..Chapter Five..
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ANBU HQ 1300 Hours
The shuffling of footsteps were heard all around the florescent lit hallways. People with masks in hand, hanging about their necks and slanted across their head to reveal their features went in one direction or another. Some had their faces planted in paperwork, scrolls even, while others carried folders underneath a single arm intent on studying the contents later. Those who'd just come back from missions looked haggard, tired and in some cases coated in blood and dirt. No one batted an eyelash at the latter. You didn't get to drop into a warm bed unless you were hospitalized after a mission here. You reported in first.
There were far more members of the elite rank running around than there had been in years prior. Treaties had seen to that. But no one ever clouded themselves in the illusion that it couldn't always change at a moment's notice. The only village anyone in Konoha had any real faith in keeping good relations with was Suna.
Violet eyes smiled warmly as her lips twitched only slightly while she passed people by down the long hall. This was a sight she'd grown use to over the years. And no matter how much time passed she never grew tired of it. If she grew tired of anything it was watching as one less face appear time and time again when someone died in combat. But such feelings were suppressed, of course, in much the same fashion as a certain silver haired Jounin. She would admit she wasn't nearly as good as he was, however, if this morning were any indication.
She sighed.
He was a good friend whom she cared about dearly. She'd once been the only person to patch his broken body over and over during her time on Team Minato. Then she'd worn her heart on her sleeve. Her smile had been brighter, easier and equally giving to the three men in her life; two, of which, were now no longer with her anymore.
Her heart constricted at the pain of a long pinkened, although never entirely healed wound.
As a girl in the Academy she'd always envied him. He was something of a mystery when he was a boy. And that enigma had called out to her even while she never noticed her dearest friend's pained expression of jealousy.
He'd not once cared for her then. He never acted as if he did know how hard she tried to change that, no matter how many times she cheered him on, no matter how many times she offered to buy him a meal after training, no matter how many times she suffered his harsh ordering tone to tend his wounds.
But she never gave up on him, not once. She didn't back down from her feelings then, she hadn't been deterred. As a young girl her hope, her feelings, her love, she felt all of this was enough. She imagined then if she'd only loved him enough, if she were only there for him enough, that maybe...maybe he'd turn to her and see her as she wished him to see her, that he would turn to her with love and affection in his eyes and accept her feelings.
How wrong and naive she had been...
Obito's death left a terrible scar in the hearts of her entire team. The Third War took many lives. During a time when the Academy was flushing children out to the front lines to recoup their loses like cattle to the slaughter she should have been prepared for it. Kakashi should have been prepared for it. But none of them had been, not even Minato-sama. The boy who'd been her dearest and best friend since the first day at the Academy had been a beacon of light to the whole group. Without him... they were broken and incapable it seemed.
Minato-sama, bless him, had tried to ease the pain for them both. He'd tried any number of things to get both her and Kakashi working together better. But nothing had helped. It was hard for her to even get through an entire training session then without feeling like she was dying inside. Kakashi couldn't seem to function either, although he did an admirable job of trying to hide it.
When Minato-sama announced he was leaving the team to become Hokage she'd been both heartbroken and happy. Happy because her sensei was going to take on a title and responsibility he truly deserved and would handle well. Heartbroken because... without him... there was little hope left of the team functioning at all. He'd been the last shred holding them together. She assumed the only reason Kakashi had even continued on with her was because of Minato-sama's presence.
She waited for weeks and months afterward for him to break the news to her. She waited for him to tell her he was quitting the pathetic excuse of a two man team. But he didn't. For whatever damned reason he didn't. And so she trudged on relentlessly. She followed his orders without question. She patched up his wounds and her own without a word of objection. While she was glad he didn't leave her she couldn't deny the fact that then, more than ever before, had she needed him.
She couldn't voice her pain then. She couldn't find comfort in him then. He all but remained impassive and cold towards her. His orders like ice and his actions more automatic than anything else. She didn't know if he'd stuck with her because he knew she needed him that much at least, because he needed her or because he didn't want to go through the hassle of dealing with a new team when it was easier because she knew how he operated.
Rin... became a shell. A pale after image of her former self. Worse even when the Kyuubi attacked, when Minato-sama died, when Kushina-sama died and all they had left of their loved ones was the blond baby with whiskered marks on his face.
