AN: Once again, I apologise profusely for the epic delay in updating this. Real life getting in the way, you know the drill. But I've finally got this completed. I'm not a fan of this chapter at all. Just so you know. And my medical knowledge is sketchy at best.
I will try to get the next chapter completed ASAP. I pretty much know exactly how it's going to go, I just need to write it. But seeing as I'm snowed in today (No, seriously, I am. British Summer Time began last Sunday and it's snowing here. Waiting for the power outage at any moment. And I'm pretty sure my neighbour's telephone cable just broke under the weight on the snow) I'm going to have a power writing session and try to get as much of it written as possible. That is, of course, dependent on actually having working electricity.
Ramblings aside, here's the chapter. :)
My Uncertainty
Dr Cox
It started out as nothing more than a quiet sigh.
I was looking down at the chart, studying it fervently, looking for any sign of improvement. No luck, I had thought. And then there was a noise, quiet as all get out and only for a split second. I looked up, but there was nothing to indicate the source of the noise. I just dismissed what I'd heard as tiredness and stress getting to me.
So, I walked over to the monitor and drip stand. I was looking at them and noting things down on the chart, and I heard the noise again, but louder this time. I stopped what I was doing, and I watched. I just watched Barbie.
And what do you know. Barbie actually opened her eyes.
At first, there was no recognition in her eyes, like there was something clouding her vision. She blinked a few times, while looking around the room, trying to register her surroundings. And then it hit - the fear spread across her features like some kind of tidal wave.
Oh god, she started to panic.
"Barbie. Look at me," I said sternly, like I would speak to a nervous intern during their first code. "Look. At. Me."
Miraculously, she did, but by god was she terrified.
"You're okay. Look at me, Elliot. You're okay."
There were more choking sounds. She was trying to speak.
And then I cursed myself for forgetting. "Somebody get Newbie!" I bellowed.
Thanks to Ghandi and his insane ability to run faster than I've ever seen anybody run before in this hospital, Newbie gets here just as I de-intubate Barbie. She coughs and splutters as terror-induced tears roll down her face.
Newbie stands shell-shocked at the door.
"Well, what the hell are you doing there? Calm her down, damn it!" I snap at him.
The moment that follows… well, I think it's a moment that will stick with me until the day I die.
Newbie walks over to Barbie, takes her hand and lowers himself so his face isn't far from hers, and she grabs his hand so tightly.
"The baby," she whispers, her throat obviously hoarse from intubation. "The baby. What happened? Where's the baby?"
Newbie brushes some of the hair away from her face. "She's in the NICU. Oh, Elliot, she's so tiny but she's so beautiful. And she's such a little fighter."
"She?"
"Yeah," Newbie smiles. "You were right, Mommy." He stretches over and kisses Barbie's cheek. "Thank you for waking up for me."
"I'll give you two a minute," I say before walking out of the room, but I don't think I was even a blip on their radar.
Here's something funny: this… this weird feeling runs through me. It's like when I was an intern, at the end of a code. I lean against the nearest wall, close my eyes and curse.
"Dr Cox?"
I glance round and see a rather fraught looking Carla.
"She's okay, Carla. Newbie's in there with her. She's okay. Obviously terrified but otherwise okay."
"Oh, thank god."
Like me, Carla starts leaning against the wall. A minute or so later: "Aren't you going to tell everybody else?"
"I just need a minute to calm down."
Carla just nods.
JD
Elliot's awake.
Oh my god, she's awake. Thank god.
"Well, what the hell are you doing there?" Dr Cox barks. "Calm her down, damn it!"
Elliot grips my hand tighter than she's ever held it before. There's so much fear in her eyes. "The baby. The baby. What happened? Where's the baby?"
"She's in the NICU. Oh, Elliot, she's so tiny but she's so beautiful. And she's such a little fighter."
Elliot looks at me, and for a second, the fear in her eyes isn't there. Just for a second it's happiness. "She?"
"Yeah. You were right, Mommy. Thank you for waking up for me. Elliot, I am so sorry I wasn't here when you needed me. I'm so sorry I wasn't there."
"It doesn't matter, JD. I don't care."
"I should have been there for you."
"You would have been if you could. And I don't care. I just want to know about the baby. What weight is she?"
"Two pounds two ounces."
Elliot's eyes fill up quickly again. "Oh my god."
"She's on a ventilator and in an incubator too. But she's been stable since she was born; she just needs a bit extra help."
Wiping tears away from her face, Elliot quietly says, "But she's so small."
"She has really long toes."
Elliot smiles. "My finger toes."
"Yeah. And she has my nose. She's so beautiful, Elliot. I can't wait for you to meet our daughter."
"Me neither," Elliot calmly responds. But then in a heartbeat, her demeanour changes and she's in floods of tears. "I'm sorry. It's just- just-" Then she's crying so much I don't think she can finish what she was going to say. I can guess what it is though.
"It's okay. It's okay." I try hugging her best I can without inflicting any more pain. "You're okay."
The funny thing is it's not a gut-wrench or heartache I feel listening to Elliot sob. It's relief.
Carla
Perry stands beside me, trying to calm himself, for a whole ten minutes before he goes to tell everyone else about Elliot. He doesn't speak at any point during that time. He just stands there. It's really unsettling. I've never seen him like that before.
It's been another hour since then. The last time I was up by the ICU, JD was in the room with Elliot. And there was no way in hell I was going to intrude then. They needed their time together.
Now that I'm back in the ICU, I notice that JD is no longer in Elliot's room. He must be back at the NICU. Elliot is just staring ahead of her into oblivion.
I open the door to her room gently. "Hey. How're you feeling?"
Elliot shakes her head. "I'm trying to get my head around all this and it doesn't make sense."
"It doesn't make any sense for those of us who have been conscious all this time. I can't even begin to imagine how screwed up your head is right now."
"Carla, what happened? Right before my baby was born, what happened?"
Of course she was going to ask that question. I sigh. "In all honesty, there are parts that are sketchy. There was so much going on. I had been outside of your room, talking to Alyssa. She had just left to go to the conference centre to find JD because nobody could get a hold of him on his cell phone. I was trying to get myself together again; we were all freaking out and frazzled and I figured you needed a friend to be strong for you, so I couldn't start panicking. Then you gave this almighty scream, so I went back in to your room. You were panicking; the baby's heart rate monitor was going crazy. The obstetrician came in and the next thing they were wheeling you down to surgery for the c-section. When you were down there, you were more sedate but you were obviously scared out of your mind. Then… then it all went crazy. One second you were there, saying 'make sure the baby's okay' and then the next you were gone. After that is just a blur. I remember they got that baby out of quickly, but she didn't cry or scream. They had her cleaned up and away to the NICU by the time they'd brought you back."
"She didn't cry?"
"Not even a little bit. She's a tough little thing. And she really has JD's nose, doesn't she?"
"You saw her?"
"Yean. Her incubator's pretty close to the NICU window. You haven't been down yet?"
"No, they won't let me out of this freaking bed. I'm going crazy up here."
I frown at her. "I can imagine. I'm sure they'll let you go down soon. God, if they keep you here for long, you'll get up and go yourself."
