..Chapter Twelve..

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His hands were everywhere; bruising, gripping, biting, clawing, digging. But this time her fears weren't hidden, nor were her tears. She could hear herself crying out for him to stop. She could feel the blood trailing down her thighs from between her buttocks, soaking the sheets below. His hard member was violent, violating and ripping her insides out just as before. This time though, she tried to fight him and couldn't. She was weak, terribly weak with fear. All of her power had been taken away, torn from her very core by the man taking her on the mattress.

"You're not like the others," she could hear him say as he had the last time, his breath harsher, hotter and even more probing. "You like it don't you?"

'No!' she wanted to cry out; but, like her ability, her power and her chakra, her voice escaped her. It would not come no matter how much she sought to command it.

His hands yanked on her hair, threatening to rip at the scalp. She could feel her head being pulled back. Liquid pain soaked her cheeks and the bittersweet taste of salt was on her tongue.

It all hurt so much. It was emotionally wrenching. The very essence of her life was being sucked from her until she could not longer move. She was being suffocated in anguish and disgust.

Her skin pricked with every passing of his nails across her raw flesh. And each time he drew over one area he waited while going to another. By the time the pinked section began to heal he was tearing into it again, making it that much more terrible for her. Every action felt like a rusty knife with a dull edge slicing into her.

Then his teeth were on her, biting so hard in some places she knew she was bleeding. This time she could hear her voice, screaming in her own ears and she tried to push him off of her.

"Sakura," a voice whispered in the distance, calling from somewhere she didn't know.

'Help,' she wanted to say. 'Help me!' But, she could not. The only thing she could bring to pass her lips was the never ending screaming. Her throat felt hoarse.

"..Sakura.." it called again.

'I'm here! Help me, please!' she tried again to no avail.

"Wake up..!"

'What..?'

"SAKURA!"

...

She came back to the real world gasping for air, choking on her own tears and snot. Her chest heaved and her eyes were tightly shut the moment she realized she was awake. She was flushed pink from crying. The moment she moved to sit up, so very quickly because of the horrifying after images, she felt the pain. Her body shot up with flames. They moved out from her chest to her hips, down her spine, across her back, down her arms, legs feet and to her hands, fingers and toes.

It was so excruciating the tears came anew.

All her life she'd found herself injured on way or another. It happened quite frequently as a medic, as a shinobi and as a trainee in ANBU. She'd been tortured with weapons and tools for information. She'd been placed on a rack once; a device that pulled your arms and legs from above and below until they ripped from your body. She'd been struck deeply by many kunai, arrows and senbon as if a pincushion. She'd almost had her left leg cut off at the bone once when it looked near irreparable and they were too far from Konoha to have Tsunade heal it. She'd almost broken her neck when she'd fallen from a height of twenty feet, near death in Earth country. She'd broken countless bones, torn muscles, ripped ligaments.

But never, in all her life, had Sakura ever felt something so deafeningly hateful within and without.

She wanted to rip her very skin off her body. She wanted to bathe in water too hot to stand. She wanted the emotional ache to go away more than the bruises, the scars or any of the physical marks she was sure to keep for a lifetime afterwards.

She felt arms come around her immediately and the pain intensified. But, she didn't care; because, the pain within was in need of easing far more than the pain without. She soaked into their embrace and drew on their warmth. She cried into their chest, not caring who it was that moment.

She didn't care how weak she looked.

She didn't care if it was against the shinobi code to hide her feelings.

She didn't care about the tears threatening to dehydrate her.

Her arms, slowly and shakily, reached around to hug them back. She needed more of that comfort in her haze. She needed to know someone was there for her, that someone cared enough to just be there instead of rip something from her she'd worked so hard to gain.

The silence that echoed on would have normally had her speaking. But, suddenly, she found words to be all but meaningless. Still, that tangible, comforting silence told her who it was. The material brushing across her forehead over their chin spoke more than words ever would.

She didn't know why he was doing it, but she didn't stop him when he moved to slip her into his lap. She didn't stop him when he placed her face in the crook of his neck. She didn't stop him as he rocked her gently, running his hand down her matted pink strands.

She shook and shook and shook as she poured her heart out to a man she never imagined herself in this position with. It was a man whom she'd grown up with. It was a man who'd taught her how to be a shinobi when she'd been but twelve. It was a man who'd been her shield, her barrier and her rock as a child. Yes, a child. How could she have been anything else during those days of naivete?

