SORRY FOR THE SHORT CHAPTER… I AM DEALING WITH TOO MUCH ANGST BECAUSE THE SEASON FINALE IS COMING AND THERE ARE SO MANY HEADCANONS OUT THERE I NO LONGER KNOW WHICH WAY TO TURN, SO THE AU MUSE HAS BEEN A LITTLE… DISTRACTED. I WILL REGAIN FULL WRITER CONTROL ONCE WE'RE IN HIATUS (IF I SURVIVE THE EMOTIONAL MASSACRE THE FINALE IS SLATED TO BE, THAT IS)….
ENJOY.
He was loathe to admit he was actually sweating buckets. But it was far too notorious for him to be able to conceal it.
Even when everyone was properly seated, wearing life vests and more than eager to sail, Killian was hesitant as he boarded the little sailing barge called "Jewel" that he had catered for the day. Emma had wanted this, and he'd give it to her, no matter what he felt, but the memory of the fateful day five, almost six years earlier kept coming back to him as he took a deep breath and grabbed hold of the little mast.
He knew that the only reason Emma asked for it was because he needed to do it. Even so, it was like swallowing a large gulp of Galloway's Cough Syrup, a particularly bad memory from his childhood.
"Are we all set?" Emma asked cheerfully as she boarded the little ship with Henry's assistance.
"Yep!" Megan replied.
"All set!" Henry added with a smile.
Emma turned to Killian. "Captain?"
Killian was visibly on the verge of a mild panic attack. "I… I'm not sure I can do this, Emma…" His hands were gripping the helm on the top deck. "I…"
Megan sighed and stood up, walking to her dad. She placed her hands on top of his one hand and smiled at him. "We can do this, Daddy."
Killian huffed and heaved and swallowed as he looked at his daughter. "I'm terrified, love."
Emma sighed and looked at Meg. The girl nodded and looked at her father again. "It's ok to be scared, but it's not ok to sit and let it win over us. I was there too, dad, the day of the accident…" She chuckled as she shook her head. "And, you missed the LAST boat I was in. It caught fire."
"Oh bloody hell…"
"And here I am!" she shrugged with a shiny little smile. "If a ten year old girl can handle it, so can you, Captain Jones! Come on, dad… We trust you!"
Killian rolled a pair of pleading eyes to Emma and Henry. The boy saluted, a hand on his head, and Emma simple smiled. Killian sighed and nodded. "Aye… very well then. Let's take her out."
He started the engine and the murmur of motors rumbling under his feet didn't help his situation any; but his daughter was right. He needed to do this, he needed to claim back his love for the water and for sailing and not let fear be the victor; if he did, dead or alive, Tink would have won.
He swallowed as he turned to Henry. "Lad? A hand please?"
Henry stood and paced to him. "Aye, aye, sir!"
Killian smiled and pointed at a button. "Anchors up, please, First Mate Cassidy!"
"Yes sir!" Henry smiled enthusiastically as he pressed the blue button on the panel. The sound of the chain rolling up beneath Emma's feet made her turn a curious head into the water and she was delighted to observe as the anchor was raised.
"Well done, m'boy, now… Killian called. "Please hold the helm while Bosun Megan and I set course and adjust the sails."
Henry paled and Killian suddenly felt like he really wasn't alone. "But I… I don't know a thing about…"
He pulled the boy from his life saver. "Come on, get your bearings, it's easy as pie, look…" He took a pen from his jacket and pulled Henry's hand up. "Now, the left side is called port…" He scribbled a P under an arrow pointing to his left. "And the right side is called starboard." He drew the S under an arrow pointing right. "Now, go two nudges port." He looked expectantly as the boy turned the helm a little to the left. Killian chucked. "There, see? No rocket science, lad, you have the sea in your blood." He started the engine and Henry smiled from ear to ear as the vessel started to move out the dock. "Ok lad, now a nudge starboard, to stabilize her along the river, please…" Henry nodded and turned the mast to the right, delighted to see the vessel was now slowly coursing upriver in a straight line. "You are a natural, Henry! Now… Can you hold that course for a few minutes? We need to adjust the sails."
"YES SIR!" He replied with a Cheshire cat grin as father and daughter worked on the loosening of the rigging to deploy the sail on the main mast. Emma laughed delightfully. "This is awesome!"
Killian looked at her and grinned. It was plain to see he was still scared out of his mind, but she knew this would do him a world of good. She grinned and reached out to grab his hand with a knowing lo9ok in her eyes. He responded with a sigh and an equally conformed grin. "Right then, Swan, keep watching because when you recover this might just be your task together with Meg."
