..Chapter Sixteen..
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The skies were clear aside from a few, stray, wandering clouds. A breeze wafted by, upsetting bits of grass and dirt on the solid path. Birds chatted in the distance. Some flew overhead now and again. Animals went about their daily ceremony with little upset. The day was peaceful and the only real common sound between the two individuals walking onward was the soft, unhidden thudding of their sandaled feet.
There were many times in her life that Sakura could count herself as having the feeling of being alone. During the fight against the Sound nin in the Forest of Death she had felt alone. When Kakashi needed someone to lecture Sasuke and Naruto on the finer points of ninjutsu and technique pattern she'd felt alone. When she was busting her balls under Tsunade's ever watching eyes she'd felt alone. Despite this she persisted, endured and overcame. If the Nine Tails was Naruto's hurtle and Itachi was Sasuke's, than Sakura's badge of honor was her fear of truly being alone.
Yet, for the first time in a long while she felt just that.
He stood next to her but not with her. He looked through her, but not at her. He spoke to her, but he did not converse. Kakashi, for all intended purposes, wasn't even on the same plane of exitance as Sakura. She was back on square one. She was back to where she'd been that first day she'd asked him to become her sponsor. And yet, this was worse. He hardly acknowledged her. She wasn't even good enough to push away, to say something to. He ignored her. When she tried to talk to him about anything aside from the mission he made himself scarce or found something to do.
The first two days she'd given it her best effort. She'd endured and complied, thinking perhaps his behavior would pass and they could go back to the way they were after the Mystic Falls mission; when they had some level of an understanding and shared the same pain. She'd silently assumed he'd go back to being her shoulder, the one she looked to when she needed him most in way she never had as a girl. He wasn't her crutch, he was her hope. He'd been that image she grasped, that constant when the nights were almost too unbearable just because he'd been there when she'd needed him most; because he'd been the one to dress her and hold her. He'd shown her that just because one man's touch was unbearable didn't mean they all had to be after one horrifying experience. She didn't have to deal with that imprint on her mind and she could overcome it.
She wasn't losing face. She wasn't losing confidence. And she wasn't heartless. She understood her confession must have some weighted affect on him; or, perhaps this was his way to prepare for a mission of this level. She didn't know. She could deal with the result of her words and actions after they got back. She could handle him ignoring her and pushing her away when they got home. Because of her own experience she would allow him these actions. She understood, even if it hurt her in some way.
Still, the silence was killing her.
She loved him and she wanted to help him. She wanted to tell him it would be ok. That she would be there for him and that she wouldn't think any less of him for doing this. She wanted to tell him that he was still the same man to her, that just because he was doing this didn't mean that image she held of him was tainted; if anything, it strengthened it.
Was it bothering him? Had she been wrong about his nerves? Was it the mission, her confession or a combination of both?
She grasped he didn't want to be with her because he didn't want to repeat the past. She was his subordinate. Even if she wasn't a trainee anymore she was still under his command. He didn't want to be that man. He didn't want to take advantage of her. And she'd said nothing about it after they'd gotten the scroll because she hadn't wanted to push that stress on him even more after getting such a mission.
Again, though, the way he was treating her wasn't right. She knew it wasn't right. The old her would have asked, prodded and pushed after what they'd experienced together just a few nights ago. The woman that existed before her own seduction mission would have pestered him. However, it wasn't even until after that mission that she knew what she felt for him. And with the information he'd given her, what he'd seen done to his teammate along with the orders he'd been given... it seemed selfish of her to bother him. It seemed selfish to react to her feelings. Was it better to remain silent and calm the budding anger caused by his treatment of her? She felt like she was almost letting him walk over her and that didn't seem right either.
In short, Sakura didn't know what to do. So, for these few days she'd simply let it fester and boil and continued to remain silent as they trudged on together. She became a void and impassive to her feelings in way she'd only learned from being in his presence for so long.
Sakura stopped walking slowly and looked up at the sky as a chilled drop of clear liquid hit her nose. Green eyes narrowed as greying clouds began to close in at a sloth-like pace. A rumble of thunder was heard in the distance.
