A/N Since I have loads of free time now, I have a lot of time to write. That's why I decided to post this chapter sooner than I had intended :) I really enjoyes writing it, and I hope you will like it as much as I do! :)

Chapter Thirteen

For my own surprise, I fell asleep very fast. After Paul left I stayed by the window for a while, struggling with myself. I wanted to call him back and apologize, but since he hated that I did that, I thought it would be better to leave him alone.

I knew I had hurt him, the look in his eyes right before he left haunted me in my sleep. In my dreams I wanted to calm him down, to ask for forgiveness, to swear that I'm never going to hurt him like this. But I couldn't get to him, in the dream I ran and ran, but he just moved away from me.

I woke up quite exhausted. During the night I kept waking up every now and then to try to hear Paul outside my window. After not hearing anything I fell asleep just to wake up again in a while.

After getting ready for the day I didn't know what to do. I knew I didn't want to think about any of the things that made me cry yesterday, and for that to work I had to keep myself busy. Charlie wasn't home so I decided to clean.

Two hours later the house was perfectly clean and once again I had to find something to keep myself from thinking. After spending another hour doing homework for school, I gave up. I couldn't stop thinking of Paul. Memories of him were less painful, so I let my mind wonder.

Why was he even in my room yesterday? He never actually told me why he came and I was eager to know. He said that he had been in my back yard during all these nights, but he had never let me see him. And last night he came in his human form and even called my name. That was weird to hear him call me, he had never used my name, I knew he referred to me as a 'leech lover' and I had never expected anything nicer from him.

I couldn't help but notice that I liked how my name sounded when he said it. I liked him having my name on his lips as much as I liked having his on mine. I shook my head, I can't be thinking like this. It felt like betraying Edward, after all he was the love of my life, and I had sworn to myself to love him and no one else. No one else would ever make me feel the way he did.

What was it that allowed me to say his name? Was I really getting over him? If I would have been happy about that few months ago, now I was pretty confident that I don't want to forget him. Where would that leave me? I would probably end up with someone like Mike Newton and live my happy little life raising kids in Forks. I scowled at the thought. I've considered being with Mike twice during the past two days, and it was nothing good.

I used to think that if I was ever able to get over Edward, it would be Jacob I go for. And now I didn't know. Would it be Paul? I surely had something for him, but I blamed it all on the imprint, the imprint made me feel the pull toward him, it was not something I've chosen myself. It felt just like Jake had described. I was forced into having these feelings for Paul. And I couldn't tell if I would ever have feelings for him without the imprint. I didn't know him, maybe he wasn't that bad and this imprinting thing would let me get to know him better. But did I actually want to?

It was still hard to believe that some kind of magical forces have chosen me for Paul, but I couldn't deny that. I tried to figure out what he was feeling. I mean, he had hated me. And now he was forced into loving me.

Did he love me? The thought seemed to scare me at first. It would be awful if he fell for me and I didn't feel the same. Somehow it reminded of me and Edward. I loved him and he had never loved me for real. Would it be the same with Paul? Would he love me without me feeling the same way? And had I the right to ignore the imprint, I mean, it made me Paul's soul mate, so I had to be there for him. I couldn't tell if I wanted that myself, or the imprint did it for me. The only thing I knew for sure was that while I kept myself concentrated on Paul, thinking of Edward hurt less. It was almost as having Jacob there for me during the first months, only Paul's presence calmed me even more.

Jacob.. I had completely forgotten about him! After Sam called him yesterday, I never saw him again. Was that only yesterday? It felt like everything happened weeks ago. I shook my head and made up my mind.

I was going to La Push. To see Jacob. Somewhere deep inside I knew that it was actually Paul I wanted to see, but my consciousness told me I had to see Jake. I had to talk to him and make sure he doesn't hate me. I didn't want to lose his friendship just like this.

