He didn't fall too far, but when he landed, it was on his stomach, and on what felt like cold, hard pavement.
Robin was peering down at him through the hole in an instant.
"Barney, what did I tell you about investigating random holes?" she yelled down at him.
"Oh no worries, this isn't the first random hole I've investigated!" he shouted back at her. "Self five!" The slapping sound of his high five reverberated from below, and Robin's only response was to roll her eyes.
"Barney, that's not even funny."
"Yes it is!" A few seconds later, he added, "Also, there's a door down here, I'm gonna go check it out!"
"Do not check anything else out! Don't!"
"Too late!"
His voice trailed off as he headed further into what seemed to be an underground chasm of some sort. At this point, Robin had no choice but to find a way to follow after him.
Annoyedly, she stepped around the hole and parted the trees by pushing them aside, clearing a way for just what she had expected- a staircase, leading down into the cellar that Barney had disappeared into.
Removing the pack of matches from her pocket, she sparked one, generating just enough dull light to illuminate the path of blackness ahead of her.
"Barney?"she called, her voice echoing. With a soft humming sound, a line of lights that were previously concealed by the darkness lit up on the walls in the tunnel.
This was not unfound territory. No unfound territory would have working electricity of any sort.
She continued walking to where her path split in two, and she ventured down the brighter lit side. It was then that Barney, in his typical way, leapt from behind her, greeting her with a casual, "Hello, Robin," and of course eliciting a scream from her.
"Haha, gotcha again!" he taunted.
"Barney, for the love of God, I'm pregnant you idiot!" she yelled at him. Life during the zombie apocalypse as an eight months pregnant woman was stressful enough, and the last thing Robin needed was her husband, who never knew just when to stop.
"Chill, you'll be fine," he told her. "I won't do that again. Although...your reaction there was priceless, let's face it."
Robin was ready to leave and frustrated by Barney's lack of caring.
"Look, I have no idea what this place is, but we need to get back above ground," she told him. "We're seeking out food, remember?"
"Oh, yeah, right, that," he said. "Eh, we can do that anytime, first I wanna take you around this place!" He gestured excitedly to her, and slowly and reluctantly paced after him.
It had not been long after wandering that a sharp, salty odor caught his attention. It was not by any means a bad smell- no, it was a delicious one that caused his mouth to water, grabbing him away from whatever he had previously been doing.
He inhaled deeply. "You smell that?"
Robin sniffed the air. "Yeah, I do," she breathed out dreamily. "That's food. Barney, there's food down here!"
"We gotta find it, come on!"
The two followed the direction of the scent until it led them to another room entirely- a room that appeared to be a dining hall and for this time, a surprisingly well decorated, clean, and ornate one at that.
The walls were painted a lovely auburn, and in the center, a long table was placed, draped with a matching colored tablecoth and decorated from end to end with silverware. But that was just the least of it.
Atop the table was a wide array of hors de'ouvres, appetizing side dishes, and visually pleasing treats, such as candied fruits, hummus and crackers, and in the center, a wicker basket filled to the top with fancifully wrapped chocolates.
"Food!" Barney exclaimed. He was only seconds away from rushing over to dig into the scrumptious eats when Robin grabbed the collar of his shirt, wheeling him back around.
"What are you doing?" she asked him. "Are you crazy? I know it may look like heaven on a plate over there, but you know the drill- it's a trap, like everything else. Good rule of thumb, if you trust it, it's either poisoned or will kill you some other way."
Barney rolled his eyes impudently in response. "Robin, have you forgotten our quest? We're looking for food, remember? This is a literal gold mine of food! If you don't let me grab some o' those tasties and hitch 'em back to the gang, then you'll be failing our mission. Big time."
Robin had her arms crossed, resting them atop her belly. "I don't know, I just really don't trust it. I mean, you could die."
Barney's stomach gurgled loudly just then, as if his body was protesting against everything Robin was saying. "Yeah, I'll probably die of hunger before it's all over," he remarked. After a few minutes of silence, he spoke up again. "You know what? I don't need your advice. I'm trying this stuff out." He marched forward to the table and selected a hummus dip, then stared Robin straight in the eye indignantly before plunging a finger into it and licking it off.
Robin watched him, expecting the worst. But nothing happened to Barney. He continued eating, shovelling crackers into his mouth and chewing rapaciously, glancing back at her every few minutes and simply shrugging. He wiped off his mouth with a cloth napkin provided and nodded his head once, a prideful smile on his face.
"Three words for you, Robin," he said. "I. Told. You. So."
"That's four."
Before either of them could say anything else, a blaring alarm sounded, flashing bright red lights with it.
"Barney, what did you do?" Robin yelled at him.
"Nothing!" he answered fearfully. "I'm scared, Robin, hide me!"
He hid behind her just as a crowd of people showed up, surrounding the two, their guns cocked and aimed at Barney and Robin, a loud voice suddenly commanding "HANDS IN THE AIR!"
Barney, shaking, feverishly obeyed.
"I told you nothing good would come out of this!" Robin whispered to him.
"Shut up, at least I got to eat!" Barney retorted.
It was at that moment that, to their surprise, one of the fellow survivors said the very last thing that either of them expected to hear.
