I don't own Twilight! Huge thanks to my beta, lislar. You're a star!

Chapter 3: Where Do We Go Now but Nowhere

Bella sat inside of the apartment, listening to James as he stood outside of the locked door. She'd pulled her hair back into a ponytail and changed into her favorite pajamas, wanting nothing more than the warm comfort and familiarity of the worn flannel.

Her eyes were red-rimmed and her face was puffy and mottled. Bella tried to hold back the torrent, but hot tears streaked down her cheeks unbidden. She angrily swatted them away, annoyed that she had so little control over her emotions.

"Bella, please—will you open the door?" James begged. He continued to pound loudly, muttering apologies and making promises. He apologized for his own behavior, as well as that of his mother. He promised Bella that he would protect her from now on, that he wouldn't allow his mother to treat her so disrespectfully. His voice was full of desperation, so unlike the strong and confident timbre Bella had grown accustomed to.

Bella continued to sit on the couch, staring blankly at the wall in front of her. The spring that was desperately trying to escape from the threadbare, thrift store couch dug into her thigh, but she didn't even notice, too lost in her own thoughts.

She had always known that James was too good for her, from a completely different social class. Bella never cared about that sort of thing, but it was obviously important to James' family. Their worlds were so far apart, never meant to coexist. While she had never expected a warm reception from his mother, she also hadn't expected to be treated so cruelly. His mother, Jane, had hated her from the onset, before she'd even had a chance to open her mouth to speak.

What was it about her that was so completely terrible? She wasn't rich or beautiful, but she was smart and well read. More importantly, she cared about James. Why couldn't that be enough for his mother? Was it simply because she was heartbreakingly average and had nothing to offer into their world of excess? His mother had no reason to want James, her only son, to settle for a mediocre girl from the wrong side of town when he could have any girl he wanted—someone with money, power, and beauty. Someone more like him.

Eventually the pounding outside the door stopped, but only after Bella heard the muffled sound of male voices in the hallway. She assumed it was one of the neighbors, complaining to James about his incessant banging. He'd probably left, gone home for the night, maybe forever. Even with this knowledge, Bella couldn't bring herself to move from the couch to her bed.

Bella continued to sit on the couch, silent tears occasionally falling down her cheeks. She couldn't even be bothered to brush them away. Somehow, knowing that James had gone, she felt hollower than ever before. She realized that she was now completely and utterly alone. Bella felt as if her chest should be aching with this knowledge, but instead she just felt impossibly numb. At some point, the exhaustion of the evening finally overcame her and she fell into a dreamless, fitful slumber.

The next morning, Bella awoke to the sound of nothing. The sun was haphazardly shining through the grimy window, casting hazy shadows across the scuffed wooden floors. Everything seemed hazy and dim. Bella had gotten so used to hearing the sounds of her neighbors, of children outside playing, and of cars going up and down the streets. Late in the afternoon, however, everything seemed eerily still.

Pulling herself up off of the couch, her neck and back felt stiff, the result of having spent the night curled up on the nearly broken down couch, she shuffled over to the window, looking out onto the street below. There was no one around, an odd occurrence for her tiny neighborhood.

Bella trudged into the kitchen, but as she opened the refrigerator and looked inside, she felt her stomach knot. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, hoping to will away the nauseousness. Without warning, the tears began to pool in her eyes once more. She sunk down onto the torn linoleum floor and allowed the tears to fall.

She'd realized weeks before that her feelings were James weren't of the romantic variety, yet when she considered her life without his presence, loneliness and desperation wracked her tiny frame. Deep down, there was some part of her that loved him, but she knew she didn't feel for him the things she should. Any other teenage girl would be thrilled to find herself in such a position, the object of James' affections, but Bella simply didn't.

As she sat there, contemplating their relationship, she wondered if she simply wasn't trying hard enough. She'd always just assumed she would fall in love with James if she was meant to, but maybe it was something she needed to work at. Realizing what she needed to do, she picked herself up off of the floor and wiped the tears from her face with the sleeve of her shirt.

