Thanks for lislar for being a quick and thorough beta, and to shoefreak37 for pre-reading.
Chapter 19: Friend is a Four Letter Word
"Bella? Is everything okay?"
"Edward." He could hear the relief in her voice, followed by a small sniffle. Before he could ask her what was wrong, a piercing wail cut through the silence between them. Bella's sweet voice carried through the line as she softly shushed Ben, trying to soothe and quiet his crying. Edward imagined her pacing back in forth in the nursery, rubbing Ben's back as she lovingly spoke in his ear. As the crying became a dull whimper, Edward heard another small sniffle and a sigh before Bella's voice came through once more.
"I'm sorry to bother you. I just…don't know what to do. He had a fever earlier today and I gave him some medicine, but it's coming back, he's crying, and I feel overwhelmed. I think something's wrong and Sue and Charlie are in Seattle visiting Leah for the weekend."
"Just sit tight and I'll be there in a few minutes."
"You don't have to. I'm sorry; I shouldn't have bothered you. I can just drive him to the ER in Port Angeles."
"Bella, there's no way you can drive and take care of Ben at the same time. There's no need for you to do that when I'm right here. Just wait, okay?"
"Okay," she whispered.
"I'll be there in ten minutes."
Turning back towards the table, Edward blanched as he saw Charlotte sitting there, idly swirling her straw in her drink, a pensive look on her face. With worry over Bella and Ben clouding his thoughts, Edward had completely forgotten about her.
"Shit, shit, shit," he cursed under his breath as he approached the table.
"Is everything okay?"
"No, there's an emergency with one of my patients that I need to take care of."
"Well, then let's go," Charlotte replied, rising from the table to put on her coat.
Edward floundered for a moment. He did not want Charlotte to accompany him to check on Ben, but it would take nearly an hour to drive her home and then get back to Forks. There just wasn't enough time; Bella needed him.
Sighing in resignation, Edward dropped the money for their meal on the table and followed Charlotte to his truck. They rode in near silence, the radio playing softly inside the tense atmosphere of the cab. Edward tightened his grip on the steering wheel, anxious over what was to come. He fretted over whether Charlotte's presence would upset Bella, but hoped she would realize things weren't as they seemed.
After parking the car, Edward turned towards Charlotte, considering asking her to wait in the car. He knew it would be rude to do such a thing, but he figured he could play it off as a breach of patient confidentiality. The words died on his lips as he saw that she already had the door open, stepping out onto the cracked pavement of the Swan's driveway. Edward exited the car as well, striding quickly towards the front door.
Not stopping to knock, he opened the door and immediately went in search of Bella, Charlotte following closely behind him. Turning to enter the small living room, he was suddenly engulfed by a pair of pale arms, a flurry of brown hair cascading all around him. Bella squeezed him tightly around his waist and he wrapped his arms around her shoulders in return.
When she pulled away, he could see that her face was puffy and her eyes were red-rimmed. Before he could speak, Bella gasped as a strange expression crossed her face, finally noticing Charlotte standing behind him.
~ O ~
Bella's gaze fell upon the woman standing behind Edward. She was sleek and shiny, like a red sports car or a new Barbie doll—perfectly put together. Bella felt inadequate in her old sweats and faded t-shirt, her hair a snarled and tangled mess. As she appraised the pair before her, realization dawned; Edward had been on a date.
"Hi, I'm Charlotte," the woman said, extending her hand in Bella's direction.
"Bella," she answered, unable to look the woman in the eyes.
Her face flushed in embarrassment and hurt. Bella twisted the hem of her shirt in her fingers, unsure of what to say now. She'd been so relieved when Edward had said he would come, but now she felt guilty for interrupting what had likely been a romantic evening with the statuesque woman by his side. And though she had been the one to insist upon a platonic relationship, it pained her to see that he'd taken her advice, that he'd moved on without her.
