A/N: A big hearty thanks to my friend on Gaia for being a Beta for this chapter and future chapters.

Enjoy

Thinking

"Dog Speak or different language"

Author Interludes

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Chapter 8

The Plot Spreads Out

Sakura staggered back to the scroll. She smiled when she saw the scroll but frowned when she saw a massive wooden sign hammered into the ground in front of it. "To Haruno Rakusa, if you live enjoy the pure awesome." The pure awesome part was underlined.

Three times.

With bold lettering.

"Here are a few notes the scroll didn't contain. You'll be experiencing changes that will resemble puberty on crack. And heroin. With some acid thrown in for good measure." Also underlined.

Two times.

"Anyway it will cause drastic changes in your body that may result in one or more of the following symptoms such as vomiting, diarrhea, loss of vision, drowsiness, weakness of the heart, bone pain, anal pain, vaginal odor, vaginal secretions, erectile dysfunction…"

Naruto sighed as he, Yui, and Ino walked toward the Akamichi household. "This is where my friend and teammate Chouji lives," Ino said as she walked up to the door and knocked on it. "His clan and my clan and our third member's clan are all part of the four noble clans of Konoha." She waved her finger as the door opened.

"Hello Ino. Oh hey Naruto," Chouji said as he walked outside to meet them. "I would ask you guys in but my mom is working hard on some food that can't take a lot of noise or something."

"Are saying we're loud?" Ino and Naruto asked at the same time and voice level. They pressed their faces together and closed in on Chouji. Ino was angry because she was being called loud when Naruto was louder than she could ever be. Naruto was angry because Chouji hadn't offered him any food.

"Uh…no…I'm just…" he held up his hands. "Oh hello I'm Akamichi Chouji," he said walking around the two blondes and bowing to the third.

"DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT DAMMIT!" the two blondes raved.

"H-hello I'm Noumaki Yui," she said bowing in return.

"Nice to met you so you're the one who's got Ino so riled up…" he said rubbing the back of his head and smiling.

He…he does that just like Naruto…

"WHO SAY'S I'M RILED UP!" Ino cawed shaking her fists up and down. Naruto, while trying to remain mad and look it, couldn't help but smile at Ino's antics. She looked at him for support but when she saw the smile, Ino growled and attacked him. She kicked his ass and knocked him over before stomping on his head.

"What did you guys need anyway?" he asked turning back to the two loud blondes.

Naruto stood and dusted himself off as Ino straightened up and calmed down, "Oh yeah!" they said at the same time. "I'm having a party and wanted to invite you. It's a home warming one so try and have your mom to give up that great sukiyaki recipe. We have a grill for it at home. And uh…"

"Yeah I know some of her special Miso ramen," Naruto did a little dance of happiness, "But for the sukiyaki she may make me sign a contract in blood though," Chouji and Naruto laughed.

"It will be this Sunday at 7:00. The building next to Ino's Flower Shop," Naruto explained. Chouji nodded, writing down the time and date before he said his goodbyes and went back inside.

"You see Yui," Ino explained as they headed off to find Shikamaru, "the Akamichi family not only makes the best soldier pills but also some of the best food in the entire village, if you don't care about weight that is. So the women of the family are kind of crazy about keeping the family secrets secret."

"Ah I see. Who are we going to go see next?"

"The laziest bum in all of Konoha…"

"WACHOO!" Shikamaru cried as he dropped his Shougi piece. "Dammit…" he grunted as his father quickly took his king.

"I win…" he said softly.

"That's not fair…troublesome sneezes."

The two were sitting in the Nara family home playing again as usually. Shikamaru's mother was out working on something that they didn't care about and were happy to stay out of. Considering if they hadn't she would've given them the most workload.

"So son how's work been?" Shikaku asked as he reset his pieces with Shikamaru.

"The last time I slept was just before the Hokage festival."

"Shikamaru that was two weeks ago…"

"Yeah…"

Shikamaru's eyes were bloodshot and two heavy bags hung under them. "What's…been the trouble?" Shikaku asked. He watched as his son's head ticked to the side and soft snoring was heard. Shikaku took one of his taken pieces and tossed it to Shikamaru's forehead.

He snapped awake and picked up the piece. Grunting he replied, "Godaime has been making me do double shifts at the registration and her own office. That and Temari has been on the warpath."

