I am such a slacker and didn't finish this chapter until a few hours ago, so my beta, lislar, didn't get a chance to look over it. I wanted to stick with my schedule. Thanks to shoefreak37 for pre-reading.
Chapter 20: Surrender
Bella gripped the steering wheel tightly, sitting forward in her seat as she navigated the narrow streets that were covered in a slushy, wet mix. The temperature had dropped throughout the day as a mixture of rain and snow fell, making the roads icy and slick, much more hazardous than she'd realized. Bella probably should have stayed at home, tucked safe inside with Ben, but this was important. Edward was important.
Finally arriving at the clinic, she pulled into a parking space just a few slots down from Edward's truck. She turned off the engine and donned her mittens, keeping a close eye on the clinic's back exit. As she watched the door swing open, Bella felt her heart begin to beat wildly in her chest, the anticipation causing her to hold her breath.
Her shoulders deflated as she watched two nurses shuffle out, talking and laughing as they made their way to their cars. Appointment times had ended almost an hour ago, making Bella question her choice. She hoped Edward wasn't working late, wondering if she should have just called him or dropped by his house later in the evening.
The idea of showing up at Edward's house unannounced, however, made her apprehensive. Under normal circumstances, she wouldn't have thought twice about it. She often dropped by after her shift at the diner, or in the evenings with Ben; Edward was almost always home after clinic hours were over. Having seen and met Charlotte, however, Bella worried about running into her there. The idea of another woman in Edward's house—watching tv on his couch, cooking in his kitchen, lounging on his deck—made her balk. She wanted to be the only woman in his life.
Feeling too nervous to stay cooped up inside the warm space of her car, Bella zipped her coat up tightly, pulled her hat down over her ears, and stepped out into the biting wind. The drastic change caused her to shiver involuntarily, her cheeks and nose feeling the cold sting of the icy breeze. She wasn't exactly sure what she was doing, but she wanted Edward to see her immediately, to know that she was there, waiting for him.
Walking towards the back of Edward's truck, Bella lowered the newly painted tailgate, its moans and groans filling the air. After checking to make sure the surface wasn't too damp, she climbed up, pulling her legs close to her body. Bella rested her chin on her knees, her eyes zeroed in on the door Edward would exit.
As the minutes slowly crept by, fear began to assault her, making her wonder if she was really making the right decision. Maybe she didn't need to just come right out and declare her feelings at all. Perhaps subtle hints would work just as well; Edward was usually pretty receptive to her moods. Surely he would be able to figure it out.
Images of Charlotte and Edward flickered through her mind like an old horror movie. She'd been subtle for weeks and nothing had changed. Edward had believed the lie—that she wanted nothing more from him than friendship. Even though she'd defined the parameters of their relationship, she had wanted him to push, to make her change her mind. But he hadn't done so and she knew that if she didn't give him the green light, things would always remain as they were: stuck in limbo.
Bella realized her time to think was over when she heard the sound of a door closing, of feet moving across the slush-covered pavement. She looked up to see Edward making his way towards his truck—towards her. His head was down, a slight scowl marring his face as he patted his pockets, obviously searching for his keys.
When he victoriously pulled them out of his jacket, he looked up to see Bella watching him with obvious amusement, a nervous smile on her face. Edward couldn't stop the wide smile that stretched across his own face as her took in her pink nose and wind-burned cheeks, the bits of snow trapped in the locks of her long brown hair. Edward thought she looked beautiful.
"Hi," she whispered shyly as he approached.
"Hi. What are you doing here? Is Ben okay?"
"He's fine; better than fine, actually. Thanks again for everything you did over the weekend: checking on him and dropping that medicine by the house. I don't know what I would have done without you."
They stood there for a moment, just watching one another, neither sure as to how to proceed. Bella uncurled her legs, letting them dangle off the back of the truck.
"There was something else. I-I needed to talk to you," she stumbled.
"Come on," Edward replied, reaching out to take her hand. "It's too cold to be sitting outside like this."
She was comforted by the small gesture, his large hand enveloping hers in warmth and security. After helping her down, Edward led her to the passenger's side, unlocking the door and giving her a boost as she climbed inside. The feel of his hands on her waist caused a blush to rise to her cheeks as she wished that he would wrap his arms around her and hold her close.
Edward moved to the driver's side and hopped in, throwing his bag onto the floor before starting the loud, roaring engine. He cranked the heater up to high, apologizing for the lengthy wait for warm air to start filling the small space.
"Was there somewhere you wanted to go?" he asked. "Or is here okay?"
"Here's good."
When the temperature inside the cab began to rise, Bella removed her hat and gloves, then unzipped her coat. Her hands were shaking as she moved the zipper down, scared of the conversation that was about to take place. She knew she needed to tell Edward the truth, but the fear of rejection nagged at her, causing a lump to form in her throat. Her mouth felt dry and her stomach felt queasy. She looked over to see Edward watching her closely, patiently waiting for her to voice whatever was on her mind.
Bella felt the tears pricking her eyes, waiting to spill down her cheeks. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying desperately to keep her emotions in check, her reactions under control. This was not how she wanted to start this conversation.
