering like me. The fateful birthday… But the look in her eyes told me I wasn't forgiven nor had she forgotten our break up. It was yet another stab in the heart. Then with superb timing Edward broke the awkward silence.

"Well Bells. For an Elephant who never forgets you sure forget how to walk sometimes." He laughed.

"Watch it Mister or I'll tell the story about Tequila." she threatened, eyes alight with mischief.

His eyes widened in horror, "You wouldn't."

"Don't. Test. Me."

We all laughed at that, even to my surprise Esme.

"We've sure missed you Bella." She laughed.

Then it was time for dinner…

Carlisle walked in just as Esme had brought out all of the food.

"Jasper, son." He clasped me on the back with a broad smile, "I'm glad you're home son."

"Thanks Dad." I grinned.

He sat at the head of the table and I sat to his left Edward to his right. Esme sat at the other end and Bella sat to the left of Edward and right of Esme.

I kept looking up and stealing glances at her.

"So Bella. Are you happy to be home?" Carlisle asked between bites.

"Yes and no." She replied with a smile.

"Why yes and no?" I asked.

She gave me a look but then smiled lovingly at Edward. "I liked it best when it was just Edward and I."

Edward turned smiling at her, "I love you too." He chuckled.

"I hope you're using birth control." Carlisle muttered.

"We haven't had sex." Bella answered him bluntly. Though the look in her eyes broke my heart.

"We're waiting for when the time is right… If we get married." Edward said with pride.

However surprised Carlisle looked Esme beamed, "Do you think there will be a wedding in the near future?" She asked with excitement.

My mouth went dry.

"It's something we've talk about." Bella smiled in return but it didn't touch her eyes.

"She thinks we're too young." Edward revealed.

Bella's chocolate orbs met mine, and I could see the truth in them. She wasn't over me…

The rest of dinner went by in a blur. I couldn't keep my eyes of Bella. Analyzing all of her expressions. Searching for something. But she ignored me…

The next couple weeks passed by slowly for me as I settled into a routine. High School kids were less than impressed with my lesson plan. Although there were several girls who were flirtatious. While I was flattered it bothered me. The weekend was approaching and Carlisle would be taking Edward to Seattle for some extra training.

Bella had stayed over a few times but I'd never gotten a chance to talk to her. I needed to. This weekend would be perfect. She'd be staying over and I would finally have my opportunity.

AN

What do you guys think? How do you think I'm doing? I know I answered some questions with this chapter. I'm sad that I haven't gotten the best response with this story. But yah know. It happens. :D Well anyways. Let me know. :D

Next will be some awkwardness between Bells and Jazz while Edward is out of town… Lets see what happens!!!

WhitlocksAngelGirl