From now on, Bella vowed that she would try harder. She would throw herself whole-heartedly into her relationship. Surely if she really tried, she could make herself fall in love with James, to feel those butterflies in her stomach once again. What other choice did she really have? Without James, she would be all alone, left to stew in her own misery in this crummy apartment.

Feeling a little better, she moved to the door to pick up the newspaper. When she pulled the door open, however, she was shocked to see James' form slumped over in the hallway. He was leaning against the wall, his chin awkwardly resting against his chest. This was exactly why she needed to try harder, to give more of herself. He'd spent the night out here, wanting to work things out between them. The least she could do was try.

~ o ~

James woke up to see Bella standing over him, a gentle smile on her face. He could still see the creases of worry marring her forehead, the trepidation and uncertainty in her eyes.

"Bella," James sighed. He reached out to cup her cheek, using his thumb to wipe away the tear tracks that stained her face. They stood there for several moments, just staring at one another. Eventually Bella pulled away, turning back into the apartment without saying a word. James pulled himself off of the floor and followed her inside.

Bella sat gingerly on the couch, still feeling apprehensive and unsure. But James felt more confident in the morning light, especially after seeing the evidence that Bella's night was just as terrible as his own. He sat down on the couch and placed his arm across the back, hoping Bella took his action as an invitation. She hesitated for a moment before crawling into his embrace.

James pulled her close to his chest and placed a soft kiss in her hair. She still felt stiff and tense. He could see that she'd pulled her lower lip into her mouth and was biting it furiously. He took his free hand and reached out for one of hers, giving it a gentle squeeze before rubbing his thumb gently over the top of her knuckles.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. Last night, I never meant to speak to you that way. After how my mother treated you…God, I was such an asshole," James rasped, his voice hoarse and scratchy.

"It's okay," Bella quickly assured him. "It's just…your mom. She really hates me and I—"

"Don't worry about her anymore, okay? From now on, it's just you and me. I won't let her come between us, Bella. I promise."

Feeling a bit more confident, Bella looked up at him with glassy eyes, the tears once again threatening to consume her. He seemed so sincere in that moment, so caring and gentle. He was exactly the type of boyfriend she should want, so why did she still feel like someone had punched a hole right through her chest? Unable to speak, she could only nod her head in agreement.

They sat there for hours together, simply holding onto one another. Bella was very quiet and this worried James. He knew that Bella was insecure, that she doubted herself. He often wondered why she couldn't see the things he saw in her. He wanted to help her, to mend the broken pieces of her heart, but it seemed like she was holding back—like she was afraid to let him see certain parts of her.

When they were together, Bella usually seemed happy, but sometimes he could see the signs of the depression and loneliness he knew plagued her. He hated to see the sadness in her eyes, the doubt that slowly crept in. In that moment, he vowed that he would protect her, no matter what the consequences or cost.

~ o ~

All too soon classes resumed, though the start of a new school year wasn't an epic event for Bella. The other students at her high school were excited and full of life, bragging about how they spent their summer vacations, showing off glistening tans and expensive new clothes. She was wearing the same clothes from last year, carrying the same old ratty Jansport, and sporting her favorite pair of well-worn canvas sneakers. She was still plain, pale, and mousy.

Bella struggled to find her routine, overwhelmed by the packed schedule of AP classes she'd decided to take. When she had made out her schedule at the end of the previous school year, she hadn't anticipated having a boyfriend or actually needing to have free time. Now, she'd loaded herself down with tons of extra work that she no longer wanted. This would keep her evenings occupied and her weekends would be devoted to the ice cream shop. Bella wondered how she would make time to fit James into her now packed schedule.

It took several weeks for things to get in order, but she eventually felt like she'd found a good balance. She sent James text messages throughout the day and they tried to speak on the phone every evening. Weekends were spent at work, but James would always drop by to spend her lunch hour together. He would pick her up at the end of her shift as well and they would spend the evenings together. Sometimes they would go out, but most of the time Bella was content to just sit at home, cuddling together on the couch to watch a movie or tv show.