"How well does the nursing staff respond to bribery?"
"Just tell them I'll kick their asses if they say anything."
Elliot laughs. "Thanks, Carla. Really, thank you for everything. Thank you for being there for us, thanks for being there when I've never been more scared in my life. I don't know how I'll ever be able to thank you enough."
"Don't be ridiculous, Elliot. You don't have to thank me. What do you think best friends are for?"
"Thank you."
"You're a mom now, Elliot. How does it feel?"
Frowning, Elliot answers, "Ask me again in a few hours when I've had a chance to meet my daughter."
JD
Four hours have passed. Feels like minutes.
Having just been down to the NICU to see the baby, I'm heading back in to Elliot's room. She has a really intense stare when I walk into the room. Her jaw's clenched like it is when she's angry, or frustrated. Her nails are digging into the palms of her hands.
"Hey," I say. "You okay?" Stupid question.
"No."
"I didn't think so."
"JD, where's Alyssa?"
"I'd assumed she had come up here."
Elliot shakes her head. "Where is she? I need to talk to her. I need to make sure she's okay. She hasn't been here and I haven't spoken to her since before. I need to check she's okay." I can tell she's annoyed by the way her hand goes up to her mouth.
"It's okay. Shh. I'll go and find her for you."
"Thank you."
I eventually find Alyssa at one of the pay phones at the opposite end of the hospital. She's talking to somebody, so I stand well back. I don't want to eavesdrop on her conversation.
She hangs up the phone a few minutes later and turns around. "Oh," she says quite suddenly when she notices me. The funny thing is she's looking down at the ground. "Hi."
"Elliot's asking to see you," I say.
I can't quite describe the look on Alyssa's face when I say that. Terror, maybe? "Yeah, I was going to go along there once I finish making these calls."
"Lys, she's really agitated and desperate to make sure you're all right."
"I've just got to make these calls."
"They could wait."
Alyssa just shakes her head, but looks right down at the ground.
"Alyssa, what's-"
"I'm not going, okay?" She suddenly blurts out.
"What the hell?!"
"I can't…. I'm not going down there," Alyssa mutters. "Not now. I mean, I will go down. Later, though. Because I need to call my granddad and then I need to call my dad and then-"
"Alyssa, it's been four hours and you haven't been up to see Elliot. And I know that's not you. I can tell you're freaked out beyond words. Trust me, I know the feeling. But I think you'll feel better if you just go up and see her. So please? If not for yourself, then at least go upstairs for Elliot."
Alyssa stares at the ground, silent, rocking backwards and forwards on her heels slightly. This isn't the Alyssa I know Right now she just seems like an empty shell of herself. Like the pressure of everything has taken all the life from her.
After a few more moments of silence: "Okay. I'll go."
"Thank you."
Alyssa is completely silent as she follows me back to the ICU. I glance back every few seconds, just to make sure she hasn't run off. Being petrified, I get that. I completely understand how she's feeling. But I really don't understand why Alyssa would hide out in the other side of the hospital. It doesn't seem like her.
We're at Elliot's room now. I once again look around at Alyssa. My god, she looks terrified. She's pale as all get out and staring down at the ground. And I think she might actually be shaking.
"Are you alright?" Stupid question number two.
"Yeah," Alyssa mumbles. Even the most gullible person in the world wouldn't believe her.
And just like that, Alyssa walks into the room as if there was no issue, no problem. As if she hasn't been hiding out across the other side of the hospital just to avoid going in there. There's a lot about the last few days that doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense. This is just another one of those things on that list.
The door doesn't close all the way behind Alyssa. I can hear what's being said.
"Um, hi," Alyssa timidly says, looking straight down at the floor. "How are you feeling?" I guess that's as good a question as any to start off with.
"I'm in a lot of pain, and my head's all over the place. But I guess I'm okay. Are you alright? Have you eaten? Slept?"
Alyssa just shrugs.
That's not right.
"I should probably warn you that Granddad and Grandma are gonna get here tomorrow. And they know."
The look of dread on Elliot's face says it all. "They know? Who told them?"
"Dr Cox," Alyssa answers. "He had to tell them because… well, you know."
"Did you speak to Granddad?"
"Yeah. Sort of."
"How was he? Did he sound mad?"
"I think under the circumstances there wasn't exactly much room to be mad."
There's silence. Alyssa hasn't looked up from the ground once. Like I said, that's not right.
"Lys, are… are you okay?" Obviously Elliot has noticed it too.
"And I think Granddad said that Uncle Billy and Bradley and Barry were flying out here but I don't know when." Talk about deflection.
"Alyssa."
"And my dad's been to visit too. He'll probably be back later on again today. And –"
"Alyssa!" Elliot snaps.
"What?!"
"You're chattering away like a lunatic. And you only do that when you're stressed or upset or there's something else wrong. So, come on, what's wrong?"
Looking at Alyssa, it's like you can almost see the wheels in her brain working. "It's nothing."
Elliot shakes her head. "Lys, I know you. It's not 'nothing'."
"It's… it is nothing. In the scheme of things it's ridiculously low on the totem pole."
"Don't be stupid, whatever it is, just tell me. I'm really worried."
I'm not sure how long it takes for Alyssa to answer, and when she does, it's hardly worth it. "It's just… nothing." Then, weirdly, she turns around, so she's not even facing Elliot.
"Honey, you won't even look at me."
All of a sudden like a switch has been flicked, Alyssa loses it completely. Honest to god, the girl's in floods of tears.
"Oh, sweetie, it's okay. Come here," Elliot says to Alyssa in that caring, motherly tone that honestly astonishes me.
What's even more surprising given how Alyssa's been in the last little while is that she walks over to Elliot without hesitation. She sits on the edge of the bed, obviously conscious not to do anything that might hurt her aunt.
Elliot hugs Alyssa the best she can without causing herself any more pain. "It's okay. You can tell me."
"I thought," Alyssa hiccups," I thought you were going to die. And then I realised that my dad's going to die soon too and I thought –" another hiccup – "I thought 'what the hell is going to happen if when you both die and I don't have anybody?'. And then I realised how selfish that was because, like, you were on a life support machine and I was thinking about myself. I thought you were going to die."
With a really deep frown on her face, Elliot wipes some of the tears away from Alyssa's face. "I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. Hey, it's not selfish thinking like that. It's not, honey. You were scared. It's only natural you'd think like that. Don't beat yourself up, okay?"
Alyssa chokes out something that I think was supposed to be 'okay'.
"And listen to me, okay? I'm sorry I scared you. I'm so sorry. But I'm not going anywhere for a while yet. I'm so sorry."
Alyssa nods, but is still hysterical.
"It's okay," Elliot says. "Just let it out, it's okay."
I manage to catch Elliot's gaze while she's still hugging Alyssa. She smiles slightly at me.
"You okay?" I mouth to her, and she nods.
After that, I walk back to the NICU to see my daughter.
About an hour later, I walk back up to the ICU and to Elliot's room. It's a different scene now than earlier. Alyssa's sitting on the chair in the room. They both seem to just be chatting. Looking in the room, you would never think that a little while ago, one of them was so scared to talk to the other.