He'd protected her, sheltered her, fed her and kept her alive. His masked face echoed throughout her life as a thing ever unchanging. His classic eye crinkle was something she missed. His masked smile was a thing she longed for. The little orange book she saw so little of since growing up was what defined him in her heart. The admiration she held for him was a thing that could never be shook; and now, more than ever, did she want to have that cold, unaffected calm he'd mastered so well.

She felt weak and lifeless in his arms. She felt like a little girl who'd done more than scraped her knee because of a fall, or because a group of bullies whom had teased her. She wanted to cling to him as a lost victim, as he was now, forever. Would this ache ever heal? Did it ever get better?

She sought refuge in his unwavering heartbeat and the gentle hum in his chest which was meant to soothe her. She was numb and felt like a broken bird who'd found her sanctuary, her nest.

She curled her arms into her chest and allowed herself to be soaked into him. She relished his arms tightening around her in a way too far from romantic.

"Does it go away?" she whispered hoarsely, cracking present in her voice. More tears, more shaking; perhaps harder this time.

"The pain?" he whispered as he rocked her and stroked her head. His voice, the timber in the roll of vowels helped a bit.

"Yes," she breathed because she could do nothing else, her throat sore.

He was quiet for a while but did not stop his actions. She waited, patiently.

"...No."

She nodded, fearing that would indeed be his answer.

"But..."

She opened her eyes as he started again, staring at a wall across the room. She didn't focus on anything in particular. She more or less stared beyond it in quiet solstice.

She wouldn't see it, but his eyes closed. "...Like a child with her toys, you learn to put it away in a box, far from your heart. You try to forget about it, no matter how hard it seems. And once you've managed to do that... the world, as you watch your friends look through it with rose colored glasses, becomes tolerable.

"The pain... ages from a continuous vice to a small prick against the flesh.."

The steady flow of his voice wrapped her a blanket unlike any other tangible material could ever do. She allowed the words to wash over her. She considered them well and closed her eyes against the world.

Looking at it... hurt.

"When do we leave?" she whispered.

"As soon as I speak with Sumi-sama. I'll report my findings to her. Then, I'll clean up and we'll depart." He paused. "You were fairly gone when I brought you back to the room... but I had to..." she listened as his voice trailed on. She tried to understand what he was trying to say. It was during this moment she realized she didn't feel physically dirty. She was clothed in a soft white gown made of cotton.

He'd bathed her... somehow.

"Thank you," she replied, not bothered by it at all. Days ago she might have been a bit.. but, today? It seemed so trivial in comparison to everything else she'd experienced.

He nodded. "I'm certain you can move... we'll have to take it slow going home..."

"I'll manage," she replied, not wanting to be a burden after all he'd done.

Before he could say anything more there was a knock at the door and Sakura tensed up.

"Sumi-sama is ready for you, ANBU-sama..." they both heard. It was the voice of the assistant who'd let them in the first day.

Kakashi sighed. "I'm on my way... thank you," he called back.

"Very good," was all she said as he felt her presence leave the door front barren.

"I'll be back... alright?"

Sakura nodded as he slowly maneuvered her back to where she'd been before he'd woken her up. She managed to look up at him as he walked across the room to dress. She blinked at this, realizing he'd been in nothing but his ANBU top and boxers.... had... had he slept with her the whole night?

She felt a choked sob working it's way back up her throat and escaping.

"Sakura?" he asked, pausing across the room. Concern etched his features behind the veil of blue and in his single coal orb.

She shook her head. "I'm fine, I just... moved my leg a bit too fast..." she lied, not wanting to worry him further or explain just how unworthy she felt of that affection he'd so given her in the night.

There were so many things she wanted to say to him as she watched him look at her one last time and leave the room.

She just couldn't find the words.

The tears... but not the words

ooo

Alexiel sat before her desk as she shuffled papers and placed them into their appropriate files. Those files were stuck into drawers in the correct slots between others. She put away her calculator and budget book.

Knock.

She blinked and looked up at the door. "Enter," she ordered loudly.

Kakashi, one of the ANBU operatives she'd hired, came though and shut the door soundlessly. She knew the elite class to be good, but she was still in awe of how utterly quiet they were at all times. Considering the success of the mission she would hire more for escort services and business trips to other countries. The price would be well worth the unwavering protection.

