Setting aside her previous homework she had not finished, she cast her eyes to her still closed laptop. She feared opening it and finding no emails, but she was also afraid of seeing an email. It was like she was opening her laptop to a new life, or something even greater than that.
She pulled her legs to her chest, her black pajama shorts slipping up her thighs. Her closet doors were still open, the glass doors reflecting the slowly circling fan above her bed. Each blade of the fan casted a low creak, and it was a reminder of the time that was passing by. She blew a few loose strands of her brunette hair out of her face, the hair tickling her chin.
Her black metal swivel chair made a loud metal screech when she turned in it, and she pulled herself to her desk by the bottoms of her feet. Her legs slid under her old desk, and she flipped her laptop open quickly, the black screen turning a deep blue. A box popped up, it read:
COMPUTER LOCKED
Password:
She, as if by instinct, typed in her password, always her birthday, which was June 12th. The screen entered into her gentle background of hydrangeas, she never felt the need to personalize the background screen of her computer. She timidly opened her mail inbox, and saw twelve new notifications, all for her different internships at different colleges, but that was not completely on her mind at the moment as she saw the newest attachment. It was one from tobycavanaugh
She clicked it restlessly, and read the small black letters steadily, indulging each word he had written to her.
I'm hoping I didn't get you in trouble…
Spencer sighs, and she begins to type back;
No, I'm okay. My sister let me slide in.
She hit SEND, and waited anxiously for a reply back. Was he regretting sneaking out to see her? It seemed in his personality to think so, he always seemed to want to put her needs first, but Spencer certainly didn't want him to regret being with her.
She pulled her hand to her face, biting the tip of her pointer finger nail worriedly. A text block popped up, and she read it all too quickly.
I'm sorry that I snuck you out of the house, I could've waited until a decent time.
She was already letting her fingers fly across the computer board, her mind spinning with guilt.
No, Toby, I had an amazing time with you tonight, don't feel bad. It was actually probably the most fun I've had in a long time.
She bent back in her chair, crossing her legs closely, as if she had to tense up for another response back from Toby. There was a few seconds that passed, and it made her sigh, and stand from her chair. Was he that selfless that he was going to put the guilt on himself? She didn't want that, not after all the things he had told her that night, about him and Jenna, just about small things that made him, him.
But another response did come, despite her nerves.
I'm glad you had as much fun as I did. I hope I can see you again, what time do you have lunch tomorrow at school?
Spencer raises an eyebrow at the last bit. Was he planning on bringing her out to lunch…? A date with Toby Cavanaugh, it sounded lovely. She felt her cheeks blush, from excitement, and the excitement kicked her nerves away.
12:45. Are you planning on a date, Toby Cavanaugh?
She sent it with a small smile on her lips, and she found herself with her hands to her stomach, she had butterflies in her stomach. She had never really had an actual date, well, despite a movie theatre date, but she had never found that to be an official date. How could people get to know each other with a movie blaring into their ears for two hours?
A quick response this time came in.
I'll be there to pick you up, Spencer Hastings. Get some sleep, I'll see you tomorrow.
Wow, he was mysterious and romantic, how intriguing. She feels herself bite her lip as she typed.
Okay, Paint Boy. Goodnight.
A swift email slid in after she sent it, and it was simple, but she was consent with it.
Goodnight, Blazer Girl.
And that was that. She could even hear his voice say that to her, she could picture his smile as he shut his computer. The way his eyes would be sparkling from nerves. Was he painting right now? Was he still sitting at the computer? She didn't know. But she knew they were both thinking the same thing: Wow. Another thing popped into Spencer's head. How the hell would Hanna react? She never even told Hanna about her and Toby, let alone that they had kissed. But when Spencer saw the time, she knew this conversation of screaming and best friend gossip would have to wait. It was almost one in the morning.
Damn, she had to get some sleep to be alive tomorrow. She decided she would take a shower in the morning, too afraid to wash away the scent of leather that reminded her deeply of her time with Toby. Spencer thought about the breathless night she had, and she remembered her CD that Toby had given her. She goes and grabs it off her dresser, and she sits back down into her chair.