"And when I get out of here, we are going shopping for your prom dress. Oh, and your graduation dress."
"What's the point of a graduation dress anyway?" Alyssa asks, pulling a face. "Nobody sees your dress under all the robes anyway."
"I know, but at least you'll look pretty for going to parties after."
"Good point."
"Clothes talk again, I see."
Both Reid girls snap their heads round suddenly and have the same semi-shocked look on their faces that proves they're related. I wonder if my little girl will develop that same expression.
"When did you get back here?" Elliot asks, feigning annoyance.
"Yeah, dude, you scared us."
"Sowwy." Back to normal voice: "Hey Lys, I was walking by the cafeteria and I noticed that they're serving Mac and Cheese."
"It's Mac and Cheese day? I love Mac and Cheese day."
"Go and get something to eat then, honey," Elliot says.
"It's okay, I can wait."
"Please. Your stomach rumbled twenty times in the last half an hour."
"That was you?" I chip in. "I thought the hospital was being hit by a series of little earthquakes."
"What is this, pick on Alyssa day or something?"
"It will be until you go and get something to eat. Go, go, shift, move it. But... come back later, so I have someone to talk to."
"Sure. I'm going to hoover down this Mac and cheese. I'll be back in ten minutes."
Alyssa stands up, and then hugs her aunt, before walking out the room.
"She looks really tired."
"I'm not surprised. I don't think she's slept at all since Saturday."
Elliot frowns. "JD, make sure she leaves here tonight. Make sure she gets out of this hospital for me."
"Yeah, I will."
"How's the baby?"
A smile creeps across my face. "She's doing well. Really well. She had a really good grip of my finger."
"That's really good."
"It's amazing."
"You should go back down there. You should be with her. She needs someone with her more than I do."
"Are you sure you don't want me to stay with you for a little while?"
"I'm okay. I just need to know that someone is with the baby."
"Okay." I stand up and kiss Elliot's cheek. "I'll come back to see you in a little while."
"Okay."
When I'm at the door, I turn back to face Elliot. "I love you."
"I love you too."
Dr Cox
It's getting towards the end of my shift, and I'm looking forward to getting home tonight. After all, it's been another long day.
The ICU is quieter now that it's later on in the evening. There are no visitors here now. There are fewer staff too, many of those that were working overtime just to be some kind of moral support and to take the weight of some of the workload, knowing that the entire staff was somewhat distracted.
You wouldn't believe the amount of people that have asked me how Barbie is since she woke up. Even staff members that I haven't seen up here before or even seen Barbie or Newbie. It speaks wonders about how this hospital works.
Speaking of Barbie, I'm just walking past her hospital room. I glance in the window. Newbie isn't in there, and neither are Turk or Carla. And Barbie, well, she's sobbing in there. Hardly surprising.
Sighing, I open the door in to Barbie's room. When she realises that I'm walking into the room, she tries to pull herself together and hide any sign that she's been crying.
"Barbie, I know you were just crying. You don't have to hide it."
She scoffs. "From the man who has kept a record of the amount of times I've broken down I this hospital? Yeah, I think I do."
"I think I can let this one slide." Truth be told, I don't keep a track of how many times she cries anymore. Even if I did, what kind of sadistic bastard would really hold crying against her when she has a kid down in the NICU and has just woken up from death's door herself? "He didn't know what to do, you know," I say to Barbie, after a few moments of silence. "If he was down with the baby he felt guilty about not being with you and if he was with you he felt guilty about not being with the baby. It was… horrible. I never want to see Newbie like that again. Speaking of Newbie, where is he?"
"NICU," Barbie chokes out. "I told him to go down there because I can't stand the thought of her being there on her own."
I walk over slowly to the chair in the room and sit down. "It's not easy when it's your own little one that's ill, is it?"
Barbie nods. "She's three days old. My own daughter's three days old and I haven't met her yet because they won't let me the hell out of this bed. What the hell kind of mother hasn't met her own kid?"
Before I have a chance to answer, my pager goes off. "Sorry, Barbie, I have to take this one. I'll come back to check you before the end of my shift.
Barbie nods. I think it's all she can do for the crying.
I walk out of the room, in the direction of my destination.
To hell with that.
JD
The baby has a good grip of my finger again, a really good grip. For someone so small, it's amazing how tightly she can keep a hold.
"Dr Dorian."
I snap out of my focus on the baby, and notice that one of the NICU nurses has walked in. I hadn't even noticed. "Yes?"
"Dr Cox just called. He asked me to tell you to go up to the ICU. Immediately."
The word 'immediately' causes the panic to flood through me. "Why? What's wrong? Has something happened to Elliot?"
The nurse seems terrified at my panicked tone. "I don't know. All he said was 'Tell Dorian to come up here now'. I don't know anything else."
Time seems to slow down. The three minutes it takes me to get back up to the ICU seems so much longer. I get there. Eventually. Dr Cox is standing outside Elliot's room.
"Dr Cox, what's going on?" I ask quickly, trying to catch my breath.
He looks at me with one of his trademark sarcastic expressions and suddenly the panic disappears. "What the hell, did you just run a marathon or something?"
"Hey, there are a lot of stairs to run up from the NICU."
"Right." Dr Cox nods. "And why exactly where you running?"
"The nurse said to get up here immediately. I thought there was something wrong."
"Sure sure."
"Seriously, what's going on here?"
Dr Cox doesn't answer vocally. Instead he whistles, and gestures in the direction of Elliot's room. I follow him in there then look at Elliot who looks just as confused as I am.
"Dr Cox?" She hesitantly asks.
Facing me, Dr Cox begins. "This, Newbie, is a wheelchair. It's what you are going use to transport her down to the NICU to meet your child, while the staff here, under threat of death, turn a blind eye to the fact that Barbarella is not in her room."
"Dr Cox, this… Didn't Dr Smith specifically say full bed rest?" Elliot asks, obviously trying not to get her hopes up.
"Let me deal with Dr Smith. Just get your asses down to see that kid of yours."
It takes a good few minutes (and a lot of pain) to get Elliot into that wheelchair, and she gets more frustrated by the second. Trust me, if Elliot was in any fit state to be walking – let alone running – she'd be sprinting down these halls. But all that frustration and anger disappears once we're good to go.
"Dr Cox, thank you so much for doing this for us. But why?"
"Well, I remember how difficult it was when Jennifer Dylan was in that same NICU and I can't begin to imagine what it's like for sitting up here and not being allowed to see your daughter. Hell, if I hadn't brought the wheelchair, before long you would have just tried to get yourself down to the NICU, probably causing yourself even more damage. And we can't have that."
"Thank you, Dr Cox."
"You're welcome. But, uh... say word was to get out that Old Uncle Cox was doling out the favours, well... I'll make you pay. Big time. Pay. Like... like... Oh, who am I kidding? Go! Just, just, just go!"
Again, I say "Thank you Dr Cox, sincerely," even though tonight he'll probably be reaching for the bottle of scotch to erase this moment from his memory.
JD
"Are you okay?" I ask Elliot, as I push her wheel chair down the corridor towards the NICU. "Are you in pain?"
"Yeah," Elliot scoffs. "A lot. But I really don't care. I just want to see the baby."
