There is no emotion; there is peace.
Kavar closed the steely doors of Queen Talia's chambers, repeating the first line of the Jedi Code as he rubbed his forehead in agitation. Slumping against the wall, he looked down the hallways scattered with sleepy-eyed guards, unhappy with the additional watch.
He found it disturbing that Vaklu had gone so far as to actually attempt assassination. He hadn't expected Talia's show of strength in the Council to go unpunished, but to kill her… Kavar was surprised at his boldness. The Queen's military resources, though loyal, were limited, and he had hoped to have more time to help her rally supporters and troops. How could he possibly protect her? One lone Sith assassin was manageable, but a whole troop? An army? Vaklu wouldn't wait much longer to strike; Kavar could see that now. What to do?
There is no ignorance; there is knowledge.
His thoughts drifted elsewhere, searching for understanding. Without his permission, a sudden streak of rage raced through his heart as he reflected on Talia's would-be killer. He could still smell the faint floral scent of her hair; feel the yielding softness of her body under the thin nightdress as she clung to him. He felt warmth spreading through his body at the memory, combined with a curious fear that pricked his heart. His mind tumbled into dangerous waters with gleeful abandon, thinking of her soft white skin on his, how it would feel to run his hands through her long black hair, to be near her every moment. He had dreamed of her ever since they met, hoping secretly that he would see her again someday. And now, at last, he had returned…
There is no passion; there is serenity.
He reined himself in sharply, checking his wandering mind. No, he really couldn't allow himself to think of her like that. He had been trained from his earliest years as a Jedi to avoid passion and attachment like the plague. They could lead to anger and fear, and eventually, the dark side. He couldn't give in so easily now. Not when the fate of Onderon, among other things, was at stake.
Breathing in, Kavar tried to remember the lessons he had learned from his first masters, when he was only a Padawan. You must always confront your emotions; the old voices rang in his head, and then turn away from them. Kavar closed his eyes, trying to silence his mind. But all he could see were green eyes, and his heart pulsed more erratically.
There is no chaos; there is harmony.
Concentrating harder, he set his muddled thoughts on Talia aside, looking for answers to the immediate problem. Vaklu might have tried to dispose of her, but it was still not an open act of war. Perhaps Vaklu was expecting that the public would hear of the incident, so that he could claim slander? Yes, that would explain it, he thought grimly. In the event that Talia reported the attack, Vaklu hoped that the public would demand tangible evidence of an arrangement between himself and the Sith. Evidence that we wouldn't be able to provide. As it is, we'll just have to ensure that no one outside the Palace hears of this.
Kavar sighed, feeling calmer for having found an answer. Carefully, he began to prod his feelings about the Queen again, trying to banish them. It would be easier, safer. Yes, she was beautiful. She always surprised him, with her passionate convictions and that intricate mind. She had an uncanny knack for coaxing his emotions to the surface, like drawing water from a still well. But I'm a Jedi, he thought firmly, one of the last at that. It is my responsibility to uphold the Jedi Code to the letter, especially if we ever begin to rebuild the Order. I don't even know if she could care for me in return, she is so dedicated to the happiness of her people… he shook his head, standing upright against the wall. Either way, I can't take the risk of feeling.
So I will feel nothing, he thought coolly. Resolved, the Jedi Master exhaled slowly.
There is no death; there is the Force.
Kavar sunk down to the chilly marble floor, staring up into the delicately arched ceilings. He would examine the flawless architecture, remember the past, meditate; anything to avoid thoughts of the young Queen sleeping a few meters away.
But once again, all he could see were clear green eyes and a soft smile.
To rockforthecross74: Thanks for your continued great reviews! As for the happy/reunited ending with Kavar and Talia, I'll definitely think about it. I hadn't thought to deviate from the canon in this case (I tend to like tragic pairings, it's one of my weaknesses), but I think you have a point when you say that most canon is depressing. It would be really satisfying to have them ultimately stay together. Anyway, we'll have to see, but thanks for the suggestion!