The pain of that night had hurt her so badly she couldn't even find the need to cry. She couldn't find the will to argue with Kakashi when he told her that he, finally, was leaving the team to join ANBU.
For a year after that she'd worked at the hospital and nothing more outside those three story alabaster walls. She worried about him relentlessly. Her soul died every moment someone fell under her careful hands, seeing not just his face, but Obito's tearing through her like a rusted kunai.
She hadn't wanted to keep going on like that, but she didn't have anyone to pull her out of the darkness either. Nothing could repair the pain and hate she felt within her being over the loss of not just two, but three loved ones.
Or so she thought.
Six months after she started work at the hospital her supervisor had slowly come to notice her. She watched Rin with the eyes of a mother hen, but kindly never asked her anything. But those watchful eye didn't need to. She quickly urged a change of position for young Rin to the Director. The violet eyed Jounin, then, found herself moved from the heartbreaking surgery ward... to the children's ward.
Apparently the healing a smile did coming from the faces of such innocents could mend almost any broken heart. It took weeks and weeks of aiding, healing and communicating with the young ones who were there for any number of reasons. Some of them would never walk again. Some were born with defects that would have them in a bed for the rest of their lives. Others still were born with a disease that would have them knocking on death's door before they even reached the age of five. But one thing remained the same with all of them, one thing never changed and it was that one thing that had her heart moving in another direction.
Their eyes all held... hope.
No matter how bleak it got, no matter how much pain those kids endured, no matter how many times their bodies were put through painful operations to keep them alive they still smiled, they still persevered, they still hoped.
How could she, alive, well and fully able to live on in the face of these kids and their pain, a pain far worse than her own, even consider being so pitiful and selfishly depressed?
It brought her to tears, forced her to break down for the first time since Obito's savage death. It forced her to admit her pain and overcome it. To learn from it and become a better person because of it. And she did on her own.
Without Kakashi.
The day she regained her strength was the day she applied for ANBU. Eighteen years later and here she was,proud and on the top her game as the Director of Mission Operations in ANBU HQ. It was her duty to divvy out missions to the the agents best suited for the job by analyzing their specialties and qualifications. Each day scrolls were piled on her desk directly from the Hokage's office. It was also her objective to receive applications and discern based on the applicant's file whether they were qualified for ANBU. Almost sixty percent of the men and women running about the base that very moment had once had their own files come across her desk for that very thing.
Of course, she wasn't the deciding factor in their passing. That was entirely on them and a council of high ranking ANBU members. Their team captain or sensei would be responsible for submitting his or her review of the trainee. Their tests, both verbal and physical were taken into account and it was then decided if they were indeed ready. The two tests themselves were just to weed out those who were obviously incapable of the high stress duties. Giving them a six month period as a trainee gave them ample time to get a taste for the tasks they would perform and the opportunity to quit if they felt they were not ready for it.
It was easy to say... there were many in that time who flaked out once they learned even going from Jounin to ANBU was like taking a twenty foot leap with your chakra blocked and your hands tied behind your back.
It was a rank she prided herself on most especially.
She stretched her arms upward, elongating her body as she stepped past the large threshold to her secretary's office. It was one room just before her own closed off one. She was a tad surprised and relieved there was no one waiting to speak with her in one of the few chairs. Today she really just wanted to get the missions sent out, over and done with. More often than naught the chances of an applicant crossing her desk were rare indeed. She got, perhaps, one a week or every two weeks.
Her secretary, a woman named Himoko, smiled brightly at her as she stood up. However, Rin didn't miss the nervousness in her eyes. "Rin-sama, the mission scroll count today is ten. I've placed them on your desk, as you prefer."
Her brows rose when she stopped just before her door. "Really? That little?" She was surprised and pleased. This meant her time in the office would be cut in half today. She might actually get to leave with rest of her peers for once.
"Y-yes.. however..." The woman looked nervous.
"Hm?"
She sighed. "I tried to tell him to wait outside, Rin-sama, but he would not listen. He insisted waiting in your office would not bother you."
"Who?"
"A retired member of ANBU, Rin-sama. He came in carrying an applicant folder and insisted on seeing you. When I told him you weren't in yet he said he would wait for you. In your office." She bit her lower lip. "I tried everything I could to--."