Bella had hoped that he would wait, entertaining the notion that there was some inexplicable bond between them. She'd given him no indication that her feelings had changed, maintaining her distance, but she'd secretly hoped he would see through her façade. Her internal musing sounded juvenile to even her own ears; it wasn't as if Edward could read her mind.
Soft whimpers from the baby monitor pulled Bella's attention back to Edward and the reason he was here. Quickly, she explained to him that Ben had been running a fever on and off throughout the day, that she'd given him medication and a cool bath, as suggested by Sue, but the fever still had not broken. Ben had been cranky and crying for most of the day, finally succumbing to exhaustion just before Edward had arrived.
Charlotte gingerly sat on Charlie's old plaid couch, content to wait in the living room as Bella and Edward moved to the nursery. Ben was lying in his crib, hands in his mouth, drool dribbling down his chin. His cheeks were puffy and tear-stained, his hair damp with sweat. Edward dropped his medical bag on the floor and immediately pulled Ben from his crib.
Edward held Ben closely to his chest, placing a kiss on the baby's forehead as he gently rubbed his back. It was a bittersweet moment for Bella as she watched the two together, moved by the care and concern Edward showed for her son. As Edward moved across the room towards the changing table, Bella picked up his bag from the floor and followed.
After laying Ben on the table, Edward began his examination: checking his eyes, ears, and mouth. He took his temperature, noting that while Ben did have a fever, it was not severe enough to warrant hospital care. He poked and prodded on Ben's belly, then listened intently to his heart and lungs. Bella stood nervously by, silently praying that there was nothing seriously wrong with her baby.
"Poor little guy," Edward said, picking Ben up from the table as he began to cry again. "Nothing serious, but he's got two things going on at once, which would explain why he's so miserable."
"Two things?"
"He's teething and he has an ear infection. You can pick up something over-the-counter for the teething, but he'll need an antibiotic for his ear. I can go ahead and write a prescription, but you'll need to bring him by the clinic later this week. I'd like to get a better look at it there, just to be sure. The otoscope I carry with me isn't as powerful as the ones we have in the office."
"Sure, I can do that." Bella stood there for a moment, trying to find the courage to ask him about Charlotte. Though she knew it would be painful to hear, she wanted to know how long they'd been dating, if things were serious between them.
"I'm sorry for interrupting your date," she whispered, eyes cast down towards the floor.
"You didn't interrupt anything, Bella." Edward moved closer to her, placing two fingers gently under her chin, forcing her to look up. "I'm glad you called."
Bella felt the heat from his fingers deep within her skin, blooming fiery red on her cheeks. His gaze was piercing, his dark green eyes consuming; she couldn't look away. She held her breath momentarily, willing her eyes to stay open as Edward moved closer towards her, Ben still in his arms. In that moment, everything seemed to fade away and all she wanted was for him to kiss her.
She inhaled a shaky breath as her eyes finally closed, feeling Edward moving closer to her still. Bella felt his breath on her face, the anticipation causing her stomach to clench, a tingling sensation emanating from the knot deep within her belly. Just before she expected to feel his lips touch her own, she felt him stop and take a deep breath. He pressed a tender kiss to her burning cheek, resting his forehead against hers.
"I should go," he whispered.
Bella simply pulled away and nodded, the words she wished to say dying in her throat. When Edward placed Ben in her waiting arms, she held him close, inhaling the sweet baby scent of his forehead. She cradled her son gently in her arms, knowing she needed to be strong for him, even though her composure was waning. Following Edward and Charlotte to the door, she wished them a good night, and then collapsed against the door as it clicked shut, her mind racing over what had just happened.
~ O ~
Bella spent most of the night awake and in the nursery, rocking Ben and waiting for his fever to break. As the early morning light began to filter in through the nursery window, she realized that his forehead was no longer warm, his body no longer sweaty. Relieved, she was able to place him in his crib without worry. Taking the baby monitor with her, she trudged up the stairs to her room, collapsing on the bed and falling into a deep and restful sleep.
