AN: Just wanted to say thanks to all who reviewed last chapter. You guys crack me up! Also, thanks to my lovely beta, Edwardrocksmysocks, for being so great and getting this chapter back so quickly!

I'll meet you at the bottom. Don't forget, Stephenie still owns these characters.

Chapter 5

Broken

I poured myself a strong drink and waded through the epic shit storm that is my current situation. I don't know what I was thinking when I came out here. I let out a frustrated sigh as I Thought over the long list of bad decisions I was paying for.

First, there's agreeing to spend a week with my nosy family who all radiate with love and sympathetic glances. Sure sounds like fun, I thought with a sarcastic shrug.

Let's not forget allowing myself to be forced into close quarters with my ex who, despite my hopes, is still as breathtaking as the day I walked out on her to protect my own ass. Why not?

As if all of that wasn't enough let's throw in watching said ex fling herself at a man who doesn't deserve her attention but rather a swift kick in the ass. Yes let's definitely sign me up for that.

I quickly finished off the rest of my drink and poured another one. I felt a warm hand touch my shoulder and I fought the urge to ask them to leave my pity party.

"I'm sorry. It must be hard for you to see Bella with him, but we can't be rude, Edward."

"Bella can fling herself at whomever she wants, the way she behaves is none of my concern," I said in a distant tone.

Before I had time to register what was happening the hand that been offering comfort moved from my shoulder and slammed against the back of my head.

"Shit mom, was that really necessary?" I demanded while rubbing my head.

"You watch your mouth Edward Anthony. You will not curse at me again, and I will not tolerate you speaking about Bella like that. You made quite a display with the way you stormed off to the bar. I assumed you were upset, but I didn't expect you to behave like an immature child."

"Mom, can you please…"

"No, no I can't. I don't care how old you think you are; you are in my house, and you will conduct yourself accordingly. Bella has been nothing but kind to this family. She is my daughter and I still want her even if you decided otherwise."

My mom spoke with fierceness that I hadn't heard her use in my adult life. Every bit of the disappointment she harbored toward me vibrated through her voice.

I had so many things I wanted to say in regards to her lecture but I knew better. Instead I hung my head, hiding from her stinging stare, as I muttered out my apologies.

"That's better. Now I'll give you a few minutes to collect yourself then I expect you to join the rest of the family and be civil to our guest."

With that she gave me a quick hug and turned to leave. Before she left she turned back and gave me a sad look.

"You can't have it both ways, dear," she said softly before walking out the door and leaving me to ponder what the hell she was talking about.

I pushed it away for now, refilled my drink, and headed into my own nightmare.

Everyone was laughing as I walked into the living room. The entire family had returned and Emmett and Jacob were entertaining the room with their football smack talking.

Our schools had played against each other on a few rare occasions in high school and they were still debating the last game Emmett played against a younger Jacob's team.

"Whatever dude, there was no holding. That was just good coverage. It isn't my fault you couldn't beat me," Emmett declared loudly.

"Fine, whatever, I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree. It's not like you could play like that anymore, so there's no real way of knowing if it was skill or dumb luck," Jacob taunted with a big stupid grin.

Emmett's eyebrows rose instantly.

"Rose, would you get my football out of my old room? We're doing this," he said as he hopped to his feet.

Rosalie nodded before quickly making her way upstairs to retrieve the ball. She knew, just as well as the rest of us, that there was probably no way of talking him out of this. Once she returned with the ball, Emmett insisted that everyone play and managed to convince everyone except for Alice and Esme to participate. Carlisle would be the ref, which was probably a good idea.

Jacob, Bella, and Jasper somehow made up one team while Emmett, Rose, and I made up the other. We all headed outside to play football in the dark

The game started out with an argument. Rosalie and Jasper declared themselves quarterbacks and the problems began.

"We can't let her be the quarterback, then we can't blitz. If we sack her she'll get hurt or break a nail," Jacob laughed.

Uh oh.

I had almost forgotten the mutual hatred between these two. They were always short with one another. Now Jacob had just pushed the wrong button on Rose and I stood back to watch the fireworks.

Rose leaned her neck back and put her manicured hands on her hips.

"Oh hell," Emmett muttered quietly.

"Excuse me, what the hell is that supposed to mean?" Rose snapped at Jacob.

I glanced over at Bella and for a split second we shared the same smirk we had in the past when these two would go at. As soon as Bella realized what we were doing she quickly looked away.

