..Chapter Fifteen..
..
.
..
"Wait... run that by me again. We're to what? You want me to what?"
Kakashi sighed as he set the scroll down on the table before them. He was sitting and she was standing, leaning over his shoulder while one hand braced her on the hard surface. He tried ignoring her closeness as he carefully, slowly, fanned his hands out over the material.
Really, it wasn't that easy; especially, considering moments ago what they'd been doing. He could still taste her, smell her and feel her presence. She could be across the room and he'd still perceive her to be right on top of him and wrapped about him in a way he felt disgusted with himself over.
His insides were a mess. A wreck. He was off set by her and the news he'd been given. It was all he could do to keep his senses, his head, about him at the moment and focus on the details he had to relay to his partner.
He exhaled slowly as he blinked once, twice, in a hesitating manner and explained, "We are to travel twenty miles east from Konoha and into an unnamed forest there. About five miles deep into the cluster of trees and underbrush is a river. From there we follow that river north until we come to a set of falls. The falls, it says, are an illusion. Beyond them is a small canyon and a base of bandits whose hideout we are to infiltrate.
"As far we know, the majority of the group are either low class shinobi who abandoned their village or mere rogues with no other place to call home."
Sakura snorted. "So, why on Kami's green earth is this labeled an S-class mission?"
"Because," he answered in a lazy manner as he unfurled a scroll further and revealed a half shadowed image and vague stat information, "the leader of the operation is said to be a shinobi of some skill. He's a Jounin at best. Still, we've been hired to distract and take him out. The Daimyo says his operation has been halting some of his better trade on a well known route. So far, he's been paying merchants off to keep the problem a quiet matter. He fears if word gets out that there are bandits attacking traders and travelers on this road they might stop coming. The path is a large source of income for not only the Daimyo and his people, but for Konoha as well."
"So..." she mused out loud, "if the big guy gets stinted on his funding we do too... " She sighed and looked at him, brushing hair out of her eyes with her free hand. "I can see how this would be an important matter for Konoha to deal with as soon as possible."
"Yes, it is. And we have to accomplish it without anyone knowing we've done it. We get in, take him out and then get the hell out ourselves. If possible, we make it look like one of his own men did it."
She nodded. "Alright, now... what I don't understand is why..."
"Why I've been selected and not you?" he prompted.
She nodded, not saying anything.
"I should think that's obvious," he sighed out as he released one end of the scroll and allowed it to reform with a slap of paper against paper. "He doesn't prefer women."
"I see," she said softly, allowing a pause over that information to linger on. "Well, let me get this straight... I'm going to pretend to be a missing Konoha nin, right?"
"Right."
"As an..." she winced at the next word, "offering... I'll present you, a civilian, and ask to join their little club?"
"Yes."
"Then, you'll get in close and feed me information. After that we'll confer on his schedule--somehow--and take him out?"
"That's the general idea."
She nodded, eyes narrowed as she let her mind piece together all the information. "I have one problem with this plan."
"And that would be?" He finally looked up at her, watching as she stood erect and crossed her arms over her chest.
"How are you going to hide your eye? I mean, I get we can hide who you are feature-wise by getting rid of the mask. You've worn it, what, how many years?"
"Since before I became a Chuunin."
"Right, so, that's a given. However, what about a Sharingan? We can't use a genjutsu, not really. Not against that many people. Perhaps a ballroom full of civilians and two or three shinobi. But... that's a lot of guys. Plus, I won't be with you all the time. And you can't risk using a jutsu on your own. What about when you sleep?"
He nodded. "I have contacts for just this problem. I can't use the Sharingan when one is in... but, I won't really need to until I'm ready to use it. With you backing me up I won't have to until we're ready to complete the mission and go."
"Can you wear it while you sleep? Are you sure they won't find out?" It was a risk she didn't want to take.
"I'm not going to tell you it's full-proof. I won't lie to you. But, with that and the mask gone I doubt they'll be looking at my eyes. And, if you're convincing enough they won't suspect a thing, Sakura."
