Once we were Kings

by sweetp-1

Seth is the new kid at Forks High. The last thing he expects to find there is Edward...and his very own love story. Top 20 finalist in the Black Balloon contest, now continued. AU/OOC. M for language and slash love.

2. Castles on the Wind

Huge thank you to everyone who read, reviewed, fav'd and voted for Once We Were Kings. When I wrote it, I never intended it to be more than just a one-shot for the Black Balloon contest, but my darling Naelany twisted my arm and fed me multiple plotbunnehs...so here we are at CH2.

I'm planning on this being a minific of around 5 (long) chapters, written as time permits.

I suggest you read CH1 if you haven't already.

SM owns Twilight and Midnight Sun. I just have an unhealthy obsession with Sethward.

---

Castles on the Wind.

---

I sighed as I slid into my seat in Mr. Banner's AP biology class. It was only my first class, but already I couldn't wait for the day to end. For the next fifty-nine minutes, I would be trapped at my desk, my expressionless face a mask that would hide my disinterest while I was forced to listen to Banner's droning voice. I already knew all there was to know about cell division. I wasn't here to learn; I was here to pass away the time.

High School was my own personal purgatory from which there was no escape.

I spread my books out over my desk, opening the class textbook to the chapter on mitosis. I didn't need to look at the book - it was all just part of the ruse, one of my many constant efforts to appear human. My life was a carefully constructed lie, and everything I did reinforced the facade that I was a normal teenage boy.

I stared at the page. To my classmates, it would appear as though I was reading, when really I was imagining patterns in the white spaces between the black font. For a few moments, it would help to reduce the inane thoughts of the students around me to a quiet murmur instead of a deafening roar.

Today, all thoughts were consumed with the new boy who was enrolling at Forks High, after being expelled from the Reservation school out at La Push. I paid little attention; the trivialities that caused a frenzy amongst the student body were of no consequence to me, and I'd long ago learned to tune out the gossip and rumors.

I should have paid more attention.

He walked through the door, and I felt my world slam upside down. A wrecking ball of need and want smashed into me and nearly knocked me off my seat.

I'd never seen anyone so beautiful, so utterly perfect before, and I couldn't tear my eyes away from him. Normally, the harsh fluorescent lights made human skin look sallow, but his skin glowed; a stunning russet tan that made me think of bonfires and autumn leaves. His hair was shiny and black like ebony, and he was tall. At least as tall as me, and he looked as though he was a runner, with muscles that were tight and toned.

He was glorious.

I felt an inexplicable and overwhelming urge to jump from my seat, and run to his side. Touch him. Fall to the floor at his feet. Beg him to love me.

From what I had read, falling in love at first sight was supposed to be sweet and touching. The stuff that the romantics waxed lyrical about in sonnets and love songs was nothing like what I felt in that instant.

What I felt was violent, earth shattering; life altering. Nothing would ever be the same again.

Vampires aren't accustomed to pain; there is really nothing that can hurt us. And yet, the strength of what I was feeling was making my knees weak, my chest pull tight in a vice grip, my head pound with shock. Every molecule in my body burned with a craving for him. It was the most intense feeling I'd ever experienced.

But the strength of emotion that swept through me was nothing in comparison to the pain I felt as his thoughts hit me like a sledgehammer.

Hate.

Loathing.

The air was thick with his revulsion. It clung to every surface in the room, suffocating me as I tried to find relief from the unrelenting darkness of his mind. Black and putrid, the disgust and rejection snaked their way around my heart, pulling tight and cutting deep, making the unnecessary breath catch in my throat.

I sat, stunned, as I watched him reel under the force of his thoughts and emotions, his body swaying as he stumbled further into the room. As the heavy cloud of hatred settled around him, all I could hear in his mind was one word.

Leech

The whirlwind of emotions that had been warring over me continued their assault as the world gave way underneath me. Everything gave way to shock.

He knew. The secret that ruled my life, that surrounded my family in lies that we could never escape from, the unspeakable truth of who I was. He knew.

In a split second, a million questions tumbled through my mind, but it always fell back to the same impossible scenario.

This boy, this kid from La Push, knew I was a vampire.

As turbulent as my own thoughts were as disbelief and apprehension chased each other through my mind, his were a veritable storm of unease and...something else. Something wild and feral and...

Wolf.

Now it was my turn to reel; stunned and aghast.

This was no ordinary boy. Underneath his beautiful russet skin paced a sandy-colored wolf. I could see in his mind's eye the beast that was his alter-ego. Images of his huge paws hitting the ground and pine needles flying in his wake as he raced over the forest floor, filled my mind as the sound of a howling wolf echoed in my ears.

It appeared I wasn't the only one with a secret to hide.

I hadn't taken a breath since he'd walked in the room, and tentatively I allowed a small mouthful of air to enter my lungs. The taste of him hit my tongue, and I marveled at the exquisiteness of the heat and spice. The scent of him was thick and more pungent than human, and it wrapped itself around my tongue, rolling down my throat as I tried to hold back a groan of pleasure. It made my need for him burn at a whole new intensity.

I watched as his control began to slip. He was young, new to this, and the turmoil of emotions threatened to overwhelm him. I could see him wavering on the turn, the wolf desperate for release.

And if he did...he would give us all away.

He needed to regain his control, and fast.

He handed over a piece of paper, and I saw in Banner's mind that it was a class transfer slip.

Seth Clearwater.

I turned his name over in my mind; feeling the weight of each syllable, wishing I was alone so I could say it out loud. Wanting desperately to savor the sound of his name on my lips.

I watched anxiously as Banner directed him to the only available seat in the class, the seat next to mine. His thoughts boiled and raged, and I could see him fighting for control. I couldn't do anything but sit in my own seat, and will him not to change into a wolf in front of everyone.

His fists were clenched by his sides, shoulders tense, the scowl on his face murderous. I caught the thoughts of students around me; alarmed and curious, their attention honed in on the new kid who looked like he was ready to explode.

It seemed like an eternity before he reached the desk.

"You seriously need to get a grip," I urged him.

"That would be a whole fucking lot easier if you weren't here!" he seethed at me.

He rolled his eyes at me; brown so deep I was certain there wasn't even a description that would do the color justice, impossibly thick black lashes, pupils dilated in anger and fear. I looked away quickly, before I lost myself in his gaze.

"Well, why don't you take a deep breath and calm down. You're attracting all the wrong kinds of attention," I said quietly.

I tried to hide my surprise; not only did he know what I was, he knew of my gift and was using this knowledge to his full advantage. The purposefully antagonistic thoughts he sent my way made me cringe as I considered how much the Quileute's must know of our family - know your enemy indeed. I ignored Seth's attempts to rile me as best I could. The heart-clenching truth was, I was simply too overcome by just the presence of him to respond, the heat that radiated off him like a beacon that was calling my name.

Eventually, we exchanged a few hesitant words before Banner launched into another of his mindless lectures. Seth's attention moved on from his animosity toward me, and for the rest of the lesson his thoughts were occupied with the notes he scribbled in his book. The other members of the class too, soon forgot the almost-scene of his arrival in class.

My attention, however, was captured irrevocably by him, and for the rest of the class I hadn't been able to take my eyes off the beautiful boy beside me.

---

I tried to hold my speed in check as I fled the class, but I was out the door before Seth had even packed up his books.

I was torn between wanting to glue myself to his side for the rest of my existence, and a desire to run as far away from him as I possibly could. It physically pained me to tear my eyes away from his beautiful face, but at the same time, I couldn't deny the overwhelming need to escape his tempting scent and the red-hot burn of his skin.

I needed relief from the desire that was burning me from the inside out, incinerating everything I thought I knew, and leaving behind only the ashes of confusion and fear. I'd never had cause to be afraid, but the strength of my feelings for him terrified me.

The woods behind the school had always acted as a refuge of sorts for us, and that was where I headed, hoping the cool, dark silence would offer some relief from the turmoil inside my head. My siblings and I went there whenever we needed an escape from the sunlight that would betray us, or to retreat from the pressure of being constantly surrounded by humans.

We also went there when we needed to talk in private.

I heard her worried thoughts before I saw, or smelled her.

Edward? Are you OK? What happened?

The fact Alice was asking me questions she should know the answers to, felt odd and unsettling, and for the briefest of moments I wondered if she was joking. It was clear from the tone of her thoughts though, that she was genuinely concerned for my well-being. She appeared by my side, worried and confused, a deep frown settling on her petite features.