"Yes, Captain." She smiled as she leaned back once more, observing bemusedly as her new little family all went about sailing the "Jewel" along the Thames.
Not twenty minutes into the expedition, a tourist cruiser was spotted ahead. Killian's hands began to shake. Henry turned to look at him. "Captain? Port or starboard?"
Killian didn't reply; his gaze was fixed on the large cruiser. He heard nothing, saw nothing, and sensed nothing, except the noises of the ghosts of the past still echoing in his mind. The sound of Meg screaming as she clung desperately to her also screaming mother; the sound of baby Patrick crying up a storm; the loud, honking sound of the cruiser as they made for a head-on collision; the sound of the engine as he forced a jammed help to avoid impact; the sound of smashing fiber glass and screaming from the tourists; and the awful sound of his wife… "PATCRIIIICK! PATRIIICK!"
"Killian, what do I do?" Henry looked slightly flustered.
"Killian?" Emma reached for his hand and pulled it.
Killian was hyperventilating and the look on his face was one of sheer terror.
Megan went over to her father and shook him. "Daddy! Daddy, please!"
That made Killian finally turn his head. He took a second glance to ensure everyone was still on the boat before jumping to the helm. Henry moved aside as Killian turned to rotor to the left, breathing hard, his heart beating at a mile a second and sweat pouring out and down his temples.
The ship easily swayed to the side, and avoided the cruiser by at least twenty yards.
It was a clear river ahead as they navigated right beside the cruiser; the tourists all waved and whooed, cameras flashing, as Emma and the kids tried their best to wave back.
Emma stood up and wobbled to Killian's side, wrapping her plastered arm around his waist. "Shhh… there, you see? You did it." She kissed his cheek. "You're the Captain of your life again, Killian. It's over."
Trying to catch his breath, Killian was unaware of the tear that had just escaped his eye and ran down his cheek as he nodded. "Aye… Aye, love. I am."
He broke down a little right there, leaning into Emma.
Megan immediately went to her father and hugged him too. Soon after Henry joined in.
And after that, Killian seemed to have taken a five-year step back in time; he was smiling, confident, easy as he explained the functions of the ship to the kids before Emma's adoring look.
He looked uneasy whenever a large vessel passed them, but he soon found it in him to gain full control over his anxiety.
The sound of the screams had finally been drowned by the peaceful ripples of the Thames.
By the end of the day, they were smiling, laughing and it looked as if Killian had all but completely lost the fear to sail. After helping the two kids off the boat, he used hand and stump to carry Emma by her waist, lowering her to the dock and kissing her before holding her tight and sinking his nose into her neck to inhale the scent of her hair.
"Thank you…" he whispered, holding her tight.
"You're welcome…" She smiled back, closing her eyes and savoring the feel of her lover's embrace.
He pulled away and grinned at her face. "You are a savior, Swan."
She chuckled. "And you're a pirate. Where does that leave us?"
He laughed aloud and shook his head. "I may be a pirate, but I also believe in good form." He looked up and took air in through a gaping grin. "Any valuable aid a pirate captain ascertains, shall be compensated in equal favor." He looked back at her. "Which basically means, I owe you, Emma."
She nodded. "That's a big debt and I have quite the fee…" She grinned smugly. "Just how will you repay me, Killian?"
He grinned and rolled his eyes to Henry and Meg, who were enthralled in a conversation with the dock master over the operation of a ship's engine. He smiled and pressed the tip of his tongue between the left corners of his lips, before turning back to Emma. "Well, not that either one of us complained, as I recall, but a couple of nights ago, I was so bloody desperate to just claim you, I may have forsaken to gratify you…" He leaned forward, his eyes slanted as he spoke to her, an inch away from her face, his gaze dark. "Orally."
Emma gulped. But she smiled immediately after.
"I changed your life for the better and your payment will be to… go down on me? Don't get cheap on me, Captain…"
"Would you still think me cheap if I vow to do it for as long as I live?" He whispered, a sassy grin and eyes dark adorning his handsome face.
Emma raised her brows and faked thought. "Ok, now we're talking. But as a pirate captain, I'm sure you can offer a sideline, you know… a bonus, just to keep my interest perked…"
"I can perk anything you ask me to…"
"I'm well aware of it. But I'm sure you can do better than that."
He shook his head. "Hard woman to please, I see, well…" He raised his brows. "I love a challenge. What will milady want aside from a life of utter devotion and sexual servitude?"
Emma sighed and kissed him briefly before smiling. "Your heart."
He smiled back. "It's been yours from day one, Swan, and every day since then."