Rin just smiled. "It's alright, Himi-san. I doubt very seriously this man has done anything wrong. Although in the future if you have trouble keeping people out of my office you are within your rights to call security, you know?"
"Y-yes,... Rin-sama." She appeared embarrassed by that knowledge.
Rin nodded. "No harm done." She turned the knob to her office and entered swiftly. She raised a brow at the silver patch of hair sitting across from her large desk but did not stop her quick movement to the other side.
She took a seat and made herself comfortable as she addressed him with a enigmatic smile. "Well, this is unexpected. For what reason do I owe the pleasure of such a visit, Kakashi?"
He looked more haggard than usual, she noted as she took in his tired features. Kakashi always had a lazy, just-got-out-of-bed look about him; as if, he were one foot in the grave and the other half in a comfy mattress. But he wasn't without a fair smile, a good smirk or even a cheerful, sarcastic comment. Aside from today it was rather rare she ever saw him so depressed. One could tell he held a lot of weight on his shoulders. He'd done a lot of healing since taking on a Genin team...a lot more than she'd ever done, she noted with a suppressed sigh.
He leaned forward and reached out, placing two files on her desk.
She looked down at the both of them. One was obviously an applicant file and the other was a personal file. She looked up and raised a brow. When he did nothing more aside from cross his arms over his chest she shrugged and opened the applicant file. It all appeared in order. She didn't bother looking at the name, assuming very well she knew who this was for. The applicant file was shut and moved aside as she opened the personal file.
She blinked as the name flashed out at her. "Haruno.. Sakura?" she asked in disbelief. She looked up at him. "This woman is your team mate? The Hokage Godaime's apprentice? She is the one who wants to join ANBU... as.." she swiftly returned her attention back to the applicant file, "an ANBU Medical Nin?" she finished in disbelief.
"Yes," he answered, narrowing his eye. "You sound surprised. I told you this morning--."
She nodded, waving a hand at him in interruption. Her brow furrowed and her lips pursed. "Of course," she began, "but I had no idea she was your team mate."
He arched a brow. "Didn't you?"
She scowled as his assuming tone. "I spend ninety percent of my time behind these doors, Kakashi. The other ten percent is divvied out between hospital visits, what sleep I can manage at home, training for myself and finally--when it suits me--some time saying hello to you. I have little left to know the details of your subordinates, your team mates." She frowned. "Furthermore, you aren't exactly known for divulging information about anyone to anyone, even myself, unless it's apart of the job."
He sighed, slouching further. "Very well, point taken."
She sighed also and stared down at the paperwork. "I'm curious, what made you change your mind?"
"Who says I have?"
"You signed her application, you brought her personal file, I'd say that's evidence enough, wouldn't you?" Her eyes drew up to his own single orb of dark grey. He met her gaze and she held it curiously. The clock on her wall ticked on in the background. The small fountain a friend had purchased her for Christmas one year trickled behind her on a shelf. Her lips pursed and she realized just what he was trying to say with his silence.
"You want me to decline her." It wasn't a question. "You know I can't do that, Kakashi." She swept her hand across Sakura's personal file, her stats. "The woman is an exceptional shinobi. She has above average scores in taijutsu and ninjutsu, extraordinary ones in genjutsu, medical and technical-strategical studies. She has all the qualifications I'd be looking for, actually seeking out, in not only a future captain, but a medical nin most especially." She paused to meet his gaze once more as she emphasize her next words. "I cannot, will not, turn her down. You must think me--."
"It's not that," he muttered darkly. "She's not..."
Rin smiled knowingly. "She's what?"
Silence.
"You don't think she's capable of completing 'those' missions, am I correct?"
"...Yes."
Rin nodded. "I can understand your fear over this." She did. "But this is my job, Hatake. You can't expect me to refuse her. If my superiors ever found out and I didn't have a good reason to put down on file I could be reprimanded, removed even. Give me a one and I'll consider it."
He sighed, easily understanding. He'd been more than prepared for this part of the meeting with her. The woman before him had grown a lot in the time he'd known her; they both had.
