First off, I would like to apologize for taking so long to update. I started work on Monday and have been working everyday for eight hours since then. Between that, practicing piano, and doing other stuff, I haven't had a lot of time to write. Plus there's the fact that there is one one-shot I've been trying to write and cannot for the life of me get right. This weekend, I'll be tackling that. With that said:
Thank you to all the readers for your ongoing support; you're all amazing!
To the reviewers, every single comment means so much to me, I honestly cannot wipe the stupid grin off my face after reading one for like five minutes.
Some people wanted another Chloe confrontation, more specifically when she gets Derek Tylenol and talks to the ghosts in the Summoning. I tried it and it didn't work, so I give you the next best thing! This is set during the Awakening when the street urchin attacks Chloe.
Not again
DPOV
I turned back around, looking at Chloe. "I mean it, stay right here." I said sternly, trying to command her to remain unmoving until I got back; though knowing I'd be better off furiously hopping that, for once, she would just listen to me. Simon interrupted my silent prayers as soon as we were out of ear shot and said-rather chastised-"Derek, you shouldn't be so hard on Chloe. She obviously didn't intend to do that. You shouldn't be blaming her and you shouldn't condemn her; she made a mistake, everybody does sometimes."
I was getting tired of this: Simon always coming to Chloe's rescue. I didn't know if he was still under the illusion that Chloe was helpless or not. Because she isn't. She is a lot braver and self-reliant that she's given credit for and she should be treated so and not like the naïve, feeble person she was believed to be. "Our situation calls for caution. We can't afford to make mistakes. Just because you like her doesn't mean I'm going to go around pretending things are all right when they're not, Simon."
That was the wrong thing to say because Simon suddenly became indignant, like we were in grade three and he couldn't believe I had pulled out the 'you like Chloe' card.
"This has nothing to do with me liking her. It has to do with you acting like a jackass."
I stopped, forcing Simon to as well, glaring and setting my jaw, before continuing on. Simon sighed, mumbled something about me always being difficult, and crossed the street, taking some time to cool off. His anger was always short-lived; Simon was too naturally pleasant to be mad for long. He'd be back on my side of the street in five minutes, an apology ready on his lips.
I was not being a jackass. I was just refusing to sugarcoat things for Chloe. She wasn't five and I would think that she would be insulted if I treated her like she was. I wasn't even trying to be mean. All I wanted to do was keep her in line, make her self-aware. She needed to start considering what she was capable of and learn how to deal with it before she did something that would entail serious consequences. Like I had said to Simon, being what we are and living as we are, there isn't room for error, for a mistake that could end up costing us our lives. I know it sounds melodramatic, but it was the truth. The cold, hard, truth.
As I was peeking into another alley, I stopped in my tracks, nostrils flaring. I heard Simon approaching behind me.
"D, listen. I'm-" he had started to say, but stopped when he took in my raised head and rigid position.
"What do you smell?" he asked urgently.
I shook my head to reassure him it was nothing worrisome. Quite the contrary, actually.
"McDonalds." I replied longingly. We had been eating crappy gas station food for the past couple of days and the smell of fries and burgers-no matter how full of preservatives or questionable ingredients-was undeniably inviting.
"Seriously? That's awesome! Maybe I could-" I cut him off, before his overactive imagination took him too far and harm him on the way down.
"You can't eat that. You know the high concentration of sugar and sodium in that stuff would be a toxic combination for you."
"Thanks for reminding me, Dad. One fry wouldn't kill me, Derek. But for your information, I wasn't thinking about me. I was thinking about getting breakfast for Chloe tomorrow."
"Oh," I said dumbly, beginning to walk again. Of course, he was thinking about Chloe, being considerate as always. I wasn't too sure why my thoughts suddenly held a bitter tinge to them and I quickly reminded myself that this was what I had wanted, still do want. Everything was going according to plan: Chloe played her part by getting Simon out of Lyle House and now she was a distraction for him, to keep him from worrying too much about the journey ahead. However, I did not, for some reason, feel as fulfilled and accomplished as I usually do when things go according to plan. Simon interrupted my contemplation with the apology he hadn't gotten the chance to say.
"Derek, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"
"I know." I said quickly, interjecting. Simon shouldn't be apologizing to me. He didn't do anything wrong, really, and I didn't enjoy making him feel bad enough that he felt that he had to apologize. "It's fine."
He persisted, "You're not being jackass. I get your point, I really do. All I'm trying to say, is that you should, you know, go about it a little more nicely."
Simon and I clearly weren't going to come to any form of agreement anytime soon. I was right and he was too blinded by a pretty girl to realize it. I grunted, letting him interpret it whichever way he wanted, not wanting to have a circular argument.
After a couple more minutes, we finally came upon an unoccupied delivery bay. There was a biting north wind, but it was late, and we were all exhausted, so we would have to deal.
"Stay here while I go and get the girls." I commanded to Simon.
"Sure thing, mon capitan!" he said, saluting, back to his usual, good-humored self.