It took me a few times to start my car, I'd have to ask Jake to take a look. Then it hit me, that mine and Jake's relationship would probably change dramatically. I tried to ignore Paul's comment about Jacob wanting to kiss me, but I couldn't do that any longer. What if now Jake wouldn't want to see me at all? I could bet he felt betrayed. By me, because I never chose him over Edward, and now by Paul with this imprint.

Suddenly going to La Push to see him didn't seem such a good idea. But since I was halfway there already, I decided to pull myself together and just face it.

By the time I reached Jake's house I was so ready to face him (I even had a monologue prepared), that it surprised me a lot to find his house empty, the door locked. For a moment I just stood there, confused. I came here with a certain purpose and now that it failed, I didn't know what to do.

Slowly I decided to take a walk on the beach. I hoped that Jacob would get home at some point, will see my car and find me somewhere on the beach. But what if he didn't want to see me at all? I shook the thought away, I can't allow myself to let those 'if's' make me feel worse. Right now I'll just enjoy the moment and have a nice walk.

I loved walking on the beach. It always felt nice to let my mind wonder while I slowly walked along the sea. Me being clumsy I tripped every once in a while, but it didn't matter. The day was beautiful, no usual clouds and rain, it was sunny and warm, so unlike Washington. It felt very peaceful here. After walking for a while, I saw a log and decided to take a break.

I sat there and looked at the ocean. The last time I was in it, I went insane. Now I remembered all the thoughts that crossed my mind when I dived, when I was under water, when Paul saved me. He hadn't actually told me when did he imprint, but I guessed it happened right after he got me out of the water.

Subconsciously, my fingers touched my lips. I closed my eyes and tried to remember the feeling of his lips on mine. The only thing I remembered was the feeling of warmth, the touch was very soft and comforting, but since I was all dizzy back then, nothing else came to my mind. I wondered what would it feel like to have his lips on mine again, when I could really feel and understand what's happening.

The thought scared me. Did I actually want Paul to kiss me? And I had to admit that I did. This pull I had made me think of Paul when he wasn't around. When he was around, I wasn't able to think clearly, during those moments I lost the filter that sorted out the things that I should say from those that I shouldn't. I have never been a person to say what comes to my mind without analyzing it, and yet with Paul I said everything that I thought, without thinking that it may hurt him. And it had hurt him several times.

Wasn't the imprint supposed to make me be good to him? Why did I keep hurting him? I had to admit that in spite of his comfortable presence, being alone with him still intimidated me. But I couldn't tell if that was the kind of scary intimidation like before or a new, exciting one.

Did I have a crush on Paul? My eyes popped open. Of course I did. But how is that possible to have a crush when you love someone else? I loved Edward, and I was pretty sure that if he ever came back, I would fall for his lies again, even if I knew he'd break my heart. Being with him, even for a while and without any intentions from him, would be the happiest thing for me.

I found it very hard to be thinking of Edward when I was here. The trees, the ocean, the beach – they all made me think of Jacob. And now Paul, too.

My eyes closed again and I tried to remember his features. He was taller and leaner than Jacob, physically he was smaller than Jake, but he was still huge comparing to, for example, Mike Newton. I giggled quietly. I remembered Mike whenever I thought of normal human boys. Those who would be suited for me. The guys I went for were way out of my league, being vampires or werewolves. What have they possibly done to deserve a disaster like me?

I mean, Edward made his own choice. He got me to fall completely in love with him and then dumped me like unwanted pet. I laughed. In a way, I was a pet for the Cullens. They had me, the kids played with me, and when the owner got sick of me, he threw me away. Maybe other kids, like Alice, still wanted to be around, but he was the boss. I sighed.

It was a completely different situation with Paul. According to him, he was forced into being there for me. Was he really that bad to deserve having me for the rest of his life? Somehow I felt sorry for him, he was stuck with a girl that wouldn't even love him. Maybe in a while the imprint would wear off and he would fall in love with a girl who's better for him?

It came as a surprise for me when I realized that I didn't want him to fall in love with someone else. And I didn't want to fall for him myself. Was really being that selfish? And I had to admit that yes, I was. I didn't want anyone else to have Paul, my Paul.

