Hey! Chapter nineteen is here! Later than I usually upload, but I hope that's alright :) Enjoy!

I don't own the Avengers, only Emma and the alterations made to the original story.

An Apology and Explanation

Nineteenth Day

I know it might be a really bad idea, but I've decided that I want to see Loki one last time. I think I have to, because some of the things he said still bothers me and some of the images on the screen yesterday don't quite make sense to me. On some of them it looked like he was killing chitauri, and that would make right about zero sense.

Besides, I want to say a proper goodbye. Maybe that'll help my broken heart. Maybe it won't, but at least I'll get to say it. That is of course if the others will allow it. I just think that it's something I need to do. In movies and books it's always about getting closure, maybe I just want that. Or maybe, a tiny voice inside my head says, I just want to see him again. But maybe that's alright too, I think.

I step into the room where the others are gathered. My presence immediately pull a small smile from my father. I smile back, still relieved that he's okay.

"I want to see Loki," I say with determination in my voice. That's the key here, I think. If I seem like I know what I'm doing there's a higher possibility of my father allowing me to see him.

My words make them react. Natasha and Clint are the only ones controlling themselves, but even in their eyes, I can see the disbelief and thoughts of it not being a good idea. Thor looks like he's considering letting me do it, like he doesn't think it can hurt. Bruce just looks plain worried. Steve and my father are the worst; they both stand from where they were sitting and turn equally worried and sad looks at me.

Before my father can say anything, I say, "I know you all think it's a bad idea. But I've thought it through. I need to say one final goodbye."

My father sighs. "Emma, it's not that I think you don't know what you're doing, but I don't trust him. He has caused a lot of destruction and death, and I don't want him causing any more."

I raise an eyebrow at him. "Do you honestly think he would hurt me?"

They all look at me, analyzing what I'm saying, contemplating the right answer, then Steve says, "No, Emma, I," he looks at the others, "we don't think he will. But you never know. And it's not worth the chance."

I have to make them agree, I can't even get in the room if they don't. "But I have to." The words, the hope in my voice, almost make tears appear in my eyes. But I squeeze my eyes tight, so they don't.

I open them again to see my father frowning, "Why do you have to, darling? Why is it so important to you? You've spent so much time with him, you cannot possibly have any more important questions for him."

I avoid his searching eyes. "I just want to say goodbye, besides I do have something to ask him." I continue before they can ask, "And I can't tell you what it is."

"You're hiding something," Natasha suddenly says and I freeze, because they're not supposed to know.

"I-I'm not," I stumble.

"She's right," my father says. "Why is it so important for you to say goodbye to him?"

"It just is!" I snap, inwardly wincing at how childish I sound.

My father takes a deep breath. "You like him," he says.

Oh god, they are not supposed to know that, especially not him. I sigh defeated, "Yes, I like him. But that doesn't matter, because I know it's not going to happen, so stop looking at me like that!"

My father holds his hands up defensively. "Like what, honey?"

"With pity! I know he's not good, I know he has killed people, I know all those things, okay? I just want to say goodbye, so I can get it out of my mind."

My father frowns, looks at the others and sighs. "Okay then, you get half an hour."

My eyes widen. "Really?"

He nods. I smile, "Thank you."

I thought the hard part would be to get the permission to see him, I honestly thought the hard part would be over now that I'm here. But I guess now is the real hard part. I'm standing just inside of the temporary cage they've put Loki in, and I have no idea what to say. I don't know what to do now that I'm actually in here.

It doesn't help that he's staring at me with so incredible sorry eyes, that it just makes my heart break again. What am I supposed to say?

"Loki, I…" I start, but get interrupted by the very man I'm trying to talk to.

"Emma, I need to apologize to you, will you please listen to me?" he pleads both with his words and his eyes. I raise an eyebrow at his interruption. He seems to get the meaning, 'cause he says, "Sorry for interrupting, but I want to explain. If you will listen?"

I take a deep breath to calm myself and nod at him to continue.

