The obvious winner of the vote begun by chillin49, who got me thinking about this story a few weeks ago, and had her goal supported by dymondgurl19 and leigh. She totally got the story on the possible update list, I am normally soooo anti this fic.

Me rambling: Woah. I'll have review comments for Slippery Slope when I post that. Seriously though, WOAH and yes WOAH reviews keep the inspiration up and make me write (seriously though I am totally suspicious of the amount of reviews, I'm used to 3, 5 make me freakishly giddy….9 is seriously rare nowadays). Point is I'm currently freakishly in love with my readers and have faith that Brazen will finally start to happen in the upcoming weeks.

Actual Story AN: Trying something new. I can't stand the past 35 chapters, I do not like how they were written (though that is actually quite common for me). So just kind of starting over (you guys can feel free to reread any of the past chapters, seriously it's like nails on a chalkboard to me. :-P

STOP AND READ:

Things to remember…

Michael is like 5, there is no Morgan. Carly and Sonny are still married.

Kristina is still Ned's daughter, she was full term (or at least no in labor in the park and Luis ignoring Alexis).

Luis is still alive, floating around waiting to make his return.

Brenda is still ill.

AJ is not a loon, he has taken his bride and gotten the hell out of dodge.

Robin has returned home.

This story is like 6 months after they were married.

Brenda and Jason are married and expecting a baby (from one drunken night), he loves her and she's clueless about it.

Chapter Thirty Six

Observations

Jason Morgan was like a lot of men still within the first year of marriage. Completely in awe, completely in love. Sadly though that was where the commonalities ended, at least all the ones that mattered.

He had the perfect house; he stood now in the bedroom she had created for them. A pale green, picked from a sea of swatches she had spent hours shoving under his nose and which he had to hear regrets about for the following two days. Not a touch of floral unless they could keep the two large potted plants alive until summer. She lay asleep behind him on the mattress they had picked out together, on a large dark wood bed frame, somewhere in between their own personal tastes, simplistic, yet more classic than modern. He looked out at the large yard and wondered if they would put in the Jacuzzi they had planned. It would be pointless for the next several months, at least for its original goal of seeing Brenda scantily clad.

The lack of that Jacuzzi and the swing set that was the focal point of their barren backyard, reminded him of the future, of their child. Next summer he would have to replace one of the child swings for an infant's or tear the whole thing down and start again, Brenda had mentioned something about turrets and swing sets months ago, maybe at least one with a lower slide.

He had to believe she'd still be there next summer. She couldn't have their child then leave them. So maybe it wasn't next summer he was worried about. Maybe it was that, she'd never see their child make the transition from a baby swing to a toddler's. Never see him or her take the slide on their own. Not be there to see and experience it all, not be by his side.

So that was where the commonalities ended between him and most first time husband's…He feared the future. He didn't look forward to it, he couldn't. Every day, meant a day closer to losing her.

Last summer, he had been a man on his own, maybe even falling for his brother's wife.

He would enter into this summer in a few months, a married man. Married to a woman, he had believed dead, believed the most they could ever do was coexist. In love with a woman who was in love with his best friend. He could never tell her he loved her, simply for the fact that he could never hurt her like that. He was her protector.

Moments like this though, waking up with her in his arms, their baby inside of her, all he could was think of how he wanted it to last forever. He was more than happy with what he had in the moment, but knowing it would end…Even fifty years would be too soon.

He could hear her stirring behind him, her hand probably seeking out him, but he couldn't turn back, he couldn't see her, he couldn't, crawling into bed and begging her to never leave him wasn't an option. He turned to the bathroom without allowing himself a moment to second guess the decision.

-o-o-o-

The frown on her face was what brought her to consciousness, the realization that something was wrong…off. Her eyes fluttered open as her hand patted the sheets, ensuring he was gone. She was still frowning as she pushed herself up into a seated position, but then she smiled as her hand dropped down to her stomach. Never had she wanted to meet someone as badly as she wanted to meet their baby. Never had her dreams and prayers for someone's future overtaken all of her thoughts, made everything else look so damn trivial. Anything and everything that she had gone through in life and would still go through would be worth it for her child.

