A/N Well, what can I tell you – trying to write during summer holidays is a pretty hard thing to do. As much as I love to write this story, it couldn't hold my attention, plus I kind of didn't know where I want it to go at this point. But now I've figured it out, more or less, so now I can continue. I'm really sorry for not updating for so long, and I hope you like the new chapter. And once again, thank you very much for your reviews, you are the best readers ever! :)

Chapter Seventeen

I didn't take my eyes off the road once. During the whole ride home I could feel Paul's eyes on me, I knew he was studying my features, probably tying to read my emotions and thoughts. I was doing my best to gather up the courage and look back, but never did. I guess the distance from La Push to Forks just isn't long enough for me.

As the truck stopped by the house, we both got out silently. What was I supposed to do now? Hug him and kiss him goodnight? Yeah, right. I knew I didn't want to say good-bye. And on some level, I felt that Paul didn't want to, either.

I had no idea for how long we just stood there in front of the house, but it was enough for me. I counted to ten, took a deep breath and looked up to meet Paul's amused expression.

I blushed and mumbled the little „speech" I had prepared.

„I uhmm.. Thanks for coming with me, I guess." He simply nodded. I looked back stupidly, not wanting to continue. And he still kept looking at me with that amusement in his eyes. Why the hell was he so amused? Was my confusion so obvious and so funny?

„Well, I should be going then." I couldn't find a reason to stand there any longer. I took a moment of hesitation, when I considered whether it would be appropriate for me to hug Paul. I mean, it's not like I haven't done that before, plus, he was my imprint, and that gave me the right to hug his whenever and wherever I wanted. But I still wasn't ready to express my feelings so directly. He obviously knows about my attraction, but I didn't want to seem too forward and lay my feelings just right out there. I wasn't ready. Not yet.

Paul must have noticed my hesitation. As I turned to walk away, I felt him grab my wrist and pull me back to him. Was that imprinting that made him guess my feelings and thoughts so well? My brain never got to think about this more, as the feeling of his hot body pressed against mine swept my mind blank.

While my head felt empty, my heart felt so full and joyful, it pounded loudly in my chest. No doubt Paul could hear that.

I felt his lips right by my ear as he whispered.

„You know you can do this whenever you want, right?" I couldn't do more than just nod, his hot breath on my neck sent shivers down my spine, it made me feel something I've never felt with Edward – heat.

As Paul pulled away, I stepped away reluctantly. This was the perfect time for me to get away. And so I did.

With the last look at Paul I mumbled 'thanks' and made my way quickly into the house.

As I was about to close the doors behind me, I heard him say something so quietly, I could barely understand the words.

„I'll be around."

Charlie greeted me from the living room. It was already past dinner time, I saw a couple of pizza boxes on the kitchen table – it was good to know Charlie wasn't starving without me making dinner.

Now, being back in my normal environment, without Paul's intoxicating presence, I understood how hungry I was. My stomach growled in agreement.

„Thought you'd be hungry when you get back." Charlie appeared in the kitchen and pointed to one of the boxes. „Left you some."

„Thanks." I mumbled and took a piece of pizza to put it in the microwave. I expected Charlie to get back to his game, so it surprised me when he took a seat by the table. It was obvious that he wanted to talk about something, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear it.

But since there was no way for me to escape right now, I would just have to endure.

As I took pizza out of the microwave, set it on the table and sat down myself, I felt his eyes on me. And I wasn't sure if I wanted to be examined by his professional gaze, since I was a total emotional wreck at the moment.

„So, what's up?" Charlie asked, still not taking his eyes off me. I shrugged and did my best to look nonchalant.

„Nothing much. Alice left yesterday." I felt him tense and hurried to save the situation. „She's coming back, though."

„Alone?" The tension in his voice didn't go away.

„Yes, dad, alone." And not knowing why, I added. „Edward is not coming back, you shouldn't worry about that."

Charlie nodded, and leaned back into the chair, relaxed.

„I was just trying to figure out why do you seem different."

„What do you mean?"

„You seem more... uhm, colourful." That made me look up at him in surprise. He continued. „I mean, since you're going out with Jacob, you're not that gray anymore, but now you seem a lot more.. uhm, alive. And I thought that it had something to do with Alice. And then I thought that maybe Edwin is coming back as well, that's how I explained your... this.." He motioned his hand at me. „Glow."

„Dad, Jake and I are not going out." That was the first thought out of his monologue that my mind could pick up. „And it's Edward, you know that." That's the second one.

Have I really changed? I mean, it happened what, like two days ago? And since then I've barely seen Charlie. I knew that inwardly I've changed a lot. I felt myself change as hours passed by. Two days ago I couldn't even say Edward's name in my head, let alone out loud, and now I've done it twice in a couple of minutes.

„That's not the point." Charlie's voice dragged me out of my thoughts. „Anyway, I'm glad he'll keep away." I couldn't remember ever hearing so much venom in his voice. I mean, I knew Charlie never liked Edward, and since he left me in the woods in a total mess, he was now definitely number one on Charlie's black list.

„If it's not him, what then? Alice?"

„Yes, dad, Alice." I said automatically. Like I was going to tell him the truth. Not that I wouldn't love to see Charlies face when I tell him about werewolves and their way of finding the perfect female to have their children, I still didn't want to tell him about Paul. I had no idea how would I ever find a way to do that.