Emma's smile faded and her gaze turned from playful to pleading. "And… is giving your heart to me every day something you'd consider doing… for… ever?"
Killian gasped softly and his smile also faded. He seemed thoughtful and Emma began to break into a cold sweat. He shook his head and rolled his eyes at her. "Let me see if I got this straight, love… are you… asking me to marry you?"
Emma's terrified but hopeful gaze alone answered his question.
He sighed and nodded. "That's a big step…"
"I know…" She nodded promptly. "And I will totally get it if you… want to… run and jump from the London Eye, or something."
He laughed softly. "Why would I do that? That's daft. But… shouldn't I be the one asking you?"
Emma chuckled and rolled her eyes. "I should have known you'd be a little old fashioned."
Killian laughed with her and then held her face between hand and stump. "Emma… is this what you really want?"
Emma swallowed hard and bit her lower lip, raising her hand to hold his on her. "If… you want it too. I mean…. It can't be just me, right?"
Killian studied her face and smiled. "Bloody hell, you're beautiful…" He leaned in and kissed her forehead before looking at her with a bemused grin. "Well, as an honorable pirate, I have to keep my word…" He broke into a chuckling smile. "Yes, Emma. As soon as we get back home we'll look into that, ok?"
She smiled broadly and threw herself at him, holding him to herself like he was a lifeline.
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Killian knocked on the door of what appeared to be a typical London flat, a colorful former two up-two down on Portobello Road, right over a Hindi Clothing store.
It took the young ginger-haired girl roughly ten seconds to answer the door.
"H… Hello…" He smiled sheepishly. "I'm looking for one Julia Jane Sherman? Or McIntyre?"
"Oh, fuck me…" The girl gasped and dropped her cup of tea, wide eyed, and covered her face with her hands. "Wh… wha…?"
Killian chuckled. "I take it it's you?"
"You… you're.. K… Killian J. Jones!"
"Aye, last I checked. Just Killian, though."
For Principal McIntyre's daughter, this was like meeting her favorite rock star.
"Oh… My god…." She felt tears prickle her eyes. "I… TOTALLY adore your work!" She smiled, gasping as she spoke. "I have been a fan of your for years, hell, I became a painter because of you and your work, man, your paintings talk to like, my soul or my heart or… Oh, I don't know, it's like…"
"Julia, love, I'm in the hallway." Killian smiled. "Might I… come in for a bit?"
She flushed. "Oh shit, yeah… did I say shit? Oh I said shit. Oh shit I said it again… Ah, forget it, please, come in!" She stood by the door as Killian stepped into what was obviously a tiny and cramped little studio apartment where canvases and materials took most of the space. It was cramped, more so than his apartment in Storybrooke. Nonetheless, it had all it needed to be a redeeming studio for a struggling painter.
Julia rushed around, collecting garments from the floor and the cup of tea that she had dropped. "I'0m sorry, I .. I wasn't expecting visitors, I mean, least of all you! No, wait, that came out all wrong, I mean, it's GREAT that you're here, Mr. Jones… I mean, Killian, but this is like…"
"Julia, JULIA!" He stopped her, turning around with his hand up and a huge smile. "I assure you, it's fine, my place back home is probably in far worse a state, believe me." He looked around at the cramped collection of paintings, remembering the one in Paul's office. The one that drew his gaze was a perfect depiction of herself in a style reminiscent of his own, only without the fantastic elements. He smiled and turned to her, eyebrows raised. "May I?"
Julia was about to faint. She sat down on her bed and nodded. "P… please!"
Killian picked the little self-portrait up and smiled as he eyed it. "Perfect stroking. So smooth." He frowned as he studied the outlines and the shading of her face. "Left handed?"
"Ambidextrous." She smiled proudly.
"Well, how about that!" He smiled at her, brows up. "And what did you use for this?" He gently touched the cheek of the image. "I swear tit's the smoothest oil I've ever encountered. Bloody amazing."
She shivered with excitement. "Winsor & Newton."
He turned to her with a frown. "Winsor and Ne… But that's rather pasty, how did you get it to feel so terse?"
The girl suddenly looked proud as a peacock. "A little secret I kind of… developed by accident. While cooking."
Killian smiled. "I suppose you won't care to share it, will you?" When the girl looked slightly flustered, Killian laughed. "Naa, love, don't, keep your secret. We all have them. It's what makes us unique in our brand of work, isn't it?" He winked at her and the girl swooned. He continued pacing around. "Lots of light. This is great!" He nodded. "I may just have to move out of that dank little place, when I get back home."
He turned to her with a smile.
"Just… where is home?" The girl shook her head, confused.
