..Chapter Eight..
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In all time he'd known her, come to know her until this point thus far, she'd been meek. She'd been unsure of herself. She'd been they type of shinobi he'd never really expected to get very far even under Tsunade's wing outside of the hospital. He assumed she'd stick herself in a lab for the rest of her days. He assumed she'd marry some nice gent, settle down far from the battlefield when it became too hard for her to juggle all of it at once.
He didn't think ill of her, quite the opposite. There was nothing disgraceful in his eyes in going down that path. Nothing at all.
But of all the scenarios he'd played out in his head in regards to her since he'd distanced himself from the team for the last ten years or less... none of them included this.
At all.
He didn't want her to join ANBU. He didn't want to sponsor her. He didn't want to watch her break and bend to the whims the career demanded. He wasn't sure how he would be reacting if it were one of the boys. He doubted very seriously he'd of done to either of them what he'd done to her up against that tree after she'd proudly proclaimed her choice with a conviction he didn't know she'd had in her.
The very thought of what he'd done to her that morning after the guys had left had his insides twisting in disgust. It had him recoiling even as he had done it. He'd told himself then he'd done it to scare her. And he had scared her. He just hadn't planned on her turning the tables on him like that.
This woman, daring him with her very presence, was not the girl he knew.
The very sight of her in an ANBU class uniform, conforming to her every curve had him feeling things he considered wrong to feel in her regard. She was to be his subordinate, his teammate. She'd been his student, for Kami's sake.
He didn't want to find her scent enticing. He didn't want to find the feel of her body so perfect against his own. He didn't want to fight the urge to rip his mask from his face and touch his bare lips to her own.
Alas, Kakashi wasn't thinking much of any of this as his hands roved her body, setting her flesh aflame as well as his own.
His mind was void of anything but the budding ecstacy.
His slender gloved digits dug into her buttocks painfully as he pressed her hips into the evidence of his desire. His nipped at her lips as he heard her sigh of pleasure. He nearly groaned into her throat, where his lips had traveled to, when she pressed her hips back to meet his own.
They were bloody. They were sweating. They were dripping with the aftermath of their fight and reeling in the raw feeling pouring out physically. It wasn't about love. It wasn't about the emotions of what could be. Neither of them thought beyond the point of unbridled need.
Pain mixed with lust, lust mixed with sweat, ache mixed with desire and resolved into something else entirely.
Growling into her throat he rolled her over and thrust into her hips. Their hands mingled and mixed as they both reached to remove their respective armored tops.
The second he could feel her rounded breasts fully, between the thin material of their ebony tops, was the second he felt driven over an edge he didn't even realize he was falling towards.
She wasn't wearing binding.
A free hand caressed animalistically up her side as she arched into him, his lips on her neck. While she gave him more access he cupped her. His fingers pawed and pinched what lay beneath. His other hand held firmly to her side, her hip, and drove his need into her in a way that would leave himself blushing to see it written in the pages of Icha Icha.
His lips found hers again and the swift movement and their position both had his mask falling from his face. This time when his lips met hers there were no barriers.
Liquid heat.
Soft, succulent, liquid heat.
He growled and rammed into her again, making her cry out in want.
The feelings, the sounds, the smells that were all her made him forget himself. He lost track of what he was doing and didn't care because he was lost on her. He was drowning in her, bathing in her. More than likely someone could come upon them now, even Naruto, and he wouldn't skip a beat.
He wouldn't stop.
Stop.
Oh, god... he jolted at the word hit him full force.
No more!
He reeled back on his haunches and fell without thinking properly. He crawled away from her, shaking, as if a demon possessed. His breath became erratic and short. His heart hastened in his chest. His fingers dug into the dirt as he took in sharp, quick, breaths.
Images flashed before his mind's eye as he shakily drew his mask back up over his face, trying to hide his raw vulnerability. He tried to quell his shudders. He tried to force down his pains and fears.
