Chapter 3
"Fear doesn't go away. The warrior and the artist live by the same code of necessity, which dictates that the battle must be fought anew every day."
~ Steven Pressfield
After almost 2 hours a flirting and shaking my ass for a few extra tips, I am ready for a drink.
"Hey Jerzy, can I get a beer?" I ask as I lean over the bar
"Sure thing hon." She answers as she reaches into the cooler and hands me an ice cold bottle.
Jerzy is in her early 40s and has been working here longer than anyone else, even Jameson and he's been managing the place for the last 10 years. Jerzy calls herself a holdover from the "bad old days." She's never explained what she means and I've never asked. We've all got our secrets to keep and that's part of what makes this place work.
"You okay sweetheart?" Jerzy asks.
I look at her questioningly and then smile "Why of course, what could possibly get me down on a night like tonight?"
"You just looked a million miles away there for a minute."
"Nothing a little silence in a bottle can't cure" I say and then take a long drink of the beer.
"You know what I've found with that silence?" Jerzy asks.
I look at her with a raised eyebrow but don't say anything so she continues.
"It might work for the voices on the outside, but those inside voices, they have a way of pushing their way right through anything you put in the way" she says with a sympathetic smile.
"You know something Jerzy, I hope one day I see life the way you do. Until then, I'll keep working on my silence" I say as I tilt the bottle her way.
"Oh baby girl, it's taken me a long time to get here" she says and places her hand on my arm. "You'll get there honey, I know it."
I drain the bottle and stand "I wish I could be as sure as you are Jerzy. Some things you just can't silence. Thanks for the beer" I say as I turn to walk away.
"Grace?" Jerzy calls and I turn to look at her. "Did I ever tell you how I ended up working here?" I shake my head. "Remind me to sometime sweetheart."
I nod and turn to head backstage. I'm so ready to change get out of here.
Twenty minutes later I am walking back through the bar toward the exit wearing my favorite red silk hip length halter top, black leggings, knee high black leather boots with chunky heels and a black chain belt. And of course a red and black zebra print mask. It is definitely true that clothes can make you feel powerful even when you don't, so I went with an outfit that makes me feel badass. I'm almost to the exit when I see Jameson waving me over to the door near the private party room. I slowly make my way to him.
"Hey Lady Grace, how's your night going sugar?" He asks with a grin that's just a little too big.
"It was just about to be over, but I think that might be changing" I say with a wink. "What can I do for you babe?"
"The gentlemen with the private room reserved really enjoyed your performance tonight and have requested a second show."
"Jameson, I'm on my way out the door" I say on a sigh. "You know I only dance once a night and I am not changing back into a costume. Can't they see one of the other girls?"
"I saw you head backstage earlier so I already told them all of that. They said they would be satisfied with just a few songs, no dancing required. They loved your voice. The just want to hear you sing again."
"Jameson I would love to help you out, but I gotta' be honest, I am not really in the right frame of mind to put on a good show right now. Even if I did sing, I'm not sure they would like what they heard" I say with a little too much attitude. Jameson might be my boss, but I really don't want to do this.
"Okay Grace, I'm gonna be straight with you. This isn't really a request." Jameson says with a glance toward the private room. Who the hell are these guys?
"Jameson, you have never forced any of us to do anything before, what is going on?"
"The truth is…" he pauses and looks around nervously.
"I'm not doing this unless you tell me what's going on, so talk" I say in the firmest voice I can manage.
"These guys are my bosses, the owners of this club. They only come around once a year for an annual meeting but I don't think you've ever been working on the night they were here."
"So they're your bosses, so what? If they run this place shouldn't they admire all the girls?"
"Oh they do believe me, but the primary partner has taken a particular liking to you tonight and he is not used to hearing no" he says with more than a little fear in his eyes.
What the hell is going on?
"Look Grace, these men operate by their own set of rules and those rules are way outside the lines of polite society. I know you don't want to do this and I hate that I am forcing your hand, but I really need you to do this."
I sigh and run my hands through my hair. I've known a few men like these in another lief and I don't want to make trouble for Jameson. He's always been there for me, never asked questions about my past, hell he pays me in cash so there is no record of me even working here. Will it really kill me to sing a few songs? Why am I being such a bitch about this?