Kakashi stopped a few paces ahead and looked up after a brief glance at her. "Let's set up camp while it's dry," he ordered.
She nodded and followed after him as he headed off the path. They moved a good twenty feet into the wooded area off the path before he stopped and set down his pack. She mimicked his movements as the drops began to hasten their pace. The pouring was steady going by the time the tents were set up with the tarps over to keep the damp out.
Sakura gave him a brief glance as he slid into his tent before doing the same herself. She quietly rolled out her sleeping bag and unzipped it. She moved to sit down and leaned forward to close her tent. When she sat back a small lantern next to her was switched on before she grabbed a book from her pack. At the very least some reading material would help her get to sleep; otherwise, the distraction that was her former sensei would be too much.
About and hour later Sakura placed the book down, switched off her light and snuggled into her sleeping bag. Her eyes were lazy and her head foggy. She yawned once before sleep overtook her.
ooo
"Sakura," a voice whispered as she felt her body shake.
"Go away," she replied back, curling more within herself, the beating of a drum without easing her further into the darkness.
"Sakura."
She didn't reply this time.
"Sakura!"
She jumped, gasping as she sat up. Her eyes opened widely and her breath caught. She blinked when her eyes caught with a single black orb, lazy and intent.
"Kakashi," she whispered. What in the hell? "Is something--."
"No time to talk. Pack up. Fast. The storm has gotten worse. It nearly overturned my tent while I was in it." He back peddled out of her tent, pausing at the entrance when he saw her dazed expression. "Sakura, did you hear me?"
"Yes, I'll hurry," she replied, shifting out of her sleeping bag while trying to hurriedly wipe sleep from her eyes. She moved as fast as she could manage. She shoved things into her pack as the wind tussled her tent, daring to pull it from the ground.
Once she surfaced from her warm abode it was then she realized her entire backside was soaking wet. The rain felt like a thousand icy spears on her uncovered skin. Anything that was dry on her became immediately wet. Already Kakashi was latching his rolled tent to his pack, though she could barely see that in the sopping, ferocious wind and pelting rain. It howled against her ears as she set to work undoing her own tent. Her feet sloshed against the ground, mucked in mud as she rolled up the rope chords and tarp. While she did this Kakashi set to work gathering her stakes. She cried out in a curse as it began to roll away in the storm. Both she and Kakashi just barely managed to grab an opposing end before it got far. Together, without a word, they rolled it up, fighting the wind the whole time. Once it was done Kakashi gave her the tent and ran over to grab his own pack while she strapped it to her bag. With a grunt she put it on over her shoulders and dashed after him just when he confirmed she was ready to go.
Then they ran.
She couldn't see much beyond her own nose. Everything was a haze of colors accept him. That was what she focused on as the minutes waged on, as they waged on and felt more like hours than minutes. Everytime she landed on the ground mud jumped up and hit her legs, splashing across her pants and sandals. Everytime she hit a branch she had to take extra care not to slip. Sakura was good at multitasking; however, when it felt like her body wanted to give out because of the hurricane-like conditions that was another matter entirely. She was still tired from only get half a nights sleep; and while normally this would be a problem, the storm was another matter entirely to contend with. Fighting against the inhuman wind beating her from all sides and changing directions like a chaotic blast slowly ticked away at her energy.
She narrowed her eyes as she saw Kakashi catch himself on a branch ahead of her. She jumped to a higher bough and followed onward. So, she wasn't the only one being beat to death by mother nature. She hoped his little inn wasn't much farther for both their sakes.
She leapt down when he did and broke out into another run across the muddied, grassy earth. She narrowed her eyes as the undaunting rain pelted her face stronger this time. Without branches and canopies of leaves to take some of the heat off her vision was worse now. She could see just barely beyond him that a structure of dark brown was closing in. It took a few paces more before they reached a door and Kakashi began to bang upon it. Seconds later it was opening up and she was let in with her comrade.