The front cover was magical, deep colors and shades of blue and green, as if a dreamy night sky. It read:
Atlas
Darkness/001
She curiously opened the disk, and she gently grabbed the CD from the plastics case. Opening her computer DVD reader, she placed it in, shutting it closed. She heard the loud hum of the disk being read in the computer, until her Windows Media Player opened, and fast violins began to dance out of the device. It was intoxicating, beautifully haunting. The music just continued to get better, piano adding a deeper meaning to the song. She didn't need to hear a voice to know the songs story…
"I once knew your father well
He fought tears as he spoke of your mother's health
I guess a part of him just couldn't return
Forgiveness was a lesson he forced you to learn
As your guardian I was instructed well
To make sense of God's love in these fires of hell
No I don't expect you to understand
Just to live what little life your broken heart can
Maybe your light is a seed
And the darkness the dirt
In spite of the uneven odds
Beauty lives from the earth
From the earth…"
The words were loud and clear, the man singers voice sinking into her soul. It was lovely, and she could instantly see Toby understanding why she would like this music, the lyrics had meaning, a lesson in the words. She paused the music, knowing if she didn't stop listening now, that she would stay up finishing the rest of the album. She slowly shuts her computer, and it's quiet for a few moments.
The only sound was the constant swoosh-like sound that was the rotating blades of the fan. The house murmured in silence at her resistance to sleep, the floorboards underneath creaking at just a small movement of her waist. She spins her seat around, and she heads out her room, to her bathroom.
The hallway is dark, and it takes her a moment for her eyes to adjust. As she heads into the bathroom, she sees Melissa's door is closed, the lights out. She still felt suspicious of her sister's previous reaction towards Spencer sneaking out to see Toby, but she wasn't going to push it, at least Melissa was going to keep it a secret… for now.
She switched the bathroom light on, and the glare hurt her eyes for a moment. She squints shyly at her reflection in the large mirror, her face pale from exhaustion. She places her hands on the counter, and hesitantly leans forward on her palms. Her hair is quite a mess from the fast speed of the motorcycle, and she felt her ears still slightly ringing from the adrenaline and blood pumping through her veins. She brings her hand to her face, and she pushes her hair behind her ear on one side.
Hesitantly, she grabs her blue toothbrush from a white cup on the side of the sink. She rinses it with cold water, and she opens the mirror cabinet to her left, pressing minty toothpaste onto the brush. She cleans her teeth quickly, spitting out the strict taste, and rinsing her mouth with the tap water. As she does this, she runs water over her face. She didn't have a lot of make up on, but it still is enough to leave remaining mascara under her eyes, along her waterline. She could wait until tomorrow to remove it.
When she gets back into her room after she's done, she climbs into her bed, and she looks at her clock that is on her nightstand. It was almost two. She groans, and twists the lamp switch, the lights all going out, and the room she lied in went pitch-dark.
Spencer felt herself clocking the seconds that passed by, as if that would make the new day come faster. She felt no need to sleep, but at the same time, her eyelids were threatening to interrupt her thoughts. Every second made her eyelids heavier and heavier with sleep, and when she just began to wonder about what she would wear that day, the sleep won her over. So much for putting up a fight, she had thought to herself in a small irritated tone.
A mixture of dark and bright light overcame her mind. It was a dreamy place, the floor unsteady, and her vision jumping from place to place. She could tell she was in her car from the same black steering wheel and recognizable fresh scent of leather seats. She was driving straight, down an endless road ahead, only dark shadowy figures on the sides of the road. She thought she was alone, until a faded voice began to whisper her name.
"Spencer…Spencer…" A small voice grew louder as she drove on, and then it was a short, "Spencer!" Louder than the times before. She turns her head to the passenger seat next to her, and she feels herself smile when she sees it's him. Toby's hair is longer in her dream, and he wore a blue button up shirt, the long sleeve folded above his elbows. "Watch out!" His voice desperately yelled to her, and she ripped her eyes away from him, and saw a huge wall of what seemed like black mist ahead of them.
The sunlight disappeared as she got closer and closer, and she tried to brake the car, but it wouldn't slow down, it only sped up the more she struggled. "Toby, the car, it won't slow down!" She yelled, but when she turned her head to get his help, the seat was empty. She felt her heart pound even harder as the mist was easily a few hundred yards away now. Her eyes raced to find him, but he was gone. She couldn't look on the side of the road, there was only the dark figures of old buildings.
The black mist suddenly consumed her car, and she shuts her eyes, shaking violently against her seatbelt that wouldn't unlock. The blanket of black grew shaky and her bones shook as she forced herself to open her eyes.
She shot up in her bed, her hands on her sides. Spencer's breathing came out in rigid breaths, each one raspy and painful. She never had terrible nightmares, but this was one of her worst. The black mist, Toby… she had no idea what it all meant. She was convinced it was just her mind putting together random thoughts.
