Hey, people. Have you put "Bad Fauxmance outtakes" on alert? Because I may or may not be posting an outtake from Bella's POV from this chapter there. Make sure you do that, or you'll miss it!

Here's something kinda cool. SUE from "So You Think You Can Write" blog interviewed me all about Bad Fauxmance. Read it here:

http: / tinyurl . com/ 2adbr7e

She's super sweet, and we had a fun time!

As always, you can find me on twitter at pinkeveningsky.

And my thanks go to everyone who takes the time to read, review, rec – anything whatsoever that shows even private love for my story. You guys are the reason this is so much fun. I cherish you guys more than I can express.

Thanks to Ali, who betaed this while lying on the floor. I don't know what that's about, either.

Disclaimer: You know the drill.

In which I make someone happy

"If you honestly think I'm going to help you pull another fast one on Bella, you are just as insane as I thought you were." Emmett looks at me in mild disgust and maybe a bit of admiration. "What the fuck?"

"Look, I don't have time to explain – "

"Make time."

"She seduced me. I am innocent."

"Edward, don't tell me this is a 'I tripped and my dick and her vagina decided to be magnets' – "

"It's not – I don't – fuck, I don't know. All I know is that she came into my room and I was at least ninety percent sure that I was going to lose a nut. Instead, I busted a nut. Does that make any sense to you?"

"I'm not Anne Landers with a dick, you dick. I'm gay. If I understood women better, maybe I'd be bisexual." He stands up and walks into his kitchen.

I follow him. "Emmett, fucking please. I'm dying. She's like, I don't know, fucking some dude she knew in high school right now, I swear to fucking – "

"What do you want me to do, Edward? Go over there? Also, I highly doubt she's fucking him, Steer."

His use of my once overused nickname kind of calms me down. "Yeah, probably not. It's probably a ruse. She's probably like – "

"You slept with her, didn't you?"

"We've already been over this. She seduced me."

Emmett sighs. "Damn it, Edward. You couldn't just keep it in your pants – "

"Uh. Just one sec there, asshole. I tried. She practically ripped it out of my pants like some sort of dick thief. I kept telling her to stop, but I can only do so much, Emmett."

He mutters something that sounds like 'pussy whipped', so I mutter 'asshole whipped' right back.

He glares at me. "If I was asshole whipped, I'd be agreeing to help you, wouldn't I?"

"I – not funny. Not. Funny. At all. Look, you know her better than anyone else in the world, Emmett. I need to know what to do. I don't want to… I'm going to lose her to this game, but I can't give in. I can't let her treat me like shit just because everyone else has treated her like shit."

"Okay, first of all," says Emmett after a long pause, "I'm not the one who knows her better than anyone else in the world. That would be you, Edward. I guess you haven't noticed, but there's been a gradual shift. Bella stopped coming to me about things and has started going to you. How's it going for her at work?"

"She just got promoted to head server in her section – "

"Has she made any decisions what to do with her degree?"

"She's thinking about being a curator for one of the museums around here, but she's worried because people apparently have to like, die before positions become available – "

"How's Charlie?"

"He's fine. He thinks he has a sciatica – he's all numb in his back, and Bella's really concerned – "

"What does she look like when she comes?"

"Her face, it opens and shuts at the same time, I don't know how to describe it, but it's hot and gorgeous, and… okay, you've made your point." I groan and grab at my hair. "So… what you're telling me is…"

"You know what to do, Edward. Stop playing these games. Too many fucking games. You love her. I know you do. Is this really how you want everything to begin? Deception and push and pull and… I don't know. I think you're robbing yourself, Steer. That's all."

"She started it."

"I hate having to sound all mother-ish, but you need to finish it. If you two play this game, it's just going to cause problems. Let her throw her temper tantrum, but don't give her a reason to justify her actions, got me? The more you play, the more fire you're going to give her. You do want to be with her, don't you?"

"Um, yes."

"Then what's the point in acting like you don't?"

xXxXx

When I get home, I hear Bella's giggles from the other side of the door. I fumble with my keys and then push the door in, practically ripping it from the hinges.

The laughter stops as I bust in. Bella is sitting there on the couch, holding court with four people around her. No, not four people. Four men.

"Hi, Edward," she practically sings.

"Hi," I say back shortly, sending my best caveman vibes at all the jackasses who won't make eye contact with me. That's right, the man of the house is fucking home, assholes.

