"Suze…."

"Suze?"

I snapped awake, gasping for air my heart hammered in my chest and my vision danced before me, I reached out- grasping for something- anything.

I felt cold fingers-

I screamed, and scratched, I kicked- my foot finding a hard, secure spot, I pushed- hard.

"Ooof."

I felt a wall to my back and I wrapped myself around my knees, face buried, I sobbed, praying that it wouldn't come back for me.

"Dammit Suze!" I heard the thing wheez. "Was that necessary? I'm going put my hospital bill on your tab with all the injuries you've caused me."

I shook, trying to regain myself, was I all here? Did it take me?

I was terrified, terrified to open my eyes, to face whatever may lay in front of me.

I felt fingers, once more, on my face, and I shrank away, but they were insistent- and, warm, warm this time, they coaxed my face up.

"You made it through. There's no use hiding, you're okay. You're here." He said coolly, his words cutting smoothly through the air. "Besides, I think you're going to like what I found." He added smugly.

I knew that touch, I knew that smell- that sarcastic tone.

I opened my eyes.

He was studying me, his icy blue eyes intent on mine, when my gaze met his, something in his stare grew sharper, more alive- it sent a shiver down my spine.

There was a question there.

I said shakily. "I'm okay."

He nodded silently, and sighed. "What was yours?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, my voice breaking. I felt as though my limbs were foam, compressing with my weight, softly melding into the shape of the floor beneath me.

"Your temptation." He said impatiently. "It's horror."

I blinked. "I thought you were there with me."

He blinked back, the bright of the blue beneath his lazy black lashes bright, vivid, like twilight against the outline of pine branches.

"You were there, for some of mine." He said. "But, I assumed that our…experiences, were separate."

I hesitated. "We had a really long conversation, I guess. About…you said we couldn't be together. That you're empty, and you need me, but if we gave in to eachother, we'd destroy one another."

His brows furrowed, his jaw tightening. "That's…I wasn't. That wasn't me."

"But it's true, isn't it?" I whispered softly. "You told me you can't let yourself be happy, because you'd lose yourself."

He stared at me.

"What else did I say?"

"You can't let yourself have me, you won't ever let me go."

"And?" He was looking at me with the strangest expression on his face.

I looked down, hearing his words, that look in his eyes over again, it took my breath away, it squeezed, hard, in my chest.

"That's all. You just told me that I'd destroy you. That I'm what you want, but that'd I'd destroy you. You just kept saying you were empty. Hollow. That by being happy it'd ruin us both."

There was that terrible silence, hanging between us like a curtain, I suddenly felt as though we were thousands of miles apart.

"You always said that I'm psychopath." He said suddenly, quietly. "Did you ever know you were right?"

"What do you mean?" I asked slowly, trying to absorb all the various emotions shooting through me all at once.

"From the time I was five, I've been in about six different psychologist offices. Therapy since I was four." He smiled grimly. "It's the magic of having money. You can pay people to tell you what's wrong with your kid when you screw them up. The technical names they come up with to define common day bullshit are just a field of brilliance all their own."

"but," I said slowly, "they ended up calling you a psychopath."

"They painted it in prettier terms for my parents." He shrugged. "I imitate other people's reactions to things, brilliant acting- mimicry at it's finest. You're right, I am, as a being, completely selfish. Ultimately, other people aren't supposed to mean anything to me."

I stared at him, and the seconds ticked past slowly, some indescribable emotion bubbling up behind my eyes and in my fingertips, my toes and my temples.

"I knew it." I said, and my words felt a thousand miles away. "I always knew you weren't human, not really." I felt the lie in the core of my stomach, and I curled around it, trying to crush it within my ribs.

"Right." He nodded, mop of curls covering his palm as his rested his head in his hand. "So, that's why I can't seem to figure out why it is I'm in love with you."

