My Graduation
Alyssa
It's been a hell of a six weeks, I'll say.
You know that way where you feel as if you actually haven't stopped in ages and can't remember the last time you just sat and chilled and everything else seems to be rushing by you and before you know it, another six weeks have gone by? It feels like that. Even when you've been sleeping for nine hours straight (which, honestly, has been a rarity as of late) you still wake up completely shattered.
The rest of my family and Dan had all gone back home by a week after Aunt Elliot got out of hospital. But at least one of them has phoned every day to see how Riley is.
Riley was moved out of the NICU into a special care baby unit about two weeks ago, and she doesn't need the ventilator any more. It was amazing to see the relief that that brought to JD and Elliot. Obviously, they're by no means complacent and they're still stressed and worried and scared, but they feel like that they've crossed one big hurdle, you know?
Two weeks ago was the first time that I – along with Turk and Carla - actually got to meet Riley. The visiting rules for the NICU were parents, grandparents and siblings only. JD and Elliot tried, but they were a stickler for the rules down there. My grandparents did get to meet her though.
And you remember how my aunt was freaking out for months (literally) about telling my granddad she was pregnant because he'd, somehow or other, kill her? Nothing. Not even a single word to her about not being married, a child should have a family – you know, the obligatory 'Catholic' family speech. He hasn't even said anything to her about not telling him. However, had everything happened in different circumstances, I think his reaction would have been different too. Granddad can't really say anything to her after what happened, can he? For my uncle Barry and me, it's a different story. I think he's going to be holding that over our heads for all eternity. Well, Uncle Barry's anyway. If he tries that trick with me, I could play the 'Dad' card, if I really wanted to and he knows that.
JD went back to work. He's working a few hours a few days a week now, so that when Riley does get out of hospital, he can take the time off then. Makes sense. Aunt Elliot's still pretty laid up, though. She's pretty sore from her C-section. She isn't comfortable even driving herself anywhere yet, so she normally gets a lift from somebody to the hospital to spend all day with Riley. Usually I give my aunt a lift to the hospital but this morning JD took her on his way to work.
Oh, and we moved house three days ago too. That was a laugh and a half. It was a mad rush to get everything sorted. With everything that had happened with my aunt and Riley, any real thought or awareness of moving house was like, long gone, until ten days ago when Aunt Elliot changed the page of the calendar in the old apartment kitchen and then all hell broke loose. There was panic calling Turk and Carla, and then calling every removals company in town. It was... how shall I put this... entertaining. To be honest, it was almost slapstick.
Packing up everything was ridiculous. Basically there was no real order to anything. It was a case of throw everything into a box and deal with it later. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but not so much now when I've been trying to find something important and can't. That hasn't been fun.
I officially graduate high school in three days. It's scary as hell. 13 years. I've been in school 13 years and it's all going to come to an end with a big ceremony with caps and gowns and diplomas being handed out. And then we're out on our own in the big bad world. The big bad, ridiculously scary world. But, honestly, graduating high school is the least of my worries.
My dad moved into a hospice last week. A hospice. A hospice for cancer patients. Terminal cancer patients. A hospice as in a place to freaking die. See why graduating high school is barely a blip on my radar?
He didn't tell me until the day before that he was moving into the hospice. I went round to visit, as I've done every day in recent weeks and then he told me that he was moving into Summertrees Hospice. The next day. He said he'd been meaning to tell me earlier, but with everything else that was going on, he didn't want to stress me out even more than I already was. Yes Dad, because leaving it until the day before to tell me that you're going into a hospice isn't going to stress me out. I get the reasoning though. I do, honestly. And, you know what, I'm not spending what little time there is left being pissed about it. It's not worth it.
I guess it's hitting me that he's really dying. And soon. I mean, I always knew it was coming. We've been making progress with all this making up for lost time stuff. I just didn't think that eventually then end of time would be being measure in terms of week, not months. I could see he was getting sicker. He was losing weight, he was looking tired, dark circles under his eyes. But... well, denial's a powerful thing.
Graduation. I haven't got around to being really excited about it. I will tomorrow though once I'm in my dress and my cap and my gown and back at school for the last time and I'm making my speech. I'm valedictorian, did I mention that? I'm valedictorian. And I have to make a speech tomorrow and I still don't know what to say. I have some ideas written down, I just need to formulate them into a proper speech. Or I could just wing it? Yeah, winging it sound good.
No it doesn't.
"Hey, does anybody have any paper?" I ask to the people sitting in the Sacred Heart Hospital cafeteria. As usual, I'm doing a volunteering shift.
"Why do you need paper?" Turk asks, as he walks by me carrying a tray of food. He takes a seat opposite me.
"Well, considering I have to give a speech in three days, I thought now might be time to actually prepare something. Any good at writing speeches?"
"Nope, sorry. This for your graduation?"
I nod.