"Sakura is, in my opinion, not ready for the physical and emotional demands of the missions she will, at some point in the future, have to undertake. She's been a Jounin for a long time now and she's never volunteered for them. Not once."
Rin nodded. "We have some applicants who never have, Kakashi."
He was overcome by the sudden urge to hit something, demand something. But he knew he couldn't. Because the moment he did Rin would--.
"I tell you what, Kakashi... "
His single eye drew up to her two.
She smiled. "In this case, because you are an old friend, I will do something for you." At his confused yet hopeful look she shook her head. "I won't deny her, so don't get your hopes up. But," she continued, "what I will do is speak with her and determine for myself if she is in fact ready. I have to do that anyway. Although, normally I don't take the task so personally, I will in this particular case.
"And if she changes her mind after I lay all of it out for her, well? Then you'll have nothing to worry about. However," she went on, her eyes narrowing on him, "if she still wants to be ANBU I expect you to take on her sponsorship as you've promised." When he said nothing, as if considering her offer she spoke again. "That's my final offer, Kakashi. Take it or leave it."
His jaw tightened and she knew this was a sign that he hated being shoved into a corner. Although she doubted he would renege on his sponsorship even if Rin hadn't made her offer; it was obvious that while he assumed she might have refused the pinkette that he didn't like the idea of her doing this with anyone but himself.
She knew why. It was all too close to home for him to do anything else. She doubted he wanted any of his teammates joining ANBU.
"Alright," he finally replied.
She nodded. "I'll speak with her after work this evening."
He stood and headed for the door.
"Kakashi?"
He paused, his hand resting on the silver knob.
"You've spent very little time with your team since they turned sixteen, haven't you?" She didn't expect an answer. However, he wasn't leaving just yet so this was a good sign he was taking in her words. Her eyes turned towards an old photo on her desk; a photo of herself and Kakashi just after he'd made ANBU. It was one of the few times she'd smiled during those days, and even then it'd been forced. In the background, speaking with someone else in the photo, she noted a man. Her eyes turned painful and as she stared onward.
"Your Taichou seems nice..."
"He's... amazing."
Her eyes burned with suppressed emotions as she swallowed, ripped her gaze from the photo and turned to his taunt back. She could see that even with his Jounin vest on.
She didn't know what to say to him. She hadn't known what to say to him then... would she ever? Were there even words available to somehow make it better? No, nothing could make something like that better. Sometimes... sometimes she wished it had been her...
"You're a better shinobi than that, Kakashi," she whispered softly, deeply as she tried to broach the topic with him again as she had many times before since that night. "He can't hurt...," she tried to keep from choking on her words as she spoke with honesty. "He can't hurt anyone anymore," she continued, obviously amending her original statement.
She wasn't too surprised to see his departing back before the door finally shut softly behind him, leaving her staring at wooden barrier a tad longer than she should.
Oh, sempai..., she said within her thoughts, the life of a shinobi is never simple...
ooo
Sakura shifted where she sat, but tried very hard to remain still under the charcoal-eyed boy's scrutinizing gaze. She did her best to keep her facial expression forlorn and aching as she pressed her hand more delicately into the window pane. Her eyes remained soft and near tears as she stared out at the impending storm.
"Perfect," she heard him whisper as she dared not move, despite the urge to smile at his unchecked enthusiasm. Smiling would ruin it completely. At least until he was done with her face. He would tell her when she could relax that at least.
"I was correct, the color is exactly right for you. The red brings out the blush in your skin and heightens your hair color," he went on, sketching away.
She could hardly resist the momentary upturning of her lips, though easily bashed such an expression away. Sai was honest to a fault, at least with those he considered allies. She'd love to get an eyeful of the work, but would wait until he was done.
She was comfortable anyway. The material of the kimono, hanging seductively off her shoulders and barely revealing the curl of her breasts felt lovely. It bore no obi and draped even looser about her waist. One leg hung, toes grazing the wooden floor below the window seat. Part of her thigh and calf were visible on either leg. The other was bent and her bare hand, arm also free from the kimono, rested carelessly on her knee. The elbow of that arm covered her bare breasts from view.
Overall, the final piece would leave much to the imagination.
"To be honest I'm surprised you agreed," Sai said, letting her now it was alright to speak. He must be done capturing her face.
