"I wish I could say the same." Jesse said, his black eyes steely and unreadable. He was leaning against the wall beside us, arms crossed, staring only at me with bottomless onyx eyes. With the most detached and horrible expressionless look I'd ever seen. I swallowed hard, trying not to burst into tears.

"So, you found out." Paul smirked, running his hand over my shoulder possessively. I slapped his hand away, my face flaming.

"I think Susannah and I should talk." Jesse looked at Paul for the first time, and the moment they met eyes it was like thunder cracking over our heads.

They'd always hated eachother, sure. They'd both expressed a desire to kill one another, true. Paul even tried it a few times (it showed the difference in character between the two). But I'd never, ever seen that level of dark, impossibly murderous loathing. It went deeper than a death wish.

"I agree," I said weakly, turning to Paul and staring him down with a watery smile. "Please."

He raised a brow in irritation. "Fine, I'll be back in a few minutes," He said breezily, as if he had no desire to stay, making his way down the hall in long confident strides. His pride was so inflated it seemed he could just float off the ground.

I closed my eyes, squeezing my temples. I couldn't handle this.

"Susannah," Jesse said in a softer voice. "Look at me."

I shook my head fervently.

"Querida," He murmured quietly. "You owe me that much."

"No," I whispered, looking up for the first time. He was closer than I'd anticipated, a mere few inches, looking down at me with a sad patience that nearly shattered me right there. I had to resist the tears, blinking it away furiously. "I owe you so much more than that."

He looked away from me then, to my relief. "Perhaps just an explanation, then, Susannah."

"I have none," I admitted, looking at him sideways. He was so beautiful, so good and pure. I knew that my whole being, my whole heart laid out, would never match a single fiber of his entity. Shame burned from me. "I really don't."

I'd never felt so lost. Everything was slipping through my fingers, like liquid mercury, forever shifting and moving, but falling all the same.

"I understand," He said in a low voice, even though I know he didn't.

"I don't want you to understand," I wailed miserably. "Get pissed at me. Scream at me. Throw me to the floor and call me horrible names. I deserve worse than all of that combined."

"What you deserve, Ms. Simon, is to be loved. And to love someone with all your heart," He told me quietly, taking my face in his hands. "I cannot be this person- I do not own your heart."

"Neither does he," I sniffled. "He's Paul Slater."

He was silent for a long time. "I suppose, that you're divided. But you have to choose, querida. In order to have someone you must give your whole self in return. Not just a part of it."

"I know," I murmured, "But I don't want to give myself to Paul. At all. I want to belong to you, all of me. Because I do love you with all I have, it's just-"

"My love," He interrupted gently, "What I feel for you doesn't leave room for me to see another . What I just saw has shown me that something is missing for you. Something big."

I let out a slow breath, the silence screaming in my ears. "I understand what you're saying Jesse. I do. And I desperately wish that I was good enough to give you all the things you've given me. You are wonderful," I told him, "And that you deserve someone who can be equal to that. I just so wish I could be."

"There is no other for me," He sighed, with a kindness in his eyes I couldn't stand. "I'm in love with you, Susannah. Which is why I can't do what I want and murder Paul Slater- because I know that somewhere inside of you, he has taken a part of you. Its why I can't leave you with hateful words, and rightfully dismiss you from my life. Even though you've done this thing, I cannot hate you. The only thing I need to know, right now, is if I can ever reclaim that missing fraction of your heart- or whether he has claimed in forever."

I looked at him, straight into his deep, bottomless eyes. "I hate this. You can't forgive me. I've forever wronged you, Jesse, and I can never live with myself especially since you're being so-"

He covered my mouth firmly. "I want you, all of you, forever. Don't you see that? I want to give you what you want more than anything. If that's not me, I need to know. Because if its him," He winced but remained firm, "I'll let go. You can have one another."

"I want you with all my heart," I breathed, "I just don't know how to accept you back knowing I have wronged you so much."

"It's hard for me to know he owns this piece of you. But I suppose what I want to know, is," He paused, "Who has the bigger claim?"

I opened my mouth, but suddenly I felt like the wind was knocked out of me, and I physically gasped for breath. Recovering, I met his eyes again, and opened my mouth- willing to say the promises and the words that could save us. That could save my bleeding, sinful heart. But the moment I felt the words starting to form, once again I was at a loss, reeling with the same pain, that same awful, throbbing sting.

I knew that feeling now.

It was the agony of loving Paul Slater.