Shikaku, a man who had an almost equal desire with his wife for a his son to have a future head of the clan smiled, "You banging her son?"

"No she's banging me with that giant fan…"

Kinky…

"She wants to spar so much now that I have no chakra to even think let alone challenge her with the Kagemane No jutsu or the variations. I can't keep up with the kids at the academy anymore let alone one of the junior leaders of the Suna council…"

"Why is that?"

"Some new girl has become Naruto's slave or whatever and Sakura and Ino are getting together for a plan or something and Temari wants to protect her or some such. I don't care anymore. I'm too tired for such troublesome bull-"

"SHIKAMARU!"

Goddammit…

"Hey Ino…" he said turning to her. She huffed at his normal lackluster attitude's overdrive mode. When Naruto and Yui came around saw him they gaped.

"ZOMBIIIIIEEEE!" the two cried and hid behind the house.

"Ugh you idiots it's just Shika with some horrible fatigue induced facial disfigurements. God! Everyone knows that…"

Everyone who's a ninja trying to surpass the best medical Nin in the village…Hey that reminds me. I wonder if we'll see Sakura-chan soon?

"Uncontrollable bowel movements and flatulence, sore feet, broken bones, sore teeth, brain pain, forehead wrinkles, tender nipples, flaky toenails, flaky fingernails, pubic hair loss, normal hair loss, back hair itch, itchy watery eyes, low mortgage rates, firework malfunctions, urinary tract infections, soggy cereal…"
"Hey Shikamaru this is Noumaki Yui. Yui this is Nara Shikamaru. He's got an I.Q. of 200 and is the best Shougi player in the village…"

"And he's asleep standing up…" Yui commented.

Ino glared at her partner and backhanded him. He grunted and looked up. "Thanks whoever did that it was a troublesome dream…so what now?"

"We have a party coming up to celebrate Yui and mine's new home wanna come?"

Shikamaru weighed the options of this party not sucking. "Fine. Tell Chouji when and where and I'll come with him. Now…"

They waited as he closed his eyes in thought. "Now what Shika?" Ino asked.

"Zzzz…" She growled and smacked him again. "Ugh…that was a dream was not troublesome."

The three left with Ino in a huff over her teammate. Yui leaned in toward Naruto and whispered to him, "Why is Ino so adamant about Shikamaru like that?"

"Beats me she tried to go out with him once but he didn't want to instead he chose Temari. She's still a bit sore over it…"

"I CAN HEAR YOUR FOXY!" she roared grabbing Naruto's throat and shaking him.

"GAH INO-CHAN I'M SORRY!" he cried.

Yui watched slightly curious why Naruto didn't just shake her off. Ino was nowhere near as strong as he is. She shrugged and grabbed Ino's own throat. She squeezed and Ino stopped shaking Naruto.

"UGH! Yui-chan what are you doing?"

Yui squeezed again, "I'm protecting Naruto-sama. If you kill him I would have to kill you and then myself. Honestly going to heaven with Naruto-sama would be a wonderful thing, but I do not wish your life on my karma."

Ino let Naruto go and Yui followed suit letting her go. "Uh…what loyalty…"

"Yeah thanks Yui-chan," Naruto said standing. Barely. "So…let's go find HINATA AND THOSE OTHER GUYS!" Naruto said throwing up a fist.

"You could at least remember my damn name Naruto…" Kiba snorted as he walked up with Akamaru at his side. Yui blinked and gasped. Kiba backed off as she dashed toward him. "Uh…Naruto did you decide to experiment with Bunshin and that freaky girl form of yours?"

"no this is Noumaki Yui my…retainer…and Yui what are you doing?" Naruto asked as Yui scratched Akamaru's ears.

She turned back to them with creepiest face Naruto had ever seen. It was almost…pure adorable "EEEEEE!" she screeched. The three ninja covered their ears. "It's a wittle puppy! I wuv puppies!"

Kiba blinked. "Uh…dude your retainer is whacked…"

"Yeah…and Yui Akamaru is not a puppy he's a big ass dog…"

"But he's so cuute!" she squealed.

"Naruto your bitch is bugging me…" Kiba grunted. "And why do you want to see Hinata and us anyway?"