"Ah, graduations," I hear Dr Kelso's voice from behind me. He's sitting at the table behind me. "You know, it's one of the proudest moments for a young person. And for their families. I went to my son Harrison's graduation from teacher training a while ago. I was so proud to see him walk across that stage, to see him find his calling in life after everything else he's tried. Graduations are a sign of people growing up, getting older, moving on with their lives. And of course, the person who gets to make the speech, well, you're going to stick in the minds of everybody who was there. You're got the responsibility of saying something that both moving and optimistic. Something powerful and meaningful."
"Crap," is my only response.
"I wouldn't say that in your speech, dear," Dr Kelso comments, before averting his attention back to his lunch.
"Why the hell did I leave this to the last minute?," I whine, putting my hands on my head for no real reason other than frustration. "I mean, I started writing things. I've got a few ideas, but every time I went to write something properly, something else came up. And now it's this week and no doubt something else will happen to distract me from it because it always does and –"
"Okay, Alyssa, I'm going to stop you right there because you're beginning to speak at an alarming Elliot-esque rate," Turk interjects. His eyes are wide, and his hand is held out like he's stopping traffic. "And that never ends well. For anyone."
"I promise I'll stop," I say, before reverting to a deliberately whiny tone. "But I don't know what to write."
Turk shrugs. "Just write what's in your head."
"Well, that would be good advice," I respond. "Except for one problem."
"What's that?"
"There is nothing in my head. Nothing. Well, apart from the faint buzzing sound I get when I'm stressed. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz."
Turk raises and eyebrow and throws an incredulous glance my way. "You are a weird kid."
"You've met the people I'm related to," I say. "Are you really surprised?"
Turk shakes his head.
I glance at my watch. "Damn. I have to get back to work. Any words of advice before I go?"
"Yes," Turk answers proudly. "Don't eat yellow snow."
Grave, not amused look."Ha. Ha ha. Hahahahaha."
"Seriously though, don't write something because you think everyone else wants to hear it. Write what's important to you and what you want to say and you'll be fine. Trust me."
"Thanks, Turk, really," I say. After that, I begin to make my way out of the cafeteria, but I turn around with a question I have to ask. "Hey, if you're free, would mind if I emailed you a draft of my speech for you to read?"
Turk nods. "Sure. I'll look over it for you."
"Thank you." And back to volunteering I go.
JD
Since I went back to work, this is the moment I look forward to every break for: walking into the nursery to see Riley and Elliot.
Elliot's sitting in the rocking chair, Riley in one of her arms and a bottle to feed her in the other. "And then were going to take you to Disneyland. Yes, we are. You want to go to Disneyland, Riley? Yeah? Okay, but we need to wait until you're a bit older. You know, once you're old enough to appreciate it. Although I'm not sure who'll be more excited about it out of you and your dad. To be honest, Riley, I think it might be him."
"Hey!"
Elliot looks up from Riley to me. "Oh, come on. You don't think you'd be bouncing off the ceiling as much as she would be? You don't think you and Turk would be acting like the biggest kids in the world?"
I try my best to feign seriousness. "No."
"Ri, do you believe him?"
On cue, Riley emits the tiniest noise.
"Nope, me neither."
"Is this what I've got to look forward to? You two ganging up on me?"
"Yes."
"Thanks for the warning."
"Do you want to go to Daddy while I clean your bottle out?" Elliot asks the baby, before handing Riley to me, standing up and making her way to the sink.
"Hi, baby girl," I say to Riley. "How are you today? Are you good? I think you are, because you just gulped down that whole bottle Mommy fed you. You were hungry, weren't you? It won't be long until you get out of here, will it? Because you've gotten a lot bigger since you were born, haven't you? You're still tiny, though. But you're getting bigger and stronger every day. You keep doing that for me and when you go home I'll... let you have all the ice cream that you want. Okay, Mommy's glaring at me, so maybe not."
"Not that I won't let you have ice cream, Riley, but once at camp when I was a kid I ate so much ice cream I threw up for three days," Elliot says from the sink.
"Three days?"
Elliot nods. "Three days straight. See why bribery with ice cream is a bad idea?"
"Okay, Riley, so ice cream's out. How about chocolate? Although, that would probably have the same effect. Um... well, how about you tell us what you want when you're a bit older? As long as it's not ice cream or chocolate. Because then we're really back to square one. Oh well, we'll figure something out, won't we? I'll take that little sigh as a yes then, shall I?"
Elliot makes her way back over to where we are and sits on the chair next to the one I'm sitting on.
"We still need to think about decorating Riley's room," I say to Elliot.
"I was thinking yellow," Elliot answers. "Yellow's nice. It's neutral, it's peaceful and it's easy to paint and get furniture to go with."
"Yellow could be good. What do you think blue with clouds floating over it?"
"It's a good idea," Elliot responds. "But for the record, my artistic ability is worse than my singing ability so I vote that we do not have me painting any clouds. Ever. Actually, I say we make a deal now. Whenever Riley comes home from school or kindergarten with some kind of art project, you help her with that, and I'll take care of the really difficult stuff when she's older. That okay with you?"