"I've told you this before," I said quietly, squeezing my fists to my sides, feeling lightheaded, I was floating above the ground, hitting the ceiling, I was gasping for air that wouldn't come. "You want me because I make you happy. You're not, basically. In love with me I mean."

"Psychopaths wouldn't bother caring about anyone else." He told me matter-o-factly. "The fact that you make me happy, that I can even feel it…I'm not supposed to feel anything."

"You're going to hurt me," I said. "I can see it in your eyes when you're looking at me like that."

"You're the only thing I care about." He shrugged. "You're the only emotion I've ever felt for anything. It's always been about me. Now everything is about you. I can't promise that I'll never hurt you. By nature it's what I do. But I can promise I'll never leave you, and that I'll never let you go. I love you, that's never going to change."

"You told me, back there, that it'd always be like this. This misery of you chasing after me, but that we'd never allow ourselves to love eachother. And that makes a hell of a lot of sense to me. You being, I don't know, a medically proven psychopath just confirms it. You can't let yourself be happy, because that emotion in itself is alien to you, it's not natural. And it would change who you are. It would destroy us."

"Maybe, part of that is true," He told me. "But I'm alien, like you said, I feel nothing, I want nothing other than to satisfy myself. Psychological egoist. Narcissist. Psychopath. Those are all words than I've enjoyed playing with to define myself, and believe me, I've thoroughly enjoyed my freedom from all of humanity's petty emotions and ridiculous infatuations and conditioned kindness to others- but I do love you, Suze, and that has nothing to do with me. I'm fucking dead inside and you're the only thing that I feel. Do you understand that? And I'm addicted to it. I want you more than anything"

"You say you love me selflessly, that your love for me has nothing to do with selfish desires. If that were true, you would have let me go why I had a chance with Jesse." I snapped at him.

"If I thought that would make you happy." He said. "I always knew it wouldn't."

"You have no way of knowing that. I didn't even know that."

"No, you didn't. But I've known for a long time you've been in love with me too." He studied me intently. "It's crooked, it's twisted. I know that. But the fact is, is that the psychopath has fallen for the innocent. And that's a reality, and it's also our story, Suze. It's yours and mine. And it's always been."

"We've had this conversation a million times."

"Right," He smiled at me. "Except this time you can call me a psychopath, and you can know that it's completely accurate. And you can also know you're probably the only girl on the planet whose ever stolen a heart that wasn't there to start with."

"Best case scenario, we end up together-" I began.

"Basically, the only scenario."

"Paul."

He shrugged.

"Best case scenario," I narrowed my eyes at him, before continuing, "And what? We live happily ever after?" A falsehood, a lie, even then, it felt like acid burning my tongue.

"Considering our relationship is a freak of nature against my basic foundation, the only happily ever after I'd ever share with anyone - it'd have to be with you."

"You're talking forever."

"It's impossible that I'd fall in love with anyone else."

"You'd probably never even love your own kids."

"Are you saying you want my kids?" He grinned wickedly.

"The opposite, really. If you actually ever stopped listening to what you want to hear."

"Well, you started talking offspring, here."

I rolled my eyes. "God, nevermind. You have the maturity of a five year old."

"Well, you're right, really." He looked away. "You're the only person I've ever felt anything for. And it's consuming. I don't know if that's possible…for me to love anything. Anyone. Else."

"Hm." I looked away, suddenly embarrassed. We really were talking as though spending the rest of our lives together was an option. Something about that was extremely uncomfortable and intense.

Too intense.

He rolled over. "Besides, I'm kind of done sharing you with anyone else."

"What? Kids? You're talking about being jealous of children."

He shrugged. "Well, it's just a thought."

"You're completely disgusting." I immediately drew away from him. "I don't know why we're even talking about this."

"Because, Suze," He said tiredly. "You're in love with me, and the likelihood is, even now that you know I'm sick and actually devoid of human emotions apart from you, that's not going to change."

I rolled over on to my stomach, tucking the blanket around my sides tighter.

"Fuck you."

"Please."