"Elliot, I have to warn you. She's really tiny. She's hooked up to a respirator. It's really distressing when you first see her."
Elliot frowns at me. "JD, it can't be any worse than not knowing what she looks like at all. I've been going insane up there. I need to see her, no matter how horrifying it is. I need to see her."
"Okay."
When we go into the NICU, Elliot looks around the room. She look around like she's not a doctor, like she hasn't seen all these machines before and she hasn't spent years studying the science behind everything that's in here. It's like she's just any other parent whose child is in the NICU.
"And this," I say when we get to our baby's incubator, "is our daughter."
"This is her?"
"Yeah."
Elliot looks at the baby again, then puts her hand through the incubator door to hold one of the baby's tiny hands. "You really are tiny, aren't you? Hi, little girl. It's me. It's Mommy. I am so so sorry that I haven't been here for you before now. I am so so sorry." Elliot wipes a stray tear away from her face. "It wasn't because I didn't want to be here and I promise I'm going to be here as much as I can from now on. I promise you. You're a beautiful little girl. You really do have Daddy's nose, don't you?"
"She does. The girl will need to have a big personality to pull that off."
"Yeah," Elliot laughs. "But hopefully you won't be as neurotic as I am, right baby girl? But it runs in the family, so we'll have to wait and see. Because you're a little fighter, aren't you? You're going to fight."
"She's been doing well so far."
"I know. And Mommy's really proud of you for that. Keep up the good work, baby. I know you're scared, but you don't need to be. Mom and Dad are here. We're going to look after you. We'll protect you. We love you so much."
"You know, we need to choose a name for this little one."
"Do you have the list?"
"Right here in my pocket."
About four weeks ago (seems like an eternity ago), Elliot and I sat down and made a list of our top three names for a boy and top three names for a girl. Not that we need that list of boys' names.
"Okay. Name one on the list: Lauren."
Elliot looks down at our daughter and frowns. "She just doesn't look like a Lauren."
"Name number two: Milly."
"Milly? Were we eating cookies when we wrote this list?"
"I think so," I answer. "So that one's out too?"
"Yep. Which I guess leaves us with..."
"Riley."
"Riley," Elliot repeats. She looks round at the baby. "Riley Dorian. I like it."
"Me too."
"What do you think, little one?"
The baby grips on to Elliot's finger.
"I'd say that's a hit."
"Hey, Riley," Elliot says. "Do you like your name, huh? That's good."
"What about a middle name for Riley?"
A few seconds later, Elliot answers. "I want to name her after Carla."
"Have her middle name be Carla?"
"Yeah. Carla's one of our best friends. She's got us through so much. She always been there for us, and she was there for me when I've never been more terrified in my life. I'm never going to be able to thank her enough. But I guess I want to honour her by giving our daughter her name."
"Riley Carla Dorian. Sounds good to me."
"JD, I think we just named our baby girl."
"We just did." I gently hug Elliot. "We just named our daughter."
Alyssa
It's bright. It's morning.
That would imply that I've actually managed to fall asleep at some point. Why is that so surprising? Oh… right.
Hold on. This isn't my room. This definitely is not my room.
There's blue on the walls. My walls don't have blue on them. My walls have…. Well, right now my walls have…. I have no idea what's on my walls, but it's not blue.
Hold on.
This is Michael's room.
But how the hell did I get here?
I get up, and realise that I'm not in my black scrubs that I was wearing before, but in a baggy football top and shorts – makeshift pyjamas. Okay, so they're not my clothes. But whatever.
There's nobody upstairs, but I can hear faint noise coming from downstairs, so I go there. I head towards the dining room where I can see people.
I walk in and see Michael and his mom sitting at the table. I walk in, and it's his mom – Meredith - that sees me first.
"Hi, honey. How did you sleep?"
"Well, I slept, which is an achievement in itself," I answer.
Michael looks at me as I sit down at the table. "You look confused."
"I am. The last thing I can recall, I was at the hospital. And somehow I'm here. How did I get here?"
"Well…"
Michael McConaghy walked out of Sacred Heart Hospital after his evening volunteering shift. It hadn't been the average shift. There was barely a member of staff whose head wasn't somewhere else from time to time. He'd had to deal with patients who were irritated by the delays in their appointment, another knock on effect from having two of the doctors incapacitated. And trying to explain to some patients that Dr Reid wouldn't be treating them today because she herself was ill just wasn't going down well. Michael (and Kate for that matter) had had half a mind to drag them up to the ICU to let them see for themselves. Some people are just irritating. And on top of that, every little while, he was actually going up to the ICU himself to talk to Alyssa and see how she was coping. Speaking of whom…
The blonde teenager was sitting on the bench opposite the entrance to the hospital. She was crying.
Hoping that something hadn't happened which he hadn't heard about, Michael walked over to his girlfriend. "Alyssa. You okay? What happened?"
She looked up at him, and Michael noticed how exhausted she looked. She looked ill, almost. In fact, she probably wasn't far away from ill. She hadn't slept in days, and had barely eaten.
"I can't find my car keys," Alyssa sobbed.
Michael thought that she wasn't in any fit state to be driving anyway. "It's okay. I can drive you."
"But… but…"
"Lys?"
Alyssa then burst into hysterical crying.
"Lys, what is it?"
"I can't get into home because my house keys are attached to my car keys so I don't know where they are either."
"It's okay," he said, hugging her and rubbing her back to comfort her. "It's alright. I'll take you to mine, you can stay there."
The crying stopped.
"Lys?"
No response. She had crashed out.
Michael sighed. "Just as well you didn't try to drive yourself home." He picked her up and carried her to his car.
"Right. Yeah, I have no recollection of that whatsoever," I say. "But thank you."
"You're welcome," Michael smiles.
"And now for stupid question number two: What day is it?"
"Wow, your brain really has gone to pot, hasn't it?" Meredith says. "It's Tuesday."
"Tuesday?" I repeat. "Oh dear."
"Oh dear?"
"Yeah. My grandparents are supposed to arrive today, and they are not going to be happy people. Actually they are going to be very angry people. It's a long story."
"Wow," Meredith mutters. "Do we want to know?"
"Probably not."
"Okay then. I'll go and make some coffee." Meredith gets up and walks through to the kitchen.
"Today will either go extremely well, or it will go extremely badly," I sigh.
"I've met your granddad. He's scary. My money's on it going extremely badly."
I nod. "Yeah. Mine too. The chemistry final was yesterday wasn't it?"
Michael frowns. "Yeah."
"How did it go?"
"It was okay. You would have sailed through it."
"That makes me feel better."
"Sorry," Michael responds. "Kate and I spoke to the principal about why you weren't there. He said he would try to figure something out for you to get your grade. I think they're going to appeal with your mock exam grade."
"I hope I get it," I sigh sadly. "There's no way I could've done that exam yesterday. That exam was the last thing on my mind."
"Do you know what time your grandparents are going to get here?"
"Nope. Today's going to be a long day," I sigh, then I remember that happened the last time I thought that.