Naruto's eyes went angry and he whirled on Kiba, "SHE ISN'T MY BITCH DOG BREATH!" Kiba, who wasn't listening or even looking at Naruto, gave Naruto a quick flick of his middle finger as he continued to stare at Yui's reaction to Akamaru. "But uh…yeah," Naruto turned from the sight of Yui petting Akamaru back to Kiba, "I'm having a home warming party. It's to help Yui meet everyone. We wanted to invite you…" he looked at Yui and the dog, "and Akamaru but now that I see her and him…"

"Yeah I know what you mean. Oh and I doubt Neji or Hinata will be able to go," Kiba said.

"Huh why?"

Kiba held up his hand, index finger extended and leaned on Ino and Naruto. "I heard it from a Main Family Guard. A holy Terror was unleashed upon the Hyuga family that took most of the clan elders out and even managed to render NEJI helpless. Hiashi's ass was kicked as well!"

"Hiashi and Neji? What monster could have done something like that?"

"WACHOO!" Hinata sneezed. Hanabi and the other servants cringed away and ran to the other sides of the rooms. "Hmm? Is everyone alright?"

"Uh yeah Onee-chan everything is just fine…we….uh just heard that a bad bug is going around and thought you may have it. Germs and all y'know!" Hanabi laughed as her personal maid gave her a thumbs up.

Good going Hanabi-sama!

"Well that's fine. Hanabi-chan did you see where Neji-aniki and Father went this morning?" Hinata asked.

Hanabi looked at her maids. They shook their heads. "Oh they had important business to attend to! I'm sure that they'll be home anytime soon!"

"Hiashi-sama…where are we?"

"The Land of Hard Knocks my boy…" he clenched his fists. Uzumaki Naruto…I don't even care if you have the Kyuubi anymore…AFTER WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO MY DAUGHTER I SWEAR ON MY NAME AS HYUUGA HIASHI YOU WILL PAY!

"Hiashi-sama?" Neji asked as he saw his uncle strike a very angry version of the 'Nice-Guy' pose.

Hiashi had an epiphany and turned to his nephew, grabbing his shoulders, "Neji…you are the fastest and the youngest. I need you to hurry back to the village and…" he sighed. "And warn Hokage-sama as to what is happening to Hinata."

"But what about people hearing of this Hiashi-sama?" an elder asked.

"FOOL! Remember that is was OUR chakra that kept her inside the mansion compound." Neji and the elders gasped. "That's right now that she has reclaimed the weapon and we are so far from the barrier's core she will easily be able to shatter it and get out into the village. Learning the heir of the Hyuga house has a spanking fetish is nothing compared to what will happen if she pummels a few ANBU in her quest to meet Uzumaki's private areas!"

Did he just say private areas?

Neji, ignoring how obviously crazy his uncle had become took up his 'I'm too stoic of my pants' stance, and prepared to be cool. Again, "I understand Hiashi-sama! I'll do everything in my power to warn Hokage-sama about what is happening!"

"GO NEJI G-"

As Neji was about to take off he turned and pointed at his uncle his eyes flaming, "STOP! NEVER! NEVER SAY THAT! EVER AGAIN! IF YOU DO, SO HELP ME BUDDHA I'LL HAKKE YOU INTO NEXT WEEK!"

Hiashi actually cringed away from him, shaking. "Uh…alright…just y'know get there before dark…"

"FINE! I'M O-dammit…" I almost did Lee and Gai's…fine why not…"YES! I'M OFF!"

Neji explode-

"NO I DIDN'T! I'M NOT EXPLODING FOR ANYTHING DAMMIT! I'M JUST RUNNING SO DO NOT SAY I'M EXPLODING!"

"Well I'm sure you're right," Hinata said. She gasped as she saw the clock. She was due to meet Kiba and the rest of her team in twenty minutes. "I'll be at a team meeting if you need me I'll be around the number 12 training grounds good bye Hanabi-chan!"

"Bye onee-chan!" Hanabi said waving. As soon as he sister was out of the compound she turned to her maids. "We have to warn Hokage-sama about Hinata! If we don't she could go crazy any time now! Let's hurry!"

Joya was always serious when the occasion called for it. In times when your true love could come and go in the span of only a few hours there was always a need for levity. Much like Naruto she turned her humor on and off, as Jiraya and Tsunade and Kakashi learned to.

But when one learns they turned the heir of the most prestigious of all Konoha clans into a Dominatrix queen, you had to laugh!

And that's exactly what Joya was doing.

On the floor.