"You have got yourself a deal, Dr Reid," I say. "But when she brings home a boyfriend, I still get to kill him, right?"
Elliot looks upward for a second, as if she's thinking. "Yes, you still get to do that."
"Okay, good." I look down at Riley. "Because if you ever bring a boy home before you're thirty, I'm gonna have to kill him."
"Thirty's a bit extreme."
"It's what's gonna happen."
Elliot responds to this with a chuckle. "Poor hypothetical guy Riley hypothetically brings home..."
In a slight moment of silence, my attention momentarily turns to the radio that is playing quietly in the corner of the room. And heaven help me if I ever don't recognise the song that's beginning to play.
Even Elliot recognises it, rolling her eyes at my expression of delight. "You're gonna sing it, aren't you?"
"Of course," I answer proudly. "Riley, this is Dad's favourite song. It's called Don't Stop Believin' and it's by a band called Journey, who, by the way, are the most awesome band music has ever created. And you're going to be hearing this song a lot when you get home, so I might as well start teaching you it now. It goes like this: Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world. She took the midnight train going anywhere."
And so I continue singing the song to my daughter until the final chorus. "Don't stop believing, hold onto that feeling. Streetlight people." Once the songs plays out, I say to Riley, "And that was Don't Stop Believin."
I glance up at Elliot and realise that at some point without my noticing she's managed to get find the video camera and she has it aiming in our direction.
"Did you just record that?" I ask her, although really, I already know the answer.
"Yep." Elliot smiles at me from the other side of the camera.
Alyssa
Graduation is two days away now. I managed to get a good chunk of my speech written last night and I'm feeling slightly more confident than I did yesterday. It's really hitting home how things are quickly things are changing. Too freaking quickly, if you ask me. I'm not saying change is a bad thing. But slow it down a bit for God sake. Although, it taught me that life is freaking short and there's no point pissing about, deciding whether or not to do something you were always going to do from the outset.
Take just now for instance. I'm sitting in my living room with Michael. We're supposed to have been watching some movie. Well, we didn't watch the first part of the film because we decided that a make-out session was much more fun. And since that ended, I've been concentrating on thinking instead. To hell with thinking. Didn't I just say there's no point wasting time thinking about something you were always going to do?
"Do you think we should break up before college?" I ask. Just out of the blue. No warning beforehand. Like ripping off the band-aid. Or the waxing strip. Whatever.
Michael blinks at me, obviously not entirely sure if he heard me correctly. "That was sudden."
"Yeah, I know," I respond, grimacing. "I've developed something of a Carpe Diem, rip off the band-aid mentality in recent weeks."
"I hadn't noticed," he responds with joking sarcasm.
"Maybe it doesn't work with everything," I muse. "In hindsight I probably should've given you a warning before blurting that out."
Silence kicks in. It's hardly surprising. I just dropped a question bombshell, not exactly sure what to say next and part of me wishes I could go back in time thirty seconds and un-ask that question.
"Do you... want to break up?" Michael eventually asks, destroying the lull.
I sigh heavily. To be honest, I think I preferred the silence to this conversation. You know, even though I'm the one who started it. "No. No, I don't want to break up. I'm asking if we should," I answer. "Do you want to break up?"
"No, I don't. But I get why you're asking.I probably would've asked it soon to. Because college is going to be difficult and stressful enough without a long distance relationship to contend with too."
I nod in agreement. Agreement, with a little bit of dread mixed in there too. "You'll be here in California, I'll be in Massachusetts," I say, frowning. "We'd hardly ever see each other." There's another respite in the conversation." Although, there is this new fangled fancy thing I've heard of called technology. Cell phones, internet, web cam, that sort of thing. You heard of it too?"
"I have and it's a beautiful thing." Michael sighs. "But is it enough to keep a relationship going?"
"I really don't know. But I know I'm not ready for this to be over, but at the same time I don't want to make things ridiculously difficult for us either."
"Same here."
After a few moments of silence, I eventually say, "We're not going to figure this out right now are we?"
"Nope," Michael answers. "You want to take some time away from each other think about it for a while then decide?"
"Yeah. I think that'd be best." I sigh heavily again.
This is going to suck.
Alyssa
I've just been doing yet another thing that I shouldn't have left to the last minute: shopping for my graduation dress. I must be the most disorganised person on the face of the planet when it comes to their own graduation. Good news though, I got a dress. Yay. It's plain purple but I love it. The funny thing is, I didn't even see it. If Carla hadn't pointed it out to me, I would've bought the ugly green one that I didn't really like, but it was the least ugly of all the others.
You're probably wondering why Carla came shopping with me. Aunt Elliot had a meeting with Riley's doctor, so Carla offered to go dress shopping with me instead. And now Carla's driving back from shopping.