"Edward?" Her thoughts were frantic and scattered, but eventually she began to slow the chaos in her mind, flicking through visions of me sitting alone at my desk, and then...nothing. It was as if I disappeared before her eyes; a gray blur of nothingness where I had once been sitting. It was horrifying to watch, and I could almost taste her fear as she replayed it over and over in her head.

"The new boy that transferred from La Push," I said curtly, not trusting myself to say anything further.

Alice gasped, her hand flying to her mouth. "He's a wolf?" she asked incredulously.

Under other circumstances it would have been almost amusing to see her so shocked. Normally, her gift allowed her to see everything in advance; surprises were not something she was familiar with.

"I don't like this, Edward. You know I can't see anything when those...those mutts...are close." I grimaced at her choice of words. I wanted to reprimand her for calling him that, but I held my tongue. I wasn't ready to share everything with her, yet.

Alice flitted across the forest floor, sending up small sprays of leaves as she paced back and forth at vampire speed. I could see in her mind that she was worried about the implications of having Seth at our school. The clouding of her gift was not something she'd ever had to consider before; the wolves stayed on their side of the Treaty Line and we stayed on ours. Only on the rarest of occasions would we cross paths, our mutual animosity and a sixty-nine year old Treaty ensuring, for the most part, the separation of our species.

Until now.

Instinctively, her thoughts went straight to Jasper, and she anxiously considered how he would cope with this new development. He wasn't at school. The history class he took, along with Emmett and Rosalie, was on a field trip, and I was thankful we would at least get to warn him in advance. He was the last to join our family, and although he'd been a vampire for longer than most of us, bar Carlisle, he was still relatively new to our way of living. Controlling his blood-lust was something that took inordinate effort every day, and the addition of a young, unpredictable shape-shifter to the student body was not going to be easy for him. What worried Alice the most was that, first and foremost, Jasper was a soldier, and the wolves were our enemies.

Silently, I watched her, listening to her thoughts as she searched through future scenarios that she could in fact see, trying to find what this would mean for Jasper. Her concern and impatience were making her normally vivid thoughts appear hazy and indecipherable, but I could see that she was flicking through visions of Jasper's future. It was with relief that I didn't see a sign of him going on a killing spree anytime soon.

Alice moved her thoughts back to me, sighing in frustration as I disappeared before her eyes, time and time again.

"I don't know what this means for us, Edward," she said quietly.

There was little I could do to comfort her, or allay her fears, because the only thing I was sure of was that nothing would ever be the same again.

---

The end of the day couldn't come soon enough. The second the bell rang, I was out the door and quickly making my way to the parking lot. Alice was waiting for me beside my Volvo.

Without speaking, she took my school bag and keys from me, and climbed into the driver's seat. I watched her drive out of the school grounds before I turned and headed toward the forest for the second time that day. This time I wasn't going there to talk.

I needed to run.

I needed to feel the air in my face, hear the earth pounding beneath my feet, but mostly I just craved the silence. I may not have had any other classes with Seth after biology, but he haunted me wherever I went. For the entire day, he had been in the thoughts of every student, in every class. His face had followed me everywhere; the arrival of the "Rez kid" was the main topic of conversation of the day, and it had been impossible to ignore, even if I had wanted to.

As predictable as ever, the boys had made short work of sizing him up, taking note of his broad shoulders and the lean muscles of his legs. The football team were already planning on asking him to try out for the squad, and the chess club had marked him as someone to avoid based on his size alone. The boys had fallen into either the territorial or threatened camp, and their responses to a new male at school were nothing but expected.

The thoughts of the girls, on the other hand, had been infinitely harder to deal with; their admiration of Seth's good looks quickly spiraled into an overexcited fervor about who would attract his attention first. Some of the more "experienced" girls had entertained dark fantasies about what kind of welcome they wanted to give him. It had taken every ounce of my self-control not to knock their pretty little heads off their shoulders and destroy every last image of Seth from their minds - and mine.

Just the memory of the highly sexualized nature of their thoughts made the rage boil up inside me again. The jealousy coursed through me like acid, making my fists clench at my side and my teeth grind together. Its fire was uncontrollable, threatening to consume me even as I fought to shut out the memories of the lust-laden thoughts from my head. I'd never had cause to feel so protective of someone before, and I found myself feeling shocked by the strength of the abhorrence that I had felt seeing him sullied and objectified in their minds.

I shook my head, desperately hoping that a long run would clear my mind of the day's assault, and effortlessly sped into the forest, intent on running until I ran out of land.

It wasn't long before I was deep in the National Park that bordered Forks, running along a ridge that overlooked the Elwha River. The view from the top was spectacular, almost 360 degree views from the river mouth right up the valley and across the hills on each side. The forest was thick and lush, a million varying hues of green as the sunlight broke through the cloud cover to illuminate patches of bush. The river cut across the valley floor, a thick smudge of blue like someone had dipped their thumb in cobalt and smeared it across a canvas of green.

I didn't know what it was about this particular spot that I found so entrancing, but I found myself coming here often. It was a place where silence blended effortlessly with natural beauty, and I was drawn to the feelings of comfort that I felt when I admired the magnificence that nature had created. What had simply been a lovely piece of scenery was now a place of significance for me, and I came here whenever I needed time on my own - a quiet place to gather my thoughts. My oasis of calm was not something that I had shared with my family; if Alice knew of it, she never spoke of it.

Sometimes, the loneliness would begin to wear me down, an insidious unease creeping up my spine. It wasn't easy living with three sets of mated vampires, and being on my own. More often than I would ever admit to my family, I felt like the third wheel, a spare part that they tolerated because they loved me. Even though I knew that their love was genuine, I couldn't help but feel like I was surplus to requirements. Occasionally, I caught thoughts of pity and regret about my situation, particularly from Esme. She despaired that I had been changed too young, and therefore hadn't experienced enough hormonal changes as a human to ensure that, as a vampire, I would be able to experience love. Her greatest fear was that I would live my life without ever finding a mate.

Normally, I came out here to escape the harsh realities of my vampire life, hide from the loneliness and disquiet in my heart, and simply be.

Only today, I found little peace.

---

I knocked on Carlisle's office door before letting myself in.

"Edward," he said in greeting.

His smile and thoughts were warm and welcoming, but it only made me feel ashamed about what I was going to say.

"I need to leave Forks," I said simply, not wanting to waste time on small talk.

"You do?" he asked in confusion.

His mind flicked between shock and worry as he considered reasons why I would suddenly want to leave the area. Carlisle's sense of family was strong and pure, and his loyalty to those he loved was almost indistinguishable from his personality. The family grounded him, and gave him the purpose and drive to accept this life. Almost immediately, as I knew he would, he pondered how quickly he could organise for the whole family to relocate.

"I'm going on my own. I've already asked Tanya if I can stay with her."

"Oh." His disappointment was palpable. "You're not going for good, though...are you?"

The truth was, I didn't know. I had spent hours sitting on my ridge, trying to tame the chaos in my mind, but I was just as confused and overwhelmed as I had been when I left school. I was faced with an impossible choice; Seth, or my family. As hard as I tried, my mind could not reconcile a future where I could love a shape-shifter, and remain living in a house of vampires. And that was making the unbelievable and unlikely assumption that eventually Seth would love me back. The reality that Seth would continue to hate me and everything I represented, and I would be forced to watch and pine for him from afar, was much more likely. As sick as it made me feel when I pondered it, the other option was to deny what had happened today, ignore my feelings for the boy from La Push, and spend the rest of my life pretending that I had forgotten him as I lived my vampire life with my family.

Both choices were heinous, and I had screamed into the darkening sky as the cruelty of the situation had played over and over in my head.

I was doomed to be alone. Forever.

As night had descended, my resolve had fallen into place. I would leave. I would be a coward and I would run away from it all, from my family, from him. As I had sped home in the dark, all I could think of was getting out of Forks and away from the awful life-destroying agony of knowing everything I wanted and needed was here; but I couldn't have it.

"I just need to go. I'm sorry. I know I owe you more of an explanation, Carlisle, but right now, I just can't say anything more."

I watched Carlisle's thoughts as he considered a multitude of reasons why I might need to make such a sudden departure, cringing as he worried that living in a house of mated vampires had finally become too much for me to bear. I could see Alice had told him of Seth's arrival at school, and I was thankful when his thoughts flew over this, settling instead on my apparent loneliness.