Trying to breathe.

Tsunade's eye twitched as Hanabi and the acting head of the clan, an elder named Hikari explained watched Joya go partially insane. "Joya please…SHUT UP!" Tsunade screamed slamming her hand down on her desk.

"BUWAHAHAHA! BUT-BUT!" she wiped some tears from her eyes. "They…they called a damn paddle…the weapon!" Joya broke out again and fell over.

"Well you should see her use it!"

That got Joya going louder than ever. Tsunade stood and did a swift drop kick to her lover's face. "Sorry about that," she said sitting back down. "So Hinata has become some sort of berserker?"

"You mean: Kinky berserker! Right?" Joya called from the floor. Tsunade threw a large book on her head.

"Uh…" Hikari gulped, "Yes Tsunade-sama. We believe that the parts of her mind that normally kept her desires at bay have been bypassed somehow. After looking at her I believe it is the hypnosis that Joya-san used on her."

At that Joya stood, the book plastered to her face. She ripped it off and pointed at Hikari, "LISTEN TO ME OLD MAN!"

Copying her Idol, You're one to talk obachan…Hanabi thought.

Sipping her sake, I'd say something but I'm only a year younger than her…Tsunade thought.

Grunting like his lord, She was a jounin when I was an academy student…Hikari thought angrily.

"MY HYPNOSIS IS THE BEST IN THE ENTIRE WORLD! I doubt that anything could have gone wrong! I mean hey it's not like Hinata…uh oh…"

Tsunade twitched. She opened her special medicine drawer and pulled out a jug of sake. "Uh-oh? What 'uh oh?'"

"Well when I tried to make Hinata's waking mind forget about the little 'Naruto spanks bad girls' thing I may have just forced it deeper into her subconscious to do it…"

"And?" Tsunade asked angrily.

"Well there is a teeny, tiny, small little chance," she made a point by squeezing her fingers together, "that the actual act of Naruto spanking her could unleash all that she repressed along with her little fetish, resulting in her becoming a powerful Kunoichi driven by sexual desire instead of killing intent."

Tsunade turned to Hikari, "Did Naruto manage to sneak in and give Hinata a love pat anytime soon?"

"No ma'am. We have patrols every night and when Hinata-sama went bat shit in…" he cleared his throat after Hanabi elbowed him, "began her changes we constructed A to C rank barriers on every opening that led out or into. Anyone who even walks into them would alert the entire elder council even in a drugged sleep. Not even he could get in."

"So Naruto has never spanked Hinata eh?" Joya asked.

"Um Hokage-sama…?" everyone looked at Hanabi who was blushing badly. "That's probably a little bit…not true…"

Tsunade looked at the sake jug. She was going to need a teeny, tiny, small little bit more liquor for this.

Kiba looked at his partner. "Why are you looking so smug?" he asked Akamaru. The two had parted ways from Naruto's little posse and had gone directly to their meeting place, the number 17 training grounds. It was a large open field designed for stealth training with an adjourning forest fro tracking training.

"Naruto's bitch thought I was adorable!" he laughed.

"I doubt Naruto has the backbone to make anyone his bitch."

"Actually master she had his smell all over her chest." Kiba did a double take. "When she hugged me I caught a good strong whiff. Also there's something else on her that could be Naruto's love funk."

"Ugh," Kiba rubbed his eyes. "Whatever. Let's just drop it for now okay? We…dammit I need to ask Hinata something and thinking of Naruto banging that girl isn't going to help."

"Are you going to ask her to Naruto's party?"

Kiba blushed violently as they saw Shino and Hinata approach their position. "Hey guys!" he called waving. The two nodded and Hinata happily waved back. She's in a good mood. I hope Shino will get the hint and let me talk…

"Is Kurenai-sensei here yet Kiba?" Shino asked when they had stopped near him.

"No she's going to be late. Tousa is being a bit of a problem lately so it's hard for her to find a sitter," he explained. He still thought it was crazy how Kurenai had announced her pregnancy only weeks after the father, Asuma, had died. Thanks to the Fifth Tousa was allowed his father's surname.

Kiba honestly liked the kid, like him he was born without knowing his father, but had always been split on the issue of it since he was the first real good male to come from his family in a while. Most Inuzuka successes were female members like his mother or Hana. Personally Kiba would prefer to not have any father if they were like Hiashi, who had always left a bad taste in his mouth.

