Chapter 22

Too Late, Too Soon

Jason~

I love coming home at the end of every day. I love walking into our house and knowing that Brenda will be inside waiting for me. She always is, she asks me every morning what time I'm going to be home and she's always there. Waiting to tell me about her day, show me what's she's bought or just talk about my day, well the parts I can tell her. Our house has been furnished in record time, sometimes we meet up during the day or at the end and we shop, sometimes she goes out on her own, but mostly it's been us and it hasn't been total hell. Her excitement over everything passes to be, just like this morning she came rushing to find me in the kitchen with a huge smile plastered on her face telling me, "Ned and Alexis had a little girl, they're naming her Kristina" Somehow at the end of it all I was agreeing to go with her to the hospital after I got home. I actually came home early just for that, well and to see her an hour ahead of schedule.

It's funny though, if I had just come home an hour earlier or on time, I would have never seen this. I wish I never saw this. I wish I never saw them together, Sonny and Brenda, the couple that was meant to be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Are you happy?"

She turns slowly and smiles "Of course." She shakes her head looking around her kitchen, it was beautiful, everything was beautiful, perfect; everything was flawless.

"I don't mean about the house. I mean are you happy, really happy."

He walks closer to her and she fights the urge to back away, close proximity to him was never a smart idea. "I have a great life Sonny, I have a beautiful new house and most importantly I have Jason."

"You love him?"

She stares into his expressionless gaze and nods

"You really love him?"

She smiles, trying to hide her discomfort with the situation "Didn't I just nod?"

"Tell me the words." He takes another step closer

"Why?"

"Just tell me. Tell me you love him as you loved me. Tell me he knocked me out of your out of your head…your heart. Tell me you don't catch yourself thinking about me when you're with him. When you're in his arms…you never think about me."

"Why are you doing this?" She blinks ferociously trying to keep the tears from her eyes.

"Just tell me" He says forcefully

"Why do you always do this?" Her expression becomes pained and his heart starts to break "Why do you always do this? I'm happy Sonny, I'm really happy." She looks down, hoping that not looking into his eyes will save her some pain "Every time I start to be happy again you try to take it away." She looks up and through her blurred eyes she asks "Why do you always try to hurt me when you always claimed to love me so much?"

She sees the pain rip through his eyes and even more rips through her his words stagger out, "I have never tried to hurt you Bren; I can't believe you think I do." He walks back and collapses into a chair and looks up at her "I just need to know you're happy, tell me that you love him. Tell me that you're happy." He begs through the tears

She looks down at him, "I am."

"You love him?"

"I do"

"Do you forgive me? Do you forgive me for being weak, for hurting you the way I did? I thought I was doing what was right, but the moment they told me you were gone, I realize I was weak and that's why I did it."

"You aren't weak, you have always been one of the strongest people I know and I forgave you the moment they told me I was sick…The moment I found out I could actually be sick. I knew that I would do anything in my power to protect you and Jax. I could have found you, Sonny; I could have been with you. The accident gave me the perfect cover, a chance for us to be together, but when the doctor told me I was had it I knew there would be no calling Jason, no demanding him to send you to me or me to you. I knew I could never allow you to hurt, I couldn't allow something that was happening to me to destroy you. I finally understood totally. I did understand after I went to Lily's grave, but only partially. I did want to be alive more than I wanted to be your wife. I was willing though to risk it, but your happiness, that I couldn't risk."

She sinks down to just below his eye level, with her hands on his knees she whispers "You did the right thing Sonny."

"Then why doesn't it feel like it?"

She smiles up at him "Because it's not what you wanted. This isn't the future we planned for, we dreamed, but this is what life gave us."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

It was the most natural thing in the world when there lips connected, so many years apart, yet it felt like only yesterday they had kissed to prove that it was over between them, it felt like only yesterday that they had lied to each other. The problem was it wasn't yesterday and within moments of their lips connecting reality took over. She was married, he was married, and they were over. They broke apart, never seeing Jason watching from the doorway, never seeing him take off as their lips connected.

"I'm sorry" he says as she starts to stand.

She shakes her "Don't be, we needed the goodbye, we needed the closure to everything we once were because it's just that, it's what/who we once were."

"Jason's the strongest person you know now isn't he?"

She looks down at him confused

"You said that I'm one of the strongest people you know. Jason's the strongest though isn't he?"

She nods; she hadn't even realized it until that moment that she thought of Jason that way.

"I'm glad he makes you happy." He says as he stands, "I should get going."

She just nods and sinks down into the chair as he walks out the door.