"Bella, what's wrong?" She held her hand up to indicate that she needed a moment to arrange the words in her head, to find the courage. She wanted to be brave and strong, so unlike the shy and timid girl that she really was.
She felt the bench seat shift just before a cold hand reached out to take one of hers. Deciding that it was now or never—her one opportunity to take a chance—she twined her fingers with Edward's and hoped he wouldn't pull away. When he squeezed her hand just a little tighter, she felt calmer, gathering the strength she needed to proceed.
"Did you know I got accepted to Dartmouth?" she started, continuing before he had a chance to answer. "I'd wanted to go there since I was a little girl. I don't know why really. There was just something about it that seemed perfect to me. But I had to give that up.
"When I found out I was pregnant, I was sure I'd have to give up a lot of things: college, a career…relationships. Growing up, my mom wasn't around much. Charlie only saw me a couple weeks per year so he had no idea and I never told him. Because of that, I promised Ben that I would sacrifice, that I'd always put him first. No matter what."
Bella bit her lip as she looked over at Edward, expecting to see pity in his eyes. She expected him to look at her like everyone else in that tiny town did: like they felt sorry for her. She was that poor naïve girl, the one that had to give up her dreams because she got knocked up. But Edward wasn't looking at her like that at all. He was looking at her like he always did, with reverence and adoration.
"That day we went out for coffee was one of the best days I'd had in a long time. Until I got home and Ben was crying, sick. I felt so guilty, like I should have been there, not out having fun with you. So when you called, I lied."
She stared at their intertwined fingers, waiting for Edward to say something. She needed to know what he was thinking, how he was feeling. Bella felt Edward's hand pull away from hers and she was sure that she was being rejected, that she was too late. Before she could turn her head away, embarrassed, she felt both his hands reach out to cup her cheeks, forcing her to look at him.
"You don't want to be friends?"
"No, I…no."
The same tension that had sparked between them that night in the nursery returned, making Bella's chest feel heavy and tight. As she looked into Edward's green eyes, she felt her heart pounding in her chest, thundering so loudly that she thought Edward could probably hear it too. Ever so slowly, he moved closer to her, his head tilted and his lips slightly parted. Bella closed her eyes and hoped that this time she wouldn't be disappointed by another kiss on the cheek.
Softly, she felt his lips press against hers. The first kiss was soft and sweet, so different than anything she'd ever felt before. Her lips tingled, the heat from his touch moving from the top of her head to the tips of her toes. James was the only other man she'd ever kissed and it had felt nothing like this.
As Edward's lips moved against hers, gently drawing her bottom lip between his, she pushed herself closer to him, fisting his shirt in her hands, fighting against the urges that suddenly assaulted her. She wanted to put her fingers in his hair, trace the contour of his jaw, and feel his body pressed against her. Too soon, Edward pulled away, giving her two more quick pecks. Both of them were panting, their ragged breathing the only sound to be heard.
"What about Charlotte?" Bella blurted, her voice rough and shaky. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she regretted them, knowing her timing couldn't have been worse. Bella knew she should have asked him before she let him kiss her, but she doubted he'd be kissing her if he was seeing Charlotte. Still, she wanted to know for sure.
"Charlotte was…a terrible idea. That night was our first and only date. I thought you weren't interested and Jasper convinced me I should try dating other people."
Bella scrunched her face up and frowned, not sure how to respond to his confession. While she was glad that there was only one date with Charlotte, she was hurt and annoyed that Jasper had talked Edward into going out with someone else, most likely several someone else's if she hadn't decided to tell Edward how she felt.
"What's wrong?" Edward asked, confusion marring his features.
"Jasper. I don't think he likes me. Whenever I'm around, he's always giving me dirty looks and he barely speaks to me. It's almost like it causes him pain to be around me."
"I'll talk to him, I promise, but let's not worry about him right now."
Edward put her hands in his, rubbing the tops with his thumbs across them, the gentle action soothing, forcing her to push her apprehension about Jasper from her mind. When Bella finally looked up into Edward's eyes, they both smiled, the feelings of uncertainty no longer lingering between them.
"What are you doing on Friday night?" Edward asked, hoping that Bella wasn't working at the diner that evening.
She shrugged her shoulders at him, indicating that she had no plans. Alice had been bugging her to come over for dinner again, but Bella had made excuses, not wanting to spend any more time with Jasper than absolutely necessary. She wasn't sure what his problem was, but it the best tactic at this point was avoidance. Bella hoped that Edward would talk to him and clear up whatever was going on.
"Would you like to go out to dinner? There's a new restaurant that opened in Port Angeles. It's supposed to be family friendly, so Ben could come along."
"I think," she started, biting her lip. "I think that it would be okay to leave Ben with Sue for a few hours."
"Are you sure?"
"Definitely," she answered, feeling lighter than she had in weeks. Leaving her son at home for one evening while she spent some time with Edward didn't make her a bad mother. The pieces of her life were falling into place; she just needed to be sure that she arranged them correctly.