"You sure do have a lot of faith in me..." she whispered, unsure.
"Have you given me a reason not to?"
"Well..."
His good eye locked with her two, lazy as ever. "You've proven yourself. I wouldn't have agreed to keep you on my team if I didn't trust you with my life. This is no different."
It was though, she thought to herself. It really was. Normally, he was the one in charge and in control. Granted, he was still the team leader on this mission; but, she would be one putting up the front and calling the acted shots. She would be responsible for his life and anything that happened to him while they were taking on this task.
This... this was huge. One wrong move and he could very well find himself dead or even worse. Even the idea of him having to play the part of a toy for this... guy she knew nothing about didn't settle well with her. It wasn't that she loved him or even the rampant feelings of jealousy. She couldn't really afford to act on jealousy in her job. No, it was not knowing what they were facing and what this potential predator could do to him.
"Sakura?"
She blinked out of her thoughts and looked down at him.
"I know what your capable of when you put your mind to it. I've seen it and I know you will do what is required of you when the time truly calls for it."
She wanted to, stupidly, ask how. Her eyes gave her away faster though.
"I've worked with some of the best and brightest in my life as a shinobi. Many of them passed on doing what they felt was best for Konoha. I refuse to work with anything beneath that level of excellence; I never have, nor will I ever, give or expect anything less from a student or a subordinate of mine."
His tone was serious and hard, as if scolding her. Yet... he wasn't. He wasn't doing that at all. It shouldn't have meant so much to her. But it did. It meant so much not just because she loved him; but, because she'd had once been that little girl who wanted nothing more from him than what he gave the boys. It meant so much to her because there had been nothing like it from him before that mission to Mystic Falls but berating and demanding.
Before then she'd felt like nothing more but an extra wheel on his team.
She resisted the urge to sigh and turned to lean her bottom back into the table next to him.
Perhaps she was worrying over nothing and exaggerating events, she imagined as her thoughts shifted. This was Kakashi, after all. That's probably why he wasn't worried about her doing this. It's probably why he was saying what he was, true or not. Since when had she ever been on a mission with him where he wasn't totally sure of himself and in control? Even when things went wrong he always had a backup plan, he always knew what to do and he always cleaned up the mess no matter how big it was. So, even if she screwed up they'd be fine.
She almost hated that he didn't really appear bothered at all by any of it. He just sat there, motionless and stared at her with his ever-present lazy eye and slouched position as if he hadn't a care in the world. How did he do it? When she found out she had to do a seduction mission she'd been on edge the entire time.
Questioning and curious she looked down at him and met his gaze. There, she found nothing wholly different in his look from moments ago.
Figures..., she thought to herself. Stone cold Kakashi. He'd done hundreds of these sorts of missions in the past, she imagined. It would, in all likelihood, be nothing for him. Hell, he could probably find a way to do it without actually going through with it. He always had been smooth.
She closed her eyes a brief moment and pushed herself off the table gingerly. "Where's your bathroom? I need to use it."
"Down that hall," he replied as he pointed across the room. "Take right and it'll be the first door."
She nodded and headed off. She turned right down the hall and entered in through the first door on her left, just as he said. She flipped on the light switch and shut it behind her.
As she undid the clasps and zipper of her pants and moved to sit on the toilet she continued to think on about Kakashi. Her elbows rested on her knees and her cheeks sat in her open palms.
She was trying very hard not to do anything stupid to scare him off. Admittedly, she would give anything to have another moment with him like she had before. The fire in his eyes, the desire that flowed through her... it was like nothing she had ever experienced before. Even being with Shino hadn't been this...heady and hazed, sending her insides racing like river rapids. Shino had made her feel cherished, Sasuke had made her want to feel whole. Kakashi? It was so very different.