She realized when she looked over at the time that it was just past four in the morning. It was a short dream. She couldn't go back to sleep as she lied back down, she couldn't even close her eyes. She stared at the slightly lit white ceiling, her eyes trialing over each curve of paint. She rolled onto her side, staring at the wall ahead of her now. But she couldn't shake the dream out of her head. It felt so real, like she really had been in that car, really felt the worry Toby felt when her car was heading towards the mist.
She threw her covers back, and sat up. She closed her eyes for a moment to breathe; opening them when she felt it was okay. She had to get ready for the day ahead. She slipped out of her bed, and she knew she'd have to take a quick shower.
After she had taken a quick shower, shampooing her hair and shaving her under arms and legs, she dried her hair in a red towel that she had grabbed from under her sink. She rubbed her hair viciously, her white towel around her body kept loosening up, and she'd have to adjust it. She threw the red towel on the closed toilet seat to her right, and she decided to blow dry her hair. She whipped out the hair dryer from under the sink, plugging it in, hot air hitting her neck.
Her hair was dry enough for her to pull back into a sloppy bun, she used a hair tie from around her wrist to keep it up. She didn't mind that her hair was a mess, she was too exhausted to even see how much of a mess it really was. Opening her mirror cabinet, she grabs her mascara from it, applying it to her long lashes gently; only two layers of it that day. She thought it looked decent enough, and put her makeup away back into the cabinet.
She entered her bedroom with her towel around her, and she looks through her closet quickly. She skims her around on the top of the clothes, and she stops on Toby's leather jacket. Right behind the jacket, was the blue shirt he had given her, which still had the aroma of strong paint resurrecting off of it. She slides the two pieces of clothing past her, and grabs a navy blue summer dress, it was short above her knees, coming down below her thighs. It had no sleeves, and she didn't want to take the risk of being cold, so she also slides off a white cardigan.
From a hanger, she grabbed a brown belt, and short cut brown leather boots from below her. After she went through the process of throwing her clothes on, she slid her socks onto her feet, then her boots. Her bun kept falling from the top of her head, so she grabbed the hair tie from it, and let her messy hair stay fallen that day.
She hurriedly packs her school supplies into a new white leather Coco Chanel bag, and begins to head downstairs, her heels of her boots hitting each step loudly. She had thrown a gaze at her sister's room, but the door was closed, like always.
She hurried down the stairs, and groaned when she found her hand searching her bag for car keys. Her parents still had them. She turned on her heels, stomping to the kitchen where she heard the coffee maker spitting out fresh black coffee, the strong smell sweeping through her hair.
"Mom!" Spencer exclaimed, throwing her bag on the white marble counter. Her mother turned around from the coffee maker, and she sighed. She wore a red blouse, with a long black skirt that stopped above her knees. She had on black heels that seemed to be made of some type of leather, her short brown hair in loose curls.
"I need my car keys, it's a school day…" She gets quieter as she talks, and eyes her bag. Her mom twirls Spencer's car keys on her finger, and walks slowly over to her, as if she knew it was annoying her.
"Remember, back here- right after school." She says, her voice too at ease to calm Spencer. Spencer grabs the keys from her mother's pale hand, and she nods. "Got it." She answers quickly, and swings her bag over her shoulder, about to walk away. As she exits the kitchen, she hears her mother call out,
"You don't want any coffee?"
Spencer doesn't stop walking, as she throws back, "Caffeine makes me a different person."
With that, she twists the front door handle open, and she leaves the house, yanking the huge door closed from behind her. It's a chilly day, and she was glad she dressed comfortably, her dress swaying with the morning breeze. She had forgotten that today was also the day Toby wanted to take her out on an official date. She stops walking, and murmurs, "Shit."
She looks down at her dress, and she pulls it down, and tries to push her chest up with her palms. No real difference. She rolled her eyes, and she knew she shouldn't be trying to impress him, he was the one who kissed her. But damn, she at least could try to impress him…
She slips into her gray car, slamming the door closed. She sits there for a moment; looking at her reflection that stared back at her in her review mirror. Her eyes seemed to be dead in the color, like she hadn't gotten enough sleep. She groans, and she adjusts the mirror. She places her bag onto the seat next to her, and she starts the car forcefully. It growls to life, the smell of gasoline burning her nostrils. Time to head off to school.
The day passed ever so slowly; each moment making her grow more impatient. She was nervous, really nervous. What if he didn't show up? What if he didn't want to see her? There were random and ridiculous thoughts and assumptions that spiraled into her mind. Either way, if it was a good thought, she was nervous. If it was a bad thought, she was still nervous. He would show up, he was honest.