Hours later, she awoke to the sounds from the baby monitor, of Ben babbling and sucking on his hand. Picking up her cell phone from the night stand, she was shocked to see that it was after noon; he was probably hungry. She also had two missed calls and one text message, all from Edward.
Check the mailbox.
Frowning, her brow furrowed in confusion, she made her way down the stairs. She checked on Ben momentarily before shuffling to the mailbox at the end of the driveway. Opening the door, Bella was surprised to find a large, white bag. She smiled as she peered into it; inside were sample sizes of the medicine Ben needed for his ear infection, the teething tablets Edward had mentioned to her, several teething rings, a copy of her favorite magazine and a dark chocolate candy bar; she always ate chocolate when she was stressed. There was also a note, written in Edward's sloppy scrawl, which indicated that he'd stopped by the house earlier in the morning. Unable to wake her, he'd left the medicine in the mailbox.
She tried to call Edward when she made it back inside, but was greeted by his voicemail. Bella left him a message, thanking him for the medicine and goodies. She wasn't surprised she wasn't able to reach him. The Cullens usually spent Sunday afternoons together. Her mind flashed back to Charlotte and she wondered if she had accompanied Edward to brunch. Even worse, she wondered if she'd spent the night at Edward's house.
Distressed and dejected over the idea of Edward and Charlotte together, Bella spent the remainder of the day in her pajamas, lounging in the living room with Ben. It was nice to spend an uninterrupted day with him, especially now that he was feeling better. He gurgled and laughed as Bella tickled his sides and blew raspberries on his belly. They curled together on the couch and watched a Baby Einstein dvd, which was really just an excuse for a midday nap.
Charlie and Sue returned late in the evening, tired from their weekend trip. Sue was laden down with bags, having decided to get an early start on Christmas shopping while she was in Seattle. Bella laughed as her father pulled out the baby-sized Mariners jersey and hat he'd purchased for Ben, the excitement evident on his face.
After Ben had been put to bed and Charlie had also turned in for the night, Bella joined Sue in the kitchen for a late night cup of cocoa.
"Ben seems to be feeling much better than when we talked yesterday. I'm glad Edward was able to drop by so late and check on him."
"He dropped some medicine by this morning, too."
"That was very kind of him."
Bella nodded her head in agreement as she watched the mini marshmallows dissolve into her hot chocolate. She'd spent most of the past day thinking about her situation with Edward, questioning her earlier decision, and wondering if maybe she could make a relationship with him work and still be there for Ben.
"He was on a date," Bella said, still staring into her steaming mug.
The chair made a loud screech and it slid across the worn tile floor. Sue sat down and gently placed her hand on Bella's forearm. "Did that upset you?"
Bella squeezed her eyes together tightly as the tears began to leak down her cheeks. Though she'd tried to push them away, thoughts of Edward and Charlotte together had consumed her. She imagined the pair together on a romantic date; perhaps Edward even made dinner for her, though he was a terrible cook. They would laugh over the burned meal, ordering a pizza because that was the only thing that delivered in Forks.
After dinner, the pair would curl up on the couch and watch a movie together, perhaps a romantic black-and-white film. They would laugh and kiss, not paying attention to the movie, and then, before the credits even rolled, they would move to Edward's room. Bella imagined that Edward would be a kind and patient lover, whispering sweet words in her ears as he made love to her until the sun came up. Those thoughts made her nauseous.
"What happened? The two of you seem so close. I thought there was something there."
"There is…was. I screwed everything up. I told him I couldn't be with him like that."
"I don't understand. I thought you had fun with Edward, that you liked him?"
"I do. I just—I didn't want to be like Renee…."
"You're nothing like your mother. Why would you even think that?"
Tears continued to pour down Bella's cheeked as she explained to Sue exactly how much she was like Renee—all the ways she had compromised herself in order to please James, a boy she didn't even love, how she'd been so dependent and desperate; the incident with Ben had been the catalyst for her decision to suppress her growing feelings for Edward.