All this graduation preparation has really got me thinking about the last year. Carla was the second person I met out here (the first being JD) and within two weeks we had a wager going on when JD and Elliot would get together. She had her money on 7 weeks. I had mine on 13. She won. It was eight weeks from the beginning of the wager. Turk's guess was three weeks and Dr Cox's was 'I re-he-he-he-he-he-he-he -ally do not care'. Thinking about it, Carla has been there at pretty much all the major events that have happened over this year. She even let me stay with her and Turk when everything was such a mess.
"Carla, did I thank you for letting me stay with you in the week after Riley was born?"
"Yeah, you did," she answers, not taking her eyes away from the road she's driving along. "Sixteen times. And I told you each of those time, you didn't need to thank you, because quite frankly, when I said you could stay with us, I wasn't going to take no for an answer. Alyssa, you were too busy trying to make sure everyone else was okay and neglecting yourself."
"I was living on a diet of cookies and coffee..."
"Yeah," Carla murmurs. "How you didn't make yourself really ill, I will never know. To be honest, you reminded me a lot of myself. Someone needed to look after you and check that you were okay. Everything had affected you a lot more than you were letting on."
It's true. I'm a master of denial. I had buried myself in dealing with my grandparents and uncles. The first night I stayed at Carla and Turk's, Carla sat me down with a cup of tea (coffee was becoming really old) and within a couple of minutes I'd lost it completely. I was sitting there on Carla and Turk's couch, bawling my eyes out to the point I could barely see or breathe. Nothing had really set me off; it was just the build up of everything. So Carla hugged me and told me that it was all going to be alright and it was okay to cry.
"I wasn't going to leave one of the family out there to drown."
Carla's choice of words sticks in my head. "Thank you, Carla."
"You don't need to thank me."
"Hey, Momma Bear?" I ask a few minutes later. "You remember that day, in the maternity ward before I left to kick JD's ass and there was a lot of yelling?"
Carla frowns. "Yeah."
"I'm sorry I yelled at you."
"Me too."
Alyssa
I hate this place. Well, it's a hospice so I'm guessing I'm not alone on that one.
In its defence, it's not a horrible place. Everybody's really nice and lovely and helpful, and it's not a dire hellhole. Everything's nice and bright and airy. There are flowers and pictures and cards around everywhere. It's just the idea of this place. People come to die here.
I sign into the visitors' book and say hello to the lady – Cassidy – at the front desk as usual.
"Hi, Alyssa," she replies, and she asks me how I am.
That's the thing. I – and other relatives – am here so often that the staff know you on a first name basis, and you know them similarly. It's nice in a way because you know that they care, but by the same token, the reason we're here so often is simply because there's not much time left.
"Your Dad is through in the conservatory," Cassidy tells me.
I thank her, and walk through to the conservatory where my dad is, as usual.
The conservatory is a sunny room, looking out over the hospice's fancy landscaped garden. The garden is full of many different species of colourful plants. I think it's designed to bring some comfort to the residents. At least, I think it does for my dad, because every time I visit he's sitting in the conservatory, gazing out there.
"Hey, Dad," I say as I walk into the conservatory.
Dad stands up from his seat – although not as easily as before – and hugs me.
The usual points are exchanged. How are you? What have you been doing? Really insignificant things like that. We even discuss the other night's American Idol, of all things. A year ago, there's no way in hell we'd be sitting like this talking about the television. We barely said two words to each other. He'd either be working all the time. I'd stay in my room studying. Or Dad would be arguing with my mom and I'd just go to a friend's house, or even just walk around town. The more I think about it, it was horrendous then. Things are much better now. I just wish it hadn't taken this to make that happen. And it's all going to be over in a few weeks, isn't it? That's the timescale of things now. Weeks.
Before I really know it, an hour has passed.
"So, um, my high school graduation is tomorrow," I say nervously. "And I'm valedictorian."
"That's amazing," Dad replies. "Do you have everything prepared?"
"Yeah. I got a dress this morning and I completed my speech this afternoon," I say, taking the printed copy out of my bag. "Would you like to read it?"
"Yes please."
He takes the speech from me. I sit there nervously during the few minutes it takes him to read it.
"It's great," he eventually says. "Fantastic."
I smile. "You think so?"
"Yeah."
Okay, there's something I need to say now. And I'm as well just getting on with it. Ripping the band-aid off.
" The... um... the ceremony is tomorrow at two, and I'd really like it if you were there," I say. "I mean, if you don't feel up to it, I'll understand. But... well, it feels like it took us so long to get the point where we actually get along, Dad, and you're not going to be there when I graduate college or graduate from medical school or when I get married or have a kid... and I'd really like you to be there for this one thing. But I'll completely understand if you can't make it."
My Dad frowns at me and I can just about predict the response he's about to give. "Alyssa, I promise I'll do my best to be there tomorrow. Believe me, nothing would make me happier than seeing you graduate high school tomorrow," he says, with a smile. The thing is I know it's somewhat fake, and it quickly turns to a frown that seems to carry so much more honesty. "But if I'm not... I'm really really proud of you."