Turk
I didn't realise how much the last few days had taken out of me until I woke up this morning – after 10 hours sleep – still absolutely exhausted. And yet, here I am in the hospital, working. I'm not doing surgery, thankfully, but there's a pile of paperwork the size of Everest to catch up on, which is what I'm doing at the ICU nurses' station.
"Hello, Christopher."
On hearing that familiar voice, I look up to see Dan, JD's brother, standing above me.
"Dan! What's up? I didn't know you were heading out here."
"Dr Cox called me and told me about Elliot and the baby. I figured Johnny might need some support out here. The earliest flight I could get was this morning," Dan sighs. "So. How is everyone?" Dan asks, with concern I've never heard from him before.
"Elliot's awake now. Off the ventilator and seems to be out of the woods, medically. The baby was stable overnight and has been since she was born. Critical but stable." I answer. "But JD was an absolute mess. He's been holding it together pretty well since Elliot woke up, but before then…" I just shake my head. Explains it all.
"I'll bet. What about Elliot's niece? How has she been?"
"Not great, understandably." I glance to the side for no real reason and as coincidence would have it, I notice Alyssa walking in to the ICU. "Speak of the devil. You're looking healthier than you did yesterday," I say to her when she makes it to the nurses' station.
"It's amazing what a good night's sleep and a decent meal can do for you." She glances to the side and says hi to Dan, before doing a double take. "Manchild?"
"That's right, Pain In The Ass. What's up? And why, in God's name, would you even wear a Jonas Brothers t-shirt?"
Alyssa rolls her eyes. "Damn. I was hoping nobody would notice that."
"It's kinda hard to miss," I chip in.
"It was one of only two things of Michael's thirteen-year-old sister's that would fit me."
"What was the other option?"
"A Twilight t-shirt."
"Ouch," I mumble.
"You don't like Twilight?"
"God, no."
"Yeah, it's a little known fact that if you ever see Alyssa reading one of those books, it's a sign of the apocalypse."
Dan raises an eyebrow. "What's your issue with the sparkly vampires?"
"The fact that they sparkle! They're an embarrassment to vampires. And I've read a Dr Acula screenplay!"
Dan looks at me and gestures toward Alyssa, pulling a 'What a fruitcake' face.
"Oh. And your grandparents have arrived, by the by."
"Already?" Alyssa asks worriedly. "Crap. How did my granddad seem?"
"To say he looked pissed would be putting it too lightly."
"Oh god. Has he seen Elliot or JD yet?"
"Nope. Elliot is pretending to be sleeping, and last I heard JD was hiding in a supply closet somewhere on the third floor."
"Why exactly would Johnny be hiding from Elliot's dad?"
"I'll take this one," Alyssa nods. "Well, my granddad didn't know a thing about my aunt being pregnant until Dr Cox called after… well, just, after."
"He didn't know anything?"
"Not. A. Thing."
"Wow," Dan mutters. "What a way to find out."
"I know. You can see why he'd be mad."
"Speaking of which…" I nervously interrupt.
Elliot's dad walks around the corner and spies Alyssa immediately.
"Alyssa Madeleine Reid," he says sternly. "I think we should be having a little chat, don't you?"
"Dude, did you just get middle named?" Dan asks.
"This'll end well for me," Alyssa sighs, rolling her eyes. "Well, guys, it was nice knowing you. Sincerely, it's been a blast." With the gait of someone who's about to face the firing squad, Alyssa walks towards her, admittedly, very angry looking grandfather.
"Wow. I'm so glad I am not her," Dan says. "He looked like he was about to kill her."
"You should have seen how angry he was at JD for standing up to Elliot's parents when they were being mean to her. And that was long before they hid a pregnancy from him."
Shaking his head, Dan says, "The brown stuff is well and truly going to hit. The. Fan." Before Dan had even completed his sentence, his cell phone had begun ringing. "It's my mom. Better take this." Answering his cell, Dan walks away down the corridor.
I turn my attention back to my paper work.
"Turk!"
I hear the voice – the quiet voice – but I don't see whose it is. That's not for lack of looking.
"Psst! Turk, over here."
Eventually I match the person to the voice and see Elliot standing at the door of her room.
I get up from behind the nurses' station and walk over to her. "Elliot, I don't think you're supposed to be up on your feet."
"Yeah, I'm not," she answers quickly. "Have you seen my parents nearby?"
"Your dad was about a few minutes ago, and he took Alyssa away for, and I quote, 'a little chat'."
Elliot cringes. "His little chats are the worst. That's when you know he's really mad. Look, if you see either one of my parents before I do could you tell them I want to see them. I'm done hiding. It's beyond stupid now."
"If I see them, I'll let them know."
"Thanks. Oh, and is JD still cowering in fear somewhere?"
"Most likely. Want me to find him for you?"
"Please," Elliot answers. "And tell him to bring a wheelchair."
"Okay."
Then, I'm not really sure how to describe the feeling that takes over me just now, but I hug Elliot. "You scared the crap out of us, Elliot. Don't do that again."
Elliot hugs me back. "I'll try not to."
"Promise?"
"Promise. And hey, as soon as Riley's out of the NICU and we can take other visitors to see her, you and Carla and going to be the first people we take… because it means more to us that you guys get to meet her than it does for anyone else to meet her. You guys and Alyssa."
"You mean that?"
"Turk, JD and I just named our daughter after your wife. Of course I mean it."
I hug Elliot again.
Alyssa
"So are you going to say anything?" I tentatively ask my granddad as I follow him through the hospital.
Apparently not.
This is actually scarier than if he was yelling at me.
"Seriously, Granddad where are we going?"
He doesn't answer, but eventually stops at a door. "Why don't you go in and take a seat?"
And this is how I'm going to die… I walk into the room. One of the conference rooms that's hardly ever used. That's another sign of the degree to how not well this is going to end. I'm being taken in to a room where there aren't any witnesses. There's just a whimpering sound in my head
"Alyssa, why don't you take a seat," my granddad says. "Next to your uncle Barry."
I look up and, indeed, notice Uncle Barry sitting at the table.
"Uncle Barry, what are you doing here?" That's what I say, trying to seem completely naïve.
"Give it up, Alyssa. I know that he also did not tell me about your aunt Elliot being pregnant."
"So, that's what this is about." That's right, I'm acting oblivious.
"Of course that's what this is about. Now sit down."
"Right." I sit down immediately. You don't ignore my granddad when he's in this mood.
And now he's just pacing back and forth in the room. No talking, just pacing.
"Why is he not talking?" I quietly say to Uncle Barry, but it's not him who answers.
"We are waiting on your grandmother."
"And she's sober." Uncle Barry adds.
"Holy shit." It out before I can even stop myself saying it.
"Alyssa!"
"Yeah, yeah. Language. I know."
My granddad shuts up.
And so we wait for my grandma. And wait. And wait. And wait and wait and wait. Does my grandma show up? No…
"Look, is Mom ever going to get here so you can start giving us a lecture?" Uncle Barry asks. "Because honestly, the suspense is killing us."
"Yeah," I agree.
My granddad sighs. "Very well. I'll begin without her."
Oh god. And I thought I was scared before…
"So I was sitting in my office the other day when I received a phone call from a Dr Cox. Imagine my surprise, scratch that, my shock when – "
"Granddad, you can spare us the background details. I was standing beside Dr Cox when he called you. I know what happened."