"I'm so sorry for hurting you," he starts. I can hear he's genuine and I know he almost never apologizes, so I believe him. "What I said to Romanoff about Banner wasn't true. I do understand what it's like being looked at as a monster, and I am much more of a monster than he ever was. I tried to tell you that this," he gestures around himself, "was never my plan. In the beginning I believed the plan and the goal as much as he did, but then I talked to you."

I blush slightly at his words. Maybe this isn't the ideal way to get over him. And maybe, just maybe, that wasn't really what I wanted anyway.

"You made me understand, but most importantly you understood me. You never thought of me as a monster, until now. And I'm truly sorry for that. I'm sorry for hurting people, for controlling them and I'm sorry that I couldn't do more to stop it." He looks down after telling me, like he's truly sorry and embarrassed. I smile a bit, knowing that he's being honest and back to being the Loki I got to know.

I frown. "So whose plan was it, if it wasn't yours? Is it all over now?" I ask, slightly confused. For some reason I'm not that surprised that it wasn't Loki's plan, I did suspect something was off after all. It's more the fact that there might be something else coming that worries me.

He looks up again at my words. "You believe me?" he asks with disbelief in his voice. I guess he's not used to that. I nod to confirm his question. He visibly relaxes at my words and then ponders my question. "He is called the Mad Titan, his real name I would prefer not saying. I think if he tries to attack Midgard again, it will be in many years. His sense of time is different that the time on Midgard, therefore there could easily go a century."

I relax somewhat at his words, but store the information in the back of my mind should it ever be necessary. "Did you really try to stop it?"

"In the end, yes, I did kill a lot of chitauri. I even tried to protect the humans." He looks so proud of himself that I can't help but laugh.

"Thank you," I smile at him. He smiles back slightly, not forgetting the things he did do. Not that I have.

"I did it for you, I thought about what you would say if you were there," he says hesitantly, like he wanted to keep it a secret but decided to tell me anyway.

I can feel the heat in my cheeks again. "Well, in that case I think you have a pretty good idea of what I would have said," I grin at him.

He doesn't grin back, instead he looks seriously at me. "Can I be honest with you?"

I look surprised at him, but smile slightly. "Of course, you know you can, Loki. I want you to be honest."

He smiles back, before saying, "Do you remember the day where your father found you in the cage with me?"

I nod. Of course I remember, I almost blush at the thought.

He takes a breath, before continuing. It's obvious that he's nervous, I just can't figure out why. "Do you remember what we were doing before that?"

I raise my eyebrows at the question. "Yes. I was looking at the small scars on your lips." And nothing else, absolutely nothing else happened.

"Yes," he nods, "And I… I was looking at yours. Your lips, I mean." He blushes just the tiniest bit before continuing, "When you lifted your head I wanted to kiss you so badly, but then you leaned back and your father came in."

I look at him in shock; my eyes are widened and my mouth is open as I stare at him.

"I just thought you should know, Emma, since I still want to kiss you," he says while grabbing my hand. "If you want to," he adds.

I'm still in shock. Am I dreaming? I don't think so. I need to remind myself that this cannot happen, he's going back to Asgard, so no good will come out of this. The only thing I will get from this is a broken heart when he leaves. And probably the most amazing kiss I will ever get, my mind adds but I ignore the thought. I can't deal with this. How do I answer, when I want nothing else than to say yes.

"I… um… I should go tell the others that it wasn't your plan," I squeak before turning around to leave the room. The hurt is obvious in his eyes and in the way his mouth turns slightly downwards. I force myself not to look back at him, because if I do, I won't be able to control myself.

Once outside I stop. I squeeze my eyes tight, to prevent the tears from falling. Now I'm the one hurting him, and how I hate myself for doing it. But if I had said yes, I'm sure the heartbreak would be bigger. I'm selfish, I know. But I can't turn back now anyway, even if I want to, the door's locked.

I'm finishing telling the others about the Mad Titan. They have stayed silent under my speech, listening seriously.