"Edward..." he began. I could hear the pleas in his head for me to talk to him, to share my problem. "Whatever it is, we can help you."

I wished that was the case, but I knew I was already in too deep.

"I've never asked anything of you before. Please, you just have to let me have this." My voice was almost a whisper as I begged him. I didn't need his permission, but he was my mentor and my friend, and a father figure of sorts, and I didn't want to leave him without his assent.

Edward. Please talk to me.

I saw myself in his head; pacing the floor, shoulders stooped and my face pulled tight with worry. I looked haggard and weary. Desperate.

I could see him warring with himself, agonizing over what to say. Finally, he nodded.

"We'll miss you, Edward." His voice was heavy with sadness and resignation.

---

I took my car, and headed north to Alaska. I had contemplated running the whole way, but I knew that sometimes it paid to appear as human as possible.

The Volvo was a silver streak of speed on the highway as I let my frustrations course through my body to my foot. The pedal was pushed flat to the floor, and I made it to Tanya's in record time.

She welcomed me into her home with a wide smile, and it was only when I felt her strong arms wrap around me that I finally allowed my tense and strained muscles to uncoil. She didn't say anything as I clung to her, too afraid to answer the worried questions that she left unspoken. I was exhausted, the effort of holding myself together leaving me feeling strained and close to breaking.

It wasn't until two listless and empty days later, that she sat me down on her plush leather couch.

"How long are you planning to mope around like this, Edward? I get that you want to be all dark and maudlin, but Jesus, you're even making me want to write emo poetry and paint my fingernails black."

I couldn't help but laugh at her joke. It wasn't much of a laugh, but it was something. My cheeks felt strange being pulled up in a smile, and I realized I at least owed her an explanation.

"Thank you for letting me stay with you, and I'm sorry to be such a rude house-guest. I just needed to get away for a bit." I smiled apologetically at her.

"You know you're welcome here anytime, Edward." I knew that was the truth, but I still felt a little guilty that I had barged in on her life.

She sat for a moment in silence, but I could see her mind tumbling as she tried to decide what to say next. She thought I needed to talk, but she wasn't sure if I would; or could. Concern and apprehension chased across her mind; she'd never seen me like this before, and it scared her. This was uncharted territory for her. I watched her face settle into a frown as a possible reason for my distress dawned on her.

"Girl trouble?" she asked softly.

I shuffled in my seat, not sure what to say.

For all intents and purposes she was my best friend, and the only person outside of my family who I trusted and loved unconditionally. We had been close friends for many decades, and we had even lived together for a short time. Initially, Tanya had been convinced that I would make an excellent bed-mate, but when I consistently rejected her advances she found me even more appealing as a friend and confidante. My attraction to her was platonic; I loved her like I loved my sisters, and as pleasurable as her bed would have no doubt been, I just hadn't been able to cross that line with her. She later admitted that she was pleased I hadn't; her attention span when it came to lovers was somewhat short and fickle. By dissuading her from her attempts to seduce me, I had allowed her to have the uncomplicated love and friendship that had been missing in her life.

She narrowed her eyes at me. "Not girl trouble, but..." she said slowly as her mind ticked over. She could tell from the unease on my face and the way I was avoiding her gaze, that she was guessing a little too close to home.

Boy trouble?

I nodded hesitantly.

"Oh!" She was surprised, but the shock I had been expecting to hear wasn't present in her voice. "I mean, I didn't know you...how are they saying it these days?...that you bat for the other team?"

I smiled as yet again her humor helped ease my mind. I had to admit that part of the reason I had resisted talking with her was because I was afraid of revulsion, or worse, rejection from her. I should have known that I could rely on her support.

"Neither did I," I said ruefully.

I'd never been attracted to another male before. But, I'd never really been attracted to a female, either. For the longest time, I had simply accepted that I was asexual and that being physically and emotionally drawn to someone else was something that was outside of the realms of what I was capable of. I could appreciate beauty, but it was as one admires fine art, with a detached, impersonal gaze. My experiences of love were limited to platonic and familial relationships, and while those bonds were strong, I'd certainly never before felt the earth-moving emotional connection that I had felt with Seth.

"So..." she waited for me to elaborate.

I opened my mouth, but found myself at a loss as to how to explain to her that I had fallen in love with a shape-shifter. A boy who was part wolf, and therefore our family's sworn enemy.

"It's complicated," I replied.

Complicated. Impossible. Forbidden.

And it hurts.

"Does the family know?"

She looked taken aback as I shook my head.

"But, Alice..."

"Like I said, it's complicated."

"You're afraid they won't accept him?" she asked softly.

Under any other circumstances, I was positive my family would have been ecstatic that I had finally found my mate. I was sure the fact that Seth was a male wouldn't be an issue for any of them, but I wasn't fool enough to think that they would be able to get past the fact he was also a shape-shifter. It wasn't just a complication - it was an insurmountable danger. I would be putting them all at risk, and I could imagine their violent opposition.

I sighed, and nodded. I was still trying to understand the implications of what had happened to me, and while there was more to explain to Tanya, I found myself keeping some secrets tight to my chest.

"Edward. I think you're underestimating your family's love for you. They worry about you, and just want you to be happy. If you love this boy..."

"It's not as simple as that, Tanya."

"What is it you're not telling me?"

My silence worried her, but she continued nevertheless. "When Rosalie turned up with a bleeding, half-dead human and begged Carlisle to save him, did you deny her? Tell her that it was a lost cause and she should let him die? Of course not! You could see that Emmett was already a part of her, and all of you did everything you could to change him in time and let her find love."

I could see what Tanya was trying to say, but in my mind it wasn't the same. Emmett was on the verge of death when Rose found him. Carlisle saved him because that's what he does best; there was no way "Dr Cullen" would have just let him die.

"It's not the same..."

Tanya interrupted me. "OK. Alice, then. She came home with a red-eyed, bloodthirsty vampire that had only ever known war and destruction. That was an even bigger danger, wasn't it? Did the family tell her no, and deny her a place amongst you because the risk was too much? No! You could see and feel that they were mates, and so you all learned to put your fear and reservations aside. Can you imagine not having Jasper in your life now? Whatever the issue is, your happiness is more important. Your family loves you, Edward. They just want you to be happy."

You're a good person, Edward...

The tenderness of her thoughts touched me, and I found myself considering how much easier everything would have been if I had fallen for her instead, if I had been able to return her advances, or been able to see her as more than just a cherished friend. Even falling for a human girl would have been easier to deal with than what I was facing.

...and you deserve to be happy.

Could it possibly be as simple as that? That my family loved me and would learn to live with whatever form my happiness came in? Even as shocking as my revelation would be for them?

In Tanya's mind, I saw her memories of my family; the love that radiated off us as a group and the strength of our bond.

Her absolute conviction that they would accept whatever it was I needed to tell them, played over and over in my mind, and I found myself wanting to believe it. Desperately, I clung to the thought that she could be right, that there was a way to reconcile my life with my family and my love for a shape-shifter.

And it was with her words echoing in my mind that I drove back to Forks.

---

It wasn't until I saw him again that I realized how much it had hurt to be so far from him.

Part of me had hoped that I wouldn't feel anything, that it had simply been a one-time aberration, and now everything would go back to normal.

The other part of me waited anxiously for his arrival in class. I was nervous, a lovestruck junkie waiting for another fix of him. I was pathetic.

The ever-present tightness in my chest had eased to a bearable dull ache as I'd driven back to Forks. Every mile that flew by was another mile closer to home, closer to him. I'd spent most of the trip convincing myself that I could handle this, that everything was going to be fine.

The moment he walked into class, I knew I was a lost cause. I felt something explode inside me, the air suddenly alive and humming with my need. It was like it had been months or years since I'd seen him last, not just a few days, and instantly I knew I could never be apart from him again.

I was all at once elated, and yet, I despaired. This was real. There was no coming back from this.

Banner slapped a piece of paper on our shared desk. "You two pair up, OK?"

Seth sighed with what I assumed was resignation. He picked up the assignment, scanning it quickly before sliding it across the desk to me.

It wasn't particularly difficult, especially if you are a vampire with countless high school diplomas and numerous college degrees, but it was reasonably involved. I estimated Seth and I were going to have to spend at least ten hours together to get it completed. I'd never been as thankful for Banner's penchant for out of class assessment as I was right then.

"My house, tomorrow after school suit you?" I asked him.

