Enjoy this chapter, next one is going to be full of action.
Remus Lupin sat in his study staring at a large dusty book. He found reading to be very comforting, but at the moment he wasn't absorbing anything on the page in front of him. Instead he thought about the previous night. In his heart, he knew that Lily held no prejudices or grudges against him, but it hurt just the same. It was just a reminder of the painful and incurable condition he lived with. It affected very aspect of his life and no matter what he did, he couldn't escape the truth. He knew that Katie loved him despite his lycanthropy, but he hated that she had to sacrifice because of it. He knew she wanted children and to live a normal life, and he couldn't give that to her. It was too dangerous. He slammed his fist on the table in front of him and cursed loudly.
Katie, who heard the noise, came into the study to find her husband deep in thought.
"Honestly Remus, stop feeling sorry for yourself. You know Lily didn't mean anything by it," Katie said.
Katie had long ago learned to deal with Remus' dark moods. She was sympathetic, but honest. It wouldn't do Remus any good to dwell on the events of last night. He looked at her and smiled. His wife walked over to him and he pulled her onto his lap.
"Have I told you lately how incredibly wonderful you are?" Remus asked as he kissed her.
"It wouldn't hurt if you reminded me," Katie said playfully.
They sat there together simply enjoying the moment of solitude, but Remus had something on his mind.
"Katie, do you want children?" Remus asked hesitantly.
Katie looked at him with confusion, and didn't immediately know how to respond.
"I want a lot of things in my life, but I've got the most important thing right here in front of me," Katie said as she placed a reassuring kiss on Remus' forehead.
Remus started to brood again.
"I'd never want you to give up anything because of me," Remus replied.
Katie placed her head on Remus' shoulder in order to get closer to him. She loved everything about her husband, his smell, his eyes that always showed what he was thinking, his shaggy hair, his scruffy face. She loved Remus Lupin.
"Remus, I love you and I'll take anything that comes with that. Kids would be nice, but if they aren't in the cards, then that's the hand fate's dealt us. Honestly, the world is too dangerous right now for children anyway. So just accept that you mean everything to me, and get over whatever is bothering you," Katie explained as she ran her fingers through her husbands sandy blonde hair.
Remus pulled her into a kiss and she quickly deepened it. This was the scene Lily walked into, after hearing voices come from the study and deciding to investigate.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I'll come back later," Lily said slightly flustered.
Katie laughed as she watched Lily blush. She extricated herself from her husband's hold and straightened her clothes.
"Pay back for all of the times I walked in on you and James snogging in the common room after you thought everyone was asleep," Katie said as she watched Lily's blush deepen. "I'll leave you to it then."
Remus watched her walk out of the den and then turned his attention to Lily.
"Surprised to see you among the living after last night's escapades," Remus said.
Lily smiled, taking Remus' humor as a sign that he wasn't too miffed at her.
"Mind if I take a seat?" Lily asked hesitantly.
Remus gestured to a large chair and Lily dropped into it. He looked at her, waiting for her to start.
"I just wanted to come by and say I'm sorry. I was really awful last night and I said some stupid things," Lily started. "You know I couldn't care less about your being a werewolf, I was just being childish."
Remus smiled.
"Apology accepted. Next time stick to butterbeers," Remus said.
Lily looked at him quizzically. He looked genuinely happy, and she was shocked.
"That's it, you aren't going to tell me how much I hurt you and say you expected more of me?" Lily asked somewhat confused by Remus' response.
"Well if you'd walked in here ten minutes ago, I probably would have been less affable, but my pretty little wife is very good at bringing me out of my dark moods. So instead I'm willing to chalk it up to you going daft because James is giving you a hard time," Remus said reasonably.
Lily got up and gave Remus a hug.
"I'll have to thank Katie," Lily said.
She turned around and started to head towards the door, figuring she owed Katie an apology next.
"We're not done yet," Remus said and Lily turned back around. "Take a seat because I've got a few things to say to you."
Lily groaned slightly. She wasn't in the mood to discuss James at the moment. However, still feeling guilty over last night, she reluctantly sat back down. Remus looked at her earnestly.
"We've always been truthful with one another right?" Remus started.
"I'd like to think so," Lily replied.
"So then, can you tell me why you are so keen on marrying this American bloke? If you really are in love, I'll accept it and help James accept it, but if you aren't, then as a friend, I'd say stop lying to yourself," Remus said, trying to be as delicate as possible.
Lily took a deep breath.
"Jack is different and I like that about him. I'll always love James, I just can't be with him, it's too hard," Lily replied. "I don't expect any of you to understand, but I need to move on with my life."
"Do you love this guy, the way you loved James," Remus asked.
"It's a different kind of love than what I had with James, probably more sane, but yes I care about him," Lily replied.
"I just don't want to see you make a mistake," Remus said honestly.