"America, actually."
Julia chuckled. "The irony… I left America to hunt down the works of the great Killian Jones and as it happens he lives in the U.S. of A." She smiled fully. "Boston, right? That's as far as I was able to track you down." When Killian raised an eyebrow, she immediately shook her head. "Oh, no no no, I'm not like a crazy stalker, or anything… I just… wanted to know where you lived, but not to like, go kill your pet rabbit, or anything…."
He laughed softly. "Can't blame me for my uncertainty, love, I've had my share of that. Anyway…" He leaned against the window frame. "I came here because I have a debt of gratitude to someone."
"Who?"
"Your father, Paul McIntyre."
The girl's jaw dropped. "Y… you know my dad?"
"Aye. Kind bloke. He was one of the main reasons I managed to get back on my feet, gain some hope again." He pulled a plastic stool from behind him and sat down. "I ran from my life for the longest time Julia. I hated the memories that… painting kept bringing back, a life that was full of joy that was ripped from both me and my daughter in the cruelest manner." He sighed. "I was indeed in Boston for a bit, but it turned out people still knew me there, and well, I just needed to get away, so I found myself a secluded town in the middle of Nowhere, Maine…"
"Nowhere Maine sounds an awful lot like my hometown of Storybrooke." She grinned with a nod.
"It was perfect. Nobody knew who I was, my daughter and I found a modicum of peace there." He looked at an indistinct point on the floor. "But I was still unhappy, drinking a lot…" He suddenly smiled. "Then one day, a boy in my girl's school got a bit rowdy with her and that led me to a chat between the principal, the boy's mum and myself and well…" He shrugged. "Your dad seemed to be the only man in town who knew who I was and what I'd been through…" he looked at her and gave her a friendly nod. "I can't imagine why." Julia smiled and blushed. "Anyway, he told me that he wanted me to join his staff. I accepted. So now I work at Storybrooke Grammar and Elementary. It gave me a whole new outlook, helping the kids. They have fun and so do I."
"Wait, wait…" Julia held her hand out as she winced. "You… are a teacher in Storybrooke?"
"Aye."
She gasped and shook her head. "But… you are one of the greatest minds to ever…"
"And that's why I teach kinds now." He stood up and looked out the window at the market below. "Nothing wrong with what I do now, love. It's a perfect job for a man who desperately wanted to get away from this world for a bit. And I plan to stay there, too. I've good… no, great reasons for it. However…" He turned to her. "I am planning on opening up a new studio. Right there, in Storybrooke. And I want to start working on my paintings again, on the sidelines. From what your father told me, and from the painting he had in his office, you have every intention of making a living out of this, do you not?"
The girl could feel her heart race. "Y… yeah…"
He grinned at her. "Then I'll cut right to the chase, love. I could use an assistant and apprentice. And I thought of you, not only because of the life debt I have with your father, but because it is evident…" He paced to the painting of her face, picked it up and turned it to her. "That I might just learn from you just as much as you can learn from me."
This was like being asked by Jon Bon Jovi to join his band.
"Of course…" He shrugged. "I'd have to find a suitable place first, hopefully one that allows a lot more light in than my current location. And since I sort of have a new family now, I need it to be spacious enough to set up both living accommodations and a studio apartment, and that in Storybrooke might take a bit of time, so you got a while to think about it." He turned to the girl. "Your dad said you'd be home for graduation, right?"
"Yeah."
"That's in… two months." He thought. "I suppose I could get started the minute I get back home and… well, if you're interested, love, the gig is yours."
Julia stood up suddenly. "Oh, god, yes! YES!" She shook her hands by her ears. "This is… I…"
Killian held his hand out. "Can we honor this with a handshake?"
"For sure!" She shook his hand avidly.
"Great! So, for your first task…"
"Wait… I… you are… commissioning me?" She gasped.
"Of course! And you will give me that commission after your grad party." He leaned forward and smiled. "I want you to make a painting of what it is you consider the marrow of your existence… what makes your ticker tick, so to speak." He stood straight and went for the door. "It's a free topic, so feel free to plaster whatever tickles your fancy. Size, materials… all up to you. Just be sure it comes from in there…" he pointed at her heart. "And that you take it with you when you go back to America."
"Y… you got it!" She smiled excitedly as Killian walked across the little room to the door.
He turned and smiled. "It was a pleasure, Julia. And I look forward to our collaboration together." He gave her a courteous nod and made his way out, closing the door behind him.
He stopped mid-flight down the stairs when he heard the girl suddenly scream as if she had just met The Beatles. He chuckled, shook his head and continued his way, whistling as he went.