He paused. I eavesdropped without thinking about it; the vision of me asking him, all glaring and domineering, shocked me. My restraint was paper thin. It was taking every ounce of my self control to sit next to him, converse with him, act like everything was normal; and apparently, the effort to restrain myself made me look fierce and demanding. If Seth's thoughts were to be believed, I was also an arrogant ass. Quickly, his thoughts turned to danger, warning, hatred...fear.

"My family won't be there, if that's what you're worried about," I said, trying to soften the tone of my voice, "and there is plenty of room to study."

I could see him considering my offer. In his mind, I could see his reluctance to venture up to "vampire territory", but underneath, there also burned an intense desire to succeed.

"OK," he said finally. He glanced at me before adding in a whisper, "Is it true what they say about your coven?"

I winced at his choice of words. "We prefer to call ourselves a family, and no, we don't eat humans." I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at him as I replied under my breath.

He didn't add anything further, turning his attention back to the paper Banner had given us.

He was already starting to plan out the piece of work in his head. I could see there were holes in his knowledge base, but his mind was quick and sharp. It was clear that he wasn't happy about being transferred, but it did appear that he was keen to learn.

Already, he was scribbling ideas on the back of the paper.

I watched as he chewed on the end of his pencil, pushing it between his pink lips, his teeth making indentations in the soft wood. I could see the tip of his tongue rolling the pencil around in his mouth, as tiny splinters of yellow paint fell silently to the desk.

I was spellbound - by the movement of the yellow pencil caressing his perfectly plump lips. He had no idea how he tempted and teased me. I don't know how long I sat mesmerized by him. Time seemed irrelevant. Everything was irrelevant.

Except him.

He sighed, the sound soft and sweet, and the spicy scent of his breath floated across to me. I breathed in deep; the taste of him on the air making me reel with need for him.

I had never wanted anything as much as I wanted - no, needed - to touch him. My hands ached for him, and I dug my fingers into the desk to keep them from reaching for him.

Finger grooves carved into the underside of my desk; an outward scar of the internal struggles of my heart.

This was going to be more difficult than I could possibly have imagined, and I shook my head at myself as I realized biology was no longer going to be an hour of mindless school time to endure.

Biology was now my raison d'etre.

My treasured hour of tortured bliss.

---

At my request, Carlisle called a family meeting, but as I sat facing them, I began to falter, my thoughts turning once again to running away. Only Tanya's words, echoing in my head, kept me in my seat.

"Edward?" While Carlisle's voice was smooth and supportive, I could see his underlying thoughts were full of concern. His fear that I was going to announce I was leaving permanently played heavily on his mind as he waited for me to speak.

"I have something to tell you," I began. I'd played this conversation over and over in my head, spending hours trying to figure out how best to tell them. In the end, I simply hadn't been able to settle on any words that I thought would make this easier; for any of us.

"There's a new boy at school; Seth Clearwater."

I could see Alice grimace at my words, but it was Jasper that gasped and flew out of his chair as I spoke Seth's name. I should have known that he would know the truth of my heart before I laid it bare.

Carlisle and Esme exchanged worried looks as Jasper and I stood locked in each other's gaze.

Jasper's mind was a maelstrom of emotions. His own confusion and anger slashed and tore through his mind as he fought back images of war and wolves. His violent thoughts were vivid gashes against the backdrop of emotion he was feeling from me; swirls of love, and a need so deep it made him want to drop to his knees. I could see him battling for control, the strength of emotional turmoil making him feel almost physically ill.

Concerned at Jasper's unexpected reaction, Alice reached out and touched his hand. Immediately, I could see his mind wash over with the feelings of absolute rightness and could sense the relief he felt at her touch. The love and adoration he was picking up from me as I thought of Seth, spiked to a whole new level and I saw his body sway under the impact.

His eyes widened.

Tell me I'm wrong, Edward!

I shook my head.

Mates?

His thoughts were incredulous, but at the same time his mind echoed with two distinct but identical emotions of love and completeness. His love for Alice and mine for Seth; mirrors of each other that reverberated through his mind and body.

It was only another second before Jasper had to let some of the storm of emotions out into the ether. I felt his relief as he allowed himself to release just a little bit of the pressure from his head.

I heard Esme's soft sigh as her hands automatically fell into Carlisle's; her adoration mirrored in his loving gaze. Next to me, Emmett's thoughts turned quickly to the carnal - unwanted images of him and Rosalie flashing through my head. Jasper moved toward Alice, wrapping his hands around her shoulders as he anchored himself to her.

"Jasper..." I pleaded with him to rein it in again. The atmosphere in the room was quickly spiraling out of control. The air around me was filled with thoughts of love and longing and lust as mate touched mate. Partners, soul-mates, lovers. And me; alone, but just as desperate.

Gradually, I could see Jasper fighting to draw everything back. After a moment, he managed to reach deep inside himself for calm and peace, and it was with a sigh of relief that I felt the wave wash over me.

"Dude, what the hell was that?" Emmett asked Jasper as he shook his head like he was trying to clear the haze of lust that had clouded his vision just a moment earlier.

Jasper glared at me. His eyes speaking the thoughts in his mind.

You have to tell them!

"Edward?" Esme asked softly. "What's going on?"

I hadn't said it out loud yet, even to myself, and at first the words refused to come, wrapping tighter around my heart instead. I paused, steeling myself.

"He's my mate."

The stunned silence only lasted a second before Rose let her thoughts be known.

"What?" she screeched as she slammed the table with her hand, the wood splitting under the force of her anger. "You have got to be kidding me!"

I glanced at Carlisle. His face was impassive, his thoughts hidden behind a list of diagnostic medical terms. He didn't meet my eye; his silence more painful to bear than his outright disapproval ever could be.

Rose was ranting now, vitriol rolling off her tongue as she accused me of having a death wish.

"I can't believe you wait ninety years to finally get some, and then you go and choose a dog. Are you trying to get yourself killed? Fuck, Edward! They'll kill us all! You've always been a moody, selfish prick, but this is going too far. You can't endanger..."

"Rose!" Emmett admonished. She huffed at him indignantly, but she at least had the grace to stop her shouting as Esme glared at her in warning.

"I'm sure this isn't easy for Edward, Rose. I think we should give him a chance to explain," Esme said patiently.

Six sets of golden eyes turned to me expectantly, and for the first time in my one hundred and seven years I was lost for words, stuttering and stammering, my mouth refusing to co-operate.

"I...I'm sorry...I know that...I just..."

I need him. I want him. I can't live without him. There are no words for this.

"I know what I felt." Jasper sensed my inability to voice the magnitude of what I was feeling, and he spoke for the first time since we had come together around the table.

"It's true?" Esme asked softly.

Jasper nodded.

"Oh, Edward. I'm so happy for you." Her voice was full of pride and awe, and the pureness of her joy made me ache inside.

"Well, its about time!" Emmett patted me soundly on the back like I had just announced I was going out to hunt for bear, not that I was in love with our enemy. And a guy. I searched his thoughts for unease or discomfort, hatred even, but there was nothing but uncomplicated warmth. Male, wolf, enemy; it really didn't matter to him.

He smiled as if he could sense my disbelief. "Whatever makes you happy, dude."

"I don't fucking believe this!" Rose shot me a murderous look and stormed out of the room.

Emmett shrugged apologetically before following after her. "She'll come 'round."

Alice had been strangely silent, and she looked at me with wide, sad eyes.

"Of course, I want you to be happy too, but I don't like this, Edward. I can't see anything."

She was frightened. To an extent, we all relied on her gift to forewarn of possible threats of exposure, and I could understand her reticence. Her thoughts were filled with worry that, without the insight of her gift, we would unwittingly find ourselves in danger. She wanted to be happy for me, but right now she couldn't get past the risks that Seth presented to the family.

I didn't know what I was going to do, or how I was going to love him when he hated me. This was all new to me, and I was confused and floundering. There was a part of me that almost regretted that I wouldn't have the benefit of Alice's gift to guide me, but at the same time I found myself feeling grateful for the privacy.

Esme glanced at Alice and Jasper, and the three of them stood. Esme touched me on the shoulder as she moved to the door, her love and acceptance warm against my heart and mind.

And then, Carlisle and I were alone.

"Edward..."

"Look, I understand you're disappointed, but I didn't choose for this to happen - it just did. Do you honestly think I wanted to fall in love with one of them? I don't want to put the family in danger, but I can't leave him, Carlisle."

