Hey, check it out. It's not even been a month :) Classes are done for me until August, so that means updates are going to be coming way more frequently. I'm going to try to keep a pretty consistent posting schedule.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favorited, alerted, etc last chapter. Also, thanks to those who participated in the #readalong on Twitter on April 25! It was great seeing your comments, and thanks to Kassiah for hosting it.

Thanks to whyuh, t_y_r_a, and luckyirishtart over on twitter for helping me out big time with this chapter. Much appreciated :)

Thanks to prettypisces for being my master beta this time around. Go read her ADORABLE story "Rhyme & Reason" - it's in my faves, and she's updating soon! Thanks to Kassiah for prereading, and thanks to all of you for being just awesome.

Follow me on twitter - I'm pinkeveningsky. It's locked to keep out the bots, but I accept everyone else :)

Disclaimer: Don't shoot me, Steph. We can be friends.

PS: The end of this chapter may sound a tad bit familiar. :)

I wander into the apartment after an exhausting day at work. What's so exhausting about stocking bookshelves and ringing out customers? My sister, that's what. If I could fire myself from my job just to spite her, I would.

A mutual friend of ours happened to see me at the Golden Nugget that one fateful night, and reported to my sister that I was very happily dancing with a man. I don't know how said person got happiness out of the total shit-my-pants scared look I had on my face the whole night, but there we were.

She had demanded answers. I assured her I wasn't gay, only going to the gay bar to appease my girlfriend. My girlfriend, Bella. Bella, the same girlfriend who my sister invited herself over to meet the following night.

"Hi," I say gloomily, passing Bella on my way to my room. She waves; she's cooking dinner and talking on the phone. She has no pants on. Does she have no dignity?

I get to my room and strip down to my boxers, deciding two can play at that game. I consider "accidentally" leaving my dick out, but stuff it back in at the last moment. No need to have a very awkward situation on our hands – once she saw It, she would reconsider everything she had ever known about herself. She would be the lost soul, and my dick would be the Messiah.

"Dinner's ready!" she calls out, thankfully stopping my heartbreakingly incorrect train of thought.

I trudge into the kitchen, and she stops with a bowl halfway to the table. "Did you forget your clothes?"

"Did you?" I ask her sourly, slumping down into my seat.

"I spilled cream of mushroom all down the front of me, making your dinner," she shoots back.

"Oh? Were you wearing every set of pants you owned at the time?"

She sits down slowly across from me, and then slides all of the food to her side of the table. "Tell me what's wrong, or you're going to bed without supper."

That's kind of hot. Oh, yes. I've been a bad boywho'sonlywearingboxersohshitgobackdowngobackdown –

"Please?" she says again, her expression going softer, her lip between her teeth. She shoves the food back in my direction as a peace offering of sorts, and I blow out a hard breath and put my napkin in my lap.

"It's my sister," I start hesitantly, looking down at my dwindling erection. "She has an exhibitionist streak and a bondage problem, and it's getting really embarrassing to deal with." Ah, yep – there went the erection. Bye bye, see you soon (hopefully).

"She WHAT – "

"Kidding!" I laugh, spooning some sort of cheesy goodness potato thing onto my plate. "Just… you know. Kidding. Um. She – well. Her friend saw us at the Nugget, and well…"

Bella's face is glowing with a soft, encouraging smile. I have to look at her for a moment. She's so beautiful in so many different lights – when she's dressed up and nervous, and when she's dressed down and carefree. But especially when she's looking at me like that, like she can see right through me. It makes my chest feel empty and heavy at the same time.

She hands me the salad bowl and then says quietly, "And you weren't ready for her to know about your sexuality?"

I sigh deeply. I keep getting these perfect opportunities to take Bella's hand and say, Look, I know what you think about straight men. But I know that you love me. So maybe it's possible that you really can love a straight man.

But I know that I'm a coward, and I know she won't agree, and that she'll run out of my life forever. I'm greedy and I'm selfish, but I want her to be around. I need that more than I need most things.

"No," I say finally. "But that's not the only thing."

Drizzling balsamic vinaigrette over her salad, she nods to show that she's listening.

"I told her in a moment of panic that you were my girlfriend." This is not a lie. This is perhaps the first whole truth I've told in a long time.