The warmth within caused a frigidity to sweep over her mucky, drenched body. Before she spoke a word someone was placing a large, dark brown blanket over her shoulders. She wiped her eyes and blinked them open to look around while pulling the blanket tighter about her body.
A fire was burning across the room in front of her in a small living room. Everything appeared modestly decorated and homely. She turned to right as she heard Kakashi speaking with a woman. She watched as he paid for a room received two sets of keys.
"Come on. We need to get out of these clothes."
"Supper has already been served, Hatake-san. All considered, I can still bring it up to the room."
"That would be good, thank you," he replied before the both of them headed up a small set up stairs to the second floor.
The hallway was small and seemed to only boast a few rooms further down. In truth, the inn looked more like a two family home than an inn. She was somewhat surprised to find a bathroom in their room when they entered.
"It doesn't really look like an inn..." she said as she placed her pack next to the bed and began to remove her gloves, armor and boots.
He didn't reply, not that she expected him to.
She sighed as she hung her armor over a wooden chair to dry. Her boots were placed on the floor next to it. She could nock the dirt off of them tomorrow. Her gloves were placed over the armor. She flexed her hands as she did so, trying to release the numbness afflicting her body. She still had more to take off; but, she was sure he didn't want her doing it in front of him. She turned to look at him.
"Kakashi?"
He didn't even look over at her as he went about removing his boots.
"Kakashi."
Nothing.
She frowned, her eyes soft as she watched him remove the rest of what she'd already taken off. At that moment she wanted to scream at him. She wanted to yell at him. She wanted to throw something at him and make him look at her.
But, she wouldn't. She wouldn't because she still didn't know where she stood with him and what was going on in his head.
Instead, she turned, still chilled to the bone and headed for the bathroom to take a shower. She took in a deep breath, shut her eyes and tried to quell the racing ache of her heart. Her hand reached for the knob and turned it. As she started to open the door a presence came up behind her quickly. A hand slammed the door out of her grasp, shutting it.
"Why?" he muttered behind her.
She blinked and narrowed her eyes as she allowed her arms to drop to her sides. "Why what, Kakashi?" she asked in a soft, kind voice.
"Why won't you yell at me?" he asked.
"Should I?"
"I've been ignoring you for days."
She wasn't sure what to say then. His voice was deep and ridden with anger. Had he wanted her to yell at him? She turned to face him, her face a wash of confusion. "I thought you wanted space. I thought that's why you were doing this to me. That's why I haven't reacted. That's why I gave up trying to talk to you after the first two days. That's why I let you be. It's why I haven't asked you anything outside of the mission requirements.
"What do you want from me, Hatake?"
"What do I want?" he asked, his voice raising. His form tensed with unleashed emotions he'd kept within for days. "I want you to react as someone normally would given that the one they claim to love has ignored them for five days straight!"
"You expect me to push you away?" she asked, a curve of disbelief in her tone.
"Yes," he snapped out at her.
She shoved him.
She couldn't help it. She was angry and couldn't really keep calm anymore. "Am I a game to you?!" she cried out as he staggered back. "A god damned toy?!" she said next, eyes blazing. "You want me upset?! Yelling?! You got your wish!" she seethed with clenched fists by her sides.
"If you don't want me, if you didn't want me here, why didn't you just say so? Better yet, why didn't you tell Rin you didn't want to be on my team?!" He didn't move back as she closed the distance between them both. But he did grab her arms to stop her from coming any closer.
"I'm not strong enough to," he whispered with an edge in his tone.
"It can't be that hard to tell me you don't want me," she snapped back. "It can't be that hard to tell Rin you need a transfer."
"It's because I do that it's hard," he muttered almost as if he didn't want to say it out loud, as if wasn't really intended for her to hear.
"Kakashi--."
"I'm not suppose to want you, but I do. I'm not suppose to enjoy the way you make me feel when I kiss you, but I do. I'm not suppose to like it when you touch me, but I do. I'm not suppose to like the idea of you loving me... but... I do." Her gripped her arms tighter for a sparce moment, as if doing so would keep him from doing more to her. "You're young, beautiful, intelligent... and I'm just some dirty old man who lusts after his only female student.