As I was walking, a sudden sense of urgency made my heart beat a little faster and implored me to quicken my pace. I tried to stifle the inexplicable feeling, but it would not go away. The anxiety was twisting my stomach and my heart was thumping audibly-at least to me-against my ribs, which was a natural reaction when you found yourself in danger, which was odd, because I wasn't in a threatening situation.
I started to jog, hoping it might calm my sensitive nerves. All it ended up doing was make me feel as if I should be running more quickly. As I was rounding the corner, exasperated at the sudden onset on baffling emotion, I was met by a sight that did nothing to calm my nerves.
Tori was running toward me with all her might, fear and panic dominating her features, while Chloe nowhere in sight. It felt like a lead weight had dropped in my stomach. She came to halt in front of my now still figure, breathing raggedly and bent forward, hands on her knees. She looked up at me and gasped, "Chloe."
And that was all it took.
I shot forward, brushing past her and followed Chloe's scent. Thank god for small miracles because astoundingly, Chloe was upwind and I was able to track her without a problem. It was when I found her that the problems really started.
Time seemed to slow down, completely stop, to let me take in the scene and smell her blood, before I was taken over by a blinding rage, unable to think coherently and acting solely on instinct.
I ran to the girl attacking Chloe and wrenched her in the air, snarling in fury. And then… I don't know. I let it happen. Again. Even when I had had time to process the situation. Just as I was about to swing her into the brick wall, a terrified scream from Chloe managed to enable me to regain control. I checked myself at the last second, so abruptly that I stumbled. The terror in my hands was flailing and kicking. I think her foot may have made contact, but I wasn't sure. My mind was still reeling from the fact that I had almost endangered another life to really feel much else.
I looked around, saw a fence, and decided on a more appropriate future for the girl I was holding. With a grunt, I heaved her over it and she crashed onto the other side. No damage done except a few sore ribs.
I turned to see Chloe scrambling to her feet, unsteady and shaking. And I was suddenly so angry all over again. I could not believe she had gotten herself into this situation, all because she hadn't listened to me. What if something had happened to her? That thought seemed to contribute to the anger and enable it to blossom even further.
I stormed over to her, grabbed her collar and yanked her up.
"Move!" I commanded.
She grabbed the fallen knife that had practically carved her face. I couldn't believe she was focusing on such unimportant matters. She wasn't moving fast enough for my liking, so I shoved her forward. She finally started running and I took the lead, guiding her.
As I was running, I tried to rationalize, to reign in the anger, but to no avail. Every time I was even close to success, I was reminded of the fact that something could have, and would have, happened to her had I not shown up when I did and that brought on another bout of anger. Plus, I also had to accept that I had almost ended another life tonight. After the weeks of cognitive behavioral therapy with Dr. Gill and all the preparation, I still couldn't manage to control myself, to control what I am. Deciding that calm wasn't going to find me any time soon, I spun on her, fixing her with my hardest gaze.
She shrank back and I grabbed her arm, keeping her still. I hated it when she did that. It was one thing for strangers to shy away from me, for the disdain and the fear to be clear and unashamedly displayed on their features. But it was another thing for Chloe to act afraid of me. I would never hurt her and after everything we had been through, I thought that she knew that, that she knew I would be there to protect her rather than harm her. It was hurtful that she didn't.
"Did I tell you to stay put?" I demanded.
"Yes, but-" Oh no, there was no way she was going to justify this stunt.
"Did I tell you to stay put!" I roared, unable to control the anger brought on by the fear of her being in danger.
"Yes. You did. But you also told me to watch out for Tori, and she took off." she replied evenly and quietly. Oh yes, of course she would watch out for Tori, the back-stabbing bitch who most likely hadn't glanced back when she left Chloe to fend for herself.
"I don't give a rat's ass about Tori. If she walks away, let her. If she steps in front of a bus, let her."
Her eyes did that thing where it seemed as if Chloe was all knowing and could fit all the puzzle pieces together. Saying nothing, she pried my fingers from her arm. I pulled back, clenching and unclenching my fists that terribly wanted to hit something.
"If she takes off, let her go. I don't care what happens to her." I said, truthfully and calmer and more collected.
"I do." she said affirmatively. I stepped back, scratching absently at my arm. I saw Chloe looking at me carefully, watching me as if I was about to start writhing on the floor at any given moment.
"It's an itch. A normal itch." I said defensively.
"Have you had any other symptoms? Fever or-"
"No." I snapped, irritated that she was trying to change the subject, deflect from what had just happened. "Don't change the subject. You need to be more careful, Chloe. Like earlier, with that body. You need to think about what could happen."
"And what about you?" she countered, pointing as I scratched my arm again. "The werewolf who hasn't had his first change yet, but knows he's developing fast. Yet when you started getting restless, feverish, itchy, it never occurred to you that you might be Changing early? You let it slide… until it starts the night we're supposed to escape."
I couldn't believe she was using that against me. Changes aren't supposed to start until a werewolf is at least eighteen. I hadn't known that our genes had been tampered with, how was I supposed to know what was happening.
"I wasn't going with you guys-" I tried to reason, but was interrupted.
"But if I hadn't stayed to find you, Simon wouldn't have left. You could have botched the escape because you didn't know what was happening to you."