Her head shoots up and the vial of dressing falls out of her hand. It hits the table with a crash, and then falls to the floor in mess of dark liquid and glass.

"Oh, shit," she murmurs, and then stands up to get a broom and dustpan. I follow behind her, grabbing a couple towels, and we clean up the mess silently. We sit back down at the table, and I'm afraid to look at her.

"What does that mean, exactly?" she asks after taking a couple delicate bites of her chicken.

"Well," I say, then chew my food really slowly so I have more time to think about how I'm going to word this. "My sister is very… well, she likes people. A lot. And she's ecstatic for me, thinking I've finally found someone – "

"You haven't dated much?" she asks.

"No," I say. "I couldn't ever find someone I really cared for in that way."

"Because you like boys," she says, like she's putting together a life puzzle.

"Mmm," I respond. "Well, anyway, she's happy for me. So she invited herself over to dinner tomorrow."

Bella munches on a carrot for a few minutes – the same carrot, I'm beginning to worry – when she finally swallows and looks up. "So we're going to have to act couple-y around her tomorrow, is what you're saying."

"Uh, yes. Basically. I mean… if that's okay. If not, I can just tell her that, I don't know, you're dying of cholera – "

"It's fine," she says quietly.

"What?" I ask, afraid I've misheard her.

"I said it's fine," she says a little bit louder. "Okay? I'll do it."

I can't contain the grin of my face. "God, Bella, thank you so much – "

"But I'm not kissing you," she says suddenly, cutting across my ramble in stupidity. "So tell her you have herpes, or something." She's grinning at me, but I know she means it.

And there goes my tinder heart, burning up into ashes.

"Okay," I say to her as we pull up to the restaurant. We decided to meet Alice out – no bedrooms in a restaurant. "Let's go over the plan one more time."

"Okay," says Bella. She looks incredible – Emmett dressed her, shooting me evil smiles the whole time – and smells even better. "Here's the plan. I walk up to Alice and whisper in her ear, 'your brother is gay. His favorite color is chartreuse. He loves shopping, fine wine, and a penis up the –'"

"And that's enough out of you," I tell her, jumping out of the car. I flip my keys to the valet, and then open Bella's door. She's giggling like mad, and I roll my eyes and try not to let my apparent smile get too big. "Come on, little one."

She takes my hand, and I swear to God, cherubs pour from the sky. Sweet little angels with loincloths and harps, singing sweetly in my ear -- ones that Emmett would probably be attracted to – telling me that tonight is to be the most glorious night of all glorious nights.

Alice is waiting for us at a table, and a smile stretches across her face as we make our way over to her. She stands up and gives me a hug – ugh, cool it on Chanel No. 5, sis. Ugh, cool it on knowing what brand that is, Edward – and then does the same to Bella.

"It's so nice to meet you," she croons, giving me the thumbs up behind Bella's back. "Edward has told me alarmingly little about you."

"Oh?" says Bella, pulling out her chair to sit down. Alice shoots me a look, and I think I was supposed to do that for Bella.

"Yes," Alice says sweetly, turning to her. "So you're just going to need to tell me everything Edward's left out. Middle and last name?"

Bella shoots me a side-glance. "Uh, Marie Swan."

"Bella Marie Swan?"

"Isabella. I go by Bella."

"Where are you from?"

"Forks, Washington. It's a few hours from Seattle."

This continues for a few minutes until the server comes by for our drink orders. I decide on a Guinness, and Bella just wants water. Alice orders a bottle of Riesling for the table, which Bella tries to decline.

"Nonsense," Alice protests, waving her stutters away. "Anyway, what were we saying? Oh, yes. What do you do?"

I can see Bella fighting a smile, and I kick her under the table. She kicks me back – fuck, that hurt. I can't stop smiling, though. Poor Alice. Poor Bella. Poor me. All of us are being lied to in one way or another.

"I got my degree in humanities, but I'm taking a year off before I start grad school. I'm still not exactly sure what I want to do with it. I'm a server at The Met – "

"Wait – I'm pretty sure I've had you there before! I knew you looked familiar! Do you remember me?"

"Did you tip me really well?" Bella jokes, and I laugh, but Alice doesn't.

Bella shoots me another look, and I shrug.