Just the thought of moving away more permanently and leaving him, made my fists clench. The memory of being in Alaska, the physical pain of being that far from him - I knew I couldn't leave him again.

I braced myself for Carlisle's rebuke, looking in his golden eyes for disgust or condemnation.

"I'm not here to pass judgment, Edward," he said softly. "I'm happy for you, actually."

Tanya, of course, had been right. I was such a fool.

"He doesn't know," I admitted, the words hanging heavily in the air between us.

"We'll work something out. It won't be easy, I'm sure, but we'll find a way to make this work. I promise." His thoughts were genuinely full of comfort and concern, and I let them soothe the unease in my mind.

"What if he never..." I couldn't bring myself to say the words.

"Don't rush things, Edward. You might be surprised by what happens - just take a step back and let it."

I nodded, even though I wasn't really sure what he was talking about.

He glanced at me, letting his mental guard down, allowing me access to his thoughts again.

He was sharing with me what he knew of the Quileute people. Memories from the time when we had lived here previously; his interactions with the tribal leaders who had signed the Treaty, including conversations that I hadn't been privy to. Tribal folklore that he had researched. An intriguing blend of facts and superstitions wrapped in mystery. I soaked it all up, committing it all to memory instantly.

"From what I know, the ability to phase into a wolf is rare, and limited to a specific number of tribal members that form the protective pack."

I nodded. I already knew that it wasn't everyone with Quileute lineage who was able to transform into a wolf.

"The existence of a pack isn't something that occurs naturally, however. It's only necessary in times of danger."

"And by danger, you mean us," I continued for him.

"Exactly. Vampires of any predilection are a possible threat, and so long as there are vampires around there will be members of the tribe who are able to phase into wolf form."

I wondered why Carlisle was telling me things I already knew.

"Do you know the really interesting thing I discovered about the ability to shape-shift?"

He paused, looking me in the eye as I waited for the answer I knew he would give me.

"It prevents the aging process."

The word immortal burned through my mind like wildfire.

---

Friends.

It seemed odd to think it, but that was what we were.

I don't know the exact moment that Seth stopped seeing me as the enemy; I tried to keep out of his head as much as possible. I knew it made him uneasy, and the truth be told, I couldn't bear to see the hatred and animosity that he felt towards me. After a few weeks, I realized that the underlying sharpness in his tone and the tightness around his eyes when he looked at me, had disappeared. When my curiosity finally got the better of me and I stole a glance at his thoughts again, I was grateful that the hatred that had battered me that first day had faded to a dull distrust.

I wasn't naive enough to think that he would ever feel the same as the way I felt about him, but this new fragile friendship, grown from the seeds of hate, was enough of a consolation.

For now.

Deep inside, I still longed for more even if I wasn't really sure exactly what that meant, but I had resolved to take what I could get, and if that meant ignoring the desires of my heart then that's what I would do: I would be his friend.

I pulled up my car at our agreed meeting place - a careful 100 yards from where the Treaty Line crossed the main road into La Push. As usual, Seth was waiting for me, and I watched him run towards me, mesmerized by the flexing of the muscles in his legs. His hair was still wet from his shower, glossy like blackest ink, and I found myself wondering how it would feel against my fingertips, all wet and shiny and soft.

He was exquisite, and it stung.

Just. Friends.

"Hey," he said in greeting as opened the car door.

I nodded, and waited for him to throw his school bag on the back seat before turning the car around and heading back to Forks.

A week ago, Seth's death trap of a truck blew a head gasket. I can't say I was surprised - the thing seemed to be mostly held together with rust, but for some reason he seemed attached to it. It only took one humiliating morning of having his mother drop him at school for Seth to accept my offer to pick him up and take him to school with me. He had been reluctant to begin with, and I could only imagine his response if I told him what I actually wanted to do, was buy him a new truck. I knew his family couldn't afford to replace it, and the cost of a brand new top of the line model wouldn't make the slightest dent in my bank account.

As tempting as it was, Seth was fiercely proud and I was not that stupid.

As if knowing my thoughts, he turned to me. "Rosalie say anything about my truck?"

"She said you could come and get it tomorrow. And some other things about oil filters and transmission fluid, but to be honest, it would be best if you just spoke to her about it."

He laughed at my obvious disinterest in the finer points of mechanics.

"It will be so great to get it back," he grinned.

I smiled and nodded, pretending to be pleased. I knew he was looking forward to having his independence back, but I didn't share his enthusiasm. When his truck was fixed, there would be no reason for me to pick him up each morning.

Our new morning routine had become the highlight of my days, because for the seventeen minutes it took to drive to school, I had Seth all to myself.

For seventeen too-short minutes he sat next to me, close enough I could feel the heat of his skin. Close enough to steal touches of him when my hand brushed past his knee to reach the console.

For seventeen glorious minutes, in the intimate confines of my car, I could listen to every beat of his heart. I cherished every moment, every breath he took, every exhale; watching him breathe out so I could breathe him in. His spicy scent wrapping around my tongue; as close to a kiss as I would ever get.

For seventeen heart-breaking minutes, it was just him and me, and nothing else mattered. Not even all the reasons why this was so wrong, or all the reasons why this could never be.

For seventeen minutes the pain that haunted my every waking moment disappeared, because there was nothing but him.

And now that his truck was fixed, I would be denied even that.

"I still don't get why she's fixing it for me when she hates me," he said absentmindedly as he stared out the window.

"She doesn't hate you," I said cautiously.

He shot me a disbelieving look.

"Ok, well, maybe hate is too strong a word. Rose is...complicated." I said apologetically.

As Emmett predicted, Rose had slowly begun to thaw. In Seth's words, she was still an 'icy bitch', and she continued to throw around caustic comments whenever he was around. Both Emmett and I enjoyed seeing Seth trade insults with her, giving back as good as he got. It was rare that she was caught speechless, but every now and then Seth dealt her a comment that she couldn't come back from. Emmett would never say as much in front of her, but I saw in his thoughts that he enjoyed seeing Seth stand up for himself. Unfortunately, I also knew that Emmett enjoyed more private benefits of a pissed-off Rose. I didn't think she would ever get over the fact that Seth was a Quileute, and therefore our enemy. She still feared that, at some point, everything was going to blow up in my face, and she was firm in her belief that I was putting the whole family in danger. Despite her misgivings though, she had slowly begun to accept that I wasn't going to give him up.

Emmett, on the other hand, had welcomed Seth into our lives without so much as batting an eye. They got on well, and when Seth came up to the house to do school work with me, he would usually spend some time with Emmett as well. As far as I could see, this usually involved them acting like idiots. A part of me felt envious at the ease and naturalness of their interactions, and I found myself wishing it could be that simple for me.

Even though there was a part of me that wanted Seth all to myself, I was grateful that he and Emmett had some sort of friendship developing. Without Emmett's "powers of persuasion" as he called it, Rose would never have agreed to fix Seth's truck. She'd snarled at me and said she wasn't doing it for me, or my dog, but because Emmett had asked her to - but I knew that working on a truck of that age was a challenge she couldn't resist. She may have acted like she didn't want to help, but in reality, she couldn't wait to get her head under the hood.

Reluctantly, I pulled into the school parking lot. My seventeen minutes were almost up, and I quickly inhaled another breath of him.

"Thanks," he said as he grabbed his bag and climbed out of my car.

"Sure," I said, simply.

Biology was hours away. Hours to fill with thoughts of him.

I sighed as he walked away.

Please don't go. It hurts when you leave me.

---

When school ended, Seth was waiting for me by my car. While he was almost bouncing with excitement about getting his truck back, I was trying not to think about driving to school in the morning with an empty seat beside me.

"Ready?" I asked, trying to keep my disappointment from showing in my voice.

"Yeah. Let's go."

We drove the short trip to my house in silence. Seth's leg tapped impatiently on floor while I tried to memorize every detail of him sitting in my car, hoping the scent of him would linger against the leather until the morning.

I pulled up at the house, and Seth was out of the car and walking purposefully toward the garage before I'd even turned the motor off.

I saw that Rose was waiting for him, so I left them to speak car together while I took my bag up to my room.

Esme sought me out after a few minutes, knocking quietly on my bedroom door.

"Is Seth staying for awhile?" she asked, sounding hopeful.

"I'm not sure. He's downstairs with Rose, talking about his truck."

"Do you think he'll want something to eat?"