"I can't find it within myself to push you away. Everytime I try to form the words to tell you I don't want you, I can't. And each time I've walked towards Rin's office to tell her I want a transfer I lose my nerve because I can't see you on someone else's team. I can't fathom someone else watching over you as long as you're on ANBU..."
Her eyes softened as the anger left her. His words washed over her and she was reminded of why she wasn't giving up on him yet. The reasons he didn't, couldn't, be with her were ones tainted by an inhuman crime against someone he called friend and because of a man he once trusted. She was reminded that he didn't want to be the person his Taichou had become when he was much younger.
She reached up and took his face in her hands. As she did so, both of his eyes opened to her, wide and vulnerable... almost questioning. His Sharingan swirled, tombs spinning slowly as if analyzing her. The mixture of black and red stared on at her and the cracks about her heart began to mend.
"I'm not your student anymore," she whispered. "I am not a child and you are not taking advantage of me. When I say I love you it's not because I'm misguided or confused. It's about more than admiration and what you've done for me. I love you because you're a good man and you always have been. Because, what you've shown me in the past few months only makes me realize why I didn't see you sooner as more than my sensei..."
His eyes closed and he swallowed as he rolled her thumbs over his boyish features. The hands on her arms softened and caressed gently downward to her elbows. His fingers, like hers, began to gently move.
Her hands roved down his face, his soaking wet chest through his shirt and finally to his hips. There, she stopped and moved her hands under the thin material to touch his bare flesh. She could hear his breathing catch and she could almost see his chest tighten.
"Sakura.."
She looked up at him. His features were tight and he looked strained.
"I..."
Tentatively, she leaned forward and pressed herself against him. Her lips brushed against his own, slowly, innocently as they both exhaled haggardly.
"Tell me to stop," he whispered, moving to embrace her with shaking hands and jumpy breaths. His voice was a mixture of begging and want.
Her hands edged the material of his shirt up more and drew over his bare back still clammy and wet from the storm. She couldn't find the words to tell him to go, to stop. She wanted this. She'd wanted this longer than she'd even know she really had.
The trepidation of the moment consumed her as their lips finally met in a slow, but wholly electrifying kiss. Again, she initiated it as she had days before. Next, she took the hem of his shirt in her hands and slowly began to pull it over his head. With a shaking breath he broke the kiss and complied for her. She dropped it to the ground and began to pull her own off. This time he assisted her. A chill fell over her as she began to remove her bindings with him. Their hands were mutually shaky and she couldn't discern if it was from the cold or from nerves.
The pants came next. Underwear made their way to the pile shortly they went to the bed it was she who led them there. She pulled him on top of her and took his lips in her own. When his mouth opened for her she caressed her tongue to his.
Every movement was slow and deliberate. Every touch as tentative and slow, some shakier than others.
Her breathing, his breathing, was broken and ragged. She listened as he gasped when she took to gently nibbling at his throat. She felt with her hands as he shuddered above her, barely managing to keep from falling on top of her as he braced with his hands on either side of her head.
She rolled them over and took a position on top of him. Her eyes sought his. When they met, locking, a rush of emotion ran through her. He was flushed and jittery. His fingers twitched on her hips and he appeared confused, if not more than a little nervous. Apprehension ran through her; but, she wasn't the least bit doubting. She wanted him, she wanted this; yet, she wondered a bit at his reaction. He appeared jumpy and unsure and she didn't know why.
She didn't question it further, thinking perhaps it was different for him with her because he'd fought against this so hard. She doubted he did with any other woman recent or not. She was almost positive Kakashi was anything but unsure with the women he bedded.
She ran her hands across his face, causing him to exhaled softly and relax even as she pressed her lips into his. Her breasts brushed his chest, sending a warmth that was fast and budding to her core.
