The Curtain Closes

She didn't let him know it, but from behind their living room curtain, she was watching him walk down the driveway and get into his truck. She bit her lip with the hope that it would keep it from quivering. She had acted so cold to him. She had looked at him with such disdain and told him she hated him, but the real truth was she still loved him deeply and really wanted to sit down with him and talk.

Her real feelings weren't as hardened as she was trying to force herself to believe. If anything, she fought hard not to let him kiss her hello. It took effort to not reach out, grab him and hug him tightly. She missed his strong arms around her. She missed his scent and missed hearing his heart beat when she rested her head on his chest. She missed feeling the way she used to feel when he merely touched her.

Jules shook her head back and forth slowly.

"You did it again, Cowboy, you've invaded my thoughts," she whispered.

She couldn't help letting him stay there in her mind; she didn't want him to leave just yet. It was bad enough she chased him from their house…she wasn't ready to chase him from her brain yet.

She pushed the curtain closed once Nick drove away, and for a brief instant she wanted to run to the phone and call him on his cell and ask him to come back. Ask him to come back and sit with her to figure out where they went wrong. She wanted to ask him the question that hasn't stopped playing over and over in her head: "Why did he throw it all away for a night with Brooke?"

More questions began to consume her.

What if she was wrong? She hated doubting him loyalty...although he never denied being with her, only that he didn't remember it.

But what if Nick really doesn't remember being with that bimbo? …Should that even make a difference? … Do you throw in the towel if someone screws around and doesn't remember it? Does that count?

These questions flooded her brain. She just couldn't understand it. Part of her didn't even believe any of it. She found it extremely hard to comprehend since the she and Nick shared something so rare, intense, and beautiful. She really wanted to believe he was innocent, but every time she started to second guess herself she would look at the pictures that showed her the actual proof that he was indeed with Brooke Latham that night.

"What did Brooke have to give him that she couldn't?"

She stared down at the floor and felt sadness and a tinge of shame.

She felt ashamed that she obviously didn't give Nick everything he needed…if she did he wouldn't have wanted to…

"STOP IT!" she swore she heard her grandmother's voice. "Now Baby Girl, that is just crazy talk! YOU have nothing to be ashamed of…YOU did nothing wrong…you have given that boy your heart and soul…it's him that ought be sorry!"

Jules nodded as if she was understanding and answering her Grams.

Jules frowned. It was true, she was thinking stupid thoughts! Her Grams was absolutely right. God forbid Warrick ever, ever heard her blame herself for this mess. He would be furious and he would tell her to stop feeling sorry for herself and to grab hold of the strength he knew she had inside of her.

"THIS is not my fault!" she said out loud.

The ONLY thing she had to be sorry for was snapping at her daughter, and letting Emma see her get nasty with Nick. She didn't know how she let that happen, but she did and she was sorry…anything else was on Nick's shoulders.

Straightening herself up and throwing her warped thoughts away, Jules walks into the kitchen. After making herself a cup of tea, she grabs the manila envelope off the counter and sits down alone at her kitchen table. Sipping her tea slowly she tried hard to block him out of her head, but he continued to rule her thoughts.

She knew of only one way to keep him out of her head and harden her heart to him. She placed her cup down, reached for the envelope and stared it a second before opening it. With her hands shaking she pulled out the photos and looked at each of them. She felt her throat tightening and the tears filling up in her eyes.

The image of Brooke's mouth on Nick's made her stomach churn again. The sight of that sneaky bitch on top of her husband made her furious.

Yes, of course she wanted to believe him. She desperately wished to forgive him. Every part of her wanted to forget the whole thing…but she couldn't when she looked at these pictures.

As much as she loved Nick, she was nobody's fool. She deserved all of him or else she wanted nothing at all.

And she wouldn't settle for anything less.