Shino's glasses flashed under his hood, "I'm going to find some extra bugs then. I'll be in the woods." As he left and passed Kiba he said quietly, "We may be teammates Kiba, but Hinata is also my friend. Hurt her and I'll make your life hell."

Kiba laughed and shuddered a bit before scowling at the receding Shino's back. Acting like the older brother type…Uchiha's brother was not as creepy as you are…Kiba gaped as he saw Shino take out his Nin-Pod and turned it to 'Stealthing Dirty' (1).

Kiba turned back to Hinata who was sitting patiently on a log. Come on Kiba! You can do this! You've faced Akatsuki! Missing Nin from all five villages! Anko and Kurenai's cooking! Asking the girl you like out is going to be…

"Kiba-kun are you okay? You look a little red," Hinata said looking at him.

Impossible…NO! SUCK IT UP! IT'S DOG TIME! if Naruto can do it! SO CAN I!

"Well. The truth is Hinata…I'm a little nervous…"

"Why? Are you worried about this mission? I'm sure you'll be able to get into the Hunter ranks soon Kiba-kun."

"No," he shook his head and rubbed the back much like Naruto. "I…well you see…Naruto…he's having a party…and…" His words died in his throat when he saw Hinata's eyes light up. He flushed brilliantly and sputtered.

Hinata smiled and leaned forward and to the side toward him, "You would like to ask me to go with you?"

Kiba became so red he put Hinata to shame, "Y-yeah…"

She stood up and kissed his nose. Akamaru gaped and Kiba nearly fainted. "I'd love to go with you Kiba-kun…"

As Kiba's mind went bonkers thinking of what just happened Kurenai appeared. "Hello everyone…Kiba are you okay? You look like you have a fever."

Kiba then promptly fainted.

"Trying to catch me stealthin' dirty, rolling up like I been flingin' Ku-NAI…" Shino mumbled under his breath.

Now, when I say Joya was laughing her ass off at this point, I mean she was doing it on the inside, because if she were actually laughing at what she just heard Tsunade would hurt her. And Joya was more scared of her lover than Jiraya was scared of gay fans of his book.

Tsunade helped herself to a little medicine and looked at Hanabi. "You're serious?"

Hanabi blushed violently. "Yes. Hinata has…well she's gotten over Naruto for the most part as he doesn't see her besides a friend so she's turned to Inuzuka Kiba-kun and-,"

"She's in love with Kiba…and in lust with Naruto?" Joya suggested. Tsunade gave her a warning glare and pointed. "I didn't do anything!" she grunted crossing her arms and turning her head.

"Basically," Hanabi said nodding.

"So what can we do about it Hokage-sama? Will dispelling the Jutsu work?" Hikari asked Joya.

She turned back to him and thought, "It could. But it could also release the dom…berserker state into a waking reaction to everything not just sexual frustration. In her wet dreams about Naruto-,"

You don't have to be so blunt Joya-san…Hanabi snorted.

Crude…Tsunade said with a little sip of Sake.

My Kami-sama…I never want to hear that phrase again…

"-She's spanked and it sets her off. Does Kiba feel the same way about Hinata?" Joya asked. Hanabi nodded, "Does Naruto know that?" she nodded again. "ALRIGHT! Thanks to the amazing mind of Nobonachi Joya I have conceived a brilliant plan!" Joya threw her fist into the air and emphasized it with an out stretched index finger.

Tsunade sipped her sake straight from the bottle, "Odd I seem to recall a 'brilliant plan' that caused all this mess."

Joya lowered her fist and switched fingers just for Tsunade. "FINE! Anyway the plan is: I'll make her subconscious mind react to the dreams the way her waking mind reacts. She'll become flustered and will pass out if she wakes up…now if she is actually spanked in real life…" she shrugged.

"Can't you do anything better?" Hanabi asked.

Joya glared at her, "YOU KNOW FOR AN ENTIRE FAMILY OF VOYUERISTS YOU ALL COMPLAIN ABOUT A DOMINATRIX VERY LOUDLY!" she bellowed.

Hanabi gaped and looked at Hikari who was whistling. "We…Hikari-san?"

"Uh…well you see Hanabi our family is uh…"

"Full of perverts who like to watch…"

"NOW SEE HERE!"