She sat at her lunch table outside like usual, and she tapped her pencil nervously against the binder on her lap. Hanna was sitting across from her, stuffing her face with a Caesar Salad. Her face glowed with fresh makeup, her blonde hair in bouncy curls. She had a see-through yellow top with a thick gold necklace, and she had on black leather pants that showed her wide hips. Hanna stared at Spencer as she tapped her pencil again.
"Spencer." Hanna begins, placing her fork into her plastic container of her salad. Spencer looks up quickly, she had been dazing off. "You're acting weird, is it like your time of the month of something?"
Spencer laughs steadily, and she places her pencil back into the front cover of her binder. "No, I'm just, uh…" Hanna's eyes widen and she leans forward quickly. "Oh, my god, please don't tell me you're pregnant or something!" Spencer pulls back, and she exclaims loudly,
"Hanna! No, no way!"
Hanna smiles, and she raises her hands innocently, "Jeez, calm down there Killer, I was just kidding with you. You know, unless you are…" Spencer grabs a piece of lettuce from Hanna's container, and she flings it at Hanna, and it hits her shoulder, bouncing off and onto the ground. Hanna gasps, and she laughs. "Damn, so is it a boy or girl?"
Spencer rolls her eyes, and she turns her eyes to the trees. Something catches her eyes, the color of blue from behind the green leaves. It's him, it's Toby.
He stands shyly to her right, leaning against the old trees bark. His jeans are lighter colored, and he has leather shoes on, a loose red t-shirt, his hair gelled up- it looked shorter than the last time she saw him. His hand is pressed into his pocket, the other holding a motorcycle helmet that she had worn the night before. His eyes don't leave her own; they stay fixated on her. His mouth curls into a slight smile, and she smiles back, before looking shyly down.
She feels her breath get caught, and she swallows, and Hanna follows her gaze. Hanna looks at Toby, then at Spencer, and she squeals. "It's Toby Cavanaugh? You and Toby… oh! You didn't tell me"-
"Han." Spencer says quickly, but quietly. Hanna seems worried, maybe a little jealous in a way, but Spencer touches her hand, then stands up. "He wants to take me out for lunch." Spencer says shyly.
Hanna's mouth drops open, and she crosses her arms in a sassy way. "And now you're telling me this?" Spencer sighs, and Toby smiles at her from across the lunch area. Spencer closes her mouth, and she looks back at Hanna. "I'm sorry, really, I just didn't know if you'd want me to go."
Hanna flips her hand out towards her, and she says quickly, "Go, go, apologize later." She can tell Hanna is slightly disappointed, but she also knows Hanna cares about Spencer's happiness. Spencer walks away from Hanna, and Hanna touches her salad with her fork, but doesn't eat it anymore.
Spencer feels bad for not telling Hanna, but hell, like she said, this was Toby Cavanaugh. She didn't know if Hanna would've liked Spencer 'being' with him. But she was happy with him, he made her feel safe. She adjusts her bag around her shoulder, and she paces towards Toby.
He leans away from the tree, and his hand slips out of his pocket. Once she gets close to him, his smile widens. Some heads turn, and she hears some quiet voices whisper his name and then her name. But she didn't really care. Toby, on the other hand, his eyes seem to be scared. Not of her, but of the words passing around the lunch area.
"Let's get out of here." He says, and he lifts the helmet to her, and she grabs it gently. "Are you okay?" She asks, looking at him calmly. He nods, but that's all, before he begins to walk towards the parking lot behind him. Spencer sighs as he walks away, and she quickens her pace to get next to him. Once the whispers disappear, she asks again,
"Toby, I can tell that"-
He stops her when he stops walking along the grass out front of the school, "It's just not my place." He murmurs, looking down. He shifts his weight, and the only sound for a moment is the swaying tree leaves and quiet songs of birds. Spencer feels her heart sink slightly. It must've been hard for him to come back to this place: school.
"I'm sorry." He says, pressing his fingers to his closed eyes stressfully, and he drops his hand then, looking at her apologetically. Spencer touches his hand lightly, and he looks down again, like he was ashamed of himself. "Stop, Toby, it's okay. Let's go get some lunch, huh? No whispers, no obnoxious teenagers, how does that sound?"
He looks at her appreciably, and his smile reappears on his strong face. "That sounds great." He answered, his voice still slightly shy as always. She lets go of his hand, and he begins to walk again with her by his side. She felt good to be ditching school for him, which was a definite first. He was her first everything, but she was okay with that.