Even though they still found time for one another, Bella still sometimes felt insecure. James often seemed silent and aloof during the evenings, staring off into space and not listening to what she had to say. She wondered if he was having more family problems, most likely caused by her. Bella didn't want him to feel like he was making the wrong choice by continuing to be with her, so she tried hard to be the girl she thought James deserved.

Despite her hesitance, Bella allowed the physical aspects of their relationship to progress further. If she were honest with herself, she knew she wasn't ready for this, but she felt like it was necessary. Somehow, she reasoned that this would bind him to her, that it would make them closer. Maybe her hesitance for physical contact was the reason she felt an awkwardness in their relationship, like something was missing.

Though she didn't have any friends at school, she still heard the things other girls whispered about in the bathroom and before class. She and James had been dating for more than a month; most couples their age would have already had sex. Though she wasn't ready to go that far, she pushed back her anxiety and allowed James to round some bases.

These activities seemed to please James. He seemed happier, more at ease. Bella, however, felt quite the opposite. She found no joy in these intimate acts, simply engaging in them out of some twisted sense of obligation. She was still very hesitant about touching James, but she allowed his hands to roam freely over her body.

When they were together, Bella would fake a smile and pretend that the groping and fumbling of his hands was enjoyable. James was none the wiser; at least if he was, he never complained. Once he had gone, Bella felt empty and hollow. Deep down, a tiny part of her protested, wanting her to realize that she was making a mistake. Yet her desire to feel wanted and needed kept her from saying no. She couldn't imagine being alone, and if this was what it took to keep that from happening, it would be her cross to bear.

~ o ~

The month of August proved difficult for James as well, as he struggled to balance family expectations and his relationship with Bella. He adored Bella for many reasons, but mostly because she was so different from anyone he'd ever known. She didn't place emphasis on material things. She didn't care that he was from a prominent family or that he was wealthy.

For the first time, he felt like someone actually saw him, the person beneath the façade of money and power. He'd always been popular in school, having excelled in several sports and made excellent grades. Yet he always wondered if those people really liked him, or if they simply saw his money and his name. With Bella, he had never had that fear.

Bella was occupied most of the time, spending countless hours studying and still holding down her job. This left him with too much free time on his hands, especially since he had decided to take a year off before college. There was no need to work, though he often wondered if he shouldn't find something to do to. He spent more time than usual around the house, lounging around and being lazy. He went to the beach, but it wasn't the same, especially not since most of his friends had gone off to college.

His mother had seen this all as a golden opportunity. Within days of her realization that he was content to just sit around the house, a string of debutantes began to hang around as well. She made excuses, claiming that they were there to help plan some Junior League function, but James knew better. His mother hadn't cared about being charitable before, simply belonging to the organization because it looked good for their family. She donated a large chunk of money, which meant that no one said anything about her lack of attendance at meetings and events.

Most of the girls that came around were nothing more than vapid airheads, more concerned with their personal appearance than anything else. He doubted they could even hold an intelligent conversation. They all seemed to blur together into one giant mess of bleached blonde hair and too-tanned skin. They were nothing at all like Bella, with her innocent blush and long brown hair. He tried to ignore most of the women, but his mother always found some reason to force him to interact with them.

There was one girl in particular that seemed to frequent the Harris home more than the others—Makenna. She was much the same as the other girls, though more bold in her actions. Whereas the others were content to bat their eyelashes and steal glances at James from afar, Makenna was bold and brazen. She thought nothing of accidentally rubbing herself up against James or making lewd comments his presence. When his mother was around, however, she was the portrait of virtue and innocence.

While these girls seemed to think their actions would gain James' attention, they only made him care for and appreciate Bella more. And he soon realized that he didn't just like Bella anymore—he loved her. That realization scared him, not because he was afraid of the emotion, but because he feared the backlash from his family. Bella was naïve and innocent; his mother could easily destroy her.

~ o ~

A/N: This chapter is a little on the shorter side, but that felt like a good stopping point. Apologies for taking so long between updates. I really would like to keep a schedule, but things have been a bit crazy for me…and I ran into a bit of writer's block. I'm back now and the next chapter is already almost finished! Expect updates mid-week from this point forward. :)