She knew they would be happy with Jason; that he'd be an amazing father and she'd never tell him, she occasionally had visions of a tow-headed boy explaining a peculiarity of human nature to his father. More often than not though, she saw a little girl with her hair and his eyes always keeping him on his toes. Rambunctious, inquisitive, and he'd always be right by her side, searching for the answers with her.

She was still smiling as she stood, in a pair of his blue striped boxers and black tee shirt. She walked to the large bay window, with drapes she refused to allow Jason to close as they were going to sleep so she could see the night sky, he'd close them occasionally if he got up before her, but she liked waking up to the sun, something she would have never expected. Dying had a quick way of changing one's beliefs. Simple things were more amazing and beautiful than everything she'd ever thought she needed to be happy.

A hand once more dropped to her stomach as she looked out the window. More often than not, she saw herself with them.

Leaning against a beam as Jason pushed the swing.

Being the one to let go at the top of the slide as Jason's hand were awaiting her on the other end.

She saw one child change to two.

She imagined them as the family she had always wanted.

Chasing kids around the backyard. Scooping them into their arms and tickling them. A dog jumping at their legs trying to get in on the action.

They could have been a happy family. They'd seen first hand all of the things they shouldn't do. Kids needed only two things. Love and acceptance.

They could have done that.

They could have fit a dozen happy children into their lives. Supported them. Nurtured them.

But instead, just one.

Her stomach clenched as her hand curled into it.

Just one.

Just him.

She'd be a person in pictures. Someone in stories her Aunt Robin would tell.

Jason would be there for everything, while she would just be a story. Pigtails and braids would be his job, taught by Robin, Emily or Carly.

Her eyes closed as she sighed. They opened slowly as they once more took in the backyard.

She wasn't dead yet, she realized with a smirk and turned in search of the swing set brochures she'd picked up.

-o-o-o-

"Morning," Jason nodded walking into the kitchen.

"Pirate ship or turret?" she asked.

He stared.

"Swing set," she nodded and lifted two of the brochures, "pirate ship or a sand box?"

He frowned, but walked over, holding out his hand for the pictures. "Where do you see a pirate ship?"

"The turret has a wheel," she said popping up to stand next to him, "though you know I swear I picked up one that had an actual ship."

"Oh wait," she nodded, "I remember." She dashed off to her purse.

"This has a rock wall," he said as she dug through her bag.

"We're not getting that one, any bridge that's taller than me, our kid isn't playing on."

"It says you can customize it," he pointed out.

"Here it is," she said finally coming across the missing brochure.

He took it and frowned, "It's just a frame."

"Kids don't know that."

He shook his head, "I like these more, the rock wall is too high up on those."

"Figures the one thing I thought we could skip," she shook her head.

"I don't like this covered slide," he once more frowned, "something could happen and we couldn't see it."

"What's going to happen on a slide Jason?" she teased with a smile, she'd had the exact same thought, but this was Jason. Rational, calm Jason.

"You've seen Michael play, they could get twisted or bang their head."

She laughed at how perturbed he was looking at the mere thought of it, "Well you can tell that to the designer when he comes, like you said, custom."

"When's he coming?"

"Their next opening, anything you can't get out of coming up?"

"Make the appointment, I'll be here."

"That cooking class start tomorrow. Last chance to bail."

He looked down at the S'mores Poptart he had snagged off Brenda's plate and then back up at her.

"Yea that's what I thought. It's at 6, Tuesdays and Thursdays for a five weeks."

"Sounds good, we don't have to eat what we cook do we?" He remembered their last attempt at a meal.

The meal they created at the end was theirs, but…"Eat a late lunch, we can go out after."

They smiled in unison as they both took bites of their Poptarts.

-o-o-o-

Brenda forged ahead letting the fake smile fall from her face as she led Skye Jacks towards her kitchen, an unexpected visit from Skye was never a good thing, an unexpected visit from Skye after last week…

"You might as well just save us both the trouble and tell me what happened between you and my husband last week," Skye said before the kettle had even been filled for tea.

"If you're having issues with your husband maybe you should discuss them him, last time I checked I wasn't your shrink."

"No you're my husband's former fiancée, the fiancée he searched for what a full year?" Skye's arms crossed.

"Former being the operative word," Brenda nodded and turned off the tap.

