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Blue Into Blue

Chapter 21

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Jason~

It's funny how happy you can become without even realizing it. I mean I knew being with Brenda made me happier than anything else had ever done in this world, she still stresses me out on occasion, but I've never been so happy. I realized this today as she screamed when she turned the key in lock…

"Aaaah" she flings the door open and admires our entryway

"Bren, you're acting like we haven't seen the house before" I laughed

"But it's ours now, ours, yours and mine, everything in the house will be ours and only ours. Our sofa, our bed, our silverware. I mean everything Jason, even the pots and pans that are just going to hang above the island, they're ours. It's all ours."

I fake seriousness for a moment, "The pots and pans which are only going to hang above the island and will never be brought down right."

She laughs, she smirks, "I told you to stop listening to Sonny; I can cook. I'm not claiming to be a gourmet chef, but even I can follow the instructions."

Her entire face lights up when she laughs, her body moves with it and it's contagious, I've stopped thinking about Sonny and Jax and hell Alcazar, I've stopped thinking that I've fallen just like them. No, I stop thinking that I'm like Jax and Alcazar, who fell in love with her, but were never truly loved back. I've just accepted it now, there's nothing more to do than just that. To just accept it, I love Brenda and I will love every day I have with her and be thankful for this time, for my time with her. I still hold myself back though, I want to pick her up and swing her around and laugh as loudly as she, make her laugh even more, but I know it's not the right time, it may never be the right time.

~~~~~~~~That Evening~~~~~~~~~~

She's out right now, she went to go pick up food at Kelly's, she's too independent to just give in and let me get it or even to just let me go with her, but I understand that. I finally understand the point of her being so stubborn, I understand how she's trying to hold onto who she is, her individuality, she's trying not to be dependent because every time she becomes dependent on someone it falls apart. Fundamentally it's the basics of psychology that are only noticed when people stop and think about them, but people so rarely do that, she's teaching me to stop and think more.

I hear a car approach; living at street level is going to take some getting used to once more.

I go over to the window and see Reginald already out of the driver's door and heading to open Edward's door, it's Edward because he's the only one that ever gets driven around. I open the door as I hear Edward's footsteps on the porch.

"Brenda's not here."

"I see being married to Brenda hasn't taught you any manners."

"I'll tell her you came by"

"She's at Kelly's Jason, I already called her and I knew she was there, I came here because I want to talk to you in private."

I continue to look at him, I examine his face, the clear love he has for Brenda shows as always, there are only three people that cause Edward to have that look; the other two are Grandmother and Emily. There was a picture though from my high school graduation of him looking at me just like that, it's hard to imagine.

"Are you going to invite me in or I am going to stand here and freeze to death?"

I continue to look, but finally I move to the side, unfortunately I love those same three people he loves and they'd be rather upset if I let the old man freeze to death.

He walks past me into the foyer and then into the living room "It's as beautiful as Brenda described it" he says looking around "beautiful lines. Not showy at all, very Brenda."

"I doubt you came here to discuss architecture."

He looks slightly baffled, a weakness I'm told he only shows to family and friends. In business I'm told he's ruthless, heartless, never shows a moment of weakness of confusion. He looks at me and then looks away, he walks over to the fireplace and picks up a picture; it's a recent picture of Brenda and me, surrounded by the old ones of the past I cannot recall. "This was all I ever wished for." He turns showing me the picture, "this right here, these two bodies, sealed together by those rings. The moment I met Brenda, she became family, there was just something about her that I'm sure you realized by now, you just love her without reason.

I know you're different from this man, this young man here" he continues on "He was just a child, a young innocent child who didn't deserve what happened to him. I know we all punish you for that, we can't just walk away from you like you always wanted because on some levels you're still him and we can't really let go of him yet. You see it just wasn't fair, that Jason…our Jason, the one real/the one good thing that came out of our family died at 22," he pauses for a moment "he just was 22." He shakes his head still trying to understand it over six years later, "Just a kid and it was so sudden, the change between you and him was too drastic, too severe, our Jason wasn't meant to do anything that wasn't positive and you took lives with the hands that had been meant to save them."

I get frustrated hearing his last words, I'd heard them too many times, "I know this Edward"

"I know you do; I didn't mean to come here to say all of that."

"What did you come here for Edward?"

"I came to say I'm happy for you that I am thankful beyond words that you've found happiness with someone like Brenda. I know you didn't get married for love, but I always knew that if you and Brenda just had a chance you would make it, I knew that you would be happy together. Despite the fact that you aren't the young man I watched grow up it was always still there. She's such an amazing person and I know you will never forget that or abuse it. Your loyalty, your devotions to your family is still there as it always was, your idea of who consitues your family is just different…

But you made our family proud by marrying her; she's always belonged in our family, now you made it official." His voice had reached levels of sincerity I had never heard before; it had depths of love I didn't believe he was capable of. "Love Jason really is the only thing that matters, quote me on this and I'll deny it, but I would have willingly been poor, I would willingly be living in a nursing home right now as long as I had Lila by my side. It took me most of my life to realize that, I know you and Brenda don't have that kind of time, so I wanted to make sure you knew to make every moment count, don't leave anything to regret."

Our eyes locked, blue into blue and I saw that look. I saw the look I always watched him give Lila, I saw the look AJ did everything in his power to lure his way, but always failed.

"Who the hell left Reginald outside?" Brenda yells as the door opens and our eyes tear apart.