"Thank you," I respond, frowning. I can tell by his expression that he isn't going to be there tomorrow. My heart sinks and I realise two things. One: how much I really wanted Dad just to say 'Sure. I'll be there tomorrow. I wouldn't miss it for the world.' And two: That I really do not want to be here anymore. "I... I have to go," I say, glancing at my watch, hoping that my dad will believe that the time is the reason I'm going. "I have to go home for dinner and I have a million things to do before graduation. So...um, I'm going to go home. I'll see you tomorrow. Maybe. Well, definitely. Because if you're not there tomorrow... I'll make sure Aunt Elliot takes pictures and I'll bring them round for you to see."
"That would be great," my dad answers, and it seems to me to be more confirmation that he's not going to be there.
"Okay," I answer more glumly than intended. "I'll see you tomorrow."
I hug my dad goodbye and make a quick exit out of the hospice after that.
JD
God, I hate unpacking. It has to be done. It could've been a lot easier if we'd had the good sense to organise the boxes instead of throwing everything into any damn box. I've found living room thing in with kitchen things. But that's what happens when you leave packing until a few days before you move. Lesson learned.
Unpacking quietly is a lot more difficult than you'd think. Inevitably you end up dropping something that smashes on the floor, creating an extremely loud noise in an extremely quiet house. In my case it was a vase. Oops. I'll have to explain that to Elliot when she wakes up. She's sleeping upstairs just now. Actually, that's the reason I'm trying to keep it down.
It's just after seven when I hear the front door open. A few seconds later, Alyssa walks into the living room and slumps down on the couch, a forlorn look on her face.
"You okay?" I ask her.
When she looks up, I notice the tears in her eyes. "I don't think my dad's going to go to my graduation tomorrow. "
"That sucks," I respond, frowning. "I'm really sorry."
Alyssa leans forward and rests her head in her hands. "I mean, I shouldn't be upset about it. He's ill. I get it. I couldn't get it any more if you clubbed me over the head with it." she says frustrated. "I don't want to be upset, but I am."
"That's completely understandable. It's going to be such a big day for you and no matter what you want your Dad there. I get it.""
"It just feels like everything's going too quickly, you know? I feel like it was just yesterday I founf out about his illness and he's about to die. Feels like I just moved here and then I'm going to be moving away again in a couple of months. Like I just started at St Catherine's and already I'm graduating. " Alyssa continues to vent. "There's so much happening right that sometimes I don't know what the hell is happening," she adds, her voice much quieter than it was a few seconds ago.
I raise my eyebrows."You're telling me," I say sullenly.
Alyssa's silent for a few moments, shedding a few tears to herself before she composes herself. "I don't want to think about all this anymore so I'm changing the subject. How's Riley?"
"She's doing really well," I answer and I can't help myself from grinning, thinking about Riley. "Better than she should be, really. Dr Peterson is confident she'll be able to come home in a few weeks."
"That's awesome." Alyssa smiles, but quickly her frown returns. It tells me that her resolve not to think about it all hasn't lasted very long.
"You know, I'm feeling thirsty," I say, sensing that although she's thinking about it, Alyssa really doesn't want to talk. "How about I make some tea?"
"Yes please," Alyssa answers, looking relieved.
A few minutes later when I return with the aforementioned tea, I ask Alyssa, "Are you ready for graduating tomorrow?"
She takes a sip of her tea before answering. "You know, I thought I was but now... I really don't know," she explains. "I'm not sure I'm ready to leave the safety and security yet. It feels like everything's becoming suddenly more serious and heavy." Another sip of tea. "Can I ask you a question?" she says, unusually timidly.
"Sure. Ask me anything."
"Do you think I would be stupid to try and have a long distance relationship during college?"
"I wouldn't do it," I answer honestly. "But then again, I am a world-renowned and self-confessed commitaphobe who waited for far too many years to ask out his dream girl, so I'm probably not the best person to ask."
"Look, I'm not dense, I know that like... 95% of the time long distance doesn't work and is like the worst idea anybody every created," Alyssa elaborates. "But, and I know this also sounds stupid, I don't want to look back in five or ten or twenty years and wonder what could've been, you know?"
"Yeah, I get it," I respond. "But I'm going to tell you a story."
Alyssa looks dubious. "Does this story involve unicorns?"
"No."
"Dr Acula?"
"Nope."
"Okay. Continue."
"A while ago, when I was a lot younger, I had a massive crush on one of my co-workers. She was pretty and funny and ridiculously competitive," I trail off, thinking back."Eventually we started dating, which I was happy about. It wasn't for long, though. It ended after a couple of weeks."
"Why?" Alyssa asking, intrigued by the story.