"Please, sit down," she murmured, placing her hands on her desk so they interlaced. When he did so she spoke again, "As I understand it, the mission was successful?

He nodded, dropping a tan file on her desk carelessly. It slid toward her with the momentum as he spoke. "In there you will find all the photos of the act and a report from myself on the observations before, during and after....Sakura endured quite a few injuries.. and I would appreciate it if you emphasized these points in court."

Alexiel's eyes narrowed as she opened the file and focused on the information he'd provided her. However, as soon as she did she almost wished she hadn't. Her eyes widened and she gasped, covering her mouth with her left hand. "My god..." she breathed in shock.

He'd seen fit to place the photos of her state of body first. Her face was barely seen in any of them. They were clear and shot with a pronounced focus on the lense to give more than an eyeful of the state her husband had left the ANBU female in.

Bruises... so many of them looked to be just starting to come in. There were cuts and abrasions everywhere. Blood... she could see quite clearly, trickled from between Sakura's thighs.

"I had no idea... he... good god..." She swallowed. "I'd never seen the extent he left any of my girls in... they never let me... if I had any ...Kami.." she breathed, her heart tearing.

"If I had it my way..." his whispered darkly, "your husband would be dead already, Sumi-sama..."

She looked up at him, eyes wavering but strong. "If I had had any idea you would have been assigned for an assassination mission, I assure you. This is... unspeakable," she spat with venom laced in her voice, disgusted and hurt all at once. She shook her head, no longer able to bear herself willing to look any further as she shut the file.

"I will pay you both double what I promised. To you, her and the Hokage for any grievances."

"Pay Sakura my share of the double then," he ordered coolly.

Alexiel paused as she felt the edge laced in his voice. The very tone shook her to her very being. When she took in his eye, the one not closed, she could see something burning. Her heart softened and she realized he'd had to watch this and do nothing as his comrade took it all in. She doubted she could say the same for herself if it had been one of the women who worked for her. So many of them were frome broken homes, homeless and had nothing left. Many of them had been victims of rape themselves. The ones she could help, the ones that held promise, she cultured and schooled to be the ladies that worked for her. Those she could not did lesser paying jobs they much proffered over the escorting services.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I wish I could do more.. this must have been so hard for you.. you both... if there's anything more.."

"There is."

"Name it."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, gold and silver ring. She raised a brow at it curiously.

"Have you ever seen this before?"

"...No.. why?"

He nodded. "This is how your husband evaded everyone, Sumi-sama. This ring is an very expensive, very refined and very rare tool for a shinobi. It's been bound with a very powerful jutsu."

"Really..? I know very little about shinobi... but I understand what you are saying thus far... go on..."

He sighed. "It's made with forbidden techniques, I'm afraid. Which is why it's so rare. The maker must take precision and great care when making it. It takes years, sometimes decades, to fashion the ring itself so it functions properly. And you can't test it until it's totally complete. One wrong move and it won't work. The maker has to start all over.

"Then, once fashioned, he must take time to select a shinobi with a powerful and a massive amount of chakra. When they are subdued, he performs the jutsu which sucks the very life energy, the essence and the being from the shinobi he has selected. It remains forever in the ring and some speculate so does the soul of the person he uses...

"The ring," he continued as he pointed to the silver strip around the center of the ring, "had a center such as this which moves on it's own. If you know the correct combination it will utilize the jutsu programmed within. In this case, a high level genjutsu, something akin to what you'd call invisibility. Accept, it not only renders you unseen, but your chakra as well as the chakra of anyone with you at the time.

"You don't have to be a shinobi to use it... just know the combination. The power comes from the ring itself. It only wanes on use, though quickly replenishes in about twelve hours time.

"I'm not sure where your husband got this ring... but he must have spent a pretty hefty amount of ryou... because no one else but a shinobi would use it or own it in most cases. And the the probability of him killing someone to gain it seems laughable at best all considered..."

She nodded, utterly in awe of the thing. "Alright... well... what is your request?"

"My request, Sumi-sama," he replied as he pocketed the ring, "is you allow me to keep it. Normally, the spoils of a mission go to the client since we are hired to only to carry it out and nothing more..."

"Please do," she muttered quickly with a disdain not directed at him. She leaned back in her chair. "I'd rather keep nothing of his. In fact, I'll burn whatever he doesn't take with him when I remove him from my home and business."