"Probably," I laughed. I'd never once seen Seth turn down an offer of food. He was huge; almost as big as Emmett, and had an appetite to match. We were much the same height, but where he was bulky and stretched cotton over tight muscles, I was lean and wiry. I knew the physical exertion of phasing and the miles he covered as a wolf meant his dietary needs were more than your average teenage male, but it was still shocking to see how much he ate.

"Well, I bought some more of those cookies he likes, so if he comes up, let him know?" she said with a soft smile. When she thought of Seth, it was warm and maternal, like he was part of us; a member of the family. She genuinely enjoyed shopping for food for him, and making sure that he was taken care of - it was sweet, if a little nauseating.

I headed back down to the garage to see if Rose had finished giving Seth the run-down on what she'd done to the truck.

As I pulled open the door I caught her thoughts.

Edward, I thought you said you were paying for these mods.

I nodded. Of course I was going to pay.

"So...how much do I owe you?" Seth had his hands on his hips, and I could tell Rose must have already evaded the question. There was a determined line to his shoulders, and I knew without hearing his thoughts that he wasn't going to back down.

She narrowed her eyes at me.

I spent two grand making this thing roadworthy!

"Two hundred. You can pay it off," she said to him shortly. She glared at me again, and then turned and flounced through the door and up the stairs.

You owe me for that.

I ignored her departing comment, and walked over to Seth's truck. It still looked as decrepit as ever to me.

"All fixed, I take it?"

He grinned, and ran his hands over the bonnet.

"Yeah. Rosalie sure knows what she's doing. I can't wait to drive it again," he said appreciatively.

"Are you going to go now?" My tone reeked of desperation, and quickly I tried to cover it up. "Esme was asking. She got some of those cookies you like."

"Oh yeah, I love those, but I really have to go. Sorry. Mom needs to go out, and Dad..."

His father's illness wasn't something we had discussed at length. I knew he was sick, and the almost reverent tone that Seth used when he spoke of him led me to believe that his prognosis wasn't good.

"OK." I forced myself to swallow back a grimace. His father's needs were more important than mine, and I hated myself for being so selfish and wanting him to stay longer.

I watched, silent and longing, as he climbed into his truck.

"See you tomorrow?"

I nodded reluctantly, thinking he meant biology in fourth period.

"Same time as this morning?"

A wide, spontaneous smile broke out across my face.

He grinned back at me as his truck rumbled to life. He gave me a quick wave as he sped down the driveway, and I watched him disappear in a cloud of dust.

Emmett passed me on the stairs as I headed up to my room.

Dude, you look like the cat who just got the cream.

I just nodded, and then shut my bedroom door. I needed to be alone with this strange and glorious feeling, this deep inside joy that fluttered in my chest.

I felt giddy and lightheaded, and for the first time that I could remember...hopeful.

---

Over the next few months, Seth and I spent most afternoons at my house working on assignments or studying for exams together. Although the disapproval of his pack leader weighed heavily on his mind, Seth seemed more than happy to spend what spare time he had with me. I tried to tell myself that this was for purely academic reasons - he wanted to go to college and I was helping him improve his grades, but my heart noticed the lingering glances and the occasional non-accidental touch of his hand. I tried to make it be still, but with every passing day the tie that bound me to him pulled tighter, and my heart could not be tamed.

Once exams were finished, I had despaired that our afternoons together would be lost. I wasn't sure a few hours at school every day would be enough, and in a desperate moment I had suggested that we explore the National Park that bordered Forks.

To my delight, Seth had taken me up on the offer without hesitation. Now, our afternoons were spent up in the forest. Sometimes we hiked, other times we ran - Seth as a wolf and me running at my natural speed, and other times we simply sat and talked.

The only thing that was always the same about our expeditions was that Seth always phased at some point. He said the wilderness made him crave it, and this afternoon was no exception.

"Do you mind if I...?" he asked tentatively.

I could see the impatience scratching away at him, an eagerness that was as instinctive as breathing. I didn't need to be inside his head to see how much he needed to.

"It's fine, you know. You don't have to ask." I turned my back so he could remove his clothes, pretending I didn't want to peek.

I could always tell the instant the change was complete. He described it as a flash of fire and blood, a sudden surge of energy, but to me it was much more subtle. His heart beat faster and he smelled different; like earth after rain, something raw and primal.

Wolf.

He nudged my hand with his snout, his breath hot and wet against my palm.

I'm going to run for a bit. Do you want to come?

"You go. I'll wait here."

I watched him shake his sandy-colored coat and then lope off into the trees. Seth was just as beautiful as a wolf as he was as a boy sitting next to me in class. The first time I'd seen him as a wolf had been the day of that stupid race on the baseball field, and I'd been shocked by the sheer size of him. I had to admit I had totally underestimated what phasing into a wolf would entail. I winced as I realized I had actually expected something around the size of a large dog. Certainly, I had not anticipated Seth turning into a huge predatory beast that moved at lightning speed.

He was majestic.

I sat on an upturned log and lost myself in the view from my ridge. My special place where I had sought comfort so many times was now one I shared. I smiled as my thoughts turned not to darkness or despair, but to Seth; a heavy blanket of contentment wrapping around me as I waited for him.

It wasn't long till he reappeared in my thoughts. I could hear him calling to me, letting me know he was on his way back. He emerged from the edge of the forest, his huge paws thumping across the ground as he ambled over to me. For a creature so huge, he moved with a natural fluidity that was striking; a powerhouse of muscle and fur, grace and poise.

He flopped to the ground beside me, panting lightly, his moisture-filled breath visible in the cool air. I could feel the coarse hairs of his coat against my leg, prickly but soft at the same time. I reached my hand out before I realized what I was doing, and pushed my fingers into his fur.

He whipped his head around and a soft growl rose in his throat, his eyes flashing with warning.

"May I?"

His thoughts were silent, but he dropped his head, resting it on his paws as I stroked the side of his thick pelt. From a distance, he was the color of golden sand, but up close I could see the individual sleek strands of his coat were actually an infinite spectrum of colors, from yellow and auburn through to darkest brown and even coal black.

On his ears the fur was much shorter, and impossibly soft. His eyelids slowly slid closed as I caressed him; velvet heat and golden divinity under my fingertips.

We sat in silence as the clouds chased each other across the sky. His thoughts strangely quiet as mine bubbled with wonder and amazement as he continued to allow me to touch him, my fingers buried in his coat. My hand and heart joyous, and full of him.

Too soon, he raised his head, leaning it against my leg.

I'm going to phase back now.

I nodded, instantly feeling bereft as he broke the contact and walked away from me. I turned my gaze back to the view as he phased again, an odd feeling of loss settling over me as my wolf changed back to a human.

Even though the moment of intimacy we had shared was gone, when Seth returned to my side, it felt like he sat closer to me than before, spreading himself out along the log. He looked calm and relaxed as he casually tossed a pocket knife between his hands.

"Do you ever wish you were normal?" he asked me.

"Sometimes," I admitted.

He picked up a small piece of wood and began to whittle away at it with his knife. "Sometimes, I wish I'd never phased."

I was surprised; he seemed so comfortable in his second skin.

"Really?"

"There's a part of me that loves being a wolf, but sometimes it just feels like a burden. Sometimes it's hard to ignore the fact I'm a freak."

He raised his eyes to me in a silent question.

I knew what he was asking. "It takes time, Seth. You're still relatively new to it all. I've been "a freak" much longer than you, and I still have days where I hate everything I am and am angry for everything I'll never have." I spared him my blackest thoughts on the subject. "But in the end, I just had to learn to accept it. There's nothing I can do about it now, and I try to just concentrate on the things I do have."

"I just wish...I don't know...it's harder than I thought it was going to be..." His voice trailed off and I resisted the urge to see what he was thinking. "Sometimes...I just want it to go away."

"You need to make your peace with it, Seth. It will drive you crazy, otherwise," I said softly.

He grunted in acknowledgment, but didn't say anything else. I let him think in quiet, respecting his preference for privacy, but wishing I could offer something else to ease his mind.

The sun began to edge towards the horizon.

"We better head back." I sensed the reluctance in his voice. I didn't want to leave either, but he had to be home by dark.

"Here," he said suddenly, thrusting something toward me.

I reached for it, and he dropped a small wooden figure into my palm. I picked it up, stunned and silent as I realized what it was.

Seth had carved me a wolf.

It was about one inch high, created by his hands from pale, white wood. The wolf sat on its haunches, muzzle raised to the sky. It was a little lopsided and there were rough pieces where he hadn't had time to smooth the splinters. A little piece of him.