For a long while she had wanted to understand why he was so hot and cold with her. She'd wanted to understand why one minute he was distant and stoic and then the next he couldn't help but throw her a chip or two in reward. For a time she hadn't thought about his advances towards her because the only times such a thing had ever happened were when she'd first become his subordinate. The first time had been a scare tactic. The second time had been in the middle of her first sword training session. She didn't really grasp the second time; but, he'd seemed so out of his own skin she'd been too afraid to push for answers. She would call it another way of scaring her off; but, he'd just acted so... vulnerable and scared of her--of the situation it had progressed into and the intense emotions.
There was no denying that he desired her now. And she could see, quite easily, he'd been denying it then. He hadn't simply tried to push her away because of what ANBU required of her. Kakashi had tried to scare her away because he also feared his own desires in regards to her.
What she didn't really understand is why. Alright, perhaps that wasn't wholly true. The story about the boy who'd been murdered and raped from not only Kakashi, but, the female ANBU certainly explained a lot. Still, not entirely. Shinobi lost their subordinates to such things frequently. They lost their comrades to the same thing. Naturally, it hurt. It wasn't easy to deal with. Yet, they still moved on. Was it different for Kakashi because it had been someone who led him, someone that he respected which had done it to someone he called friend?
She thought back to what he said... she tried to recall of the vividness of his words. Was... was it possible he'd been there when it happened? Had he watched it occur? Had he been powerless to stop the man who betrayed his teammate?
Sakura knew from her medical experience that people who were raped at a young, impressionable age--especially by someone they looked up to--remained forever locked in that moment in some part of their subconscious. And because of this they tried to repeat the experience with someone of that age even years later in order to 'fix' it, to rewrite that time in history. Was it possible Kakashi felt that way, even if he wasn't the victim?
It certainly explained his comment about not being around after they grew older, or to a certain age and rank. He would of been trying to separate himself from some sort of temptation.
How young had he been when it happened? She frowned and thought back to the conversation she had with that woman.
"He hasn't been in ANBU for at least.. Something like, twenty years? I mean, no one knows why for sure he quit... he was on the top of his game. He'd barely been a captain for a month."
Sakura lifted up and counted on her hands, silently thanking the gods she knew when his birthday was. She blinked, realizing he'd possibly been no more than seventeen at the time--maybe. Yes, that was exactly why he'd left when she and the boys had become Chuunin. But now, now, she was well over twenty. Sakura was twenty-two years old, to be exact. How could he possibly think it was the same thing? Was he hung up on the fact that she had once been his student? Perhaps a few years ago if this sort of thing had happened she could see him being worried about it and what people might think; even her innocence. However, now she was his equal and an adult. Granted, he called the shots on ANBU missions; still, that didn't mean people would gossip. In the eyes of the village they were both of age and the same rank. It didn't matter that they were on the same team. It wasn't even abnormal that teammates shared such an intimacy considering their job. It was almost expected. That's more than likely why the agent who'd given them the message earlier hadn't commented on their 'moment' or even bated an eyelash over it.
She really wouldn't be too surprised if people assumed they were in such a relationship already. Granted, her boys didn't count. Naruto would be too dense to see it unless she flat out told him. Sai wouldn't really care. Sasuke? Eh, she wasn't sure.
Sakura stood up and pulled her clothing back into place after she flushed the toilet. She sighed and she smoothed the wrinkles out of her uniform.
Man, there was nothing like an S-class mission on the horizon to sober you up; especially your first one as an full-fledged agent of the unit.
She walked over to the sink after righting herself and began to wash her hands, gaze down. She continued to think on about her problem and Kakashi.
She really couldn't fathom how this couldn't unsettle him, this mission and the position it placed him in. How long had it been since he'd done a seduction mission? He hadn't been in ANBU for twenty years, or so she was told. Had he done those sorts of missions after he quit being their teacher and team leader? He must have, considering how unaffected he appeared by it all. She couldn't sense even a smidgen of nervousness from him. He acted as though they were doing nothing more than carrying information from one place to another like when she started ANBU training.