"YOU'RE ONE TO TALK ABOUT SEEING ANYTHING! I saw you checking me out! So you go for older women Hikari-kun?"

He glared at Tsunade, who let it wash over her as the sake washed down her throat, "DAMN YOU! Why is a traitor like you even IN this damn office!"

Joya leaned in and glared at Hikari, "Wanna say that to my face bitch!"

He poked her in the chest, neither of them noticed it was right on one of her small breasts, "I JUST DID YOU FISHY WHORE!

"WHO YOU CALLING FISHY?!"

"MAYBE THE ONE WHO SMELLS LIKE DAY-OLD SUSHI!"

"That. Is…ENOUGH!" Tsunade screamed as she shattered her desk into a thousand pieces with a drop kick. She took a deep breath and sighed. Sitting back down she was about to put her elbows on her desk but moved them to her armrests. "Ahem. Well so Joya how long will it take to do that?"

"If we get her here in less than an hour? Maybe the rest of the day. I'll need a quiet room and a soldier pill to keep my chakra up. Going through the girl's mind is tiring!" said the hypnotist nin.

"Fine. Hikari, Hanabi go find Hinata and bring her here immediately. Joya get what you need set up. I've got some work to do…" Tsunade said with a sigh. I did promise after all. "Well…GET GOING!"

"HAI HOKAGE-SAMA!" and all three vanished.

Tsunade let out a loud gulp of air and pulled a scroll from between her large mounds. Opening it she read what had to be the most horrible statement she had ever read.

Special Mission Team. Uzumaki Naruto, for advanced stealth and ability training. Noumaki Yui, for Konohagakure basic training and adaptation.

And finally…

Mitarashi Anko, commander.

"He just fell over?" Anko asked Kurenai. The two women were sitting in a dango shop, naturally, describing Kiba's wonderful little adventures in dating.

"Yes. I'm guessing Hinata kissed him."

"HAHA!" Anko laughed, "What a bitch! Even Naruto can last longer than a kiss!"

She knows our little hero well doesn't she kiddies?

"Speaking of him did you hear about that new girl?"

Kurenai looked up and blinked her red eyes glistening. Not many people guessed but Kurenai had become a stickler for gossip. Once her son was born and she had to stay home to care for him she had gotten to her neighbors, and their news, much better.

"Well Joya-sama is back!"

Kurenai blinked again. "Wasn't she killed in battle nearly twenty-two years ago?"

Anko shook her head, "Nope, just captured. Made to deliver the Sandaime Mizukage's baby. And that baby is Naruto's new squeeze! She's his…" Anko looked around and leaned in. Kurenai matched her lean inch for inch. "Retainer…"

Kurenai sighed and put her fingertips to her forehead. "Doesn't she know that was meant for samurai not ninja?"

"Doesn't matter really. She's here to serve Naruto and I guess that title is better for him." The two looked off into space for a second before Anko thought of something, "Oh yeah that reminds me, what's been going on at the Hyuuga mansion?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well I went by there the night before last and I heard screams and loud 'SWAK' 'SWAK' sounds. So what's going on?"

"I have no idea. Hinata didn't seem fazed by or worried about anything…in fact she seemed a bit more confident than normal," explained the red-eyed ninja.

Anko shrugged and looked back her dango. She smiled and moved her eyes to her friend, "Didya hear?"

"Obviously not Anko," Kurenai sighed.

Anko wasn't put off, "Naruto's having a home warming party! He's invited most of the old genin teams and even the sensei's. Wanna go Nai-chan?"

"One: Don't call me that. Two: I can't I promised Tousa I would stay home with him for the weekend and teach him to read Kanji," she sipped her tea and thought about her son's smiling face.

"Bring him!"

"To a party where Kiba will most definitely bring beer he convinced his mother to buy for him, where Jiraya-sama will undoubtedly sneak into and put porn or something in the television, and where Shino will play that crazy 'Rap' music of his? No thank you. My son won't be forced into that much insanity at his age."

Anko nodded, smiling inwardly. Little did Nai-chan know that Anko had been spending her last five baby-sitting sessions teaching little Tousa-chan curse words.

Compared to her, Jiraya and the Rookie 9 plus 3 were harmless.

"Well I have to go home. I'm sure the sitter is going crazy by now."

"Bye Nai-chan!"