"Is the baby his?" Skye steeled herself for the response, so she didn't even flinch when the teapot slammed onto the stainless steel cooktop.

"Seriously, I'm married. Does no one in this town think I can manage being faithful?" Brenda was annoyed now, mostly with herself because apparently her past would continue to haunt her, no matter how short her future was.

"Jax wants it to be his then," Skye's low words were in anguish as she went to rest against one of the stools at the breakfast bar. She couldn't win either way, no matter what she'd do Brenda would be the person in Jax's heart and she was the one keeping him from her during her final years.

The emotion drained from Brenda's face.

"It was wrong of me to stay. Jax wants you to be his wife," her voice broke on the final word.

Brenda's expression softened, "He loves you Skye; I know he does."

"I know," she nodded, "but he loves you more and eventually he's going to resent me for being the one who kept you away from him."

"We both chose Skye and I don't regret my decision to choose Jason."

"Because you're sick and you're being noble," she was so sick of people doing what was right, even though that had been all she wanted of Jax and Brenda.

Brenda's head shook almost negligibly before her soft words came out, "Because this is the life that I always wanted."

-o-o-o-

"Did something happen today?" Jason asked as he pulled the Cheetos away from Brenda.

"Aside from you taking away my craving?" she glared at him and then stared at the object of her desire. He might be faster than her, but she was pregnant, he wouldn't fight with a pregnant woman, would he? "A craving is a sign of a deficiency."

He flipped over the bag, "You're deficient in artificial flavors, colors and MSG? I don't remember that being on any of the pamphlets."

"Don't start Jason, I will eat all the damn veggies you shove at me and drink a damn gallon of milk, I seriously doubt me gaining a few extra pounds is gonna be that big of a deal to the kid."

"Tell me and I'll give them back."

She sighed and debated it for a second; they were the only ones in the house. "The person I was Jason…"

He continued to study her as she stared at the tv.

"Was I really that horrible?" she turned and asked him

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he admitted. She had been infuriating, exasperating, hell she still was, but he understood why now.

"Jax asked if the baby was Sonny's. Skye asked if the baby was Jax's. It's pretty much the debate in town."

"Why do you care what they think?"

"Why don't you?"

"Because I know the truth."

She sighed. "I'm worried what she's going to think of me. I don't get the time to make up for everything that I've done. She isn't going to know me, she's just going to hear stories-"

He stopped her by putting an arm around her and pulling them in together. "That isn't going to happen."

"Carly-"

"I won't let her," he promised.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"What was the number?" Jason asked walking down the halls of the high school.

"I know where I'm going Jason."

"It's been awhile Brenda, how do you know that-"

"Home Ec classrooms Jason," she said pointing ahead where a couple was walking into a room.

She smugly walked ahead of him. She stopped and muttered, "Shit," as they hit the door.

The teacher turned around, an older woman, with white hair, looking as if she should have long been retired. "Why am I not surprised to see you two back in my class?"

Brenda was a brick wall in front of him.

"I should have separated you two into different classrooms instead of different groups."

Brenda remained frozen.

"What brings you two back to my class? Are you finally willing to focus instead of talk and throw flour at each other when you think I'm not looking?"

"Uh yes Ma'am," Brenda stuttered out.

"And why should I believe this time is different?" The teacher asked with folded arms.

"Well I'm pregnant and-" she realized what she said and lifted her hand to show her ring.

The teacher sighed, "You were so much more enjoyable when you took my class with that Wexler girl. All right, come in we can't have your child starve."

Brenda took a firm grasp of his hand as she walked into the room.

"You two," she said pointing at a couple, "move to the back kitchen. I need to keep an eye on these two." She looked at them threateningly, "You two are on your own; I will not have you distract any other students."

"Yes, Mrs. Saunders," Brenda said not letting go of Jason's hand and pulling him to sit down with her.

"I thought Jason Quartermaine was a good student?" he whispered over to her.

"It was pass/fail Jason," she hissed and ordered him to be silent.

Okay let's see thanks for reading, thanks for the multi year wait, sorry if it still sucked even after all that time. Now if anyone's reading this and they haven't voted on the next update and they were going to hit the review button anyone, can you actually vote. I need a tie breaker.

Discovering Who You Become

Slippery Slope

The Path to (Moments in Life)