Mistake. "I know you know what happened, Alyssa. We all know what happened. That's not my issue. My issue is how the hell could nobody tell me that my own daughter was pregnant? Why did I only find out when some doctor I don't know called my office to tell me that her and her baby were critically ill?"
"In our defence we tried to get her to tell you beforehand," Uncle Barry says. "And I know she was going to tell you at Christmas but," he pauses, and looks at me, "well, other stuff was revealed that took priority."
"Which leads me to ask you this question, Granddad: Do you really want to give me a lecture about not disclosing life-changing information? Because I still have a lot of questions about that which I have been harbouring for a good few months that I would really to ask you. Like, when we were in Connecticut, I overheard you saying to my dad 'you need to tell her and soon'. Question one: How long did you know about my dad's deadly brain tumour before I found out about that?"
With his demeanour more sheepish than before, he answers, "I knew before your dad sent you to live with your aunt Elliot."
"Right." Note the sarcasm. "Question two: Why didn't you tell me before Christmas?"
"He asked me not to."
"Funny that!"
"That was different!" My granddad snaps.
With an eyebrow raised, my Uncle Barry asks, "Yeah…. How? Because it wasn't quite as immediate, perhaps?"
There's hesitation, like my Granddad's trying to formulate a half-decent response. "I should have been told about Elliot."
"Why? It wasn't our place to tell you. It was Elliot's news to tell you when she felt ready."
"Yes, but obviously she was never going to tell me, so one of you should have."
"She was going to tell you though," I answer. "She just… chickened out a lot. She thought you were going to kill her, which, to be fair, you probably would have. Her plan was she was going to call you, like, a week before the baby was due to tell you about it in the hope that she would only have to put up with you being mad for a week and then once the baby was born you wouldn't be mad anymore."
"That was her plan?" Uncle Barry incredulously asks.
"Hey, I didn't say it was any good. I just said it was her plan!"
My granddad throws his hands up in the air. "I'm obviously not going to get a straight answer from either of you two. I don't know why I even bother." He storms towards the door."
"Granddad." He doesn't respond. "Granddad!"
My granddad exhales loudly before turning around to face me again. I'm looking away, however.
"I know you're pissed at us for not telling you, and I guess you have a right to be," I say, looking down at the ground. "Yell at us if you really need to yell at somebody, which I guess you're going to do anyway, and I think we can take it. But please don't go yelling at Aunt Elliot or JD, because I think they've kind of got enough to deal with as it is without you making it worse. Don't you?"
He doesn't answer me. He just hesitates and sighs again, before walking away.
Once my granddad leaves the room: "Well, I think that went well."
"Sarcastic much?" I say. "So… what's been going on with you?"
"Wow, nice topic change."
"I could really do with talking about something completely unrelated to what has just happened these last few days."
Uncle Barry nods. "Fair enough. What's been going on with me? Well…. I haven't told my dad yet, but –"
"Oh please, dear god, do not tell me that you're pregnant? Because I really can't do all this again."
"Lys Reid, I really want you to think about what you just said."
I replay that sentence in my head. "Yeah, I'm realising how stupid that was. Give me a break. I've barely had nine hours sleep in the last 96 hours. So what's your thing really?"
"Well, I started seeing somebody."
Over-dramatic jaw drop. "You did?! Tell me more!"
"His name's Harry. He teaches elementary school drama."
"They teach drama in elementary school?"
Uncle Barry shrugs. "It's a private all-girls' school. They teach the kids Ancient Greek in there, for goodness sake."
"Ancient Greek? What the hell good is that to anybody?"
"You're asking me," Uncle Barry sighs. "Oh, and he runs the glee club."
"They have a glee club, seriously?" I scoff. "Jealous."
The door to the conference room opens again. It's my dad. "I just passed Dad in the corridor. He did not look amused."
"I would not imagine so," Barry says.
"I was just going to get some coffee," my dad says. "Either of you want anything?"
"Vanilla Latte," Uncle Barry answers.
"Alyssa?"
"You know what, I'll come with you." I get up and follow my dad out the room, saying goodbye to my uncle Barry at the same time.
"So, did you get out of the hospital to sleep last night?" My dad asks, as we walk along the corridor towards the elevator.
"Yeah. I stayed at Michael's."
My dad gives me a weird look.
Roll eyes. "I was upstairs in his room. He slept on the couch." Wow… there's the reason I don't tell my dad everything. "Apparently he found me sitting on a bench outside crying because I couldn't drive myself home or find my house keys so he gave me a lift to his house."
My dad looks at me. "He really looks after you, doesn't he?"
"Yeah," I answer. "Dad… you know what, it doesn't matter."
The elevator doors slide open in front of us, and we step in.
"No. What were you going to say?"
"The other day, I was sitting with Michael. I looked up and you were walking away. Why did you walk away?" I ask.
My dad sighs heavily. "I just realised that you don't need me anymore."
"Dad-"
"Not that you ever needed me to begin with, but you really don't need me."
"Dad, that's not-"
"No, it's good. That's what I wanted. That's why I sent you to live with your Aunt Elliot. I know I didn't go the right way about it, but I thought if you hated me that much for sending you away, when you found out the truth you wouldn't care. I know how stupid that seems now. But look at you. Moving out here was the best thing that could've happened to you. You've got your friends here, there's a young man who obviously cares a great deal about you and who I know you care a great deal about. You've got this whole other… whole other family you fit into here with your aunt and all the people here that I'm not a part of. And I'm happy I'm not a part of that. You've grown up a hell of a lot in the last year, Alyssa. You can stand on your own two feet. You're strong. You're loyal. You've grown into an amazing young woman, Alyssa. I'm incredibly proud of you."
I don't realise I'm crying until I try to speak. "Thank you, Dad."
My Dad hugs me. "I know I'm not going to be around to see it," he says, his voice cracking slightly with emotion, "but I hope you get everything you're looking for in life. You deserve it."
And there isn't much I can really say after that.
JD
Even though Dan is here, I haven't had a chance to talk to him yet. So, I told him I would meet him down at the NICU, which is where I find him now.
"Hey. Sorry I'm late. Elliot was getting checked on. If all goes well she should be out of here in a couple of days."
"That's great," Dan says. "You must be pleased."
"It's something, at least," I sigh.
"So how are you holding up?"
"Honestly?" I pause, thinking about what to say. "Honestly, I'm saying all the right things to Elliot. Telling her everything's going to be okay, that Riley will be okay. But I'm having the hardest time trying to convince myself. I mean, look at her. Look at the size of her. Any number of things could go wrong from here. This is just the beginning. It's only going to get more difficult from here on. It going to be endless medical tests, waiting for results, praying there isn't some sort of setback. If Riley even gets a cold it could… it could kill her."
Dan sighs. "And you think thinking like that's going to make it any easier?"
"I've seen it before. When I was in med school I did a placement in NICU. There was this kid, eight weeks premature. He'd been strong up until the day before he was going to get home. But he got an infection and… he died. He'd been so strong for weeks and then overnight a simple infection got the better of him. What if that happens to Riley?"
