I really hate my conscience, you know. He ruins everything. I was so ready and she was so ready. I was finally going to get laid and then my conscience went and reared his ugly head. 'You've barely known her for a day,' he said. And 'It would be disrespectful to her and it would seem as if you simply want to fuck her,' he nagged. Gosh.
Weeks have passed since then. I still haven't gotten laid.
I do know plenty of stuff about her, though, like Mr. Naggy McBlahblah had wanted. He had a point on that one, like he always has. It's amazing how helpful the cockblocking bastard can be.
I learned that her favorite color was green simply for the fact that it was the color if her mother's eyes when she was human. She has a strong aversion to any and all things hot pink, even though she has a section in her closet donated to light pink. She was conceived in Paris and it amuses her to no end that even while her father wouldn't leave Volterra to hunt for his own damn lazy ass, (her words, not mine) he could go to France to get fucked. She adores children and had even taught before, but is extremely fucking glad that she can't have them herself because she hates the smell of powdered milk. She's made it her goal to donate to every charity there is, and she has yet to fail. Her best friends are her closest enemies and she would (and has) kill for them, even why wanting to kill them herself. She has an ongoing competition with her father and uncles at who can scare the shit out of vampire miscreants the most. She is one of the very few people that can get Marcus to laugh, and is able to convince Caius to be nice—even to humans.
And she's just so fucking awesome.
We're going to Seattle again—having gone every damn week since she arrived in Forks— along with Alice and Rosalie, who Alice is dragging along. Jane and Demitri have to go Italy for some reason. Bella won't tell me.
"Edward, aren't you happy that we sold the mom car for you? Do you not feel the purr of the Vanquish?" Bella says as she sits in the passenger seat of the car, facing me. To be honest, I couldn't focus on anything other than her legs in the jean shorts that she is wearing. Too short for their own good.
"Hmm? Oh umm, yeah. I'm glad," I murmured, glancing between her legs and the road.
"Edward! Stop staring at her legs and drive, dumbass," Alice annoyingly says from the backseat.
"Uh huh," I mumble as I turn back to the road. Dammit, when will my fucking conscience go away? It's been a month and a half! I mean, yeah, I've gotten blow/hand jobs and I've fingered/eaten her plenty of times, but argh! NOT. ENOUGH.
I want to be inside.
-#3!0-
Bella's phone rings. It's "Spunk Master's" ringtone. I hate that she calls him that. I hate him, in general. I know, I have no real right. But whatthefuckever. He was inside of her – multiple times, and I haven't been. Injustice. British fucker.
We are inside an Armani, in Seattle Mall. She picks up the phone, a smile automatically gracing her lips.
"Sup?"
"Sup. Hey, where are you?"
"In Seattle Mall, in the Armani store. Why?"
"Turn around." She does as he says through the phone, and she screams an ear-splitting scream before running forward, into his arms, where he is standing at the entrance of the store.
I roll my eyes, and with Ali and Rose, walk over to where they are. Her legs are around his hips, and is giving him a hug that must be borderline uncomfortable. His face is buried in her neck, hugging her back just as fiercely. I want to rip off his limbs for touching her, but his thoughts are actually innocent. Huh.
"Spunk Master."
"Missed you," he murmured in her neck.
"I know. Where's Kris? I know that she came here."
"Damn straight she came," he grinned, moving from her neck to look at her.
"No way."
"Yes way."
"When?"
"Last night."
"And you didn't record it for me?"
"Hey, I let your guy record the date. No creepy dude with red eyes is going to look at my peen."
"Do you realize the extreme gayness in you saying peen?"
"Yup."
"And you're okay with that?"
"Yup."
"I fucking missed you, Spunk."
"I know."
"I see you've gone blond. With brown eyes. Interesting."
"Do you want me to be raped by a 14 year old?"
"Possibly."
"Fuck off. Anyway, I passed a group of teeny boppers, and not one of them jumped on me and molested me. Isn't that cool? They have no idea who I am."
"Did you just say teeny boppers?"
"Yes."
"M'kay."
"Yup."
"Others probably think that this is an awkward silence."
"I'm just too fucking lazy to actually put effort into reponses."
"I know. You're a pathetic motherfucker."
"As much as I'd like to fuck your mother… No. Daddy Dearest would kill me."
"Quite literally."
"I know."
"Uh-huh."
"Big Poppa's about to kill me."
"How do you know which one?"
"Jane."
"Ahh."
"Yeah. We gotsta go."
"Why?"
"Visitors."
"Who?"
"IDK."
"Can't you just say I don't know?"