"So… what's it like running a bookstore?" Bella asks tentatively, breaking up the awkward silence that has fallen.

That has Alice off and running, chattering about the differences between Modernist literature and today's popular books. Bella keeps a polite look on her face, and nods and hmmm's at all the right times. I can feel something panging me in my chest, watching her pretend for me.

The night goes mostly smooth from there. We're wrapping up dinner, and Bella and I are breathing deeper, relieved, when –

"Bella, I'm not ready for this night to end. What do you say we go get a couple drinks, just us girls?"

Bella looks to me, and I open my mouth to protest, but then –

"You don't let him tell you what to do, do you, Bella?" Alice voice is low and speculative, and I want to reach across the table and punch her.

Bella's spine stiffens, and I watch her face pull into a scowl. "No," she says, her voice nearly a growl. "No man tells me what to do."

I roll my eyes. Great. Alice has brought out the Domme in Bella.

"Fantastic," says Alice, rising with all of us. "Just us girls. It'll be great."

Bella has a big, fake smile on her face. "Great. Just great."

I put my hand on the small of her back and guide her to the door, and then help her with her coat before we all walk outside. She smiles a bit at me – an apology, maybe, and then Alice has her by the arm, dragging her away.

I'm watching them walk – they're almost a block away when Alice screeches, "WAIT!"

I halt, and so does Bella. "What?" I hear her ask. "Did you forget something?"

"No!" laughs Alice. "You did, though. I forgot to let you kiss your man goodbye." She gives a little laugh, like she's so silly and forgetful.

Bella turns to me, and I watch her battle. "Oh, no, it's fine – I'll make up for it later."

Alice giggles. "Don't be silly, Bella. Edward will be devastated. Look at him! He wants a kiss."

Oh, I really do. Yes, come kiss me, Bella. She walks towards me, tipping a little on her heels. I pull her up against me.

"How are we going to do this?" I whisper against her face. I've never been this close to her, and I'm going fucking nuts. Her hair is tickling my nose, and her breath is mixing with mine.

"It's all about angles," she whispers back. She takes my chin and turns it. Then she leans in, a hairsbreadth away, and tells me to pick her up off her feet. I do, and she throws her head back and laughs, and it's so convincing I'm laughing with her, like we're sharing the happiness of our love on the street for everyone to see.

I land a kiss on her cheek as she pulls away. "Thanks for everything, Bella."

She just smiles this quiet, enigmatic smile, and backs away from me. "I'll call you if I get too drunk. I'm pretty sure I'm going to need eighteen shots to deal with your sister."

This makes me laugh, a loud one, like a bark. She trails her hand down my arm, and our hands clasp momentarily, and we stretch it out until she's out of my reach. I wave, and she waves on a twirl, then links arms with my sister, and they're gone.

"Lucky guy," the valet kid says to me, handing me my keys.

I shake my head and fight the overwhelming urge to knock him flat.

Bella does call me. It's 1:37 AM when my phone goes off, and I roll out of bed with a sigh. I fell asleep in my jeans because I knew I would be getting back up. She's drunk and happy when I talk to her, but very sleepy.

"Come get meeeeeee," she slurs, and I promise her that I'm on my way.

When I get to the bar, she's waiting for me outside. Alice is next to her, swinging her purse and grinning at me in a way I don't like.

I park by the street and walk up to the curb to give a hand to stumbling Bella. Her hair is pulled up out of her face, and she can't wipe the grin off her face.

"Hi," she whispers when I get to her, and then throws her arm around my neck. "Alice is watching. We have to kiss."

"What?" I whisper back, making sure I've heard her correctly.

"GOTCHA!" she shouts, hugging me tighter and laughing like she's just heard the funniest thing in her life. "Oh man, jay-kay Edward! Ha ha! I got yooooouuuuewwww Idon'tfeelgood."

I guide her over to a trashcan, and she has her head in it for a good five minutes before emerging, looking sober and exhausted.

"Ugh," she says when I ask her if she's okay. I take this as a yes, and guide her back towards my car.

"Way to get her shit faced, Alice," I hiss at my sister as she hails a taxi.

She blows me a kiss, and I whip out my middle finger just for her. I guide Bella into the seat, and she slumps back against the leather.