"I can't imagine what it's like to be in your shoes right now," Dan quietly says, "but you're going to drive yourself insane thinking like that. Especially if you don't talk to anybody."
"I can't exactly talk to Elliot. It's not as if she doesn't have enough to worry about either."
"Not talking to Elliot isn't going to be a good idea either. If you two are going to get through this with any degree of sanity intact, you're gonna have to talk to each other. But if you ever want to talk to someone who isn't Elliot, feel free to call me at any time. I know I haven't been the best brother before, but things are going to be really rough for you and I want to help."
"Thanks, Dan. I really appreciate it."
"And plus, I've already decided I'm going to be Cool Uncle Dan who smuggles candy in for Riley when Mom and Dad aren't looking."
"That's fine. As long as you want to put up with a sugar hyper child."
Dan shrugs. "Sure. How hard can it be? Mom called, by the way."
"Really?"
"Yeah, she was wondering how, and I quote, her granddaughter is. And she asked me to tell you that once things are a bit better with Riley, she'll fly out to meet her. And Elliot, for that matter."
"She actually said she'd fly out? That's… so unlike her."
"She said she'd fly out now, but she doesn't want to intrude when you've got enough to deal with."
"Wow," I sigh. My mom never says she's going to fly out here. "You know I thought I was going to have more time to prepare for this. I thought I'd know what I was doing once she was born. But now that she's here… it scares the living daylights out of me even more than it already did. I'm going to be responsible for that little person in there for the rest of my life. I really wish Dad was around. I wish I could talk to him. How do I know I can handle this?"
"You can handle it. You handle everything. You've been doing pretty well so far."
"I don't know."
"Yeah you have. I'm sure you freaked out a hell of a lot when Elliot first got pregnant so early into your relationship? But did you bolt? No, you didn't. And, hey, aren't you the one who's been helping take care of your girlfriend's teenage niece for months? And have you run away at any point these last few days? Gone to a bar and drank yourself stupid like I would have done?"
"Well, I sort of ran away on Monday... but... it wasn't so much doing a runner as I needed some air to breathe."
"See, you're handling things just fine." After a few minutes of a pause, Dan speaks again.
"Well, I better get a hotel room booked, before Elliot's family get in there first."
"Wait, aren't you just going to stay with us?" I ask.
"No, you guys need your space. And no doubt, there won't be enough rooms in hotels and someone will end up staying with you anyway. But hey, I'm won't be that far away. If you guys need anything, any help at all, no matter what time, just call me."
"Thanks, Dan. So how long are you staying in town for?"
"I said I'd be back at work by the middle of next week. But I can stay out here longer if you guys need me to."
"Elliot's family will are here too. If you need to go back earlier, just go. It's not a problem."
"We'll see what happens. Okay, I am actually going to get that hotel booked. Say hi to RiRi for me."
And there's Riley Dorian's first nickname. "Will do."
Dan begins to walk away but then I interrupt him. "Hey Dan, I did tell you that I'm going to propose to Elliot, right? I got a ring and everything. I was going to do it on Monday... but, well, you know."
Dan just looks at me and blinks. "See, I told you you're doing to be fine." Off he goes.
I stand looking through the NICU window for another few minutes, watching Riley sleep. She looks so peaceful. Poor little thing. It's not going to be easy for you, is it?
I begin the walk back to Elliot's room. She may well be sleeping too by the time I get there. She was pretty tired when I left. I don't think she's sleeping much at night. I know I haven't, and honestly, I'm exhausted.
When I get to Elliot's room, I notice that she has a visitor: Her father. And since nobody seems to be yelling, I don't want to disturb.
Elliot's dad is sitting on the chair in the room. They just seem to be talking. I can't hear what's being said through the glass. But Elliot's crying now, and her dad walks over to hug her.
At this point I can just about lip-read what Elliot says. "I'm really scared."
You and me both, Elliot.
JD
Six days have passed.
Riley's hanging in there. There haven't been any real scares or panics and her condition is improving. She's a tough cookie.
Elliot was moved out of the ICU down to regular maternity. Not that she's really spent a great deal of time in her hospital room. She's always been in the NICU with Riley. In fact, she's being released from hospital today. In just a few hours actually. But she doesn't seem excited, relieved or even remotely happy.
"You happy to be going home?"
Elliot, sitting on the bed, doesn't register that she's been spoken to.
"Elliot? Earth to Elliot Reid."
A few seconds later, Elliot snaps back to attention. "What?"
"I said 'You happy to be going home?'"
"No," Elliot sighs. "I just… I can't get my head around going home and leaving Riley here."
I frown. "Neither can I."
"It's not right. We should be taking her home with us." Elliot pauses and breathes deeply, like she's trying to stop herself from crying. "Have you… Have you seen Alyssa? She has my cell phone. "
"No, I haven't." I hope she hasn't done a disappearing act again. I can't think why she would though, unless Dan has irritated her so far again that she's snapped. Although I haven't seen Dan do that either. "I'll go look for her." I walk out of Elliot's room.
Ah, there's Nurse Roberts. Always a great source of information.
"Laverne," I say when I get to the nurses' station, "have you seen my brother? Or any of Elliot's family? Or Turk? They've all disappeared."
"Q-tip, they're all at the park across the street playing baseball. Didn't they tell you?"
JD
Sure enough, I find Turk, Dan, Alyssa and the rest of Elliot's family across the street and sure enough they're in the middle of a makeshift baseball game. It seems that Dan, Turk, and Elliot's brother Billy are on one team, with Alyssa, Barry and Elliot's other brother Bradley on the batting team. Like I said, makeshift baseball game. Alyssa's dad Brian and her granddad are sitting a few feet away on the grass.
I can't blame them for getting out of the hospital for a while. It's the first nice sunny day in almost a week. Makes a change.
Looks like Dan is bowling and Alyssa is about to bat.
Alyssa turns to her uncles and says, "You guys know that I suck at this, right?"
Barry and Bradley shrug, and it's Dan who verbally responds.
"Yeah, that's why you're on fully Reid team."
That brings a response of sarcastic laughter and an 'Oh no he didn't" from Elliot's brothers.
Looking down the park past her dad and granddad, Alyssa asks the question: "Hey, is that Grandma talking to the Janitor again?"
The two men look around and while their attentions are averted, Alyssa, well, she flips Dan off.
Dan shakes his head. "That's not very ladylike now, is it?"
"Do I look like I care?"
"Are we playing baseball or what?" Somebody shouts.
The guys prepare for play. Everybody is in the stances that they need to be.
"You ready, Reid?" Dan tauntingly asks Alyssa.
"Just throw the damn ball, Dorian."
Damn bowls and – holy crap! For someone who claims she sucks at baseball, Alyssa had just hit a cracker of a shot. Call it beginner's luck or whatever, but everyone – including Alyssa – is looking around with facial expressions as if to say 'Did that just happen?'
"Alyssa!" I shout. "Run!"
With a jump in the air, Alyssa snaps back to attention and starts running as fast as her legs will take her. When she's nearly three quarters of the way around the diamond Turk throws the ball to Dan and it's a race to the death.
I can't call this one. It could go either way.