As Kurenai paid and left she stopped at the door, "And if my son ever tells me I'm a 'fucktard' I'm going to genjutsu you right into a fantasy that puts Make-Out Paradise to shame."

Anko twitched as she watched Kurenai leave. She wouldn't…would she?

Naruto sighed. "Yui come back!" he called. Yui was hiding around a corner shaking.

"Naruto-sama, I do not wish to be in the presence of…of…them!" he cried hiding behind a trashcan in the ally. The devil's eyebrows…

"Ino watch her for a second please while I invite Gai. She's a bit weirded out by his eyebrows," Naruto explained as he rang what Gai had labeled 'The Doorbell of YOUTH!'

"Who isn't?" Ino countered. She sat next to Yui and put a hand on her shoulder. The girl huddled into Ino's side causing the younger blonde to blush.

"GOODDAY NARUTO-KUN!" came from around the corner. Naruto's voice followed. "OF COURSE! Currently my adorable student Lee is at his parent's home do you know where it is?" Naruto replied. "I'LL SAVE YOU THE TROUBLE AND INVITE HIM MYSELF! I'M OFF!"

An explosion rocked the street and a cloud of dust blew by as Gai took off ton find his student. Naruto appeared and waved. "Well let's hurry up!" he laughed.

As they walked towards the next house Naruto turned to Ino, "Who's left?" he asked.

"I think only Tenten. Kiba said he'd invite Shino and Hinata along with Kurenai. Gai is obviously coming so that only leaves her if Hinata invites Neji."

"Yeah let's get over to her house and finish this up, me and Yui-chan need to get the supplies for the food and the drinks. While Kiba's mom buying us beer is appreciated it isn't the only thing I want to drink. Besides the last time we couldn't keep it away from Lee…and well…"

Yui watched and Naruto and Ino had a horrible vision pass between them.

HEY! YOU! YEAH YOU! PLUM TREE! WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MOMMA! NO YOU'RE AN ARTICHOKE!

"What happened?" Yui asked.

"Ever see a drunk martial artist kick box a tree into oblivion and then use the splinters to make a replica of his greatest rival and destroy that?" Naruto asked. Yui shook her head. "We can ask Kaka-sensei to bring his laptop. He has the video tape on his Nin-Space page."

Ino laughed a little as she remembered Kakashi catching the entire thing on tape. If she remembered right he had a decal on the side of his camera that said 'God of Zoom Feature.' She giggled at the memory and saw Tenten's large apartment building.

"That's it," Ino said pointing. Naruto gaped. "Yeah I was surprised too. It seems Tenten's grandfather is a big weapons maker who lives outside the land of fire. He sends her money monthly. I guess it's enough if she can live in some of the best apartments in town…" Ino trailed off as Yui and Naruto walked up to the building.

There was no doorman, but there was an intercom. Naruto blushed as he asked Yui to translate the Kanji for him. She pointed out Tenten's number and pushed the button.

Rock Lee's parents were normal people. In truth Lee's father, a man who was very similar in appearance to Gai, was a very calm man, if not for the fact he drank a bit too much. He had wounded his leg during a critical competition, he is a practiced martial Artist, nearly fourteen years ago and had to use a crutch ever since. His wife's family inheritance and Lee's ninja funds paid for the family.

Both Rock Lai (2) and Rock Longhua (3) are skilled fighters. Trained in the old ways of martial arts they did not believe in killing and therefore did not become ninja. Also their ability to use chakra was never fully developed, genetic problems they passed on to Lee. Lai had been sad when his son decided to follow what he called a 'blood soaked path for a warrior' but when he saw how his son had become so enamored with it he backed down.

He was sitting at his kitchen table reading the paper late. It was already past noon and he was enjoying some coffee and sake. He knew it wasn't good to drink so early, but he preferred the mixed tastes.

His wife made it to help Lee build up an immunity so he didn't go crazy at every party he went to.

The drunken fist was a dangerous weapon.

Especially when your mother had a love of crystal Chinaware.

Personally Lai liked how Gai was helping his son out and the man himself. Their names were similar, so was their hair, and they even had similar tastes in sake. But there was something that got to him about his son's sensei.

"DYNAMIC ENTRY!"

Oh yeah…that shit.

"Longhua!" he called. His wife dashed to the front door while he went to the back. They opened them at the same time and Gai flew through the front and out the back before rebounding on a large rubber tree they had planted specially for Gai.