"Well, long story short, we started to get on each other's nerves pretty damn quickly. Then, the day we actually broke up, she was pissed because I didn't stick up for her in front of our boss. I was so focused on getting our boss' approval that I didn't want to go against our boss, even if it was to stick up for her," I explain. "We had an argument in one of the break rooms. She stormed out, and that was that. It took us a few weeks, but we got back to being good friends. For a while I wondered what would've happened if I'd done things differently, if I'd gone after her and apologised or if I'd defended her in the first place. "
"But I thought you said you'd been getting on each other's nerves?"
"Yeah, we did, but we still dated on and off for years after that."
"Then what happened?" Alyssa asks.
"Well, after our last break up, we spent a few years apart. We were still really good friends, and I think subconsciously I always still thought of her in that way. Anyway, we got back together eventually. Neither of us really expected it, we both thought that ship had sailed a long time ago. Things moved pretty quickly after that. I pretty much moved in with her and her niece without even realising it. A few weeks after we got back together we found out she was pregnant and now we have a beautiful baby daughter."
"Wait," Alyssa says. I can almost see the wheels turning in her head as she's figuring it out. "So that girl was -?"
"Yep," I answer.
"Riiiight."
"Look, I know that's a completely different situation from yours," I continue. "All I'm saying is if something's meant to be, it's gonna happen. Eventually, it'll all just fall into place. Look at Elliot and me. We crashed and burned so many times before we got to here, but believe it or not, I'm glad we did, because if it hadn't been for that, I don't think we'd be where we are now. And another thing," I say. "Back when I thought there was there was no hope for Elliot and me, I kept it in my head that at least we'd tried. At least, we'd tried and failed, and that's got to be a thousand times better than never knowing at all."
Alyssa nods.
I stand up, intent on returning to my task of unpacking boxes.
"Want some help?" Alyssa asks.
"Sure."
It's silent as we unpack the boxes.
"Thank you," Alyssa says suddenly, almost giving me a fright as she breaks the silence. "For, you know, everything."
Alyssa immediately goes back to unpacking, while I pause, unsure what to say.
"You're welcome," is the only thing I can think to say.
JD
The day of Alyssa's graduation is finally here. She's still asleep right now. She's graduating high school today, let her have a lie in.
Elliot and I are sitting down in the kitchen, eating breakfast. As you do in the morning. Just faintly, we can hear the sound of Alyssa's alarm clock, beeping furiously. Once it is switched off, Elliot and I glance at each other.
It's Elliot who speaks. "Three... two... one."
Right on cue, we hear Alyssa's bedroom door opening, quickly followed by the thud of footsteps running along the hall and down the stairs... which is also followed by the clatter of a person's whole body hitting the floor.
"That can't be good," I say to Elliot.
"I'm okay!" Alyssa calls out before continuing her run through the house. She opens the kitchen door with enough force to give a hurricane a run for its money.
"Morning," I say to her.
"Imgraduatinghighschooltoday."
"Say that more slowly."
"I'm graduating high school today!"
"Yes, you are," Elliot grins at her.
Alyssa goes onto do some weird form of happy dance with jumps before spinning round and running back through the house to her room.
A quick descent into fits of laughter happens after that.
"This is gonna be good fun," I say.
JD
So, the rest of the morning turned out to be just as crazy. Home became a madhouse of hair products and makeup and shoes. The makeup and shoes had nothing to do with me, I swear.
They couldn't have picked a better day for a graduation if they'd tried. The sun shines brightly, but there's just enough of a breeze to keep everyone cool, and there's a real jovial atmosphere that fills the outdoor auditorium.
Elliot is sat to my right. Turk and Carla are to my left.
"I had forgotten how much fun it was getting dressed up," Elliot says as she smoothes out her black dress with her hand. "But I cannot wait to get back into my slacks. So much more comfortable."
"You guys remember last year we helped that burn victim to his graduation, only to have him collapse in pain on stage?" I ask the other guys.
"That was a mistake," Carla says, scoffing at the memory.
"I saw the photos," Elliot adds. "His mom really did manage to Photoshop out his anguish. Which reminds me. Do you have the camera?" She asks me.
I hold up said camera. "Right here, babe. Do you guys remember your graduations?"
" I remember at my graduation, my mom cheered so loudly she almost gave the principal heart attack," Turk says, laughing slightly. "He was very old."
"My mom cried all the way through mine," Carla chips in.
Elliot: "I brought my mom's love letter instead of my speech and read that instead. It was humiliating. My college graduation embarrassing too," she frowns.
Turk asks the question we all want to know the answer too. "What happened?"
"I fell down the stairs and fractured my left arm."
Carla grimaces. "Ouch..."
"Please tell me nothing went wrong with your med school graduation?" Turk says.
"No, that was good."
"Thank god."
"My med school graduation was one of the only times my parents sat in the same place at the same time," I say, casting my mind back all those years. "It was last time they were together in the same place."