He barely registered her moving to sit up. He didn't even feel her as she came towards him, concern etching her features. He couldn't hear her as she called his name out loud. And when she touched him he flinched, jumping to move away from her again. The burn of her caress didn't help anything. It made it all worse.
"Don't," he snapped like a caged animal, ready to run as she drew close to him on the ground. He tensed up as she stopped mid movement. He held his breath as her hand remained in the air, inches from him.
He couldn't breathe as her eyes caught his, concerned and worried.
"Don't," he whispered, failing at hiding the fear in his voice. His breath hitched as he drew into her gaze, catching the deeply ridden questions there. His insides were begging and bleating in two different directions. The need to have her touch him and the need to have her stop altogether. Much like his own fears, they ran in a split.
She didn't speak, but her lips were parted. She didn't move, but her hand remained inches from him. He could feel the heat of her, the warmth her embrace would surely provide if she didn't listen to him. He watched as her chest heaved, as her heartbeat raced, as her pulse thumbed in her throat. It was moist and slick from where he'd lapped at her jugular.
She was beautiful.
And he didn't deserve her.
He wasn't suppose to want her. He wasn't suppose to kiss her her. He wasn't suppose to find find physical comfort in her arms, in her flesh. He wasn't suppose to find it breathtaking that she sat before him, bloody and aching with a flush and a sheen of sweat coating her from their fighting, their near loving making.
He was suppose to change her mind. He was suppose to push her away. He was suppose to keep his distance.
She didn't speak and it daunted him. He wanted her to say something. He wanted her ask something. He wanted her to prod him with so many damning questions he became angry and shoved her from his life. He wanted to hurt her in a way that would make her never come near him again. He wanted to yell at her. He wanted to frighten her so badly that she ran so far he knew she would be safe.
But he couldn't speak and she wasn't asking anything. He couldn't move and she wasn't leaving. His eyes shut closed and he flexed his jaw, as if the action would will him to go, to speak to find the strength to get her away.
Run, his mind whispered. Leave!
He froze.
His body flexed and tightened in an unnatural manner as a warmth encompassed him from behind. Arms curled about his midsection and pulled him towards a strong, female chest. Thighs wrapped about his hips and tugged his lower back into a toned abdomen.
His breath caught short and for the first time in a long time Hatake Kakashi didn't know how to react. He held it all in for as long as he could manage, trying to come up with some way to move, to run to shove her away.
But he couldn't.
He found himself unable to stop his body from relaxing into her embrace. He found himself unable to stop himself from feeling comforted by her touch. He found himself unable to stop himself from releasing all the ache and pain in his body and allowing her to take it from him with her empathy.
He didn't know why she was doing it.
He didn't know if he should question it himself.
He knew when this was over he'd never speak of it. He'd interrupt her and change the topic if she ever brought it up.
His hand lifted, shakily inching it's way upward as if he were unsure of what to do. Leather and flesh touched. A palm curled over her own. His fingers tangled into hers. He remained silent as she relaxed her hand and accommodated for him. He felt overwhelmed with an emotion he couldn't place as she flexed her hand against his own, as if to tell him...
I'm here...
In that moment something changed. He would tell himself for weeks to come that he'd finally accepted the fact that no matter what he did to her she wouldn't run. He would convince himself that she was just too stubborn to listen to him. He would tell himself that he would do whatever it took to keep her safe. He ignored the fact that the girl behind him, the woman, would eventually have to do what he didn't want her to.
He shut it from his mind. He locked it away and allowed it to remain there.
Soon, he told himself, he would push her away. Soon he would disentangle himself from her embrace....
Soon.
ooo
Seconds turned into minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days and days to weeks. And those weeks added up into nearly five months for Sakura. The first day she entered HQ had been a day that would forever live in her memory. Never in life had she realized jut how many agents worked in ANBU. It looked an awful lot like the Hokage tower with all the people coming and going. Some came for briefings, others to drop off reports. Others still were there to pick up mail and to talk with fellow shinobi in the lounge.