It was perfect.

My awe stretched on too long, and Seth grimaced, moving to take it back from me.

I snatched my hand back, wrapping my fingers around it safely and holding it against my chest.

I couldn't look at him as I murmured my thanks.

---

He was snoring. The sounds of sleep were not something I was used to hearing, and I was entranced as I listened to his heavy breathing, the unintelligible mumblings, the groans and murmurs. It was marveling to me that he was totally oblivious to the noises his body made as he slept.

As fascinating as his night noises were, it was his dreams that kept me by his side. I knew he'd hate it if he knew I was invading his privacy so blatantly, but I couldn't stop. I ignored the feelings of guilt as I let myself soak up the images in his head.

He was drunk, and the images were distorted and hazy from the effects of the half bottle of gasoline-like liquor he'd drunk at the beach party, but I could see me.

His dream came in flashes, split-second images that burned themselves on my brain; golden eyes, my hands reaching across our biology desk, the back of my head as I leaned down to talk to Alice, the sharp line of my jaw.

He was dreaming of me.

As I watched, he began to replay the events of the evening, as if he was flicking through an album of grainy black and white photographs. The burn of alcohol in his throat. My side profile illuminated in the glow of the bonfire. Sand between his toes. The black, incapacitating weight of nothingness.

Then me again. Strong arms. Cool comfort. Relief. An overwhelming feeling like he was home.

And something more. Something strong and undeniable.

Something from deep inside him that I recognized instantly because it was the same way I felt about him.

Need. Desire...Love.

I couldn't help but bring my hand to his slumbering form, sliding my palm along his cheek, reveling in the feel of his skin burning under my hand. Blazing heat and icy stone meeting together like fireworks, little sparks of joy against my hand, and in my heart.

"I can wait," I whispered as I stole another touch of him.

And I would. I would wait for as long as it took for him to realize what his heart already knew.

---

I came home from school to find Alice waiting for me outside my room. She was bouncing on her toes, reciting french poetry in her head - sure signs she was up to something.

I cocked my eyebrow at her. "What have you done, Alice?"

"Nothing you weren't already considering," she answered coyly.

I sighed and stepped past her to open the door to my bedroom. A bedroom that now included a king-sized bed.

Profanities were close to escaping my mouth as I took in everything. A bed; big enough for two, obviously. Black sheets. White comforter. Black velvet throw. It was masculine but still managed to look inviting. I would never admit it to Alice, but it did look quite comfortable.

"Alice!" I growled.

"I can hear Seth is almost here. We'll talk about it later, OK?" She laughed and left me standing staring at my new bed as I heard Seth's truck rumble up the driveway.

I froze, not knowing what to do. Normally, we worked in the dining room, but Seth had asked to use my computer - which was in my room. I was mortified, but there was no avoiding it. I could already hear him greeting Esme and running up the stairs.

I cringed as I heard him enter the room behind me.

"Whoa!" he breathed.

He dropped his bag on the floor and walked past me to the bed, running his finger along the cotton cover.

"This is...nice."

He didn't look shocked or upset, and I let out the breath I had been holding.

"Alice." I said simply, knowing I didn't need to explain further.

"You don't like it?" he asked.

"It's not that I don't like it," I said cautiously.

"But?"

"I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I know what it must look like, and I'm sorry. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, or feel like I'm trying to imply something." I rushed the words out in a stream of embarrassment.

"It's just a bed, Edward," Seth said. There was a glimmer in his eyes, and I tried to ignore it as I continued my word vomit.

"I think maybe Alice thought that, you know, if you ever stayed over again, if you were drunk again, or something like that, that you might want to sleep with me, I mean not like that, but here, with me..." I stared at him, my eyes wide. I suddenly understood the saying about the floor opening up and swallowing you.

His laugh was light as he sat down on the bed.

"I'm pretty sure Alice didn't buy you a brand new bed..." he paused, tapping his finger against his lips as if he was thinking, "...just in case I get drunk again."

He leaned back on his elbows and smirked, that glimmer in his eyes taunting me as he spoke again.

"In fact, I think Alice had something entirely different on her mind when she bought this bed for you, Edward."

I was completely and utterly out of my depth.

Seth was in my room, sitting on my bed, teasing me in the most awfully delicious ways. It was almost too much to bear.

He patted the bed next to him, and I went to his side; instantly, instinctively.

Within a beat of his heart, our hands and lips and tongues and breaths were intertwined. I would never, ever be able to get enough of him.

That day on our ridge, when we had kissed for the first time, was burned forever in my mind. That long awaited promise and assurance that he wanted me, in exactly the same sweet way I wanted him, was one of the most memorable experiences of my life.

That day our kisses had been tentative and careful; painted with our inexperience and insecurities. Now our embraces weren't so innocent; they burned with a hunger and a desire for more. A desire that neither of us acknowledged, but it sung to us both. It wouldn't, couldn't, be ignored for too much longer.

Seth moaned as my hands fisted in his hair. His hands clutched at me, pulling me closer, harder, hotter. Over the past few weeks, he had surprised me with a new-found confidence, his lust-laden almost-demands only making me want him more. We were both finding our way, new to it all, but it was intoxicating, and in each other's arms there was no reason to be afraid.

"Seth." I whispered his name as he kissed me along my jaw, blazing a trail of wet heat across my skin. He groaned in response before claiming my lips again. His spicy taste filled my mouth, making me think of wide open spaces and the feel of the air just before it rains. I ran my hands over every inch of him I could find, trying to remember to make my movements slow so I could better control the pressure; my greatest fear was that I would accidentally hurt him in the heat of the moment. He was gloriously soft under my roaming hands, and I memorized every line of his body as the heat of him burned through me.

I just couldn't get enough.

Suddenly, I realized something wasn't right. I pulled back.

Seth's eyes were glazed over. He wasn't breathing.

I blew on his face. "Seth! Breathe!"

He gasped.

"Breathe!" I urged as I started to panic.

He sucked in air, ragged and scratchy.

"Fuck!" he muttered, running his hands through his hair. He shot me an amused glance. "You kissed the fucking breath right out of me!"

---

My family were on an extended hunting trip in Canada. I was so used to the background hum of my family's thoughts, and the busy noises of a house full of vampires who never slept, that the house seemed eerily quiet.

Tonight, the only sounds that filled my ears were those of Seth's heavy breathing and the little moans of pleasure he made as he lay in my arms.

I let his thoughts wash over me as we kissed and explored each other's bodies. Normally, I tried to stay out of his mind as much as possible, but I knew that when we were being intimate together was when he welcomed me into his head. He loved pushing his lust through his mind to me, and being on the receiving end of his most secret desires was overwhelmingly erotic.

The images of us kissing and touching each other made me groan against his lips, and I pulled him closer to me, needing to feel the heat of him against my chest. He began to imagine what it was going to be like when we left for college in a few weeks. This was something he revisited over and over, and I shared his impatience - I couldn't wait for us to start our new life in Seattle, either. In his mind, we were holding hands walking through a campus - that wasn't too far off what UW actually looked like - then sitting together in a lecture hall. Quickly, as they always did, his thoughts spiraled out of control, and the images in his head turned to the carnal.

Only, this time they weren't vague images of the two of us in bed in an unfamiliar room. We were in my room, in my bed, lying together exactly as we were right at that moment. I watched, spellbound and bubbling with anticipation as Seth imagined us making love.

In his head, I watched the loss of our virginity; sweet kisses, tender embraces, whispered words of love. It made my heart swell as I saw how much he wanted to take the emotions that we felt for each other and transform them into something physical. The next step in our relationship - love in its most pleasurable form.

I hadn't realized I'd stopped returning his kisses, completely lost in his fantasy, until he pulled away from me, a worried look on his face.

"Do you not...?" he asked, uncertainty making his voice waver.

"I want to," I assured him as I kissed along his collarbone.

"Me, too. God! Me, too," he murmured, as I moved my lips up his neck towards the sweet spot below his ear.

The images in his mind started to replay, but this time there was a thread of uncertainty swirling across everything. I wanted this just as much as he did, and I knew it wasn't about readiness that was making him hesitate.

"I think you should be the one to..." My inexperience frustrated me; I couldn't even find the words to describe what it was I wanted. "I don't want to hurt you," I whispered.

I wanted to do that for him one day, too, but right now, our first time together, I wanted to give all of myself to him. I loved him unconditionally, with everything that I was, and this act of love was my gift to him.

