Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece nor Luffy *sigh*

Chapter 4: Paining

After Chopper's treatment (she had no brain concussion or other damages to her body) and after she had assured her crewmates that she was fine, Nami went back to her room. Even if she couldn't concentrate on her maps, they were kind of comforting to her. She sat at her desk, staring at the paper that meant so much to her, but she couldn't even smile. All she could think of was Luffy's face, his voice, his body, his whole presence, and not only the memories from the dream. It was then she began thinking about how it would be, in reality. Would he want her? Would he … no, he wouldn't, he didn't even know about the whole matter. He was too boyish, too much like a child to feel something like want or desire …

But in the dream he was completely different …, she thought, but then immediately scolded: Oh shut up. It was only a dream, a stupid dream! Since when do you allow a dream to leave you so freakin' upset?

A dream, yes. A stupid dream. And yet she couldn't prevent her thoughts drifting off into strange areas … What was that weird feeling right now? Why did her heart beat so strong that she could feel it vibrating in her whole body, even if he wasn't even here? Why did her stomach ache so oddly? She hadn't eaten a thing, and though it would be only normal, it didn't feel like regular hunger. It felt like … butterflies …

"No!", she whispered to herself when realization struck her like lightning. "No, that can't be … I would have noticed, there would've been signs for that … I never felt like this, never, and such things don't come overnight … or do they?", she muttered lowly, head rested in her palms. "No, this can't be, I can't be … in love with him?"

Then she shook her head as if answering her own question. "No", she said firmly. "No, I'm not, and I'll prove that right now."

She didn't know if she meant to prove it to him, for he didn't even know about her inner conflict, or to herself. Or to Robin. She only knew that she had to prove something, or she would collapse out of being torn that much. She couldn't allow herself to think about it anymore, it would only lead her further on, straight into madness. She did not love her captain, full stop.

When she stepped out of her room onto the upper deck, she deeply inhaled the fresh sea breeze. The waves were calm now, nothing to worry about, at least when it came to the weather. Her extraordinary senses for that would have alerted her if a storm was about to come.

Breathing slowly to calm herself down, she took a look around her. The majority of the crew was on the lower deck; Robin reading a book in a beach chair with a delicious-looking drink on the table next to her, Zoro taking a nap leaned against the mast, Usopp crafting something like ammunition for his slingshot, and Brook, Chopper and Luffy sat on the railing, fishing. Sanji and Franky were nowhere to be seen, but most likely they were in their favourite places: the kitchen and the little workshop in the Sunny's hull.

Nami nodded encouragingly as if to cheer herself up, then stepped down onto the lower deck. Robin smiled at her, looking up from her book, and Usopp also noticed her. He cast a brief, curious glance at her, but then went back to his project.

Nami threw herself into the other beach chair next to Robin's, ostentatiously casual, and smiled back at her as if nothing had ever happened, as if her thoughts weren't whirling around in her mind like completely mad in this very moment.

"Everything alright?", Robin asked quietly, and Nami made a dismissive gesture, still smiling. "Yes, I'm okay Robin, thank you."

Robin nodded and went back to her book. She knew all too well that nothing was okay inside her crewmate, but if she didn't want to tell her, she had to cope with it all by herself.

"Hey Robin, I'm bored! Can you do that hand thing again?", Luffy's voice rang out from the other side of the ship. As he came running over, Brook and Chopper in tow, he noticed Nami in the other beach chair. He looked at her a bit estimating, but as she narrowed her eyes at him in probable anger, he hurried to look away, almost unnoticeable shadows on his face.

"Robin, can you?", he asked again, but this time not as cheerful as before. Nami tried hard to ignore it.

"Yes, okay", Robin sighed, knowing exactly when there was no way out. She put her book aside and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Dos fleur!"

Immediately, two hands popped out of Brook's afro, making him look like Chopper, and Luffy and the small reindeer fell to the floor for laughing so hard. Robin smiled at them while Brook tried to remove the hands, screaming that now he couldn't tell any skull jokes with hands anymore.

Nami looked at the scene and smiled involuntarily. Brook looked so funny with antlers, but the sight that caught her eye even more was that of Luffy rolling on the floor with laughter.

He's so cute when he's laughing, she thought spontaneously, then went stiff in her chair. You must be kidding!, she screamed in her head when she realised what she had been thinking. She looked at her captain scornfully. No he didn't look cute, he looked embarrassing and ridiculous and silly and goofy and stupid and …

Right at that moment, Luffy looked at her and saw her face. He stopped dead in his tracks, scared and confused by her expression. Then he slowly sat up. "Nami, what's the matter with you?", he asked seriously.

"Nothing!", she screamed in sudden anger. "Nothing's the matter, so stop looking at me, idiot!"

And with that, she stood up abruptly and stamped back to her room with such noise that even Zoro awoke from his sleep, and Sanji peered out of the kitchen. It was equal to her. All she could think of was her own silliness and his stupid face and that sad expression on his face when she yelled at him. This was so crazy she couldn't even say how much.

She slammed the door shut behind her and threw herself at her bed, panting heavily. She lay there for a few seconds, then she took her pillow, buried her face in it and cried out all her anger, all her pain, all her insecurity and all feelings of embarrassment. She cried out all she could think of.

"No I don't love him and no he's not cute …"

She didn't hear the soft plopping sound as an ear appeared at the ceiling above her.

"No I don't, no I don't, he's my captain and nothing more, I'm so stupid so goddamn stupid …"

Outside, Robin sighed about what she heard from the navigator's room. This was not half the fun she had thought it would be.

"Go away, go away, silly face, I can't take it …"

Robin sadly shook her head, then looked at the captain who had retracted to Sunny's head. Chopper and Brook now played tag with Usopp who had finished his ammunition project. Now and then one of them looked at Luffy, but they couldn't explain his behaviour so they just continued playing, hoping he would join them again soon. Zoro crossed his arms, frowning at the scene, then went back to sleep. Sanji came out of the kitchen, looking questioningly, but as nobody explained anything to him, he just shrugged and went back to the kitchen, preparing exotic drinks for his lovely ladies.

"Go away, go away …" Nami's voice was now not even a whisper, barely audible in the silence of her room. She broke off as violent sobs began to shake her body.

Author's note: Thank you all for your very nice reviews, I'm glad you like the story.