She wouldn't call it her favorite place to be, but it was a little more than overwhelming. And the looks she got. It was insane the first day, people staring at her like she's grown a third eye. She couldn't understand why. She hadn't until she'd managed some conversation with another woman in the mail office picking up her letters.
"Sakura, right..?"
The pinkette smiled. "Last I heard."
"You're the new medical nin, right? The Hokage's apprentice?"
So many questions. She supposed that was to be expected. "I am."
The woman had narrowed her eyes then and looked about them as if fearing someone might hear her. Quietly, she leaned closer to Sakura and asked, "Kakashi-sempai is your sponsor, right?"
"Yeah... why?" Now she was curious.
"How did you do it?"
"Do what?"
The woman looked frustrated and giddy at once. "To agree to be your sponsor, of course. Why do you think everyone keeps staring at you?"
Sakura nodded, lips pursing. "I had been wondering about that. I thought it was normal for newbies, or something."
"No," the woman replied, shaking her head. "When we all first heard about we thought it was just gossip. Some people still think it is. But then when Rin-sama scheduled 'Kakashi's subordinate' for medical testing downstairs that pretty much proved it.
"He hasn't been in ANBU for at least.." the girl had looked to be pondering a moment, calculating. "Something like, twenty years? I mean, no one knows why for sure he quit... he was on the top of his game. He'd barely been a captain for a month."
Sakura blinked at the revelation. She'd known Kakashi had once been a captain in ANBU... but for only a month? How..why? Why would he quit? What would make the strong shinobi go from the top to teaching Genin? What was there to gain from it for himself? It seemed obvious by the direction of his career he'd wanted to be great. Maybe he'd had something to prove like Sasuke?
"Are you sure?" Sakura asked the girl.
"About?"
"Are you sure no one knows why he quit?"
The girl shook her head. "No, not really. There was a rumor going around for a time though. Something about a young man being murdered on his team by another Leaf nin... but nothing more than that.
"Since he went back on active duty as a Jounin without a team people have been trying to get him to sponsor them. Each time he said no. That's why everyone keeps eyeing you. I'm fairly certain more than handful of them are jealous."
"Of me?" she whispered with surprise.
"Oh, definitely." She nodded swiftly. "Is that surprising?" She grinned. "Never mind. It's obvious by the look on your face it is. But tell me... did he nominate you or did you ask him?"
That was easy to answer. "I asked him."
"Wow... huh," she murmured. Then her mind seemed to drift as she thought. "Wait... say, if your the Hokage's apprentice... Weren't you a member of Team Kakashi?" She snapped her fingers before Sakura could reply. "You are. Well, that explains it. You've known him a fairly long time. You probably know him better than most people."
Sakura bit back a reply. "Yeah... I suppose..."
The older ANBU looked down at her watch. "Damn. I gotta go. Nice talking to you, Sakura-san! Good luck with Kakashi-sempai!" Then she was gone.
The information the woman had given her about him had her perplexed though. He'd lost a teammate to a fellow Leaf nin? Was that what he'd meant all those years ago about losing his loved ones? Was that the reason he didn't want her on the team?
These questions plagued her for days and weeks on end. She never questioned him though. She didn't ask during training or missions and she didn't want to inquire to anyone else in HQ.
The first day she'd been given the medical test she'd rolled her eyes and asked for all of them right there. She'd run through all of them as if a duck would take to water the first time. The supervisor for the written exams hadn't looked too shocked when she had, knowing who she'd been trained by. He'd taken them two hours later and bid her farewell.
Anything in the past few years Tsunade had thrown at her made the few written exams they'd given her look like child's play. She realized she still had a physical tests to do, but that couldn't be taken until she had to take her overall exam for the rank itself.