"I don't mind, really," she replied, still looking out the window. "It's tasteful."
He smiled, moving to add in the detail of her kimono to the piece. "You do of course realize millions of readers will see this?"
"Yes."
"And you're ok with that? I could change the coloring..."
She shook her head. "No, I need to get over it."
He nodded, and kept his eyes on his work as he spoke with her. "This will be on the front cover."
"I know." She gave a soft smile, an unsure one. "You told me as much."
Sai's pencil halted on the outline of her thigh. "We'll work our way up to the nudes."
Her eyes, her face, turned to fully look at him. They narrowed in thought as Sai slowly went back to his work, not saying much else. If it were anyone else who'd said that to her she was sure she would have left right then. But it wasn't just anyone. This was Sai, of all people. He had the restraint of a tree when it came to sex. He treated his second profession as he treated his first profession; business-like and direct. He wouldn't take advantage of her body like this.
As such, all considered, she treated the half order half question with a nod to show her agreement.
Her eyes turned back to the window and her mind drifted. "Sai... does Root require its members to do seduction missions?"
"Why do you ask?" He stopped again and looked up at her quizzically. He noted the curiosity in her features and the nervousness laden in her eyes. It was then he realized the direction, the meaning, of her question. "We do, yes."
"How did you keep from taking them?" Her voice was soft.
He raised a brow and stopped his work again, confused. "I'm not sure I understand..."
She sighed and her lashes lowered part way over her emerald depths. "How did you go so long in Root without doing a seduction mission?"
"I didn't."
She blinked and her eyes flashed to his laughing features, his crinkled eyes turned into upside down smiles. "But... I thought..."
"You misunderstand, Sakura. I said I lacked experience with dating and desire for another human being. I lack experience in gaining compliments from those I consider close to me. I never said I lacked experience of a physical nature."
Her brow furrowed. "But... well... your a man." She blinked, perplexed. "I mean... I've done extensive research medically as a doctor... I know in order for a man to perform he has to be aroused in some way..."
He nodded. "You're correct. However, in Root as well as in ANBU, there are certain jutsus one can use to... help," he murmured.
Her eyes softened. "I had no idea... I'm... sorry.. I.."
He shook his head. "Don't be, Blossom. There's nothing degrading about--at all. Emotionally, I am trained to block such things out," he murmured, looking towards a wall as his eyes narrowed.
"Still..."
He shook his head again, locking his eyes on her own. "It's much easier when you're prepared for it, Sakura. It's not nearly as bad as you think. And no one ever goes on one of those missions without a partner."
She could tell he wanted to change the subject and remained silent after a brief nod. When she turned back to look out the window she was comforted by the sound of a pencil running across parchment. So much so that the sudden knock from her font door made her jump.
"I'll get it," he offered, already standing and setting his sketchbook aside. Sai walked the span of her living room and towards her front door. He undid the lock and opened it with a smile tracing across his features. A woman about his height with dark hair and violet eyes met his gaze with a smile of her own.
"I hope I'm not interrupting... but I need to speak with Sakura."
Sai looked over his shoulder. "Someone's here to see you."
"Who?" she called out, not moving from her place.
Sai turned back to the woman expectantly.
The corner of her lips twitched. "The Director of ANBU Mission Operations."
Hearing this Sakura's eyes went wide. "Let her in Sai!" She felt horribly rude for leaving the woman at the door, outside. Even under the cover of her awning, even though it wasn't raining yet, she felt terrible.
Sai stepped aside, sweeping his arm to allow her entrance.
Rin stepped past the threshold and nodded a thank you at the young man. Once she entered the living room she found herself blinking at a woman with pink locks staring out the window looking awfully depressed. What's more, her attire had her taking pause, half dressed as she was. Her eyes drew towards the male shinobi as he came to stand next to her, still sporting a smile.
"Um... I wasn't interrupting anything... was I?" she edged quietly.
"Not at all. Sai needed a model for Jiraiya-sama's latest edition. I just wasn't sure if I should move yet," she answered with a small smile.
"It's alright," Sai allowed, cleaning up his things and putting his chair back at the petite dining table. "I'm done for the day. We can finish up later."
Sakura nodded and stood, carefully pulling the garment more thoroughly around her form before she faced them. Once she did she addressed Sai. "If you give me a moment I can change and--."