"Laziness."
"Oh."
"Yup. Shall we," he says, finally putting her down. He extends his arm toward her.
"Big Poppa's seriously going to kill you."
"I know."
"I'm going to take his arm, not yours."
"Kay."
"Yeah."
She walks over to me. And takes my arm.
Take that, fucker.
-#3!0-
Fucker had come with his own car – obviously – so it was once again me, Bella, Alice, and Rose in the car.
"So that's Robert Pattinson?" Alice asks.
"Yeah. One of my best friends," Bella has a small smile on her face. I may kinda/sorta/actually hate the guy because he's been inside of her and I haven't, but he makes her happy.
Sadly.
"Aww… How fucking cute," Rosalie sneers sarcastically.
"Rosalie, don't test me," Bella warns her.
We arrive at Bella's house quickly, what with the speed of the Aston and my driving.
"Oh. My. God. No fucking way," Bella whispers, before roughly opening the car door and exiting, a shocked look on her face. I hear a laugh and a soft feminine voice ring out, "Yes fucking way."
Bella screams – second time that day – and runs into the house, not even bothering to open the door and in turn, breaking it.
I watch her run, thinking of how amazing she looks. (How nice her ass is.)
Fucker's car was already there; a BMW, but it looked custom. The back license plate had the Volturi crest on it. Of course. He's not even a vampire, and he's fucking loved by the Volturi. I haven't even met any of them yet!
Alice Rose, and I walk into the house cautiously. We find Bella fiercely hugging a woman that has hair that looks a lot like hers. From her thoughts, I realize that she is Marie Volturi, Bella's mom. And the creepy guy standing to the side with a brow raised was Aro—the ruler of the vampire world.
Jane and Demitri were upstairs, along with… Marcus and Caius? You've got to be shitting me. They all left Volterra to visit Bella?
They must be a really close family.
No fucking duh, Edward.
"Do I not get a hug too?"
Bella untangles herself from her mother and replies to her father, "But of course, lint licker."
She walks over to Aro (okay, am I seriously within walking distance of the rulers of our world?) and hugs him.
"You know, when you call me that, my feelings get really hurt, Isabella."
"You don't have emotions, Daddy Dearest."
"The truth hurts."
"It does, doesn't it?"
They remove themselves from the embrace, and Aro I pouting. "Where's Rob? I like him better."
Fucker suddenly walks in and give the fucking king of the vamp universe a fist bump like it's nothing. "I know you do. My charm is just that extreme. Wow, Boss Man. Are those pants that you're wearing?"
"They are! Actually quite comfortable. The robe is much more freeing, though.
"True. Lets the babies breath. I still have the one you gave me."
"Been taking good care of it?"
"The best. Where are Mark and Caius?"
"Upstairs."
"With Short Bitch and Horny?"
"Yeah," Aro replies.
"Robert. Language," Marie chastises. He grins sheepishly and apologizes before going upstairs.
"Dirty Mouth, aren't you going to introduce me to your friends? They seem scared shitless of me," Aro says.
Umm… because we are. If he ordered our death, we could be dead within the next five minutes.
"The dude is Big Poppa. The short one is Thing 2. And the blond is Rosalie."
"Hello. I'm Aro, in case you didn't realize. This is my wife, Marie," he puts his arms around Marie, "and we're stinking rich. You?" he's clearly trying to put us at ease, and I'm grateful for that.
"Not as stinking rich as you, but pretty well off," I reply, a smile on my face.
"Cool. You want to meet Emo and Grumpy?" Bella asks us.
"Who?" Alice asks, furrowing her brow.
"My uncles."
"Okay."
"Mark! Cow! Get your asses down here!" she yells up the stairs. They come down the stairs. Bella sticks her tongue out at Caius and winks at Marcus; both roll their eyes.
"I missed you fuckers," Bella says, giving both of her uncles a hug.
"Of course you did," Marcus murmurs lazily.
"Pig, you should really stop calling me Cow," Caius warns, but he's actually smiling. Huh.
"When forever ends."
"I can deal with that. Tell Pattinson to stop poking my eye, One of these days, I'll actually kill him."
"I HEARD THAT!" Said Pattinson yells.
"What are you going to do about it?" Caius calls back.
"Nothing," Pattinson mumbles. I laugh and the brothers turn to me.
"Is that Big Poppa?" Marcus asks Bella.
"Yep."
Has she just been telling everyone about me?
Because that's pretty damn cool.
"Have you done it yet?" Caius questions.
That, however, is so not cool.
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Thanks you. (: