Broken

She couldn't stand to have the darkness fill her home now that it was only her and her daughter living in it, so she went around closing all the blinds and curtains as soon as the sun went down. And, even though several years had passed since that psychopath Jimmy Cole watched her through windows at night, the time didn't help her uneasiness at all.

Turning on Emma's nightlight she covered her with a pink and brown, striped, fuzzy blanket, and she made sure she placed a well worn and tattered blanket her daughter calls "woobie" by her head. Leaning over her, she stroked her hair and kissed her. She stopped and stared at her sleeping peacefully with her thumb in her mouth.

"My God, she looks just like you, Nicky," she whispered quietly as if he could hear her, before walking out and closing the door only half way.

Once alone in her kitchen Jules paced the floor wondering what Warrick will say when he finds out. He didn't know about any of this because Jules had dropped him off at the airport the morning before the pictures of Nick's infidelity arrived. He had finally gone on his much needed, well planned, two week vacation to Hawaii and she refused to hit him with this kind of news. The sad part was she really could use his shoulder right now. She felt like she needed him more than ever. As she paced back and forth she could hear their conversation as they stood in front of the Departure terminal.

"Call me if you need anything, Baby Girl," he told her, "and even if you don't, call me anyway so you can hear the waves drench my sand covered feet!" he laughed obnoxiously.

"You think you're making me jealous?" she laughed back at her brother.

"Absolutely," he looked over at her as she put her car in park.

"Okay, okay, maybe a little," she nodded, "but do you have to rub it in?"

"You bring shells from the beach to me, Uncle Wick?" Emma's little voice rose from the backseat.

"You got it, Tiny. I'll get you some shells," he looked back at her and smiled. "Uncle Wick would bring you the moon and the stars if he could, you know that!"

"Warrick don't tell her that!" she slapped his arm, "she will really believe you!"

After Warrick kissed his niece goodbye, he walked around to the trunk and grabbed his bags. Jules slammed the hatch shut and hugged him tightly.

"Remember, tell Nick to give a 'heads up' to Griss that he'll need some LT the night I am coming home," he reminded her. "If he has Lost Time he can pick me up because there is no way I am bothering you at 3:00 in the morning! If he can't get LT then I will call a cab," he leaned in and hugged her tightly.

"I know, I know," she squeezed him harder.

"I love you, Warrick," she smiled, "Have a great time, okay?"

"You can count on that, Baby Girl! I'll call you in a few days to let you know if I met any Hawaiian Honeys," he smiled wide and walked through the airport doors out of sight.

Never in a million years would she think that she would have to tell Warrick about this kind of horror that Nick caused. As much as she needed her brother's support though, she would never disrupt his vacation. She was also absolutely terrified at the thought of how he would react. After all, Nick is his best friend, his colleague, and his brother-in-law…you can't get much closer than that combination...and still, she knows her brother will still go ballistic. This whole thing was a mess.

"How could Nick have possibly put them in such a situation?" she wondered.

"How could he be so selfish to destroy everything they had, not to mention destroy the stability in his little girl's life. And for what? A roll in the hay with his ex-girlfriend?"

Jules was feeling an array of emotions and she finally made herself stop pacing and sit down at the kitchen table. She put her elbows on the table and held her head up with her hands thinking mostly about how much she missed Nick. It was that time of night where the two of them would sit together and talk, or play a game of cards and laugh before he headed into work. Even after all of the heartache he had caused she missed him and she still loved him with that same crazy love she had from the start. She didn't want to, but she couldn't seem to push it away.

As she sat alone she then began to think about going back to New Jersey, but she knew she couldn't run anymore; she had a little girl to think about and she couldn't rip her away from her father regardless of his selfishness. Not to mention it would be against the law. No, Jules' running days were over and she had to stay and face the pain.

Besides, there was nothing in left for her in New Jersey anymore anyway. She has a renter living full time in her Jersey shore house, and she had sold her other rental house a couple years ago when the market was hot. In fact, she sold it for nearly three times what she paid for it. It was that fantastic investment that made it possible for her and Nick to buy the house they were living in now outright. She and Nick loved the fact that they never had to worry about a mortgage payment thanks to that house in New Jersey. It was because of that investment that allowed Jules to stay home with Emma and live fine on just one income.

She was proud of herself for that purchase. She was proud of herself for following her instincts and taking a chance on the unknown. Her career as a chemist paid her a salary high into the six figures and she spent her money wisely. She was young to make such wise decisions, but she had to grow up fast and learn the ins and outs of getting ahead because of the life she and Warrick had growing up. Clawing your way out of the ghetto the way the two of them did took determination, smarts, courage, and strength, all of which would help her get through the disaster that lay before her now. She needed to be determined, smart, courageous and strong. She knew she needed to pick herself up and look forward even if it meant going forward with only her little girl by her side. She could do it. She knew she had it in her. She just wished it didn't hurt as bad as it did and she wished even harder that she could stop loving him so intensely. The thought of how much she loved him and the emptiness she felt inside made her cover her face with her hands and cry softly. The pain was too great and she just couldn't hold back her tears anymore.

The ringing of her phone made her wipe off her face quickly and take a deep breath. She was afraid it was Warrick finally checking in and she was terrified he would be able to tell by her voice that something was wrong. But, when she looked at the caller ID, she saw the one name she not only wanted to see but the one she also couldn't bear to see. Nick was calling. She took another deep breath, cleared her throat and answered the phone.

"Hello," she said masking her sadness with strength.

"Honey, it's me," Nick said sheepishly.

"I know," Jules answered flatly.

"I miss you, Honey."

Jules remained silent. She squeezed her eyes tightly; she knew exactly how he felt.

"Honey, please talk to me," he pleaded.

"What do you need, Nick? Is there something you need?" she asked coldly.

"Yeah, I need you. I need you and Em," his voice cracked.

"Well, I am actually glad you mentioned that," she replied.

"You are!?" Nick said hopeful.

"Yeah, because she misses you, and keeps asking when you are coming home."

"And what did you tell her?"

"I need some time to figure out what to tell her, Nick. But…" she paused.

Nick waited silently praying she was going to tell him to come home, even if it was only for Emma's sake.

But, she didn't. Instead she explained to him that he needed to spend time with his daughter.

"You need to tell me when a good time is that you could come and take Emma out to eat or to the playground or whatever it is you would like to do with your daughter," she said emotionless. "We need to figure out a schedule for you and her."

Nick's heart broke.

His stomach fell.

He wasn't expecting to hear those words.

He never thought he would ever be a father that would have to schedule a date in order to spend time with his baby.

He thought for a minute that he might literally vomit. He leaned over with his forearms on his thighs and sat hovered over on the bench in the Crime Lab locker room.

The silence was so deafening that Jules thought maybe they got disconnected.

"Nick?" she paused. "Nick, you still there?"

He felt like the wind had been knocked out of him; the pain was too hideous to handle.

Nick couldn't speak. He could only think about now having to schedule time to spend with his daughter.

"Nick, you okay?" she asked showing some emotion.

He still couldn't answer so he simply closed his phone, placed it next to him on the bench, put his face in his hands, and … he cried.

Jules heard him hang up. She felt his pain right through the phone. She knew he couldn't talk because he had lost his composure. It killed her to know she hurt him so badly. She didn't do it to strike back at him. She did it because she meant it; his daughter needed to see her father and they really did need to set something up. But she knew that hit Nick like a ton of bricks. She knew he couldn't bear the thought of himself not being able to see her every day…to see her run to him, laugh with him, or share a bowl of cereal with him in the morning.

Hot tears began to roll down her face, burning her eyes as they did. She began to sob. She tried to keep her cries quiet but she couldn't hold them back. She held onto the counter to brace herself. She felt literally sick. Her stomach churned. Jules ran over to the garbage, leaned over and vomited into it. She threw up again before she grabbed the dish towel to hold to her mouth. She leaned against the counter but she this time she let herself sink to the floor, completely wiped out, and exhausted from the grief.

Sitting on her kitchen floor alone, she pulled her knees up to her chest, covered her face with her hands and cried harder than she ever knew possible. The image of him with another woman was unbearable. The thought of him out of her life was unimaginable. She loved him with a love she never knew existed. She was crazy in love with her husband and she didn't know how she would ever be able to stop loving him.

After her sobs quieted and the last tear fell, she lifted her head and, with her heart broken into tiny pieces, she stared out at nothing…

She felt dead inside.