The drive home is silent save for the apologies she throws my way every once in a while. When we get there, Emmett and a few of his friends are in my living room, playing a drinking game with cards.

"Hey!" he says, jumping up. "Your place is closer than mine, and we're all kind of trashed – is it okay if we play here?"

"Whatever," I say, too tired and grumpy to care. "Just keep it down."

"What are you playing?" Bella asks, hanging off my arm. "Is that Ring of Fire? I want to play! Let's play, Edward."

"Bella, no – "

"Let's play," she says again.

"Okay," I sigh.

We play a couple rounds, and by the third round, everyone is completely out of their minds drunk. Everyone decides that this game sucks, and we all want something else to play. Someone suggests truth or dare, and off we went.

I take a shot of Jager and choose dare when Emmett asks me. He narrows his eyes at me, and then says:

"I dare you to give me the best kiss of your life."

I blame it on the alcohol. I know there are several god-awful auto tuned songs that blame it on the alcohol, so why can't I? It got me here, in this mess. I'm sitting here, staring at my friends – friends, ha – while all of them stare back at me. They want me to say something, do something… at least Emmett does, that asshole. He's the only one who knows my secret. And he's sitting there, across from me, smirking, waiting for me to react.

I might have suppressed it these past months, but the overwhelming desire to go ape-shit, I mean really ape-shit, full on fists and teeth – No Edward, teeth is wrong – is making blood pulse through my veins. My eye is twitching. My jaw is clenching.

Bella saves me. God, that beautiful, stupid girl, so oblivious, so fine. She yawns – Jager makes her sleepy – and throws something at Emmett.

"No, that is so boring. Ugh, who are you people?" She shoots a glare at Emmett, and I grin, because Emmett loves Bella, that treacherous big gay.

His biggest wish is to be around when I finally break. Break down, break out, break away. Now I am quoting Kelly Clarkson – God, I have been playing this part for too long.

"What would you prefer, then, princess?" Emmett asks, and she rests her head against his shoulder.

"Edward said kissing for you guys is like shaking hands for straight people."

Emmett snorts, and I choke on my Smirnoff – I am drinking a Smirnoff, oh god, get me out of the gay.

"Is that so?" Emmett asks, his eyes so bright he looks like Old Saint Nick's homosexual brother.

"Uh huh," Bella continues, adorable, beautiful, drunk and sleepy. "He said that blowjobs are like, first base, too. So kissing is just not a satisfactory dare."

By this time, Emmett looks like he's about to explode with laughter, and I know tomorrow, or the next day, or whenever I wake up from this nightmare, he will be reaming me.

"Okay, fine," Emmett relents. I see that look on his face, and I know that whatever is coming is about ten times worse. "I dare you to kiss Bella, then, Edward."

And it's my wildest dream, my deepest fantasy. I'm so deep into this charade that my once X-rated mind has dwindled, and I beat off to the thought of finally catching her with my mouth and my tongue and her mouth and her lips and oh god, my cock, it's so hard.

She has no idea, no clue what she does to me. She walks around topless half the time, completely unaware of how fucking gorgeous she is, how perfect her tits are, how much I want them in my hands, my mouth, around my cock. She asked me to feel them once, to give her my honest opinion, are they too small? Too saggy? B-cups sag too, Edward.

Like I didn't know. Like I hadn't seen a lot of tits in my life, like I didn't know at that moment hers were the most perfect in this whole universe. And it all started because I lost my nerve, a stupid thing that was supposed to go on for one night, but because that stupid, gorgeous girl beguiled me, I continued, just to be close to her.

And now she's biting her lip at me, shy. She hates boys, straight boys – they creep her out. They make her so uncomfortable, why are they staring at me, Edward? Because you're gorgeous, so hot, so sexy, oh god, I'm so turned on I can't even think straight.

Then she's coming towards me, determined, like kissing me is no big deal because that's the thing, it's not to her. But to me, it's everything I've hoped for in my depraved mind, my deceitful mind.

But it's no big deal to her, nothing at all. Because to Bella Swan, owner of the most perfect tits and quite possibly my heart, I am gay.

And so, so fucked.

Hi everyone.

I have a bit of Bella POV written up for this chapter - what was going through her head when Edward told her she had to pretend to be his girlfriend for the night. When you review, I'll send it to you as a reply. :)