It didn't sit fully with her. If he were bothered by their own intimacy how was he...
She shook her head as she wiped her hands.
Get a hold of yourself, Sakura. Like with Yukio, this is business for him. The only difference is that was your first time and this must be his hundredth or so. That's why it was so hard for you and this is so easy for him.
Her mind settled on that final resolution as she lifted her head up to glance at her appearance in the mirror.
She blinked.
The hell?
There wasn't one. There wasn't a damned mirror in the whole bathroom, she realized as she looked about. Not a one. She turned her head to stare at the wall before her more acutely. Her eyes narrowed as she examined it. Faintly, she could see the difference in paint shades in the shape of a tall rectangle. So, there had been a mirror at one time... Why would he take it out? Well damn, she really wasn't use to leaving a bathroom without checking her appearance.
She grumbled softly as she poked her head out of the bathroom and called down the hall, "Hey, did you know you don't have a mirror in the bathroom?" Perhaps someone broke it? Maybe he was having it replaced.
There was a pause and she blinked. "Kakashi?" she tried calling again.
"Yes, I know," he responded back, toneless.
Well? she wanted to ask. "Do you have one, even a compact or hand mirror I can use? something you use for shaving maybe?"
"No."
Wait, what? "No, you don't have one or no, I can't?"
"No," he replied stiffly, "I don't have one."
She resisted the urge to sign out long and loudly. "Well, damnit, how in the hell do you shave every day?" Shit, even Naruto and Sasuke needed a mirror on missions for when they took a break to shave their faces. Sometimes they forgot to pack one and begged to use hers. She had yet to meet a man who wasn't useless with that part of his hygiene without one. Ok, scratch that... she had no idea if Sai needed to shave or not. She'd yet to even encounter him with a five o'clock shadow no matter the time of day or mission.
She wanted to grouch irritably when he didn't reply. Instead, she grunted and muttered under her breath as she left the bathroom and went back to him. "You know, I don't appreciate being ignored," she snapped. "I just wanted to... use..." she mumbled the last in a broken sentence as she came to the table and stood before him on his right side where he remained in the chair. The image of the man before her stopped her dead in her speech.
He was hunched over the table, fingers dug into his bushy mane while he gripped either side of his head. Those silver strands bowed before his features, hiding his eyes and face from her. Yet, what she could see, that was what had her taking pause.
His form shuddered once or twice over and his jaw tightened, white teeth were barely visible between his parted lips.
Immediately concerned, she knelt and placed a hand on his back so she could see him better. "Kakashi... are you alright?" What had set him off this time? Had she done something wrong?
He jumped under the caress of her hand and shifted enough that his chair slid back about and inch. He looked down at her, eye wide and blinked. She saw the immediate shift as he swallowed and shook his head, returning to what had been five or so minutes ago.
"I'm fine, Sakura," he replied, tone guarded.
"But... you didn't look alright..."
He forced a smile behind his mask and gave her his famous eye-crinkle--something she'd not seen in months. "I'm fine. Anyway, we need to leave soon. Why don't you go grab your gear so I can meet you at the gate within the hour?"
That smile... that eye... it worried her deeply. It made her realize, with sudden clarity, that he was hiding from her now more than ever. He was doing what he'd always done to her as a girl. What was once a symbol of reassurance suddenly became a sign of dread for her.
But, she knew she couldn't push the matter. Not yet. Perhaps when this mission was over and they were home she'd pressure him until he told her everything. She still wasn't giving up on him. For now though, she'd leave it be and allow him his personal shelter.
"Yes, Taichou," she couldn't help but whisper as she turned and walked away to head out.
In doing this she didn't see the flashing in his eyes over her gifted, respectful title to him. Nor would she see the way he crumpled to a mess over the table, haunting look in his eyes, after she shut the door...
...after he ripped the reflective headband from his person and threw it into a wall, cracking plaster as it clanked against the wooden floor in a hollowed reverberation of sound.