"Easy Midol Barbie, I was just expressing my concern with the fact that we can't play rough."

"Well Alpo, if you think you can get to me then by all means, bring it. Although, you might want to remember you will have the ball at some point and it's hard to talk shit from flat on your back," Rose said, punctuating her final words by poking the end of the ball in Jacob's chest.

I knew the two of them could go on like this forever and, although it would be entertaining, I was ready to get this over with.

"Look, let's play. Jake, don't worry about Rose. She can take care of herself just fine," I called as I walked farther away from the house.

Rose gave me a smile though it looked like it caused her pain to do so. Carlisle called out that there would be no sacking the quarterbacks much to Jacob and Rose's dismay.

Everyone had followed me into the yard and we began playing. Things progressed just fine and the game was actually quite enjoyable.

Of course, my favorite part was getting to hit Jacob more than a few times. I did make sure to rein in my anger just a bit so I could still tackle him without calling attention to the joy I received from it.

He might have tackled me, maybe once or twice, maybe.

After almost an hour of playing we had time for one more play. My team was ahead by six and Jacob's team had the ball.

Jasper had the ball in his hand but noticed that Emmett was all over Jacob making passing to him impossible.

Jasper's eyes then shifted to Bella noticing she was open. He brought his arm back to pass to her and, though Bella was clumsy, I knew it was possible that even she might be able to catch this pass.

I ran toward her knowing I had enough speed so that I could turn and intercept the ball.

Still, Bella was clumsy and somehow—as I turned to throw my hands up—she got her feet tangled with mine.

Almost as though it was in slow motion, my body twisted toward hers and we tumbled into the damp grass together.

There was only a split second where my body was pressed to hers before I landed propped on my elbows with her beneath me, but in that second my world shifted.

Every thought of her that I had forced into the back of my mind rushed forward with a fury.

In that fleeting moment I had felt her stomach connect to mine. Her flat, smooth, stomach; the same one I used to blow raspberries on when she was irritated and I wanted to make her laugh. She would swat at my shoulders and try to squirm away but her laughter was beautiful, happy.

In that second her hand had grasped the back of her neck and I remembered the way she would always massage my neck and my scalp when I had a long day. She always seemed to know when I needed it without me having to ask.

Her breasts crushed to my chest and I remembered all the time I had spent exploring them, learning every minute detail; worshiping them. I remembered teasing her when she first got them and popping the strap on her back just to watch her face flush red in anger and embarrassment. She would always laugh and point when my voice would crack or squeak as revenge.

We had been so close for so long and having her against me brought me back to a time when things were good, simple, easy.

Her eyes were locked with mine as we stayed connected on the ground for a second more than was appropriate. My eyes darted to her lips and I felt a magnetic pull to them. All sense of self preservation flew into the cool breeze as she raised her head up to mine just the smallest bit.

I gave into the pull and moved to meet her lips halfway.

"Bella! Are you okay?" Jacob yelled as his steps grew loud.

Bella startled beneath me and I quickly rolled myself off of her and shuffled to my feet. The rest of the players were either cheering our win or taking the ribbing for the loss. I made my way through the ruckus and headed inside to the solace of my room.

I took the stairs two at a time and slammed my door closed. I knew the familiar feelings rearing their ugly head were getting louder and I felt powerless.

I walked into my private bathroom and turned on the shower hoping to let the hot water wash away the last hour of my life.

The warmth and pressure of the shower did little to help my crumbling perspective. I scrubbed my skin harshly, trying in vain to wash away the memories that were assaulting my mind.

I felt like an amnesia patient who was having everything they'd forgotten flood their psyche all in one swift movement.

I remembered hiding with Bella in my tree house when she ran away from home because Charlie wouldn't let her get a puppy. I snuck her food and we huddled under a blanket as she cried about how unfair her parents were being.

I remembered lazy Saturdays where we would lay on the couch together. She would read for hours while I ran my fingers through her hair and down her arms simply basking in how lucky I was to be loved by my best friend.

I remembered the first night I spent in New York, staring at her picture while the sounds of the street blared outside my lonely, cold hotel room. I picked up my phone every ten minutes checking for a phone call and debating on calling her. She never called me. I never heard from her.

The only sign that she was alright was three months later when I received a couple of boxes filled with the belongings I had left and paper work to close some of our joint accounts. I cried like a little bitch as I sifted through the remnants of our shared life. It was then that I vowed to never let a woman that close again.