I turn to Thor, "You have to tell the people in Asgard that he didn't mean to do it, that it wasn't his plan. They can't kill him."

He looks seriously at me, "They won't kill him; at most they will sentence him to a life in a prison cell."

I huff slightly. "How is that any better than dying?"

He pauses for a second but then he shakes his head, "It's not. You have to understand that this wasn't his only crime. He tried to destroy an entire nation; Jotunheim is still recovering."

I sigh. "I know, but you have to do something. That was his fault, this wasn't." Clint and Steve look like they're about to interrupt, so I hold my hand up to stop them. "I know he has done some things wrong, I'm not trying to defend those things, I'm just saying he was forced to do it by that Mad Titan guy."

"How do we know he's telling the truth, he could easily be lying," Bruce says.

I bite my lip. "I know he isn't. He was sincere when he told me, he apologized."

Thor widen his eyes slightly. "He apologized to you?" When I nod, he says, "My brother only apologizes when he means it; he almost never does."

I look at my father pleadingly. He sighs. "I think Emma's right, he's not lying. The question is how much that will change his sentence," he says and wraps an arm around me.

Thor nods. "I will try my best to make his sentence lighter, but I can't promise anything. We will go to Asgard tomorrow."

I sigh. No more of seeing Loki after tomorrow then. I'm going to miss him. My father seems to read my mind, 'cause he squeezes me tight next to him. I smile at him.

Steve seems to sense my mood, too, 'cause he says, "Let's do something fun tomorrow, before you leave, then. We can try that shawarma, Tony mentioned." He smiles at me.

I smile back and laughs a bit.

"That's a good idea, one last family dinner," Natasha winks at me.

I smile and look at them. "Can Loki come then?" I ask hesitantly.

They all seem to glance at Clint, worried that he would be uncomfortable. But he only nods silently, with a small smile in my direction. I smile back happily. But then Natasha's previous words hit me. I frown.

"You know, you're always welcome at our house," I say, directing the comment to all of them.

My father playfully tickles my side. "When did that become your decision, young lady?"

I laugh, "When I started cooking for you, of course."

The others laugh too, and suddenly it's like all those horrible things didn't happen, only the good things.

(Loki's POV)

Why did I say that? Of course she wouldn't want to, how stupid am I?! Of course, I just wanted to be honest and I could barely contain myself. I was just so happy that she believed me and she kept blushing. She looked so beautiful that it made me think of that day.

Of course I wouldn't want to kiss her if she doesn't want me to, but still I can't help but regret that I didn't do it that day.

Right then the door opens and reveals my brother. "Brother! We will leave tomorrow for Asgard," he says.

I nod and look him straight in the eyes. "I'm sorry, Thor. I didn't mean for this to happen."

"So she was telling the truth," he says with a smile. "I forgive you, Loki, I will try to explain it to the council."

I give him a small smile. "Thank you… Brother." The last word is a whisper, but he hears it anyway, if the way his eyes widen is any clue.

And suddenly I'm wrapped in his arms and he's hugging me. After a few seconds I hesitantly hug him back. Admitting to myself that I have missed him, missed my brother. And I wouldn't have realized this without Emma.

"Oh, and we're eating something called "shawarma" tomorrow," Thor says after retracting himself from me.

I frown, not knowing what that is. He shrugs at me with a big grin on his face, clearly not knowing either. "What do you mean "we"?" I ask, finally catching up to his words.

"Emma wanted you to join us, too," he explains, still smiling.

I just stare at him, waiting for him to say he's joking until I realize who I'm talking to. "And you decided that it was okay for me to join you?" I ask with disbelief in my voice.

"Of course, we believe you won't do anything."

"Okay," I say slowly. Inwardly I smile; one more time to see her.

What did you think? I hope you liked the chapter, since there's only one chapter left. Thank you to everyone who followed, favourited and reviewed ^^ Please keep doing it ;) The last chapter/epilogue will be here next monday! I hope you look forward to it ^^