He waved a hand for her to stop. "Don't worry about it. Keep it on hand until we finish. I think I'll end up using it in some way for the rest of our work."
"Very well," she agreed with a soft tint of pink on her cheeks. "Do you need me to walk you to the door?"
"I know my way out," he replied, already leaving.
She sighed at the back of his form and shook her head. Her eyes swiftly turned to the woman before her. "I apologize. If I'd known you were coming I would have been better prepared. It's rare I have two days off in a row after morning training sessions with my team... so we decided it was as good a time as any for us to do this."
Rin found herself smiling brilliantly at her enthusiasm. "No, don't worry about it. I just assumed he was your boyfriend."
Sakura grinned as well. "I can see how you would walking in on that. Well, no. Don't get me wrong, Sai is beautiful. Actually, it should be crime the guy has such good looks and...well, he use to have terrible manners." She rolled her eyes. "I'm rambling."
"Not at all," Rin murmured.
"He can't help it, truthfully. He use to be ANBU Root. Once you get to know him though, he's probably the best friend you'll ever find yourself in the company of," she finished. "At any rate, would you like something to drink? Eat? I haven't made dinner yet and I don't mind making something for you if you'd care to join me.."
Dinner sounded lovely, Rin realized as her stomach grumbled at the very thought of it.
Sakura smiled cheekily. "I'll understand though if you don't have much time."
"I wouldn't mind at all," she replied truthfully. "I don't usually get out of work this early. My dinners generally consist of energy bars and protein shakes."
"I know the felling. Well," Sakura answered, "let me change and I'll fix us something. Sai would kill me if I ruined this. You can take a seat at the table.. or the living room. The TV remote is on the coffee table if you want to watch something to pass the time."
Rin opted for the dining table. The wooden chair creaked only slightly as she sat down and got comfortable. She sighed as she scanned the room around her. Sakura did her home no differently than any other young woman at her age. She spoke clearly and intelligently. Her first impression of her was not bad at all, truthfully.
The girl surprised her when she first came in, garbed as she was and posing near the window. It was rather obvious by her later blush that she wasn't entirely use to allowing her body to be so easily analyzed, but it was also quite obvious she wasn't without experience either.
Then again, Rin knew his real reasons for not wanting her on the elite unit. She couldn't let it cloud her judgment.
When Sakura came back out to greet her she was dressed in civilian clothing. It was nothing more than a simple white T-shirt as jeans. Dinner didn't take all that much time to make either and before long she found herself talking with the pinkette over a good meal.
"You have to know I didn't just come down here to say hi. But, before we go any further," she smiled. "My name is Rin. You already know who I am."
Sakura nodded, flushing slightly. "Again, I'm sorry about earlier."
"Don't worry about it. I wasn't the least bit put off, Sakura."
"That's good..." she replied. "I take it your here because Kakashi-sensei turned in my application?"
"I am."
"I'm curious though... couldn't you of just called me into your office?"
Rin sighed. "I could have yes... but I told your sponsor I'd have a more personal chat with you about the finer details of ANBU." At the frown she asked, "Does that bother you?"
"Not really... I just wish he'd have more faith in me," she admitted.
Rin bit back her automatic reply that it really had nothing to do with his faith in her at all, but something more personal. Even if she had a right to know, it was not her place to say why. And hopefully, Kakashi would eventually be forced to tell her himself. But... she doubted that as well. If he didn't like talking to her about it, someone who knew the details... he was sure to avoid revealing it to Sakura.
"I think you're more than capable of doing well in the unit. For now it's my opinion that matters."
Sakura smiled at that, moving food around on her plate. "I suppose that's something."
Rin returned it as she set down her chopsticks and took a small sip from her drink. "I've been told you've never volunteered for seduction missions. Now, I don't need you to explain why. Everyone has their own personal reasons and it matters very little to me. There's no shame in doing them or not doing them. But, you do realize these will be required of you in ANBU? You'll have to accomplish at least one before you're released from trainee status."
"I've been told," she replied stoically.
"And you're ok with that knowledge?"