We're quiet after that, all of us reflecting on graduations past. It's funny how you can remember them so clearly after all those years, even if they're not quite as eventful as Elliot's.
The moment of contemplation is interrupted by the girl of the hour, Miss Alyssa Reid.
"Well, look at you in your cap and gown," Carla says.
"Big day, huh kid?" Turk adds in. "Nervous?"
"Yes. I'm terrified. Have you seen the amount of people here?" Alyssa answers and the nerves are really clear in her voice. "I didn't know you guys were coming today."
"Well, we couldn't let one of the family graduate from high school and not be there, could we?" Carla answers.
Alyssa smiles broadly. "Thank you."
"Have you seen who else is here?" I ask her, gesturing to the other side of the audience, where Alyssa's dad is sitting with one of the nurses from his hospice.
"Wow. He actually made it," Alyssa says smiling. "I should go and say hi."
"But before you go," Elliot says, standing up. "Good luck. I'm very proud of you. We all are. Come here." Elliot hugs her niece. "Good luck. You're going to be great."
"Thank you," Alyssa answers. "Okay, I better go."
"Good luck," Carla and I say.
"You knock 'em dead!" Turk adds.
Alyssa turns slightly and grins at us as she walks away.
"Hey, Elliot, do have tissues with you?" Turk asks.
"Yes. Need one?"
"No, but you might."
A few minutes later, the entire audience is standing and applauding as the students – all of them dressed in their gowns – walk out to take their seats for graduation. I recognise some of the faces walking out as Alyssa 's friends and some of the other Sacred Heart volunteers.
Once all the students are in their seats, the principal approached the lectern. He's an older man, tall, but stout. In a way, he reminds me of Dr Kelso.
"Good afternoon," he says in a deep booking voice that seems to fill the whole outdoor auditorium. "Thank you all for being here at St Catherine's High School in support of this graduating class. It's a great honour to be able to join you in what must be an exceptionally proud and emotional moment for you all – seeing your children graduate from high school.
I would like to begin proceedings by inviting our valedictorian to speak. This young lady transferred to St Catherine's just this year, and wasted no time in showing her true potential. Please welcome to the stage Alyssa Reid."
The audience give a round of applause as Alyssa walks on to the stage. She's obviously nervous and glances to Elliot who nods back at her, as if to say 'You can do it."
Alyssa takes a deep breath before beginning.
"Esteemed staff and fellow students, welcome." Her tone changes from formal to more conversational as she addresses the other student in her year. "Well guys, it's been one heck of year, hasn't it?"
The students chuckle.
"We'd all convinced that this day would never arrive, while we were bogged down in college applications, studying for finals and – perhaps most importantly – trying to make our Senior Year the most memorable it could possibly be. Our yearbook is filled with tales of classroom bloopers and moments of victory and memories of our year trip to Disneyland in Anaheim four weeks ago. That's right folks, we're mature seniors about to go off to college and we elected to go to Disneyland. I think Anaheim is probably my favourite memory of this year, the added poignancy arising from the fact I very nearly didn't go on the trip."
Yeah, and she only went because Elliot threatened to kick her ass if she didn't go on the trip. Alyssa, you've been looking forward to this trip for weeks. You are not missing this trip because of everything that's happened here. I won't let you. Go, have fun for the weekend. No buts. You're going.
"But I'm so glad that I did, because I don't think I've laughed as much as I did there. To all our year, I would like to take this opportunity to publicly thank you all for not shaving off my eyebrows, even though I was the only person on the bus who slept a wink. I'm told that I crashed out the moment I sat in my seat until we arrived in Anaheim despite the ridiculously high volumes of music and singing that were taking place. They really were loud. Trust me, I've heard the recordings.
"Unlike most of us graduating today, I arrived here at St Catherine's High School at the start of Senior Year after I moved here from Connecticut. I'll be honest, I was scared about joining the year so late. I was scared that I wouldn't be accepted or made to feel like one of the group. I couldn't have been more wrong and within a few weeks I felt like I'd never gone to school anywhere else. As we graduate from St Catherine's today to go our separate ways, I know that the people I've met and the memories I've made here will stay with me for life.
"Life is a funny thing. Every day is filled with a new adventure waiting to be undertaken and a new lesson to be learned. Some of these lessons are more subtle than others and sometimes it'll take us a while to figure out the moral we're supposed to take. I feel completely honoured and privileged to have so many people to learn these lessons from – Dad, Carla, Turk and JD, to name just a few. Thank you so much to you all. But I couldn't give this speech without paying tribute to the person from whom I've learned so many of my lessons from - the woman with whom I share a last name and the frightening ability to talk at several hundred times the rate of normal human beings. My aunt, Elliot Reid."
I glance at Elliot, who is staring straight ahead of her, shocked expression on her face. I take a hold of one of her hands.
"Told you might need those tissues," Turk whispers.
