I woke up this morning to 10 lovely emails from fanfic full of story alerts and a review so here's the next update for all you lovely people. Alright I didn't get 5 reviews but alerts work just as well but rememeber I still like to know what you think so PLEASE review and let me know. This one is for Purple Pulse for her lovely review as a sorry for the cliffy yesterday. Anyway I'll shut up so you don't have to wait in suspense any longer.
"You'll never be Vasilisa's guardian if I have anything to do with it." Tatiana said without looking at me.
We'd been talking pleasantries for a while – how I'd – unfortunately – met Adrian and the tragedy of the Badica and Voda attacks. Fortunately she'd not mentioned Spokane, I was willing to give her chance. Then she said that.
"Excuse me? You Majesty." I said levelly my anger rising. Of course I'd be her guardian. We had the bond after all. She'd be an idiot to waste that. Kirova's words came back to me from when we were taken back to St. Vladimir's: expendable, expendable.
"You took her away from St. Vladimir's therefore you will never be her guardian." She motioned a guardian to escort me out of the room correctly guessing my reaction.
I obediently walked out of the room knowing I was no match for the guardian. I hoped to appear calm but as soon as Dimitri saw me his face said that he thought I was going to punch someone. He was right. He took over from the other guardian by gripping my bicep and towed me away. My blood boiled all the way and I could feel myself shaking with anger. I didn't pay much attention to where we were going only we ended up in a guest room of some kind. He let me go and prepared himself for my rant.
"I can't believe that bitch is queen. She threatened to make it so I won't be Lissa's guardian. She can't do that! Can she?" I stopped and looked round at Dimitri. I'd always known I'd be her guardian if I could prove myself and I just had, hadn't I? But Lissa was the last Dragomir it made sense for the queen to have a special interest in her and how safe she was. Suddenly feeling not so sure I hoped Dimitri would comfort me.
"She has influence, Rose. Ultimately it's up to the Guardian Council. She can try but Simona appears to like you and believes you're capable. That will mean more in the end." Not exactly as comforting as I hoped but at least he'd told me the truth.
"It better do." I grumbled. "Who does she think she is anyway? She only looked at the bad stuff I did obviously." I flopped on the bed suddenly tired from the last few days. Alright I hadn't done a lot but that was part of the problem. Mostly it was from the last few hours. Who knew a qualifier could be so exhausting?
"We're staying here tonight and leave tomorrow." Dimitri said taking my mind off the queen.
"Please tell me we're getting a jet home. This morning wasn't fun. Hey, did you get your hand checked out?" It was hard to believe it was only earlier today.
"You did a good job, Rose."
"You need to get it checked out." He didn't look impressed. "Come on or I'll drag you there."
He knew of course that I couldn't but he let me take him all the same.
The last person I expected to see there with a black eye was Mia. But there she was lying on a bed looking slightly out of it. Dimitri was being seen to so I walked over and said hi.
As soon as she saw me tears came to her eyes. The last time we saw each other was Mason's funeral. We sat next to each other in a pew and held each others hands as we let silent tears fall. We were crying not only for Mason but also for the things that we'd witnessed in Spokane but most of all because we'd been too late. Eddie was sat on my other side next to who was Christian.
We'd all come into the church together not sure if we could do this. Mia grabbed my hand and quickly began crying, I squeezed it back and felt Eddie put an arm around my shoulder. Christian stood close by doing a fair imitation of Dimitri's guardian face. It was slowly cracking. We all were. We walked down the isle together and took the first pew on the right. I could see Mason from where we were. In his coffin he looked almost like he was sleeping only he was too pale. Paler than even a Moroi. He was wearing the clothes had on the night of the dance where I broke Mia's nose.
That night I had let him hold my hand and love me a little bit. We'd always been close, our brash natures making our friendship instant and light but very strong. His teasing sing song voice came back to haunt me 'Don't run away Hath-away'.
"But you should have, Mase, you should have." I whispered regretfully.
Eddie looked at me wondering what I was going on about but then he saw the pain in my eyes and just pulled me into a hug. I felt his tears drip into my hair. The service began.
I didn't even begin to listen to what the priest was saying. Instead I had a video tape of memories of Mason passing through my mind. From the moment we began our proper guardian training we'd paired together and I remembered battles won and lost, laughes shared and injuries caused. Even drunken parties we'd managed to sneak into when we should have been in bed. But most of all I remembered the look in his eyes as he tried to save me certain I loved him. If I'd just told him the truth… If I hadn't lead him on in the first place… If I hadn't told him about Spokane… If Dimitri hadn't told me about Spokane…
I remembered him giving me gallant bows and protecting me from all Mia's rumours. It wasn't fair that a guy as good and kind and brave as him should be the one who got killed. It should have been me for being the one who enabled him to get there, for breaking Dimitri's trust. For killing him. It was my fault he was dead and I hated myself for it. Why hadn't I just been sensible and swallowed my pride and told Dimitri instead of going on some vigilante mission to save my pride? He would have saved them. All of them. Mason would still be here. And the worst he would have besides detention was a broken heart when I told him I couldn't love him. I'd not just killed him out of stupidity but to save my pride. The latter was worse. It meant I was selfish and guilty as hell.