Kakashi wasn't as big of an ass to her as he had been the first day, but he hadn't let up either. If anything he became more demanding of their training sessions and extremely critical. It reminded her a lot of her Shishou, but it wasn't anything she couldn't handle. She was too happy that he was finally taking her seriously to be mad about the details.
She wanted him to push her. She wanted him to demand more of her. It was why she'd joined ANBU in the first place.
She couldn't say she was exactly disappointed that they didn't have anymore of the moments like they'd shared the first day. But she wasn't sure how she felt. She never spoke about it and he didn't bring it up. Since then they'd grown moderately comfortable with one another. But, it wasn't like it had been when she was a Genin. He didn't smile at her all the time. He didn't give her catty remarks as he once did. And while she was glad he didn't pull Icha Icha out during their spars she often missed the trademark, orange little book. Icha Icha was as Kakashi as his Sharingan was.
Did it mean he truly took her to be on another level these days? Or was his mind too far placed to partake from the smut-ridden pages? Doubtless he'd sword off it, she told herself. Kalashi would never do that.
Occasionally she saw it pop up on missions, but not much else.
Her first one with him had been about a week after she'd started her training regime. A few more came out after the success of that one. For the most part they were delivery missions. Scrolls with important data that were to be carried with extreme caution. She assumed these were tests of her ability to be trusted. But she didn't kid herself in the respect that what they carried wasn't important; especially not after the first time they were ambushed in a genjutsu.
She'd been a Jounin for a number of years with countless kills and experience under her belt. But nothing really prepared her for her first S-class level mission. She'd taken in stride and had been a little more than shocked when Kakashi entrusted her with the care of the scroll while they fought. But she could only assumed he figured the enemy nin wouldn't think she would be carrying it.
At then end of the battle she'd been shaken, coated in blood and a little less than prepared to burn the corpses. After all, she was a doctor. Her job was usually to heal rather than to harm. But she understood being in ANBU meant leaving no evidence behind. She'd swallowed her sickness and learned to be stronger than day. It didn't stop her from forgoing their first meal an hour later. Hunger had made her swallow a few energy bars as they'd dashed through trees, but it still turned her stomach when she recalled the smell of burning flesh turned ash.
She wasn't sure if he'd been proud of her... or worried. He hadn't pat her head. He hadn't touched her at all. He'd barely given her a glance afterward when she tended their wounds. Somewhere, deep down, though, she knew he'd been proud of her.
She wanted his admiration.
She admired him more than he knew.
She wanted to be like him.
Each day she strove for it. She reacted a little less to the blood that marred her features. She resisted the overwhelming urges to flinch each time the sharp end of her katana slice into another victim. She swallowed down the cries that were sure to escape her mouth when one of her bones broke or a gash went too deep. She'd barely managed grit her teeth the one time he'd had to remove a serrated arrowhead from her back.
The edges of the damned things were barbed with tiny blades going backwards. The idea was when you pulled them out they did more damage than going in. He'd had to cut into her back in order to remove it cleanly so she could heal it without leaving a scar.
She'd tried so hard not to cry as she bit down on a cloth and shut her eyes in horrid pain. He'd been quick about it, for that she was thankful. But nothing really compared to trying to sit still as someone cut into your back around the edges of an arrowhead...
"You can't pull it out," she muttered, sitting still as he gauged the damage to her back.
He nimbly touched the pinkened, bruising and bloodied wound, causing her to stifle a curse and flinch. "I need to get it out," he said cautiously.
"It's serrated," she replied. "If you pull it out it'll rip my skin and pull muscle tissue out along with it." There was a long silence after that. But Sakura, in all her years dealing with weapons wounds knew you couldn't just yank it out. She'd dealt with these in the ER. And some shinobi were cautious enough to know not to yank them out. Then she had anesthesia to knock the patient out so she could grab a scalpel, cut the skin wider and carefully remove the tip. Here she had none. And a kunai would have to do it he didn't have a knife.