~ O ~
The week flew by in a flurry of activity for Bella. She finished up her application for Peninsula College and dropped it in the mail, looking forward to enrollment in the spring. The application had been sitting on her desk for weeks, but she'd hesitated to fill it out and send it in, still not quite sure about managing all of her responsibilities. After her talk with Sue and the subsequent conversation with Edward, she decided to take control of her situation. Though the added time away from Ben would be hard, she knew it would be better for them both in the long run; she didn't want to work at the diner forever.
She worked three shifts at the diner, and Edward dropped by twice for lunch. Bella also made time to drop by the clinic with Ben so that Edward could check his ear infection, which was clearing up nicely. She was happy to spend the extra time with Edward, even though he maintained a somewhat professional distance because he was at work. He still managed to steal a few quick kisses before she'd left.
During the evenings, after Ben had gone to bed, they would chat on the phone, talking about everything and nothing. Bella learned more about his time in Chicago, about college and medical school, and about his time growing up in Forks. She shared more stories about her mother: the men, the constant moving, and how uncomfortable she had felt. Bella told him about how lonely she had been, how hard it was for her to make and maintain friendships, and her fears about being a single, teen mother. Bella talked a little about her relationship with James, but she felt those revelations were better suited to a face-to-face conversation.
On Friday night, Bella stood in front of the full length mirror in her bedroom, appraising her appearance. She was a very no-nonsense type of girl when it came to clothes, hair, and make-up, but she'd taken extra time and put forth just a little more effort for her date with Edward.
A date. With Edward.
The sweater dress and tights she wore were one of the nicer outfits she owned, preferring the comfort of jeans and t-shirts. Flannel also seemed to be a must in the dreary weather of Forks. Her hair was hanging down in loose curls and she wondered if maybe it would look better pulled away from her face. Looking at the clock beside her bed, however, she realized that it was time for Edward to pick her up. Her hair would just have to do.
Making her way downstairs, she found Sue in the living room watching an evening game show. Charlie was in the floor with Ben, rolling around as they played with one of Ben's toys. As she hit the bottom step, her shoes clacking on the wooden floor, all eyes turned towards her.
"Bella, you look beautiful," Sue commented.
Charlie rose from the floor with a scowl on his face, at least until Sue gave him the look. He rolled his eyes at her in return, but his face softened as he walked over to his daughter.
"You look real pretty, Bella."
"Thanks, Dad."
Charlie rubbed the back of his neck with his palm, trying to decide what to say. "Look, I know the Cullens are good people and I'm sure Edward has grown up to be a nice young man, but if he does anything that makes you uncomfortable, you call me and I'll come get you."
Bella didn't say anything in return; she just reached out and hugged her father tightly. Though his concern was unwarranted, she knew it came from the right place. She'd been hurt so much in the past and he just wanted to make sure that didn't happen again.
"I love you, Bella. No matter what, you'll always be my little girl." Bella squeezed him a little tighter before letting go.
"Charlie, stop! You're going to make her cry," Sue said just as there was a knock at the door.
"I'll get it," Charlie said, heading in the direction of the front door in full protective father mood. Bella was surprised his shotgun wasn't on display. Both women rolled their eyes at his retreating form, knowing there was no need for the show he was making. Though Sue hadn't officially met Edward, she had grown to be close friends with Esme and knew that he was a good man.
Sue picked up Ben and brought him over to Bella just as Edward and Charlie entered the living room. Bella was embarrassed, hoping all this attention wasn't making Edward uncomfortable. She doubted he'd been on a date where he had to meet the parents first since he was in high school.
When the two men came back into the living room, there seemed to be no tension between them, but Bella could see the hesitance in Edward's eyes. She hoped Charlie didn't say anything to him that would embarrass her later. As soon as Ben saw Edward, he started gurgling and reaching out for him. Bella handed him over without hesitation, not noticing the knowing looks that passed between Charlie and Sue.
"Edward, you know Charlie, and this is Sue," Bella said, gesturing towards the woman she'd come to think of as her mother.
"It's so nice to finally meet you."
"It's nice to meet you, too, Sue. My mother speaks very highly of you."
Edward tickled Ben's stomach and laughed as he squirmed and giggled. After pinching his chubby cheeks, Edward handed him back to Bella to say her own goodbyes. Bella squeezed him tightly to her chest and told him goodnight, kissing his cheeks and forehead before handing him back over to Sue.
"Ready?" Edward asked, leading Bella towards the front door after she responded with a nod.
"You kids be careful," Charlie said as he watched them leave, Edward's hand on the small of Bella's back. Though he had some reservations about their relationship, he couldn't deny the way they looked at one another, the easy manner Edward had with Ben, or the obvious attachment Ben had to Edward. Charlie shook his head and put his arm around Sue. He wasn't ready to let his little girl go, not when he'd just gotten her back.
A/N: I am donating a side-shot from this story from Charlie's perspective for Fics for Nashville. A teaser can be found here: http:/www(dot)fictionators(dot)com/teaser/teaser-tuesdayf4n/#bloom There's still time to donate! http:/community(dot)livejournal(dot)com/ficsfornash/
As always, reviewers get a teaser. Thanks so much for all the reviews. I try to respond to each one, even if it's just to say thanks. I really appreciate all the love.
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