"Come chat with us," she invites, waving her hand. "You remember Ben, don't you?"

"Unfortunately," I say clearly, moving past them to my bedroom. I see Jasper sitting there, but I ignore the traitorous asshole who is trying to give me dap.

I slam the door loudly, and my bulletin board falls off my wall and onto my desk with a bang. Fine. Fine. I try to think of Emmett telling me not to play games, but she is sitting there just begging me to do something about it.

What could make her the most uncomfortable? What could make those assholes leave?

As I'm stripping myself, it comes to me.

Male nudity.

I dig through my drawers for the Speedo that one of my exes gave me. She was European and pouted at the sight of board shorts. What's a man to do?

I walk out proudly in my banana hammock. I scratch my balls as I walk by the group of men staring anywhere but at me. I can feel Bella's glare, but I just smile at her as sweetly as I can through the grimace – this shit is not comfortable on my meat and two veg.

I hear Bella say that she'll be right back, and then she is pushing her little finger into my chest as I lean against the counter, drinking some orange juice.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" She pokes at me some more, and I'm going to grab her finger and slam it in the freezer if she does that one more time.

"Airing out my nuts," I answer. "It's my house."

"It's mine too," she hisses.

"Yes, I can see that. Shy Bella Swan, man hater of the first order, suddenly fraternizing with the boner buddies." I drink some more juice, even though my stomach is sloshy and full. I just need something to do with my hands so I don't press myself back against the girl who is pressing against me in anger.

"And what business is that of yours?" she snaps. "You didn't have any problem with your boner buddy the other night."

"That's because your twat socket was drooling to introduce herself. Don't start with me, Bella."

"Too late," she tells me, and then gives me one more poke. She moves away before I can grab at her finger, which is good.

Jasper walks into the kitchen then, with a very aggrieved look on her face. "Bro, why did you tell me her pussy had – had – " He clacks his teeth together.

Bella is blushing with the mention of her private parts in such a vulgar manner, and even though I'm furious at her, I'm even more furious at the thought of someone else making her upset.

"Watch your fucking mouth, Whitlock."

He laughs at me. "No offense, dude, but your David Hasslehoff gear is making you really, like, not scary. At all. And so what?"

"That's right," says Bella suddenly, smiling at Jasper. "So what? It doesn't have teeth, right Edward? It doesn't bite… hard." She runs a finger down my chest, and Jasper realizes that he may not want to be around for what's about to happen, so he quickly makes his way to the front door.

The other guys follow, I think, but I'm definitely not looking in their direction.

"Why are you doing this to me, Bella?" I ask her, pressing her against the counter with my hips.

"That's the lack of blood in your brain going south," she tells me, referring to my massive woody.

"Not that," I insist, even though I push myself against her a little harder. "Why are you playing these games with me? I can feel how uncomfortable you are around all these men, but with me – it's natural. Why do you want to fight this? I know you have feelings for me, Bella. You told me you liked me just last night. What's changed? The fact that I don't like men, also – so there's not that safe harbor you're used to?"

She's struggling to get out of my grip, and I'm not an asshole, so I let her go. She doesn't move, though, just stays against me. She sort of sags, and then grabs my arms. She puts them around her and leans into my bare chest. I can hear her smelling me, and it makes me smile. I'm not awkward in my state of undress around her; she's already seen everything I've got, and it's all hers, anyway.

"Don't you see how easy it would be to love me, Bella?" I ask her after a moment of silence. She sniffles, and I continue. "It would be so easy. Like… like falling. Effortless."

"Shut up," she whispers, her voice muffled against my skin.

"Okay," I whisper back, and we stand like that in the kitchen until my legs are too tired to stand anymore.

xXxXx

She makes us a small dinner and when we sit down, it almost feels like it used to. I bite into my chicken salad sandwich and smile at her in thanks, and she returns it.

"So, who were those assholes?" I ask finally, using my thumbnail to get chicken out of my teeth.

"Ben's friends, and Jasper, of course," she answers. "I stole his phone number from your phone. I knew it would really piss you off if he came. Also, someone named Heidi called you, and when I answered, she didn't sound too happy."

Heidi. Now, there's someone I hadn't thought of in a while. I laugh to myself and pick at the chips on my plate.