She had been my life, my everything, and I ended it. I had the happiness most people search their entire lives for and let it slip through my fingers. No, I didn't let it slip; I forced it out of my grasp.

I angrily shut off the shower and threw a towel around my waist. I wiped off the sink above the mirror and stared at the reflection of a man I wasn't sure I was supposed to be.

I had always known I had failed Bella, but had I failed myself as well?

oOo

BPOV

My thoughts were a frenzied blur as I pulled myself off of the ground and joined my friends. What the hell was that? Did I initiate that almost-kiss or whatever that was? Was he going to kiss me or am I delusional? Oh lord there are so many reasons why these thoughts needed to stop.

"Are you okay?" Jacob asked as I dusted off my pants.

I knew he meant physically but my mind screamed 'no'.

"I'm fine," I mumbled as I tried to keep up with the conversation that was going on around me. I felt so isolated listening to the good natured fun that was going on. I wasn't here with them.

Instead, I was in a bed with Edward over three years ago still tingling from his touch. God I hated him. How could his touch instantly make me regress and put me back under his spell? I'm sure it wasn't his intention. Apparently he has someone new now. Well, I hope he's happy with her. Well, I kind of hope she has a third nipple and webbed feet..

No, I'm sure she's stunning. Well as long as he's happy now, I guess. I heard myself scoff at the thought and hoped no one else had noticed it. I couldn't even buy what I was selling.

Why should he get to be happy when I'm so damn…blah? There was something there though. As we hit the hard earth I saw a look in his eyes that I was almost positive was desire. I wonder if he looks at her that way.

"Don't take it so hard, Bella. It was bound to happen," Emmett said while wrapping me in a one armed hug.

"What?"

Oh please tell me I wasn't ranting about Edward out loud. Oh please, if there is a God in Heaven, please don't let me be that transparent.

"You look like you lost your best friend. It was a loss, there was no way you were going to win without being on my team," he chuckled shaking me a little.

I breathed a sigh of relief, happy that my weakness wasn't on display for the whole world.

"Oh, yeah the game, no I'm just not feeling well. I think I'm going to go lay down."

He tilted my chin to look up at him.

"Are you okay, kid?" he questioned with concern.

"Uh huh, I just have a bit of headache," I lied.

After saying my goodnights to everyone, and convincing Carlisle that I didn't have a concussion from the hit, I made my way inside.

I went into my bedroom and flung myself gracelessly on the bed. I tried to think of anything but Edward. I focused on all the wedding tasks that had to be done tomorrow. I thought of my parent's and wondered if Charlie was going to be able to get enough vacation time to make it here by the end of the week.

I forced my mind to avoid thinking of anything resembling green eyes and finally started to doze off after such an emotionally exhausting day.

I was almost out when I heard my door creak open.

"Bells, you awake?" Jake called from the darkness.

"I am now," I sighed as he flipped on the light and joined me on my bed.

"I'm about to head over to Billy's but I wanted to make sure you were good first," he said as he pushed my hair away from my face.

"Yeah, it wasn't that hard of hit. I'll be fine," I said through a yawn.

"I wasn't talking about the hit. Are you going to be okay here with him? You know Billy has a couch if you need it. I don't know how you can stand being in the same house with the asshole who broke your heart." Jacob began down a path I knew all too well.

"Please, please, don't go there, not tonight," I begged.

"Fine, but if you need to get away from him then you know where to go. Don't let him break you again. You deserve better," he said in a defeated tone.

I nodded and Jacob got up and left.

I laid there for a while after he was gone contemplating the words he had left me with. It was evident that Jacob had never been in love when he told me not to 'let' Edward break me.

It wasn't as though I had a choice as to whether or not I wanted to allow Edward to crush me in the past. I had been in deep and once you offer everything you have to someone they are the one with the power.

The sad, and somewhat pathetic, thing is that I'm not entirely sure that I regret the decision of putting everything I had in Edward. Sure the pain was and still is immeasurable, but I had found true happiness for that moment. Though fleeting as it was, I couldn't bring myself to regret it.

I know that at one point Edward had loved me as much as I loved him. I'm not sure when it ended for him but I know that I had been loved.

I wondered if it was possible for one to find two great loves. Maybe we are only meant to truly love one person and if they decide they don't love us anymore it is simply the luck of the draw.

I looked at my alarm clock to see that all of my internal ramblings had kept me awake until two in the morning. I knew sleep wouldn't find me now so I threw on my robe and fumbled my way down the dark steps.