Sakura sighed. "Is anyone ever ok with that?" She didn't give her a chance to reply. "You're talking about having sex with men I don't even know. Some of these men might be twenty years older than me. Some might be two years younger than me. Some might not even be men at all.
"Am I ok with it? No. Not at all," she finished, sternly. "However..." she said in softer tone. "I promised myself when I joined Team Seven, when I learned of the pain my boys endure, I wouldn't be weak anymore. I refuse to be left behind. And if sacrificing my body is the price I must pay to gain what I want? So be it.
"I need to grow up and get over my own stupid ideals. I need to change my way of thinking and quit being so damned selfish. I chose to be a shinobi, I chose to be a Chuunin and a chose to be Jounin. I chose to become a medical nin. I accepted that I would have to do things I didn't want to when I achieved these ranks, things I didn't believe myself ready for." Her eyes locked on Rin's. "And that's how I look at this. That is how I look at this part of becoming ANBU. It's a challenge I must overcome. This is a part of my pride I must place aside for the sake of my friends and myself," she whispered. "I can't go on being that girl anymore... And I think this is the one small part that's left of her."
Rin was taken aback by her bold, honest and strong reply. For a good minute she wasn't sure how to respond to such an open hearted confession. Haruno Sakura was far stronger than she allowed herself to believe. But she was also very humble and quite noble. Rin found herself admiring her spirit and her courage.
She could see in some small way why Kakashi didn't want her ANBU.
It wasn't just his past.
He didn't want to see her spirit crushed.
Oh, but how wrong he would be. Haruno Sakura was a whole other breed than what he imagined. She wouldn't be broken. She would never be broken. She would overcome and persevere. And Rin prayed she lived long enough to see her bloom from a bud and into a fully formed, strong and confident blossom. One that stood out in field of millions and faced all odds as a wild rose would the heat of the desert.
Rin smiled and finally regained her senses. "I can see now you won't be deterred. Good." She nodded. "There are a few other things I need to tell you about that particular area of the training."
"I'm listening."
"Years ago in ANBU your sponsor or your sensei in lock down would physically train you for the seduction arts. This caused quite a few problems later on. People who were not ready for the rank got attached on both ends. Emotions were involved, people's hearts got shattered. In some cases they became severely uncomfortable with that form of training and quit the shinobi life altogether. Fight broke out between loved ones... it was all very bad.
"Suffice it to say, seeing the face of the one who did such things to you day in and day out isn't as easy as simply leaving them behind in another part of the world or dead.
"We don't so that anymore. We do, however, train you for body language, acting and assuming a false role. We educate you by means of books on what parts of the body do what and how each sex acts differently to certain... actions. But I'm sure you know all about that being a medical nin."
Sakura nodded, looking half relieved.
"We can't prepare you for your first mission of that nature... not wholly. But we can make it easier for you by providing counseling and extended time off afterward. Not only that, but I don't think I have to tell you missions of this nature pay very well. After only five of them some shinobi simply retire and never work again unless the situation is drastic; such as, an invasion on Konoha."
Sakura's eyes went wide. "Truly?"
"Yes," Rin replied. "But that's entirely up to you. Now," she continued, "after hearing all of this are you still confident in your choice? Do you still wish to become ANBU?"
Sakura hesitated.
"Take your time..." Rin assured her. "It's not easy to process all that. Some applicants ask for a few days when given the same warnings."
Sakura considered it. She considered everything she'd thought about over the past few days and what she'd told Sai, Rin and Kakashi. She recalled the anger she felt over his actions and his words. She recalled why she felt she needed, no, wanted to do this.
In the end it wasn't just about her boys, even if they played a rather large role in her choice. This was about her and her wish to become stronger, faster and better.
Looking at Rin she nodded. "Yes, I'm still sure."
Rin tried very hard not to allow her smile to turn into a full fledged grin. She didn't need to look like a smiling idiot in front of someone a good many years her junior. "I'll send your paper work through first thing tomorrow." What she didn't tell her is that it would be sent post-haste. "You should then expect to be contacted by your sponsor a few days from now about the details." Not that he would lkie it very much, she imagined.
"Thank you," Sakura murmured as she stood up with her and followed her to the door. "Is there anything else I need to know?"
Rin stopped at the door and smiled as she faced it, her back to the girl while she held it open.
"Be ready for anything."