"What?" Bella wants to know. She's smiling at my laughter, and I shake my head, knowing I'm going to tell her. "Oh, c'mon!"

"Heidi is the whole reason I got into this mess," I tell her. I rest my elbows on the table and laugh some more. "My old roommate, Garrett? The one whose room you're in now – "

"Yeah, about that," she says abruptly. "I need to thank him. He left a huge stash of porn DVD's that have made me very happy."

I scoff. "Don't say shit like that, Bella. Every time I heard that buzzing, I just pretended you were using your electric toothbrush for fifteen minutes. You know, being very hygienic."

"But I don't own an electric toothbrush." She's laughing at me.

"Don't mock my delusions." I take a swig of the iced tea in front of me. "And anyway, I had to use your special lotion to jack off with, because I was getting chaffed."

She laughs even harder. "You were not."

"Um, let's talk about that time you came up to me completely naked except for underwear and had me inspect your breasts for lumps."

She looks embarrassed. "I never know what to look for. I always get paranoid, thinking there's a huge tumor there – my mom has, well… had breast cancer. She's okay now, but still…"

I feel bad for mocking her. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't know." I grab her hand. "But that doesn't change the fact that I'm a guy and I wasn't checking for lumps. I was straight up groping."

"I thought there was a lump," she protests, her face beet purple.

"Nope. No lumps. Just beautiful tits on a beautiful girl."

"Anyway," she says pointedly. "Garrett? Heidi?"

"Oh, right. Right. Well, Heidi is Garrett's sister – "

"Don't tell me! You didn't!"

"I didn't know. Anyway, I didn't really care much, either. I was kind of a lost soul there for a while," I say quietly, which is true, but I've never really thought about it. It feels good to say. "You know? There's existing and there's living. And I was doing the things I was supposed to – eating, breathing, sleeping, learning, working, fucking – but I wasn't really doing anything purposeful. And I'm not saying I am now, either. But I feel better about it now, for some reason."

She grins at me. "My, aren't we philosophical tonight."

"Yeah, anyway. We had just gotten done boinking, and I was out on the balcony smoking, when I hear this, like, caveman yell. Garrett is standing there screaming at Heidi, and I can't fucking stand when guys yell at girls – it's not cool, so even though I was basically using her, I still defended her. And when I did, Garrett was about two seconds away from beating my face in – " I tell her the rest, about how he got me to go to the gay club, and about how it was supposed to be a one night thing, and how at the end, Garrett left, and Heidi and I had sex one more time.

She's laughing the whole time - a beautiful, carefree sound that I don't think I've ever heard come from her. At the end, she picks up our paper plates and throws them away.

"I can't really blame her," she says finally, sitting back down across from me.

"What do you mean?" My mouth is full of potato chips.

"For getting one more time in," she says quietly. "I mean – you're really…"

I swallow. "I'm really what?"

"Well, you're really fucking hot," she says plainly, vulgarly, like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Well," I say, kind of taken aback. "You are too, Bella."

She makes a face at me. "All I'm saying is… I would have taken advantage of a do-over, too."

I'm not good at this subtlety crap. "Huh?"

She looks at me in the eye, and it's like I can see the young girl she was, the fierce one with the big heart that even a jackass like her ex could love enough to marry. "You were good. But it could have been better. We… could have been better."

I nod slowly, and then take another sip of my iced tea. "Yeah… we could have been. It was kind of…"

"Stupid," she supplies. "I don't want to play games, Edward. I'm no good at them. I…"

I stare at her until she continues.

"I've been hurt," she says simply. "I've been hurt badly, and I haven't dealt with it. Edward, I know you, okay? Gay, straight, bi, alien – it doesn't matter. I know you're a good guy with good intentions. The fact of the matter is that you lied to me for months, and I don't trust you." She rubs her face with her hands. They're so tiny, and I try to imagine her with a wedding band on her finger. I can't without my chest hurting.

"Can you?" I ask her finally. "I'll never lie again, Bella. Even if you ask me if you look fat and you do, which is impossible because you have the hottest body, I swear to god – "

"I need time," she says. "Time and truth. And… a lot of laughing. And things that make me happy, and not sad. Things that make me feel good. And I want those things from you. Not like… my boyfriend. But not like my friend either. Just like… Edward. And Bella. Being happy. Can we do that?"

I try to hide my grin and completely fail. "Yeah, Bella. We can do that."