"I know, but I have to live my own life," Lily said.
"He'd kill me if he knew I told you, but he came to New York to find you at least a half a dozen times," Remus said.
Lily sat silently, slightly dumbfounded by this fact that James Potter had done this. It didn't make sense to her as he had so easily let her go when she left him. He hadn't put up a fight; instead he had accepted it with a stony faced expression that lacked emotion. She could still remember their last encounter before she had decided to pack her things and leave. James had come home late and found Lily asleep on the couch. She woke up when she heard him start up the stairs. She remembered looking at him, urging him to say something, but he said nothing.
"Sorry if I woke you," was all he said.
Lily just nodded her head and watched him as he continued up the stairs. The next morning, she packed her things and left. James came home to a simple note that read "I can't do this anymore."
"What stopped him?" Lily asked quietly as she tried desperately to fight back the tears.
"I think the fear that you were actually happier there than you ever were with him. I think he would have rather gone on believing there was still a chance rather than know for sure there wasn't," Remus said.
Lily didn't say anything. She absorbed everything and tried to make sense of it. Part of her wanted to talk to James, to understand what he wanted. Part of her wanted to take the first portkey back to New York and escape everything that was complicated about her life.
"We just want you to be happy Lily," Remus said as he watched Lily try to sort things out.
"Thanks Remus," Lily said and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
Later that afternoon, Lily found herself at Gabby's. She knocked on the front door of her flat, hoping that she was home. When no one answered, Lily got her wand out and thought of every unlocking charm she knew. Finally, the door knob turned and she walked in. She figured that if Gabby wasn't home, the best thing she could do was wait. Her suit case also happened to still be there. However, when she reached the living room, she found Gabby.
"So you're just going to ignore me then?" Lily asked as she took a seat next to Gabby.
Gabby, who was busy reading some papers for work, looked at her with irritation.
"The world hasn't stopped just because you've come back to wreak havoc, so excuse me if I have to get some work done and would rather not be disturbed," Gabby said pointedly.
Lily looked at the mountain of paperwork that was piled next to the couch and laughed. Gabby was one of the brightest witches she knew, but she was also the most disorganized. Her cases and reports were strewn all over the place.
"Well if you're too busy to have me grovel at your feet and beg your forgiveness, then I guess I'll have to come back later," Lily said.
Gabby never missed an opportunity to watch Lily eat crow, but at the moment she was too infuriated to take Lily up on her offer. Instead the two witches sat in silence. Lily knew it was no use trying to apologize if Gabby wasn't ready to hear it. She contented herself by taking the reports that were strewn about and organizing them. She made piles based on the type of case and what needed to be taken care of first. It was a system she had employed with Gabby during their time at Hogwarts. Lily was convinced that if it hadn't been for her, Gabby would have just pushed all of her homework under the bed and pretended it didn't exist.
"I see you haven't stopped being a neat freak," Gabby said as she finished a form and handed it to Lily to be put in the pile for completed projects.
"You call it being a neat freak, I call it good sense," Lily replied.
"Good sense my arse," Gabby said and Lily knew she was finally ready to talk.
"Are you finally ready to have a go at me then?" Lily asked.
Gabby snorted.
"I'm ready to tell you that you have your head so far shoved up your arse you can't see what a mess of things you are making," Gabby replied.
"If this is about last night, I'm sorry. I was tossed and didn't mean a word of what I was saying," Lily said, trying to decipher exactly what Gabby was upset about.
Gabby stood up and started pacing like a caged tiger, muttering to herself.
"I think you meant what you said about not needing any of us. Obviously its true if you can disappear for seven years without letting us know how you were getting on," Gabby said angrily.
"You know why I left and why I couldn't talk to you all," Lily replied.
"You ran because you got scarred," Gabby accused as she glared at Lily.
"I didn't run, things had been deteriorating for a long time, and it just got too hard," Lily said defensively.
"That's bullocks. Life is hard and you deal with it because you've got friends and family who support and love you. You don't turn your back on them the moment things get tough," Gabby fired back.
Tears began to stream down Lily's face.
"I didn't turn my back on you all, I just couldn't face you. I knew you'd never accept my decision to leave," Lily said.
"You didn't even give us a chance. You were my best friend, my sister. I would have understood," Gabby said.
"No you wouldn't have. You might have accepted it, but you never would have understood. It's not in you to give up," Lily said.
Gabby pulled her into a hug.
"It's not in you either," she said.
Lily was about to reply, when a painting on the wall came to life.
"Emergency Order meeting," the painting said.
Gabby immediately sprang into action. She grabbed her wand and her jacket.
"I knew something was bound to happen, those bastards have been quiet for too long," Gabby shouted as she quickly assembled everything she would need.
She grabbed Lily's hand and appparated before Lily had a chance to protest.