There were so many things she wanted from this time with him. She wanted it to last longer, she wanted to experience him slowly and smoothly, she wanted to love him for hours on end as she never really had with Shino or ever considered with Sasuke. But, she couldn't find the patience to do so within her and she assured herself there would be time for that later when they got home. There, she could hole up in her house with him, or in his, and take as much time as they both wanted.
With this in mind, she moved her hand to grasp him, pausing her lips above his while bracing her body with her other arm. She stared into his nervous eyes with her equally shaking ones as she placed the tip just before her wet entrance. Time seemed to halt, to stand still as she stared down at him and slowly moved to bring him inside her. Not withstanding time, she finally shoved the rest of the way down. The moment she did he grabbed her tightly and held her to him. His face pressed into her neck and he gasped as he held on, embracing her.
She cried out in in euphoria as he filled her and gripped the bedding beneath them tightly in her fists.
Liquid heat flooded her system as he bucked up into her, seeking release almost immediately. When he rolled them over it wasn't fluid or smooth; but, she didn't care. Once he adjusted and began to thrust into her as he liked she was lost on the physical feel of just being with him like this. Each time his pelvic bone hit just the right spot she cried out and ground against him, seeking more.
If they been cold before they weren't anymore. Sweat rolled off her form and coated her hairline. Her skin felt as though it was on fire. And, when he locked his eyes on her own she saw vulnerability, joy and unbridled want. He was happy, she realized. It was a look she'd never seen in him before... true happiness untainted by the ghosts of his past, his memories or his nightmares.
She kissed him then. She kissed him hard and poured her heart into her actions. She poured her love into that moment. She wanted him to stay that way forever... happy and untainted. She wanted him to know he wasn't that man; that he never would be.
Her hands crawled across his flesh. In the heat of the moment she clawed up his back, she bucked into him, arching and pressing her breasts into his chest. She cried out as he gently bit into her neck, sucked and being urged by her responses thrust harder. She felt his hand move across her stomach, cupping her breast when she fell back down onto the mattress. Her eyes looked for his as she climbed her peak; but, they were closed.
"Look at me," she breathed. "Please... look at me.."
He did, but with one eye.
"Both," she asked again.
Slowly, his other eye opened and he stared down at her. As her breathing remained heavy and she moved closer to her climax, she remained locked on that soft, emotional gaze. "I love you," she whispered just as the rise hit. She cried out as she gripped onto him, pulling him down to her, pulling so his face was right in front of hers. As her vaginal walls clamped about his throbbing member he tensed above her and thrust a few times harder. She was silently thankful for having been on the pill even before she'd been required to in ANBU as she felt him finish inside of her. He gasped as his forehead moved to rest against hers and cried out across her lips. When he stopped he was shaking again, this time more so. When he exhaled his breaths were uneven.
Even though she wasn't quite ready to let him go yet, she relented as he pulled out of her and dropped to the other side of the mattress. A few minutes passed as they both relaxed. Neither said a word; but, when Sakura moved to get up she jumped as Kakashi grabbed her wrist. She turned to look at him, blinking. Again, he seemed confused. Although, this time he looked more confused about what had occurred.
"I'm tired," she whispered. "I just want to turn the bed down for the night so we can get some sleep. We... we don't have to talk about this tonight... if you like... we can wait until after the mission. Just.." she paused, eyes softening, "don't ignore me anymore, ok?"
He nodded, seeming more than relieved at that answer. He released her wrist and moved so she could pull the comforter and the sheets back. When Sakura crawled into bed with him she wasn't wholly surprised when he didn't immediately curl up next to her. However, after the pass of a few minutes more, when she began to seriously consider turning over and taking the initiative again... he did. His solid arms wrapped about her and he pressed his face into the back of her neck. The entirety of her backside was flush against his front. Gently, she took his hand in her own, curling her fingers into his palm.
"I love you," she whispered before falling into the throws of slumber with him. Even if he'd done it in his sleep, she didn't care. This single moment, withstanding sex, was as ground breaking for her as had been seeing his face unmasked.
It was a moment she would never forget no matter how old she got.