"Its fine sweetheart" I say as I place my hand on his cheek. "It's really not a big deal, I'm sorry I was such a bitch. Like it's gonna kill me to sing a few songs. Let me go touch up my face and I'll be on stage in 15 minutes." I turn to walk away and Jameson grabs my arm and pulls me into a hug.
"Thanks for understanding Grace" he squeezes tight and then lets me go and walks into the private room.
What the fuck is going on?
Fifteen minutes later I am on stage behind the curtain. I'm sitting on a bar stool and my acoustic guitar is next me, not sure I'll use it but just in case. I hear footsteps to my right and look over.
"Girl what are you up to?" Genesis asks. "I thought we were going home."
"So did I, but Jameson asked me to sing a few songs. I guess the owners are here and asked for me specifically."
"Shit, seriously? They are some really bad guys Grace. Sing these songs and then get off their radar. I will meet you in the dressing room as soon as you are done and we are getting out of here quick. Knock 'em dead" she says with a wink and heads off stage.
The music starts and the curtain begins to raise as I sing Bound to You.
Sweet love, sweet love, trapped in your love
I've opened up, unsure I can trust
My heart and I were buried in dust
Free me, free us
You're all I need when I'm holding you tight
If you walk away I will suffer tonight
I found a man I can trust and boy, I believe in us
I am terrified to love for the first time
Can't you see that I'm bound in chains?
I've finally found my way
I am bound to you
I am bound to you
So much, so young, I've faced on my own
Walls I built up became my home
I'm strong and I'm sure there's a fire in us
Sweet love, so pure
I catch my breath with just one beating heart
And I brace myself, please don't tear this apart
I found a man I can trust and boy, I believe in us
I am terrified to love for the first time
Can't you see that I'm bound in chains?
I've finally found my way
I am bound to you
I am bound to
Suddenly the moment's here, I embrace my fears
All that I have been carrying all these years
Do I risk it all? Come this far just to fall? Fall
I can trust, and boy, I believe in us
I am terrified to love for the first time
Can't you see that I'm bound in chains?
And finally found my way
I am bound to you
I am, ooh I am
I'm bound to you
As the song finishes, I finally see the audience and everyone is staring silently. Slowly they begin to clap. I always get lost in that song, it reminds me of another time, another place, what might have been.
"Thank you. I think I'll do a few more if you don't mind" I say with a smile. This draws louder applause so I sing a few more. I pick up my guitar for the last song, another favorite of mine Babe I'm Gonna Leave You.
Babe, baby, baby, I'm Gonna Leave You.
I said baby, you know I'm gonna leave you.
I'll leave you when the summertime,
Leave you when the summer comes a-rollin'
Leave you when the summer comes along.
Baby, baby, I don't wanna leave you,
I ain't jokin' woman, I got to ramble.
Oh, yeah, baby, baby, I believin',
We really got to ramble.
I can hear it callin' me the way it used to do,
I can hear it callin' me back home!
Babe...I'm gonna leave you
Oh, baby, you know, I've really got to leave you
Oh I can hear it callin 'me
I said don't you hear it callin' me the way it used to do?
I know I never never never gonna leave your babe
But I got to go away from this place,
I've got to quit you, yeah
Baby, ooh don't you hear it callin' me?
(Oh man), (My man), I know, I know
It feels good to have you back again
And I know that one day baby, it's really gonna grow, yes it is.
We gonna go walkin' through the park every day.
Come what may, every day
It was really, really good.
You made me happy every single day.
But now... I've got to go away!
Baby, baby, baby, baby
That's when it's callin' me
I said that's when it's callin' me back home...
I finish to raucous cheers and hollers of "more" but I am done. I set the guitar down.
"Thank you so much, I hope you had as much fun as I did! That's all for tonight but maybe Jameson can talk me into a few more another night" I say with a wink. "Night all."
As I walk off the stage I see the private room door open as Jameson walks toward it. I can hear the hoots and hollers and see the smoke billowing out. Just who the hell do I work for?