„So this has nothing to do with that Indian boy you made out with on our lawn fifteen minutes ago?"

I choked on the piece of pizza I was currently chewing. After coughing for a good five minutes and sweeping the tears out of my eyes, the blush finally crept on my cheeks.

„I wasn't making out with anyone." That just got a sly smile out of Charlie.

„Yeah, and I'm an astronaut." He laughed. „Who was he anyway? Not that I don't like the fact that you're finally getting over Edmund.." When I opened my mouth to correct him, he stopped me with a motion of his hand „it would be nice to know who's the guy that got you to look alive. He should get a medal." He said the last thing jokingly, but I still saw the glimpse of seriousness in his eyes.

I knew Charlie wouldn't let me go without answering, so I decided to give him the smallest piece of information.

„That's Paul." When Charlie nodded with that sly smile on his lips again, I added. „He's a friend."

„Oh, sure, he is." The blush returned.

I stood up and went to the sink. As I heard the chair being pushed away, I thanked heaven that Charlie was finally leaving me alone. He has been too nosy tonight. On one hand I was happy for him being in a good mood, but on the other – his questions made me uncomfortable, and I didn't want to talk about things I still wasn't sure about myself.

As I started doing the dishes, Charlie returned to the living room. I spent the next fifteen minutes washing the dishes, doing something around the house always could keep my mind off things. And so it did this time.

After finishing cleaning the kitchen (while doing that I wondered how was it possible that Charlie had managed to make such a mess there, considering the fact that I cleaned it this morning) I said my good nights to Charlie and headed up to my room.

It was still too early to go to sleep, but I felt incredibly tired and sleepy. I decided to take a long and relaxing shower and go to bed. Somehow I felt that the sleep this night was going to be long and dreamless. Or so I hoped.

As I got under the streaming water, I felt my tension melt away. I spent a long time washing my hair, I've always liked doing that, it felt comforting somehow. At one moment I thought I heard a howl. I wasn't sure if that was my imagination or reality, but it did bring thoughts of Paul back to me.

What did he mean by saying that he'll be around? Was that in general, or was he actually somewhere near me at this very moment? He had said that he likes to be around me. The thoughts of him being in the woods, just sitting there outside alone made me flinch. I knew that was a routine for him, but I still felt sorry.

And I had to admit that I felt something else for him as well. I've been trying to avoid and ignore the feeling, but after kissing him it won me over. I was in love with Paul.

Well, as much as you can be in love with a guy you thought was a complete asshole until something mythical changed it. I wondered if I'd feel the same without the imprint, if he just had suddenly shown interest in me? I guessed not.

I had to admit that he was handsome and attractive, even his aggression made him more likable. If his temper wasn't pointed to hurt or insult me, it could actually get me interested. I had to admit that I liked his temper a lot. It was hard to separate my own thoughts from the ones that came with imprinting, but many of them weren't that different.

And what was I supposed to do now? I still loved Edward, I knew that for sure. But that love for him had somehow changed, and I couldn't tell how exactly. It was still fresh and strong inside me, but it was clouded by something else.

Could I ignore it? Just like Edward ignored me? My rational mind told me that yes, I could. The only question was – would I?

From what I've heard about imprinting I understood that I would always have the pull towards Paul, no matter what I choose to do. But I wasn't sure if I was ready to start something up just because it's somehow magically meant to be.

But what if I ignored the fact that this choice was made for me? Would I be able to be happy if I just let everything go it's natural way, without trying to hold on to something, to someone that is long gone? I guess I would.

I felt guilty being the one to make decisions. While I could still get out of it, I knew Paul couldn't. That was so unfair for him. And somehow I was the one to decide for him. Basically, his happiness was in my hands. That was more responsibility than I aimed for. I hated having such power over someone's life.

If I chose not to be with Paul, I would make him be alone forever, never being with the one that nature chose for him, his perfect match.

But how can I know if this is ever going to work out. A part of my mind wondered if that was possible to be soul mates and still hate being around each other? But I never let that thought develop any further, that would only give me headache.

What would I be losing anyway? The love of your life? A tiny, annoying voice said in my mind. I chuckled. How was it even possible to choose between one that you think is the love of your life and one that is believed to be your soul mate? Shouldn't that be just one perfect person?

I shook my head. The wrong way of thinking, again. Right now the main thing for me to do was to decide – would I try to be with Paul or not?

The sudden stream of cold water shocked me out of my thoughts. Have I really been in here for so long to use all of the hot water? I got out of the shower quickly, and tried to get myself back warm again by putting on the warm pajamas. I looked in the mirror just to see a determined face. Not realizing it yet, I had already made up my mind. When I see Paul next time, I'll know what to do. Actually, I won't be doing anything, I'll let my instincts do it for me. They won't let me down.

I combed my hair and decided to let it dry naturally. Taking one last glance in the mirror, I left to my room.

It was chilly in there. I remembered leaving the window open during the day. I was about to close it, but instead I left it open just a bit. I didn't know why.

I got myself an extra blanket and climbed under the covers. It was so warm and relaxing to lie there, clean and fresh. For a moment I wondered if Paul was outside my house, but the thought never got any continuation since the sleep took me over.