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Chapter 23
That Smile's Not For Me
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Jason~
Marco's in front of the house, Sonny's driver, Sonny must have told him to go take a drive. Without even looking at him, I tell him I was never here, but I see him in my rearview mirror, looking at me with pity as I drive off.
I gave up everything for her, my apartment, my bike; I couldn't drive my bike without worrying, in a car I knew I always had a better chance of being around to keep her safe. She never wanted it from me though, she never asked me to, all she did was ask me to marry her to keep Sonny and Jax married to their wives. I should have married her and taken her straight to Europe, we never should have come back here, yet we did and now I think everyone but Sonny and Brenda will be in agony, just like normal. It's funny because as much as I want to be angry for Carly and Michael, I'm not, it just pales to the pain I feel, it does more than pale.
Even the happiness I thought I might feel for Brenda getting to spend her final days with the man she loves pales. That whole if you love them let them go thing is bullshit, it's more than bullshit. I needed more of a chance, I needed to have her without Sonny around; I needed to show her there was a life without him. I was stupid though, I kept her here.
That thought stops me, I pull over, just blocks from my house; I just pull over and realize my thoughts. I wanted to isolate her from the things she loved just like Alcazar did, I wanted to take away everything that brings meaning into her life, just because maybe then she'd love me because there was nothing else. I disgust myself, I shock myself; I pity myself, just like Marco did. I have a lot with Brenda, it should make me happy, yet I just keep wanting more.
I turn the key again; I listen to the slight roar of the engine. I start to drive, hoping that I'll get some clarity on the open roads.
I just drive, for hours I drive, no where in particular, just off and on highways as I pleased. Three hours later I see the sign for Port Charles again, 7 miles away. I have two options follow it or run away for good this time because I could never go back to that town after she was gone from it.
I follow the sign.
I pull up into my driveway, the porch light's on, she's been waiting for me; I'm an hour and a half late. As I open the front door I hear her call "I tried calling you:"
"Oh, I turned off my phone" I hear my voice, it sounds normal. "What'd you do today?"
"Sonny and Michael came by, we built a snowman." She says from the top of the stairs smiling down at me.
"Sonny played in the snow?"
She laughed as she walked down towards me, almost glowing; her cheeks still rosy from being outside so much. "Sonny dictated more than he played, but in his defense he wasn't really dressed for the snow. He actually didn't stay that long, Michael and I spent a few hours together though. He decided he should have his own room here, he can't stand the sprites and the gnomes though and I refuse to paint over them, so he's getting the room next to it, we're thinking race cars as the theme."
"Sounds good" I'm confused, I'm shocked, she's not saying anything about Sonny, there are no tear marks on her face, she's happy, she's just so happy, it's the only evidence of him being here today and if I hadn't come home earlier, I would have thought the happiness was about me.
"We can still make visiting hours"
I raise my eyebrows and look at her
"Kristina?" she looks at me for some recognition, "Remember Ned and Alexis's daughter, born at 4:13 this morning."
I smile, I fake my happiness "That's right, you ready to go?"
"Let me just go put on shoes."