Kakashi nodded. "If there is nothing else..."

"No, please go. I'm sure that poor girl is more than eager to be gone from here and home. For what it's worth, though I doubt it makes any difference... I am truly sorry for what she has suffered...And if there is anything I can do for you or your people in the future, please let me know. If it's within my power and I have the means to I'll do whatever I can."

"It's doesn't..." he replied as he stood, "But... it's more than most would offer. For that I'm grateful, Sumi-sama." With another nod he left and began to slow trek towards he and his teammate's room.

Like her... he very much wanted to be back in Konoha.

ooo

Her legs felt shaky with every step she took. Even standing up for the first time hurt so much she had felt then as though it couldn't be bared. Somehow though, she forced herself to walk. She forced herself to get dressed without crying out in pain, she managed to get her gear on and walk out of that dreaded place with nary a look behind her.

For once, as they traveled the woods, Kakashi carrying her pack as well as his own, she felt glad to be wearing a mask. She hadn't had to since they left Mystic Falls, but still wanted to. She didn't want to take it off ever again if she could help it; not until she could master the face her admirable sempai donned so easily. She didn't want people to see her tears, her anguish or look at her with pity. She didn't want them to look in her eyes and know what she had done, thinking her shameless and dirty. Her mind knew they wouldn't see her as such, but her heart was another matter.

She stared at his back as he walked ahead of her with a slow gait and laziness to his step. Somehow he'd managed to rig both packs on his back so he could read the latest edition of Icha Icha--something she was glad to see him doing.

He'd made sure to keep with her pace. He hadn't pushed or prodded anything more from her as he usually did. He'd not spoken much to her--something she was use to and hadn't changed since the mission. She realized this time the silence really didn't bother her. Perhaps that was why he was so quiet... Had he felt this way the first time? Like everything hurt? Like the very sun on your back and vision around you was meant to taunt you; as though it was something you could no longer enjoy?

She sighed and stuff her hands into her pockets as she slouched in a way that nearly mirrored her sempai's. Her head hung down a bit and her eyes drooped only slightly as she trodded on.

It had been very early morning when they'd gone from Mystic falls. Twenty miles was a long way to go at this speed and she doubted they were halfway by now. The time, she estimated, had to be about two o'clock. They'd taken a break for lunch earlier and that had been a a good time ago. All she really wanted to do was go home, hide in her apartment and not see the light of day for a while. How long 'a while' might be she didn't know.

Don't wallow, Sakura. It's not easy. That first mission, hell all of them, it breaks you a little. But, we are shinobi. We are resilient and proud of what we represent to the rest of the world. And we are better in many ways because of it. Remember, scars never go away; but, they remind you of what you've overcome, what you will continue to overcome and how you are stronger because of it.

Ino's words came back to her like a crashing wave as soon as she'd considered the very span of time she might actually hide away from the world. It startled her how quickly the blond jumped into her thoughts just then.

Don't wallow?

How could anyone even think that was easy...? No, she hadn't said it was easy. She hadn't sugar coated it either. She'd been honest and real with her. At the time her words had lifted her, given her hope and faith that she could do this. But now... now she was thinking perhaps she'd been wrong... so very wrong.

Who was ever ready for this kind of work?

How did one overcome something irreparable? How did you wake up every morning and plaster a smile on your face, trying to show the world you were ok? There just wasn't any way to be ok... surely you had to fake it.... forget, if it was possible.

Her eyes looked on at his back again, his words and Ino's echoed at once in her mind. Her eyes narrowed and she did a good, long, serious analyzation of herself and her situation.

She wouldn't be that girl anymore. She'd said as much herself. Jumping this hurtle had been her words to that effect... had they not? If she wasn't going to be that girl anymore, if she had to grow, adapt and overcome, if she was going to somehow make herself into something of the man before her... then it would take some work.

She closed her eyes as the pain came back almost instantly. The war between living and dying metaphorically was not going to be easy. She was going to have to live with this for the rest of her life. But, she was not going to let it beat her. She wasn't going to let him beat her; the monster in her dreams who'd taken her strength from her.

She would get it back, with teeth and claws if need be. She would fight for her courage and her confidence.

Sakura, as she promised herself years ago and now promised again, wasn't going to be that girl. No one, not even a pitiful man who'd taken all that she'd drawn herself up into for years, was going to keep it from her.

She would fight for it back.

Even if it was from her own demons.