"I can't even begin to tell you about everything Aunt Elliot has done for me. She's been my teacher and role model and most importantly, my best friend. I can talk to her about anything from 'What am I doing in life?' to 'What's the escape plan for when the zombies attack?' So far all we've come up with is run really quickly and give JD to them as a distraction." Alyssa glances at me. "Sorry, dude."
I shrug but laugh at the same time.
"Joking aside, there are so many lessons Aunt Elliot has taught me without even knowing it and I wonder if she knows just how much I look up to her. Aunt Elliot, I don't know how I'll ever be able to thank you enough for everything you've done for me and all the lessons you've taught me and I want you to know that I could not have asked for a better person to learn them from. Thank you."
Alyssa retakes her seat as the audience applaud.
At this point, the three of us are trying to comfort Elliot, who is crying freely. It's not sad crying, obviously.
"You okay?" I ask her.
After a few seconds and once she's pulled herself together, Elliot smiles back at me. "Yeah. I'm great."
JD
The graduation ceremony is coming to a close now. The students are crossing the stage in alphabetical order. They're at letter P now, so it shouldn't be long now before Alyssa receives her diploma.
Turk took the camera closer to the stage to get some pictures.
And now it's the moment we've been waiting for.
"Alyssa Madeleine Reid," the principal's booming voice says.
Alyssa climbs up the steps to the stage and walks across the stage towards the principal, who hands Alyssa her diploma. After this, Alyssa continues her walk across the stage. As she does, she looks over to us, a proud grin on her face.
Alyssa
Holy crap, I just graduated high school. I actually just graduated high school. I really can't quite believe it. That's it. It's done. It's over. It's actually over.
I thought I'd feel sad when I walked across the stage. I thought maybe I'd be filled with fear or a sense of impending dooooooom. But I just felt excited that the moment I'd been waiting on for years, really, had finally arrived.
I've graduated high school.
The moments following the end of the ceremony are filled with happy chaos, with lots of hugging of friends and classmates and even their parents. I've even been hugging people I've never even met before. Very strange, but what the hell. It's Graduation.
"Lyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyys!"
I spin around to face the person who shouted on me. "Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate," I reply, mocking her ever so slightly.
Kate bounces towards me before hugging me. "We graduateeeeeeeeeeed!"
"I know! Can you believe it?"
"Noooooooooooooooo!" She shouts. "That's why I'm elongating all my wooooooooooooooooords!"
I'm laughing at her craziness.
"I have to find my folks now," she says, with a fraction more sanity. "You're going to the party tonight, right?"
"Of course!"
"Okay. I'll see you theeeeeeeeeeeeeeere!" Kate hurries off to find her family.
I return to walking around the pandemonium, trying to make my way to familiar faces. Ah, found one.
"Michael."
He turns around to face me in response, before hugging me and kissing my cheek.
"Congratulations," he says.
"Congratulations yourself," I respond. "I know we can't really speak right now, so brace yourself. I'm about to the rip the band-aid off. You prepared?"
Michael nods. "Hit me."
"I don't want to break up when we go to college," I say. "And I know long-distance rarely works and it sucks and there are a million more reasons not to try it. So, what I'm saying is, I'm up for giving this long distance thing a shot if you are. But even if all goes wrong, I'd rather crash and burn than to never know at all." And now I just need to wait for the response. You know, wait to see if I've embarrassed myself by going off on completely the wrong track.
"Me too."
"So we're trying this long distance thing?" I ask. Seriously, I like having clarification before I start to believe... well, anything.
"I think so," Michael smiles at me.
I start smiling too. "Okay. I have to go and find my dad. We can talk later?"
"Definitely."
"Okay."
With that, I scurry off intent on finding my dad. It doesn't take me long though, as my dad and the nurse from the hospice are the only ones still sitting in the seats.
"Hey," I say to my dad.
He doesn't say anything in reply. Instead he just chooses to stand up and hug me.
"Thank you for being here today," I say, feeling myself start to cry again.
JD
Today has been an emotional rollercoaster (I don't care if Dr Cox hates the phrase, I will use it until the day I die!). There have been tears and smiles and laughs, and believe it or not, it's been an escape. It's been so nice, just for the hour, to be focusing on a celebration rather than the constant weight of fear and worry that we've become so accustomed to since Riley was born.
Turk is showing us the photos he took when a voice comes from behind the group. "So... um, what did you guys think?"
We turn around to see Alyssa standing there fidgeting nervously.
"Seriously, was it okay?"
"You made us cry," Carla says. "Enough said."
"We're really proud of you, Lys." I say, as Elliot and her niece hug.
Turk – still with the camera – says, "How about a photo of all three of you for the album?"
As Turk waits with the camera aimed, we line up, Alyssa standing between Elliot and I.
"Okay guys," Turk says. "Say cheese." And with that, Turk takes the photograph.
AN: Thanks for reading. Next chapter will be up in a week or sooner (probably sooner, for reasons I will explain next update). No, really, it will be. I already have it written.