"...Barney?"
Barney looked to see who had called his name. And upon seeing who it was, he was almost 100% positive that the man standing in front of him was his very own father- but how?"
"Dad?" he asked.
"Barney, oh I've missed you!" He dropped his gun and hurried to hug his son, embracing Barney in a tight, loving squeeze.
Barney's mind was swirling with confusion, but he focused only on the fact that he had been reunited with his father at all.
"I didn't know you were alive!" he exclaimed, smiling hugely. "I mean, um, I'm glad to see you!"
At that moment, the shorter, dark-haired woman with the distinct British accent burst forward towards Robin.
"Robin, my dear, you're alive too! And really-"
"Fat, I know, Mom," Robin interrupted her. "I'm, uh, I'm pregnant. And I never thought I'd be breaking the news to you this way."
"Oh, you are? How far along?"
"Eight and a half months."
"Well, congratulations! What's my grandson or daughter's name?"
Robin and Barney exchanged glances.
"Well, uh, we're thinking of the name 'Apocalypse?'" Barney told her.
Robin elbowed him in the stomach. "We're not thinking of the name 'Apocalypse.'"
"It's all gender-dependent," Barney said. "We'll see."
Robin only rolled her eyes. "Well, anyway, it's great to see you, Mom. And Jerome. And- wow, Loretta, you're here too, what a surprise."
"Of course I am, Robin, I'm as much of a survivor as you are, dear," Loretta responded, the slightest hint of derisiveness in her voice. "When those zombies came up, I never saw it coming, but it only took a little practice on my part to be able to knock them down like bowling pins and shoot them up to a bloody pulp. Now it's really just second nature at this point."
Barney nodded understandingly. "Same here, Mom."
"Well, now that we've all reunited," Genevieve Scherbatsky spoke up. "I think it would only be proper of me to feed you two; you look like you haven't eaten in years, especially you, Barney!"
Barney cocked his head. "Uh, thanks? Not sure whether I should be flattered or insulted."
"Come now," Genevieve said as she ushered them to the table and seated them. "We've got dinner cooking up, and I think you two could really use a good meal."
"You bet," Barney remarked as he peeled the saran wrap off of his plastic fork with his teeth. As a sudden realization struck his mind, he dropped the fork.
"Wait a second! Ted, Tracy, Marshall, and Lily all wanted us to get food, didn't they?"
"Oh crap, you're right!" Robin replied. "Well I guess it's too late for that now."
"Unless we can get them here somehow!" Barney said deviously, turning to Robin with one eyebrow raised."Wait! We could project a giant B in the sky for them to see! Like Batman, but 83% awesomer!"
Robin, though smiling, shook her head. "I don't- I don't think we could actually do that."
Barney scoffed. "Psh, why couldn't we do that?"
"Barney, why don't we make a bonfire above ground?" Jerome cut in suddenly, interrupting his son's typical far-fetched fantasies. "Maybe if your friends saw the smoke, then they could find us, right?"
Barney looked disappointed and let out a sigh to express that. "Alright, I guess I could settle for a bonfire. But before we do, are you sure-"
"We can't project, Barney," Jerome told him very matter-of-factly, adding to Barney's disappointment.
Barney frustratedly banged his fist on the table before he and his father headed off.
While Barney was gone, Robin seized her opportunity to wander a bit, touring this odd underground shelter that was strangely inhibited by her and Barney's parents until she had wandered down one corridor into what appeared to be the kitchen.
She was lured to the room by the promising scent of something truly delicious cooking there, and was fortunately not disappointed. Her face lit with a joyful, excited smile as she watched Loretta halt the turning of the spit roasting what appeared to be ham. And not the artificial canned stuff- real, authentic, fresh meat that had somehow been gloriously and miraculously preserved, if the sight was not just delusion.
"So let's just be clear here," she said to Loretta. "Is that...actual ham?"
"Actually, yes, it is," Loretta answered.
"One word- how?"
"Well, it's a long story, but uh, your mom and I discovered this place a little while back, and no one seemed to be living here, so we made it our own."
Robin had so many questions concerning that sentence, but assumed that there weren't going to be many answers.
"Right," she said. "But I was talking about the food."
"Oh, well, as soon as we moved in, we found a ton of food that was still in good condition. Quickly we got together some ice, kept it fresh, and here it is! You really doubt me far too much, Robin."
"Hey, as long as food's in the equation, I will doubt no one," Robin responded.
It was then that Virginia, Ted's mother, wandered into the room. Immediately, she recognized Robin.
"Robin, I remember you!" she greeted her cheerfully. "Wow you've gotten fat since you and Ted dated!"
"Yes, that's because I'm pregnant," Robin answered, her patience for answering that statement quickly beginning to boil down. If one more person asks me about my weight, heads will roll, she thought.
Virginia's attention soon shifted to Loretta, who was still in the process of preparing their meal.
"How's the food coming along?" she asked her.
"Well enough," Loretta answered. "Perhaps faster if Robin would leave the kitchen, no offense."
Robin, using every ounce of patience remaining inside of her, calmly said, "I will leave the kitchen. Now. I'm going." She headed off, adding under her breath "offense taken."