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Chapter 24

Everything's Fine

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Jason~

I fake a laugh and smile as Emily says something that caused that reaction from everyone else. We're at Jake's, we meaning Brenda, Emily, Zander and of course myself. There are an extra 3 people in this bar at the moment that I know. I just want to sit here and have beer after beer on my own, I do not want to see her face, nor do I want to have to try to play the polite kind older brother when all I want to do is start a fight. All I can see are Sonny and Brenda in the kitchen, in our kitchen. I should have walked in when I saw them together, I should have walked in when I heard Brenda's declaration of forgiveness, their confessions of love, I should have done anything but walk away after I saw them kiss. But I couldn't risk walking in at that point there was too great of a chance I would slam my fist into my best friend, my partner's face. I'm already on my third beer within a half an hour of getting here. Why I had let Brenda drag me to the hospital to see Kristina, Alexis and Ned's child I don't know. Why I had allowed myself into being talked into going to Jake's with them to celebrate I don't know, at the moment Brenda's sweet smile, completely unaware she had hurt me, completely unaware it was possible to hurt me and the thought of massive amounts of alcohol to ease the pain seemed like a good idea, right now though, it was not working. "We should celebrate this properly." They all turn to me, I know they're expecting champagne, but I instead turn to the bartender "4 shots of tequila"

I turn to see the females grimacing

"Explain to me how me throwing up all night is celebrating Kristina's birth?" Brenda questions

I just laugh and hand the shot that was quickly placed in front of me to her and down mine before Emily and Zander even take theirs off the bar.

"Weren't we supposed to toast?" Emily says staring at me

I just look at her, then turn back to the bartender and motion to my glass, she fills it back up. "To Kristina" I say raising the shot up, I control my urge to immediately take the shot and wait for them to raise their glasses and repeat my words.

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"What the hell is wrong with you?" Emily corners me off to the side as Brenda and Zander look through the jukebox

"Nothing, what makes you think anything is wrong?"

"Six beers and three shots in under an hour."

"Am I drunk?" I ask only because I know I'm not, not yet that is, soon but not yet.

She frowns "You've spoken two words to Brenda all night."

"You're exaggerating"

"You aren't acting like yourself."

"How am I acting?"

She looks at me, searching for the words

I look at her and laugh, it's not a nice laugh though, it's a sarcastic laugh "Let me guess, like normal, like a normal person that is. Like someone who gets to have moods, who gets to be happy, sad, pissed, without any real reason. Then again I don't get to act like that because I'm just a robot, no feelings no emotions, right/wrong, black/white….I don't get the gray."

She's confused; she's shocked, she's never had to deal with this, because it was always either perfect Jason Q or one dimensional Jason Morgan. "What's wrong?" she asks

"Nothing" I point to the shot glasses still on the bar and Julie, our faithful little bartender rushes over to fill them. I hand a shot to Emily, then proceed to take the remaining 3 on my own. I take a deep breath because I know soon this pain will ease. I now know why so many people become alcoholics; it's so freeing just letting go of everything…

"Everything okay guys?" Zander says approaching us and seeing the serious looks on our faces

"Yea" I say before Em can respond "Everything's fine."

"Good" Zander says with a nod of his head, I can see in his eyes that the alcohol is starting to affect him "Pool?" He says motioning towards the table.

"Sounds good. You pair up with Emily, I'll take Brenda."