He rolled to a stop at their table and sprang up. "GOOD MORNING LAI-KUN! LONGHUA-SAN!" he called.

"It's," Longhua looked at her wrist watch, "past one Gai. Can I get you anything?"

"My nose smells the brewing of delicious coffee! May I have a cup Longhua-san!"

"Very well," she moved past him to the kitchen.

"What can we do for you Gai?"

"I came to see Lee. His training partner and friend Naruto-kun is having a party and he wanted to invite Lee but did not know where Lee lived! SO I VOLUNTEERED TO INVITE MY ADORABLE STUDENT MYSELF!"

It's really creepy how he calls Lee adorable…Lai thought to himself. Longhua reappeared and handed Gai his coffee. Thanking her he sipped it.

"Ahhh! I can always count on your magnificent skills in the kitchen Longhua-san! Is Lee still in bed?" Gai asked because he knew Lee always did is chores when not training or was helping his father relax his wounded leg.

"No he left in the middle of the night screaming something. I guess he decided to do some personal training. I really hope he told the Hokage about it…" Lai sighed.

"Thank you Lai-kun! Longhua-san! Seeing as Lee is not here I shall finish my coffee and take my leave! I shall not disappoint Naruto-kun! I'll find my student Lee by the time of the party or I'll-"

"NO!" Lai screamed. "The last time you said anything about your 'self inflicted punishments' I woke up with you doing raps to the Aburame Clan's 'Jigger Bug' Mix tape! I'm not having you do that here finish your coffee and GO GAI!"

Gai blinked. "Yes Lai-kun…" he drank all of his coffee in one go and returned the cup. "WELL THEN! I'M OFF! REVERSE DYNAMIC ENTRY (4)! (Which in truth is Dynamic Exit!)"

Tenten was not what one would call strictly 'private.' In fact she enjoyed talking to people and venting the to her homes, but when she found out a boy she had honestly developed a good natured crush on had just had sex with her idol, who was nearly three times his age I might add, she really didn't want to be disturbed. So, after drinking a little, and hearing the alarm for her doorbell she sat up from her couch and growled.

Stomping to her door she pressed the 'send' message and screamed, "WHAT?!" No answer. "IS THIS A FUCKING SALES CALL BECAUSE IF IT YOU BETTER HAVE SOME DAMN FAST LEGS!" she bellowed.

"Uh…hey Tenten-neechan…"

Her finger fell back and she gasped. Naruto was downstairs. "Naruto? Is that you?" Play it cool Tenten he's can't know that you saw him…she took a gulp of air…spanking that Yui.

"Hey I wanted to ask you about something-"

"NO! I WAS NOWHERE NEAR YOUR HOUSE TODAY! I didn't happen to see anything!"

"Uh…okay Tenten-neechan. I wanted to ask if you would come to a party I'm having at my new house…"

Tenten knew her face was beet red. Smooth girl. Why not admit to it. It's less embarrassing than whatever that shit you just pulled was…"Tenten-neechan?"

"UH?! Oh sorry Naruto. Yeah I'll be there. When is it?"

"7:00 Sunday. I'm glad you're coming Tenten." She blushed deeper, "Lee's coming and you know Kiba's bringing some beer. Will ya help me keep him away from it?"

Tenten smiled, "Yes. I'll help you Naruto."

"Cool see ya Tenten-neechan!" And Naruto left. She sighed and pressed her back against her door and slid to the floor.

"Anyway I can…"

A/N: Well kids that's all for now. The next chapter will include everyone getting ready for the party. Sadly I must result to toilet humor on the part of Sakura, but you know...I think we all see she deserves it.

Also yes, it is official Kiba and Hinata will get together. And for those of you who wanted her to bang Naruto, well I've got myself a little plan that will help things along.

(Manacial laughter)

Ino: Don't mind him folks he's jsut an idiot...

Dictionary:

1 (Stealthing Dirty): A song about how ninja keep getting rolled up on by the man even when they aren't assassinating and shit. Respect the Nins yo…

2 (Rock Lai): Lee's dad. I think the man seen with Lee on Chapter 82's cover page is him. Name made up.

3 (Rock Longhua): Made up, looks like Sakura with black hair and eyes.

4 (Reverse Dynamic Entry, a.k.a. Dynamic Exit): Just as Gai enters he will leave it as youthfully and elegantly.