"I didn't."
"Like I didn't know I could raise the dead in my sleep." Damn her for being reasonable. She was right, of course. But I was too mad and too stubborn to like it, let alone accept it. "But did I chew you out? Did I even mention how close I came to getting caught because I stayed to help?"
I looked away, trying to come up with a counter attack. Chloe seemed to be conveniently forgetting that our relationship went both ways. I help her too and I intended to remind her of that. "I tried to help you, too. And got this." I said, gesturing to my scratched cheek.
"Because I woke up with a guy pinning me to the floor! I know you were trying to keep me from seeing that zombie crawling on me. A good plan, poorly executed. Then you totally lost patience and kept barking orders."
"I was trying to help." I tried to reason.
"And what if I'd done that to you? Yelled at you to finish Changing before we got caught?"
With all this talk of the Change, I remembered that I hadn't actually thanked her for staying there. It would have taken a lot of guts to stay with me and see that when you knew what I was. Chloe had found me in that state, completely unaware of what I was becoming. She had been uncommonly brave and having her there had been comforting. I really should have expressed my gratitude as soon as I could have. She had a point, too. I had been in the exact same situation as her under different circumstances and she had handled it a lot better than I was. I looked away from her penetrating eyes, the shame for the way I was acting beginning to sink in.
"I… about that night. I haven't said…" To hell with it. I'm not good with words. I'm better with actions. I'm not charming or eloquent like Simon.
Simon.
Shit. He must be going crazy with worry. Worried about Chloe. He would have handled this a lot better, too. Squaring my shoulders, I abandoned my attempt to express my gratefulness, and said, "We need to get back. Simon will be worried about you."
We walked in silence, her trailing behind me. And I could not just let it go. If Chloe had done what I told her do to, she would never have been in that situation. She put herself in danger. I could only protect her for so much without her cooperation. I spun around, facing her.
"Next time I tell you to stay, I mean stay."
"I'm not a dog, Derek." she replied, voice steady. Her tacit refusal to examine and understand where I was coming from was inexpressibly frustrating. I wanted to keep her safe. I couldn't do that if she purposefully put herself in dangerous situations.
"Maybe not, but you obviously need someone to look after you, and I'm tired of doing it." If she wasn't going to cooperate, then so be it. I could only stick my neck out for her so far before I did something I'd regret, like tonight.
"Don't." she said tersely.
"Don't what?"
"Didn't we agree to stop bickering?" This wasn't an argument. It was a discussion
"This isn't-" she cut me off, irritation coloring her attempt to be reasonable and logical.
"You're mad at yourself and you're taking it out on me."
Something inside me just snapped and I advanced towards her. Without a doubt, what I had done back there was a mistake and I severely regretted it. However, the guilt had not yet had time to kick in. At the moment, I was mad at her. For ignoring my attempts at protecting her. For putting herself in danger. For being too god damn stubborn to admit that she was in the wrong. And most of all, for being the source of my sudden surge of rage that led me to practically throw the girl
"I'm mad at you, Chloe. You took off. You got in trouble I had to rescue you."
I was stalking towards her and she was backing away, pressing herself into a chain link fence.
"And stop doing that. Backing away, giving me that look."
"Like you're scaring me? Maybe you are."
I stepped back so fast I stumbled. I felt like I had been slapped in the face. For Chloe to say it aloud… I felt betrayed. Hurt. Dangerous. She shouldn't be afraid of me. I would never, ever hurt her.
"I would never hurt you, Chloe. You should know-" She should know it too. After everything we've done for each other, everything I've done for her, all the time I've spent thinking about her, worrying about her, she should know that, that I wouldn't hurt her. If anything, she should have realized how far I was willing to go to keep her out of harms way. Tonight was a perfect example of that. But if she wouldn't recognize it, if she was going to choose to judge me and fear me like everyone else, then, whatever. I didn't need to protect her any longer. I scowled, disappointed and hurt that I she was acting like every other person I had ever encountered. I walked away, was going to leave it at that, but decided to make the limit of our relationship clear.
I looked over my shoulder, saying, "Next time? Handle it yourself. I'm done taking care of you."
The rest of our walk was silent and filled with tension. Simon knew something bad had happened and was glancing worriedly between Chloe and I, but was tactful enough not to bring it up. And Tori, well, she had the decency to feel properly ashamed and didn't-couldn't-even look Chloe or I in the eye. Good. I hoped she felt bad.
Everyone was asleep in mere minutes. Everyone except me. I was still too angry and worried and hurt and regretful to sleep.
I saw Chloe shivering out of the corner of my eye. And even though I knew that I had said to her that I was done taking care of her, who was I kidding? She was part of my pack now. My legs carried me over to her, as if possessing a mind of their own. I strategically placed my body so as to block as much of the wind that I could. Sighing, I looked down at her sleeping figure and realized that I had no choice in the matter. I wasn't going to stop taking care of her any time soon, even if I could.
I spent the rest of the night watching the steady rise and fall of her chest, letting it calm me and reassure me that, for the time being, she was safe.
As always, critiques, suggestions are much appreciated. R&R :)