"Oh, sweetie, I wish you would have come to me sooner. Just because you have a baby doesn't mean you don't get to have a life too. You just have to find a way to balance it all out."
Sue continued to speak, assuring Bella that she was nothing like her mother. Renee was a flighty and despicable woman, a woman that sent a scared, lonely, teenage girl away during a crisis without a second thought. She'd probably even taken money to make sure her pregnant daughter disappeared. It was easy to see that Bella couldn't be less like her if she tried.
Bella was a patient and loving, spending every free moment she had taking care of her baby. She would spend hours in the nursery with him, rocking him to sleep or playing on the floor with his assortment of brightly-colored toys. Sue remembered the first time Ben had rolled over. Bella came running out the nursery, a bright smile on her face, excited to share the small milestone. She'd spent most of that day on the floor with Ben, gently coaxing him to repeat the action, and laughing each time he did.
She was a selfless and kind young woman, her beauty radiating from the inside out. Sue hated to see her so upset, especially when she'd been so certain that there was something special between her and Edward. Though they didn't spend much time together in Sue's presence, she'd watched them enough to know that Edward cared about Bella. It was evident in his actions, but especially in the way that he looked at her, as if the sun rose and set in her eyes.
"I don't think I'm the person you should be having this conversation with."
"You think I should tell Edward?" Bella knew Sue was right, that she should have explained her fears to Edward in the beginning instead of making such a rash and abrupt decision. She'd allowed guilt to cloud her vision, not taking the time to think things through. Edward had been so kind when she'd told him about Ben; surely he would have been able to understand her reservations.
"I know it's hard for you to let people in sometimes, but Edward cares about you. If he didn't, he wouldn't have interrupted his date to rush over here. He adores Ben and I'm sure he realizes that your son is your life, that he would need to make accommodations to include Ben if you were in a relationship. He already does it now."
"But what about the woman he was on a date with? Charlotte?"
"I think you need to be honest with Edward, whether she's in the picture or not. This might not turn out how you want it to, but at least Edward will know that the option is there."
Bella felt anxious just thinking about talking to Edward. She wasn't sure if she could handle the disappointment if he told her that he was no longer interested, that Charlotte was the woman he wanted in his life. But she'd never know unless she tried.
When Bella finally turned in for the night, her dreams were filled with Edward, only this time, he wasn't with Charlotte; he was with her.
~ O ~
On Monday, Bella spent the morning nervously fluttering about the house, cleaning things that weren't dirty and rearranging things that were already perfectly in place. She almost wished she had a shift at the diner to keep her busy, but realized that she would be a terrible waitress with her mind already occupied with thoughts of Edward. Other patrons probably wouldn't be as understanding as Edward had been when she dumped water all over him.
By the afternoon, she was a wreck, anxious and scared of what she was about to do. It was almost as if Ben sensed her unease, whining and fussing, refusing to nap or even eat his lunch.
When the sun began to sink low in the sky, Sue wished her good luck and practically shoved her out the door.
~ O ~
Edward heaved a sigh of relief as he settled into his desk chair, his last patient of the day taken care of. His weekend had been a series of bad decisions, leaving him unable to sleep as he'd second-guessed most of the decisions he'd made. He'd woken for work with a terrible headache, his mood growing sourer as the day wore on. He still had tons of paperwork he needed to do and charts to fill out, but all he really wanted was just to go home and pretend the last three days didn't happen.
He should have known better than to allow Jasper to talk him into going on a date, especially a blind date with a woman he knew nothing about. He questioned his brother's logic, still wondering why Jasper had set him up with a woman that was not only boring and uninteresting, but also hated children.
When they had left Bella's house on Saturday night, Charlotte had been seething; Edward could practically see the smoke coming from her flared nostrils. She'd relentlessly questioned his relationship with Bella, wondering why a patient's mother would greet him so enthusiastically. Edward had tried to rationalize his friendship with Bella, but Charlotte had coldly dismissed his explanation. She just didn't believe that he was merely friends with the diminutive brunette, even going so far as to question Ben's paternity, commenting that Jasper hadn't mentioned he had a child.