We made our way out to where Mason was going to be buried. We were in his home town so there were a few guardians with us standing around the fringes of the group. The priest said the last prayer and people began to move away. Teary eyed I paid my respects to his sorrow stricken mother.
"He was brave." I started not sure where this was going. "And a good friend and… I'm so sorry."
"You did your best, Rose." Ms Ashford said gently. "We can't ask for more."
I'd wanted her to be angry. I wanted her to shout at me and tell me she hated me and that she never wanted to see me again. I wanted her to blame me for his death. Her kindness caught me by surprise and made my knees go weak.
I walked over to Mason's grave. The lid of the coffin hadn't been closed yet. Again I saw Isaiah throwing his body like a rag doll, heard the snap of his neck. A guy was about to close the coffin and lower him into the grave but I asked him to stop. A stray strand of hair passed over his eyes in the gentle breeze making me remember a time when he'd brushed my hair from my face. I returned the gesture and let my hand linger on his cheek.
"I'm so sorry, Mase."
Knowing I couldn't do this anymore I ran off down the grave yard and hid behind a high wall.
I heard footsteps crunch on the gravel of the path a few minutes later. I knew it was Dimitri.
"It's not fair." I whispered my voice hoarse.
"It never is, Rose."
"It should have been me, not him."
"Don't say that."
"But it should have!" I exploded. "He should never have been there. He should never have known where they were. I shouldn't have told him and you shouldn't have told me! If you hadn't told me I wouldn't have been able to tell him and he would be alive right now. You should have known better. You're supposed to know what I'm like and not told me. It's my fault that he's dead! My fault! And you know why I told him? Because I was jealous at Tasha and angry with you." My voice faltered and the rest came out quietly. "I told him because I was angry at you. And then whilst we were escaping he told he me hoped we could work things out between us. And I told him I still loved him. If I'd told him the truth he wouldn't have come back for me. He wouldn't. And he'd be here and he'd only have a broken heart. And I could watch over him and… and…" that's when my tears became incontrollable. "He'd be alright. I went to save him to cover my own stupidity. To save my pride. If I'd just told you…"
"They'd all be dead." He said softly. "Rose, it's not your fault."
"But it is!" I exploded again. "It is." I whispered.
"No. He made his own choices. He chose to go back and save you. He chose to go to Spokane."
"But he wouldn't have been able to if you hadn't told me!" I shot back. "When did you get so stupid Dimitri? You have a part in all this. You're the beginning of this mess."
"Rose…"
"No, Dimitri. Don't. If you hadn't been so careless so stupid he'd still be here."
"Roza…"
"Stop it! Stop it! Stop being so calm about this. No don't touch me! It's your fault and I hate you for it!"
He gripped my arms. "Roza!" he barked.
I instantly stopped babbling my hysterics and looked into his eyes. Then the real tears came. Hug sobs wracked my chest. I'd already cried for what I'd seen, from shock, what I'd done, but not for Mason. Somehow if I didn't acknowledge it then it didn't really happen. It was all a nightmare and I was bound to wake up soon. But it was real. All too real. No matter how much I didn't want it to be it was.
Now looking into Mia's eyes I knew I wasn't the only one still suffering. Christian was good at hiding it. Eddie had changed for ever but seemed to be coping with it but I could see he hurt he still was and Mia… she and I were the ones who still had trouble keeping our tears to ourselves.
"Hello, Rose."
"Hello, Mia." I sat on a stool not sure what to do.
Right now we were both hurting to much to be much conversation for each other. She was still mourning for her mom as well.
"I just passed my qualifier."
"Congratulations. Simona gave me a black eye."
"Moves fast for an old lady, doesn't she."
"Yeah."
From the corner of my eye I saw Dimitri stand up and head towards the door. He hadn't asked me to go with him but I needed to escape.
"My Russian jailor wants me to follow him."
"Yeah, see ya round."
As soon as I fell instep with him Dimitri stopped and pulled me into a hug. I quickly stepped out of it knowing I was going to cry if I stayed in his arms much longer. There were times when I hated how in sync we could be.
"How about that celebration and you buy me lunch?" I asked thickly.
So there you have it. I promise the next one will be happier - I hate making Richelle Mead's characters cry!
Oh, some reviews would be nice! PLEASIE PLEASE! Fury out! ;)