I didn't quite realize that I've said his name out loud until a voice startled me.

„Thinkin' of me, aren't you?"

My eyes popped open just to see Paul standing right next to the log I was sitting on. The surprise made me lose my balance and I fell backwards off the log. Somehow I managed to get up without him even attempting to help me.

„It's not nice to scare people like that, you know."

The only response I got was a smirk.

„What are you doing here anyway?"

„I kind of live here."

„On the beach?"

„In the woods."

I chuckled. Why was he in such a good mood? He should be completely pissed off and angry at me for yesterday. But he didn't seem to be like that, and I had to figure out what's going on.

„Look, about yesterday, I.."

„If you even try apologizing again, I swear this time I won't use my hand to make you shut up."

That confused me until I figured out what he meant. As I remembered myself thinking of Paul kissing me, I blushed. And he laughed.

„Well, but I still want you to know that I didn't mean it."

He simply nodded. I sighed and continued.

„And now I don't get why you're not angry. I mean, you're always mad about something when I'm around."

„Well, I am."

„How come you're not showing it?"

„Because the fucker inside of me is too damn happy to see you." He hissed and I didn't know what to think. Did it mean, that he didn't want to see me, but he was happy just because he had to?

He must have read the look on my face.

„It doesn't mean that I'm not glad about you being here myself. It's just the fucking imprint, it makes me feel things that I don't want to. And I hate that the wolf has so much control in my life. I can't understand which feelings are my onw and which are the wolf's." He sighed and sat down next to me.

The feeling of his hot body just a feet away from me was too intoxicating. I had to concentrate hard to keep myself from getting closer and leaning against him. I guess it was his presence that made me dizzy enough to ask the thing I never thought I would.

„And what exactly do you feel?"

He looked in my eyes, as if searching for something in them. I wondered if he found what he was looking for when he answered.

„Need to protect, caring, some sort of addiction, sometimes anger and constant horrible, horrible pain."

„Why?"

„Well, you of all people need the protection, do you know how much it took of me not to catch you when you fell on your ass off the log?" A Paul-ish grin. I couldn't help but smile in return.

„And why would you let me fall?"

„I just know how much you hate help when you're being clumsy." He must have seen the confusion in my eyes. „I've seen every single thought Jacob has of you."

„Oh. But that wasn't what I meant. Why the pain?"

He sighed.

„Do you think I don't know you're hung up on your leech?" I flinched. „Hey, I only promised not to call the girl a leech, you'll never get me to call that bloodsucker in his name."

I just nodded, feeling the lump in my throat. It came out of nowhere, I never though that Paul mentioning Edward would make me cry. I don't know if he noticed that I was close to tears when he continued.

„So, I just know that you'll never be over him and it's not the best thing for me." He sighed once again. „Plus, I can't imagine what's so bad about me that made me imprint on a pale face." He looked at me with that searching look again.

Hearing him practically say that I'm not worth imprinting on and him looking at me like this was enough for me to let the lump turn into tears. I hated that it was this easy to make me cry. I was crying out of anger and feeling of worthlessness and I couldn't stop it.

Through my tear-blurred vision I saw Paul stiffen next to me. He moved closer a bit, and I hoped he wouldn't attempt hugging me. And he didn't. He got up and for a moment I thought he would just leave me like here in a mess, but instead he knelt in front of me, catching my look with his and not letting go. Without even touching me he managed to get my attention and I couldn't look away.

„Would you let me finish?"

I nodded through the tears. He took a deep breath.

„And then I thought that maybe there is something really great about you that made me imprint on a pale face."

Not realizing what I was doing I moved forward and threw my arms around his neck. He stiffened, but a moment later I felt him hug me back.

So, what do you think? I really love reading your opinion, so I would be really happy if you would find a moment to let me know what you think. After all, I'm writing this story for those who read it, and it's important that you like it :)