Alyssa keeps glancing over her shoulder to see where Dan is. When she notices that Dan is getting closer to her, she starts running even faster. If she was running any faster, she'd be taking off in a minute!
You'd think I'd be cheering Dan on. Family loyalty and all that? "Run, Alyssa!"
It's going to be close. And would you look at that, Alyssa gets to home base just before Dan tags her out.
Let the happy dance commence.
"What were you saying about us Reids?" Alyssa. "Because you just got your backside whooped! What what's that score again? Oh right: Reid: Uno. Dorian: Nada!"
Now it's Dan's turn to do the sarcastic laugh.
Alyssa's still doing her victory dance when the next person stands to bat.
JD
Elliot has been officially discharged from hospital now. She's in the NICU, saying goodbye to Riley. I'm standing outside with everyone else, minus Elliot's brother Barry who is making a phone call, looking in the window.
"Would you look at that," Elliot's mom says. "My first granddaughter."
As if we'd synchronised it, everyone turns their head simultaneously to look at Alyssa.
A sarcastic eyebrow raised. "Um, hi Grandma."
"Hello, Alyssa," Lily Reid responds, completely obliviously.
"Okay, I'm going to pretend that never happened." Alyssa mumbles to herself.
Barry returns from making his phone call. "We have a problem. We can only keep one of the rooms at the Travelodge for another few days. They're fully booked. My suggestion: two of us stay at Brian's apartment and Mom and Dad stay at the Travelodge. Which means somebody'll need to stay at that creepy motel across the road. I called. They have vacancies," he says with a grimace.
"How do we decide who stays there?" Billy asks.
Bradley's suggestion: "Rock, Paper, Scissors?"
"We'll be here all night."
"Short straw?"
"Do you have any straws?"
"Can I make this a lot simpler?" Alyssa chips in. "Why doesn't whoever is going to stay at the motel just take my room at home?"
"Where are you going to sleep?"
"I'll stay at Kate's," she answers. "Or Michael's. His mom said it would be okay for to stay there again. I just need to pick up some clothes from home. And it saves someone staying in the motel that looks like it's been plucked straight from a bad horror movie."
"Thank you Alyssa, that's a very generous," Simon responds. "But, if you were to stay at Michael's house, where would you be sleeping?"
"In his room," Alyssa tentatively answers.
"And where would he be?"
"On the couch in his living room."
"That's fine then. Lily, we're staying at the Travelodge again tonight."
Elliot's mom doesn't respond.
"Lily?" Simon repeats.
Still no answer.
"Lily."
Silence.
All together now: "Lily!"
The simultaneous shouting seems to snap her back to attention.
"What was that for?!"
"Lily, are you on another planet or something?"
"What?"
"It took three attempts to get you attention."
"So what? I'm distracted looking at my first grandchild."
"Okay, seriously, Grandma! Think about what I'm calling you!" Alyssa vents. "Okay, I'm going to call Meredith and double check it's okay for me to stay there."
"Alyssa, we're all meeting for something to eat at seven, if you want to come." Elliot's dad says.
"Sure."
"And hey," he continues, "bring Michael along. We'd like to meet him."
"That's code for you're going to give him the third degree, isn't it?"
Chorus of Reids: "Yes."
Alyssa rolls her eyes. "Okay. Let me know where we're meeting," she says before walking away.
"I think we'd best be heading off too," Elliot's dad says. "Tell Elliot we'll call tomorrow."
"I will."
And with that, they're all gone. I walk into the NICU.
"... And they all lived happily ever after," Elliot says, reading from a little book. "That would be nice, wouldn't it Riley?" She looks around and sees me. "Hey. Did my parents go away?"
"Yeah, they're going to call tomorrow. How's she doing?"
Elliot smiles. "She's really good. We just read a story, didn't we Ri? I can't believe we have to leave her here."
"I know. No misbehaving now, Riley Dorian. They'll tell us if you're up to no good, you know."
"Look at that face. Does this look like a face that would misbehave?"
"It's the cute ones that always misbehave the most," a voice says from behind us. It's the NICU doctor – Dr Morrison. "Trust me, I've seen them all." The doctor pulls over a chair to talk to us. "How are you two doing?"
"We're just about holding up," Elliot answers.
"Good. Now, I'm really pleased with the progress Riley has been making. She, as I'm sure you're aware, is by no means out of the woods. Riley has a long way to go yet before she's healthy and there's no way telling what, if any, long-term difficulties she might face. But for the moment, everything is better than we would have expected. Yeah. Her lungs are strong enough that we want to try weaning her off the respirator. It'll start off with little short periods of time, before gradually moving to her not needing the ventilator at all."
"When will you start taking her off the ventilator?" I ask.
"Right now. How about seeing your daughter breathe on her own for the first time?"
It's difficult to describe the feeling I get, waiting to see if Riley will in fact breathe on her own. It just makes the reality crashing into me again like a freight train. It's still an uphill struggle from here.
I'm holding my own breath as I watch for the rise and fall of Riley's little chest. And when it happens, it's amazing.
"Attagirl." Dr Morrison says. "Now how about you let your parents hold you for the first time, huh Riley?"
Oh my god.
"Who's getting first hold of the little one then?"
Elliot looks up at me.
"You hold her first. You're her mom."
I've seen Elliot smile before, but never quite like just now. The way she picks Riley up, it's like she's never done anything different, lick picking the baby up is all she's ever done. She's so gentle with her, but so protective, like Elliot won't let anything happen to Riley.
"Hi, Riley. Hi, baby," Elliot coos.
Riley looks so much smaller when Elliot's holding her.
Elliot's actually holding Riley.
Riley's breathing on her own.
It's all a little overwhelming. I take a few steps back and turn away, trying to control my emotion.
"JD," Elliot quietly says. "You okay?"
I turn back around. "Yeah, I'm okay."
"You're crying."
"I just realised I'd convinced myself I was never going to see this happen."
JD
That night once we're home, Elliot goes straight to bed. She's still in a lot of pain from surgery. While Elliot did that, I returned some calls from people – family that have called see how Elliot and Riley are. That takes about an hour.
I tiptoe quietly into the room, fully expecting Elliot to be asleep. But then I hear a sniffle.
"Elliot? You awake?"
"I can't sleep."
I get into bed and lie down beside Elliot. "Are you crying?"
"Yeah," Elliot answers. "I should be there with her, JD. She should be here with us. She shouldn't be there all alone."
"I know. I know."
"She must be so scared." I can feel that Elliot's crying is getting stronger. "If anything happens to Riley, and we're not there..?"
I really want to be able to tell Elliot that everything is going to be okay, that our daughter will come out of this perfectly healthy, and it's killing me that I can't tell her. "Hey, remember how well she was doing before we left? She was breathing on her own for a little while; we got to hold her. Think about that. She's strong, Elliot. She is. Try to relax, okay? Try to get some sleep. I know it's difficult. I know. But we'll be back with Riley first thing in the morning. Try to get some sleep, okay?"
Elliot nods, but I can hear her still crying. I wrap an arm around her, and she cuddles into me, but she's careful not to cause herself any more pain.
I hold Elliot until she falls asleep. But even when she does, I'm afraid to let her go.
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