He visibly relaxed at my words, and I reached across to the bedside table for the bottle of lubricant that one of my siblings, Emmett no doubt, had left in my room. I handed it to him and then rolled to face away from him, just like the images I had seen in his mind.

He left a trail of kisses along my shoulder as he slid his arm under my neck so he could pull himself closer to me. The love I could see in his thoughts, the wet heat of his breath on my skin, the soft, smooth skin of his chest against my back, his slick fingers finding me - I was overcome by the sensations, whimpering against his arm as I tried not to lose control.

He pressed against me.

"I love you," he whispered, before pushing slowly inside me.

I moaned in bliss as he stretched and filled me; the feeling of being so close, so connected to him was more amazing than I could ever have imagined.

"Fuck!" Seth muttered under his breath, his fingers digging into my hips. Agonizingly slowly, he began to move, his forehead pressed to my shoulder, his breath ragged and shaky as he rocked against me.

I had seen intimate acts numerous times in the minds of others, overheard moments of pleasure in my own house more times than I cared to recall, but none of those experiences had prepared me for how amazing it would feel to be joined together like this with Seth. The feeling of his heat moving inside me and pushing against the most sensitive and pleasurable of places, was hurtling me towards ecstasy, and as much as I tried to hold off, to bask in this delicious and overwhelming feeling for as long as I could, I knew I wouldn't last much longer.

It was too much.

He was too much.

In his mind, I could see him almost overcome by the same torturous mix of physical and emotional ecstasy that consumed me. This was more than I had ever thought possible; this beautiful, overwhelming feeling of belonging and rapture. I had never realized how perfect it would feel to be loved by Seth like this.

Too perfect.

I couldn't hold back my release any longer, and I cried out his name as my love for him burned through me; white hot bliss and stars behind my eyes. He thrust into me one more time, and I felt his body tense and shake as he pulsed inside me.

His breath was quick and fast against my skin as he peppered sweet, soft kisses along my shoulder.

"I love you, so much," I whispered, my eyes closed tight as I reveled in the after-glow of our love-making. The words suddenly seemed so inadequate to express what I was feeling. Words I had given him so many times before just didn't seem to cover the awe and wonder that swept over me when I thought about how much he meant to me. How much this had meant to me.

He pressed his lips against my back, his hand still tight on my hip, then he sighed and groaned as he pulled away from me. Instantly, I rolled over to gather his still sweaty body in my arms, not wanting to lose contact with him for even a second.

"That was..." I could see in his thoughts an almost embarrassment that it had been over in a matter of moments. I kissed the side of his head, hiding my smile against his temple as he continued, "...perfect."

A moment later, he fell asleep in his arms. I held him all night long, listening with unabashed joy to his sweet contented thoughts as he dreamed of us.

---

We'd only been at college for six months when Seth's father passed away.

He'd been sick for a long time, but it still came as a shock. Seth had always thought he would have more time.

We left an hour after his mother called. Seth stared out of the window the whole way as I drove, silent tears spilling down his cheeks, his hand clasped in mine.

Four hours later, we reached the Treaty Line, and I reluctantly pulled the Volvo over to the verge.

"Take the car. I'll run home," I said softly.

"I don't know if I can do this without you," he sobbed as I pulled him into my arms.

I fought back feelings of anger and frustration as I held him close, letting him cry against my shirt as I smoothed his hair and kissed the top of his head. I wanted so much to be there for him, to support him in every way I could; to stand next to him as he buried his father. And yet, I couldn't. Part of me was livid. His people would welcome him home with loving embraces and yet they would also deny him. Deny him, me.

Though the pain I was feeling was raw, it was nothing compared to Seth's loss and I pushed my selfish thoughts away. His father's funeral was not the time or place to make a scene, and both of us had to come to terms with the fact I couldn't go on the Reservation.

I cradled his face in my hands, gazing into his tear-filled eyes. "You can do this, Seth. I know you can. Your mother needs you. You need to be strong for her, and for me."

I kissed him, all soft apologies and regretful goodbyes, and handed him the car keys.

"I'll come whenever you need me, OK?"

He nodded as I climbed out of the car. I waited till he disappeared from my sight before I turned and ran home.

My family were pleased to see me, but their thoughts, like mine, were with Seth. I tried not to imagine what he was doing or how he was coping. I tried not to imagine him crying himself to sleep in his empty bed. I walked a fine line between sorrow and desperation, part of me always so close to speeding to where my heart lay cradled in his grieving hands.

He called the second day, and I was out the door and running to him before he'd even hung up his phone. At the same spot where every morning I had picked him up from school, he waited for me, pacing in the damp grass, his eyes on the ground.

"Seth," I breathed, my whole body tense and hurting from his absence. The sight of him, shoulders heavy with the weight of mourning and loss, made my heart clench.

A broken sob filled the air as I appeared beside him, and he fell into my arms.

"I need..." he whispered.

"I know." I pulled his hand and led him into the bush on the side of the highway. "If you phase here, we can be in the Park in under ten minutes."

He nodded, and quickly shed his clothes. I took a step back as I watched the boy I loved disappear, and my wolf emerge. I stroked the soft fur of his head as he pressed his muzzle against my side in a gesture of comfort.

We ran for hours. We ran until there was nowhere left to run to. We ran until exhaustion began to chase him across the forest floor. But for just a few short moments, it helped to ease his pain.

Too soon, I had to leave him at the Treaty Line again. My heart heavy, and my hands empty and aching for him.

The next morning, he buried his father.

I waited for him on the ridge where we'd spent so many afternoons together; where we had kissed for the first time, where he'd carved me the little wooden wolf that I carried with me always, where we'd shared so many memories and moments.

It was almost dusk before he appeared. I held him in my arms as the darkness fell into place around us.

---

We returned to Seattle, and soon found ourselves caught up in student life again. Seth, of course, was still grieving. He didn't cry again, but I noticed whenever his thoughts turned to the loss of his father, his need for me would flare. He'd cling to me, beg me never to leave him, sleep with his body wrapped around mine.

He seemed consumed with a constant need to touch me. I never left his side.

Exams loomed ahead of us, and we spent the weekend studying in the campus library. By Sunday afternoon, I could tell Seth was tired and losing concentration.

"Why don't we take a break? Would you like to go outside for awhile?" I asked him.

Every few days we went "outside" so Seth could phase. There were several National Forest Parks within an hour's drive of the city and, although we had to be more careful, there were plenty of isolated areas where he could be a wolf without being seen by hikers and tourists. It had been a couple of days since we'd headed up there, and I could tell from the way he had begun to fidget and run his hand through his hair that he needed to phase; it was almost like watching an addict. The craving to be in, and be a part of, the wilderness was a constant need that flowed in his veins.

He sighed. "Yeah, that would be good. I'll need a coffee before we go."

"Sure," I nodded as I packed up our books.

Half an hour later, I parked the car down the block from his favorite cafe. Coffee of whatever description smelled bitter and caustic to me, but he was adamant this was home to the best espresso in Seattle. Whenever he talked about it, he would get excited and animated. I would always just smile indulgently and drive him across town whenever he needed a caffeine fix.

It was raining hard, and we ran hand in hand through the puddles to reach the safety of Aro's Cafe.

Nothing would ever be the same again.

---

The night is endless black; there are no stars. The moon has fallen from the sky, and where the sun once blazed there is only the void of an eternity without him.

The loss of him brings me to my knees, and once there I grovel my way back to God. I pray and beg and make impossible promises, but He's forsaken me too. I have no soul to sell.

I try to understand, but there is nowhere to lay blame, and the anger festers like a wound against my heart. Rage boils in my veins - I want to break and burn and bleed.

Hope flickers on a distant horizon; it's all I have to cling to as I drown in my grief.

The truth is eternal. I can't live without him.

---

A/N:

As always, grateful thanks to Betham for her wonderful beta and americanizing skills.

This chapter would never have happened without Naelany and Yellowglue. You two are the best cheerleaders a girl could want. A million thank yous to you both for your help, encouragement and many pre-reads. I love that you both love these two as much as I do. x

farm3(dot)static(dot)flickr(dot)com/2490/3776991412_5fa055a87f(dot)jpg Edward's wolf carving looks something like this, but a bit more rustic and not so perfect.

Musical inspiration/playlist for this chapter: youtube(dot)com/watch?v=zI9GWamslK

Thank you for reading! Reviews are appreciated.