I only stumbled once as I felt my way to the kitchen to grab a cup of tea. I flipped on the kitchen light and jumped about a foot in the air as I saw Edward sitting at the island clinging to a glass with his head down.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know anyone was up. I'll leave you alone," I stuttered as I turned to walk away.

"No, it's fine. You can join me…if you want," he said quietly.

I'm not sure why, but I grabbed a glass from the cupboard and sat across the island from him.

"Hitting the hard stuff tonight?" I said while gesturing toward his glass of chocolate milk.

It was typical Edward. He would always sneak downstairs for chocolate milk when he couldn't sleep when we were younger.

He almost smiled as he nodded. He took my empty glass and fixed me one too. I tried to ignore the fact that he only poured me a half of a glass knowing that I wouldn't drink milk if it had even the slightest amount of time to get warm.

I watched as he poured twice as much chocolate in my glass as his held and stirred it. There was something so familiar and terrifying about being with him like this.

Both of us had always been night owls and it was common to find ourselves together like this on nights when I would have a sleep over with Alice.

We sat in an awkward silence for a few minutes before Edward laughed quietly to himself.

"What?" I demanded feeling a little paranoid.

"Nothing," he said with a hint of a smile.

"No seriously, what is so funny?" I asked, growing a little irritated.

"I can't believe you moved to Florida," he chuckled.

"It doesn't suit you."

I grew a bit defensive at his assumption, no matter how right he may or not be.

"What is that supposed to mean? How would you know what suits me?" I asked seriously.

He raised an eyebrow at me and I knew what he was thinking. At one point he had known me better than I knew myself.

"I didn't mean to offend," he defended.

"I just have a hard time picturing you enjoying living in the land of the tan and bikini clad."

He had a point.

"There is more to Florida than beaches, Edward."

"You're right. So do you go to retirement communities and play bridge then?" He asked in a serious tone.

I couldn't help the traitorous laugh that emerged.

"Only on Mondays and Wednesdays," I joked.

He laughed too and I realized how much I had missed that sound.

"I'm sure; you were never any good at cards. I seem to remember a pile of Uno cards being flung across the living room because someone got tired of losing," he grinned.

Damn that grin. Once I broke the trance that his white teeth and full lips were locking me in I was overcome with playful indignation.

"No, You wouldn't stop cheating! And the cards would have only hit you and not the entire living room if you wouldn't have ducked," I said in the loudest voice I could manage without waking up the entire house.

We both laughed at the memory before we fell silent again. This was wrong on so many levels that I wasn't sure where to begin.

This felt friendly and familiar, and I couldn't have that. It would only make things harder.

I got up quickly and put my glass in the sink. As I moved to walk out the door Edward called my name in a broken voice that wasn't recognizable.

I stopped in my tracks and turned to meet his eyes. His eyes were filled with conflict and confusion, part of me wanted to console him but something else in me wanted to yell 'ha' and stomp off.

"Never mind," he sighed.

I turned and walked away from him, retreating to the deafening silence of the Cullen's guest room.

oOo

I awoke the next morning with a clear head. I was young, moderately attractive, and had my whole life ahead of me. I was done longing for a man that apparently was never really mine.

I used to be fun, even a little bold. It was time to put thoughts of Edward Cullen away. Maybe I would never find that love that makes you feel high and complete again, but I wasn't out of the game. This wallowing had gone on long enough.

I hopped out of bed feeling optimistic and went to throw myself in the shower. After blow drying my hair and fixing my make up a little heavier than I would normally wear I threw on a pair of tight jeans and my favorite shirt.

It was time for a new me, or well maybe the old me. I wasn't sure. Either way, I was taking my power back.

I walked downstairs eagerly and found Esme cooking in the kitchen. I gave her a big hug and asked how I could help.

We were almost through with breakfast when we were joined by the rest of the family sans Edward and Carlisle who had already left for work.

"Wow Bella, you look good," Alice chirped as I bent over to take Esme's cinnamon rolls from the oven.

"Thanks," I smiled toward the oven.

As I stuck my hand in to grasp the pan I heard a sharp intake of breath from behind me.

I sat the calorie filled deliciousness down on the counter and turned to see Edward standing in the kitchen in nothing but a pair of pajamas pants. I grew angry at my imagination as it conjured up visions of me running my nails down those abs.

Fuck.

Looks like I was going to have to follow the old saying of fake it till you make it.

Heaven help me.

AN: Alright ladies and gents, I have a teaser ready for you just as soon as you hit the review button and let me know what you think!