"You know what I need you to do," she replied finally. "Just do it fast."
He didn't reply, but she could feel him hesitating. Set on urging him again she stopped only when she heard him removed a kunai from his pouch. She arched a brow when he held a folded piece of a cloth to her. He didn't say anything so she took it and bit down on the material to stifle any cries she would feel compelled to elicit.
She felt the bite of the sharp tool digging into her flesh as he cut. Her body flexed and tightened as he moved the wicked weapon up and down her muscle tissue like a knife. She could barely see him in her mind, slicing into it as he would a slab of meat for a meal. The feel of steel against steel as he attempted to remain as close to the arrowhead as possible... the vibrations into her body had her shaking. She felt tears pricking at her eyes and slowly betraying her strength as they trailed down her face.
She forced herself not to cry out. She tore at the blackened material of her pants to keep from moving. The pain she caused her thighs was not nearly enough to distract her from the pain he caused her back.
"It's alright," he sounded hoarse and choked on words. "You can cry, Sakura." It must have affected him in some way, but she didn't dwell on it. She let go then, sobbing and screaming into the material of the cloth as he worked. It felt like hours, that mere minute he worked on her without pause. She cried until the material in her mouth was salty. And when he finished she passed out in shock...
When she'd awoken hours later the bandages were removed and she finished off what she could to keep from scaring. He didn't say a word to her. He didn't comment on it.
So, neither did she.
She didn't want to be weak and that day she felt she had. She almost wished he'd beat the pain out of her with a round of training. She wanted to feel the bite of his words hardening her. She wanted to school herself against the trauma. But in many other ways she was thankful he hadn't.
"Sakura?" she heard a voice calling out to her.
"Sakura, did you hear me?"
"Eh?" she blinked back her haze and turned to gaze into Sai's coal eyes. She rubbed her eyes after she set down her book and yawned. "Sorry, no. I guess I'm a bit distracted today. What did you say?"
He raised a brow at her from across the outdoor cafe table. "You look exhausted. Have you been sleeping ok?"
She waved a hand in his direction. "Sometimes... sometimes not. Everyday is the same unless a mission comes up. Morning workout with Kakashi, medical training with Tsunade, coffee with you and then I work at the hospital. By the time I get home I'm ready to drop. But lately I've had a hard time getting to sleep."
"Why?"
She sighed and tried to relax her aching muscles in her seat. "I guess there's just too much information running around my head. It's a lot to keep up with and it just keeps coming everyday." She snorted. "I can't believe I ever thought to Chuunin exams were hard."
He chuckled at that, sipping from his coffee. "Sounds like you need some stress relief."
What I need is a good lay, but that isn't happening anytime soon, not with Shino having a girlfriend now. Like hell I'm calling Kiba.
She shrugged. "I'll just make up a sleeping drug for tonight. That should help me relax enough to catch some sheep. Anyway," she moved onto another topic, "when did you need me for the rest of those sketches?"
He shrugged back at her. "Whenever you have time. Shouldn't you be getting another mission soon?"
It had been about a week, she realized. "I suppose so," she replied as she looked down at the time. "Damn. I gotta go. Time for my shift at the hospital. I'll call you tonight, alright? If I don't get a mission by the end of the day we can do them then."
"You sure you're ready for them?" he edged.
"No," she muttered with a smile while she gathered her things and stood up. "But it's just one easy way for me to get use to this part of the job."
He nodded. "Have fun."
"Doubtful. I'll--." A sudden movement to her right had her tensing up and ready to strike. When an masked comrade from HQ appeared she relaxed and let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding in. "Yes?"
"Agent Lotus, you are required to appear before the Hokage for a briefing at 1800 hours. Your shift at the hospital has been taken care of. Have your things ready to go."
At her nod he was gone. She sighed and looked down at Sai. "See you when I see you, Snow Skin."
"Same to you, Blossom... good luck."
"As always... bye!"