Edward had dropped her off at her doorstep with little fanfare, annoyed that he'd spent his evening with such a rude and vapid woman. He was sure part of her ire spanned from his almost-kiss with Bella in the nursery, but she never came out and said as much. Her perch on the couch had surely given her an unobstructed view into Ben's tiny room. Though his behavior was unacceptable, Edward found that he couldn't regret his actions.
On Sunday, he'd woken up early and headed into the clinic. The small pharmacy in Forks was closed, but Ben was sick and in need of antibiotics. He searched through the closet in the back until he found what he was looking for: medication samples that would work until Bella could get Ben's prescription filled. Finishing up there, he drove to the grocery store in search of teething tablets. He was able to find them, as well as a couple of teething rings that he thought Ben would like. At the register, he'd hastily grabbed one of Bella's favorite magazines and a chocolate bar, knowing that she was stressed out over her baby being sick.
He'd arrived at the Swan house to find absolute quiet. After knocking on the door, Edward had peeped in through the kitchen window, noticing no movement inside. He called Bella's cell a couple of times, but got no response. She was probably still sleeping, exhausted from the events of the previous day. He really wanted to see her, to explain about Charlotte, but it was getting late and he needed to be at his parent's house. Dejected, he'd sent her a quick text and shoved the bag of items in her mailbox.
Arriving for family brunch, Edward was met with a scowling Jasper. Though he felt Jasper was at least partially to blame—for sending him out with such a wretched woman—he apologized anyway, hoping to assuage his brother's wrath. Jasper had already spoken to Charlotte and was not buying Edward's excuses, berating him for "fucking up a perfect date with an amazing woman."
Alice had pulled Edward aside before the meal had started, apologizing for her husband's behavior. Though she smiled and said all the right things, Edward could see the tension and unease in her eyes. He hugged her and thanked her for her apology, noticing the unshed tears in her eyes. It was obvious that there was some sort of problem in her marriage, but Edward didn't want to pry.
The actual meal had been tense and uncomfortable. Carlisle seemed fairly oblivious, but Esme kept furrowing her brow and shooting worried looks in the direction of both Edward and Jasper. Edward usually spent much of the day at his parent's house, but knowing that his mother was likely to question him, he excused himself right after the meal, heading home to enjoy a few beers and a football game on tv before going to bed early.
With his headache, work had been a struggle, especially as he dealt with sick and moody children. He'd grown even more annoyed during lunch when he realized that he'd turned his phone off at brunch the day before and forgotten to turn it back on. As he listened to Bella's message, he realized that he'd missed her.
He thought that maybe he'd stop by on his way home from work, using the excuse that he wanted to check on Ben for showing up unannounced and uninvited. Surely Bella had to be wondering what was going through his head, especially after he'd almost kissed her while on a date with another woman. She didn't seem upset or angry in her message; he hoped that was still true.
Deciding that his paperwork could wait another day, Edward gathered up his things and headed out the back door of the clinic. He dug through his pockets to find his keys, not really paying attention to where he was going. As he neared his truck, he looked up and was met by a pair of dark brown eyes.
Bella had lowered his tailgate and was sitting in the bed of his truck, her legs drawn up to her chest, head resting on her knees. She smiled timidly as Edward approached, hoping he was happy that she was there.
A/N: On Friday, this story was featured on the FanFiction Rebels blog. The piece includes a summary as well as an interview with me and some questions for Bella. It can be viewed here: http:/fanfictionrebels(dot)blogspot(dot)com/2010/05/friday-author-interview-blossom-by-ms(dot)html
Shoefreak37 was also kind enough to make a thread for this story on Twilighted, which can be viewed here: http:/twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=9975 Pop in a say hello, to talk about the story or reminisce about when Joey Lawrence was hot.
Thanks for all the kind and encouraging reviews. As always, reviewers get a teaser. How do you think the talk with Edward is going to go? See you next week!